etiquettes of marriage

When I judge a man for marriage, I mentally take away his looks, his money, his cars and everything materialistic and then ask myself what he really has to offer. Is he honest? Loyal? Caring and kind? Loving and trustworthy? Because let me tell you, while his good looks and money will make you weak in the knees now, at 3am when your child is crying to be fed. And your eyes are heavy and your body is weak from postpartum, it will not be how he looks or all that he owns that will matter. It will be the compassion in his heart, the mercy in his nature and the love for you in his soul that will push him out of bed to quickly feed the child and tell you “don’t worry honey, I got this.” That’s what I really envision long-term. Little moments like these that differentiates an ordinary man from an extraordinary husband and father. And that is all I need.
—  Nashiha Pervin
Asmaa bint Abu Bakr رضي الله عنها

source: ‘ad-Da’wah ilallaah’ (The Call to Allaah), The magazine featuring Women’s Issues. (UK) Vol-1 Issue-5

Asmaa was a woman of great nobility, wisdom and patience. She was among the early converts to Makkah and being the daughter of the great Companion Abu Bakr, she was brought up in an atmosphere of purity and devotion and shared close ties with the Prophet sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam.

When the Prophet sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam was about to secretly leave Makkah for his emigration to Madeenah with his close friend Abu Bakr, it was Asmaa who prepared the provisions for the Prophet sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam and her father. She said: “I prepared the provision bag for the Prophet in the house of Abu Bakr when he wanted to emigrate to Madeenah. We did not find anything with which to tie his bag or waterskin. I said to Abu Bakr: “By Allaah, I cannot find anything to tie with except my belt.” He said: “Tear it in two and tie the waterskin with one and the bag with the other.”” So that is what she did and since then she became know as ‘Dhaatun-Nitaaqayn’ [She of the two belts]. (Collected in Sahaah al-Bukhaaree (eng. Trans. Vol.4 p.141 no.222))

Asmaa was married to Zubayr Ibn al-Awwaam, the cousin of the Prophet sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam. He was a very poor man, nevertheless Abu Bakr knew him to be a man of great piety, so despite the huge difference between their financial status, Abu Bakr married his daughter to him. In the initial stages of her marriage, Asmaa has to face a lot of hardship due to the extreme poverty they suffered. Suddenly, this daughter of a rich merchant found herself tending to the animals, kneading, grinding, fetching water and carrying huge loads on her head. She said about her situation: “When az-Zubayr married me, he had neither land, nor wealth, nor slave, nor anything else like it, except a camel to get water and his horse. I used to graze his horse, provide fodder for it, look after it and ground dates for his camel. Besides this, I grazed the camel, made arrangements for providing it with water and patching up his leather bucket and kneading the flour. I was not very good at baking the bread, so my female neighbors used to bake bread for me and they were sincere women. And I used to carry on my head, the date-stones from the land of az-Zubayr which the Prophet sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam had endowed him and it was a distance of two miles from Madeenah. One day, as o was carrying the date-stones upon my head, I happened to meet Allaah’s Messenger sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, along with a group of his Companions. He called me and told the camel to sit down so that he could make me ride behind him. I felt shy to go with men and I remembered az-Zubayr and his Gheerah (Gheerah is the sense of pride that a man has which causes him to dislike his wives, daughters or sisters from being seen or heard by strangers. It is this gheerah which makes a man protective about his women) and he was a man having the most gheerah. The Messenger sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam understood my shyness and left. I came to az-Zubayr and said: “The Messenger of Allaah met me as I was carrying date-stones upon my head and there was with him a group of his Companions. He told the camel to kneel so that I could mount it but I felt shy from him and I remembered your gheerah.” Upon this az-Zubayr said: “By Allaah, the thought of you carrying date-stones upon your head is more severe a burden to me than you riding with him.”

I led this life of hardship until Abu Bakr sent me a female servant who took upon herself the responsibility of looking after the horse and I felt as if she had emancipated me.” (Reported in Saheeh al-Bukhaaree (eng. Trans. Vol.7 p.111 no.151))

Look at the sense of dignity and modesty of Asmaa. See how she felt shy in front of men? See how careful she was about refraining from what displeased her husband? She knew that az-Zubayr had a lot of gheerah, so she didn’t want to upset him by accepting the Prophet’s offer of assistance, even though that meant bringing hardship upon herself. And what did az-Zubayr say when he heard of what had happened that day?…’By Allaah, the thought of you carrying date-stones is more severe a burden on me than you riding with him!” so even though az-Zubayr had a lot of gheerah, he did not wish for that to cause inconvenience to his wife. Isn’t this what the marital relationship should be like? One of mutual concern, corporation and compassion? Asmaa could easily have said: “I am the daughter of the noble Abu Bakr and so I shouldn’t be doing these jobs!” but she didn’t. she was patient and respectful towards her husband throughout her difficult period.

It is reported that once when she complained to her father about her hardships, he advised her, “My daughter be patient. When a woman has a righteous husband and he dies and she does not remarry after him, they will be reunited in the Garden.”(Reported in at-Tabaqaat of Ibn Sa’d)

And az-Zubayr was indeed a righteous man, as the Prophet sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam himself testified when he counted him among the Promised ten of Paradise. (See Musnad Ahmad, Abu Dawood and others. Authenticated in Saheehul-Jaami’ (no.50)) He also said of him: “az-Zubayr is the son of my paternal aunt and my disciple from my Ummah.” (Saheeh – Narrated by Jaabir & collected in Musnad Ahmad. Authenticated by al-Albaanee in his as-Saheehah (1877))

In addition to her being the wife of such a righteous man, Asmaa was also the mother of ‘Urwah Ibn az-Zubayr, who became one of the scholars of Madeenah. His teachers included his parents as well as him maternal aunt, the Mother of the Believers, ‘Aaishah radhi’allaahu anha; from whom he learnt a great deal. ‘Umar Ibn Abdul Azeez said about him: “I do not find anyone more knowledgeable than ‘Urwah Ibn az-Zubayr, and for whatever I know he knows something which I do not.” (Reported by adh-Dhahabee in Siyaar A’laamin-Nubalaa’)

His son Hishaam reports that his father’s leg had to be amputated at the knee and was adviced to drink a narcotic, but he refused saying, “I did not think that anyone would drink something which would take away his intellect to the point that he did not know his Lord.” So they took off his leg with a saw and he did not say anything but “Ouch, ouch.” And in the same journey his son Muhammad was kicked to death by a mule and ‘Urwah was not heard to say anything about it but: “We have suffered much fatigue in this, our journey.” [Soorah Kahf 18:62]. O Allaah, I had seven sons and You took one and left me with six, and I had four limbs and You took one and left me with three – so if You have tested me then You have saved me, and if You have taken – You have left (more) behind.” (Ibn ‘Asaakir (11/287))

Her other son was of the Khaleefahs of the Muslims, ‘Abdullaah Ibn az-Zubayr, who was the leader of the Muslims during one of the most turbulent periods in Islaamic history. He was killed in Makkah at the hands of al-Hajjaaj on the 17th of Jumadaa al-Ulaa in 73H. a few days after the death of her sin, Asmaa bint Abu Bakr – ‘She of the two Belts’ – also died – radi’allaahu anhaa.

So many benefits in this narration الله اكبر!

The Importance of Marriage and its Etiquettes

All praise is due to Allaah, Lord of all the worlds. Peace and blessings be upon the Messenger (sallAllaahu ‘alayihi wa sallam), his household and companions.

Fellow Muslims! The most truthful speech is the Book of Allaah and the best guidance is that of Muhammad. Every innovation is misguidance and every misguidance leads to Hell.

Fear Allaah and know that tomorrow, you will be made to stand in front of your Lord and be recompensed for your deeds.

“O mankind! Be dutiful to your Lord, Who created you from a single person (Adam), and from him (Adam) He created his wife (Hawwâ (Eve)) and from them both He created many men and women; and fear Allâh through Whom you demand (your mutual rights), and (do not cut the relations of) the wombs (kinship). Surely, Allâh is Ever an All-Watcher over you.”

(Surah An-Nisaa, 4:1)

Beware of procrastination, for having deep inclination towards this world makes one forget the Hereafter, as following the desires blocks the way to the truth.

Dear brethren! Allaah has created humans upon inclinations to their natural instincts. It is also of His mercy and wisdom that He made the law of Islaam call to this and He promised prosperity and reward to those who follow the course of this nature. A manifestation of this is the relationship that takes place between man and woman through marriage.

Brethren in Islaam! No sane person will dispute the importance, virtues and benefits of marriage or dispute the fact that marriage is the natural means of achieving peace of mind, tranquility and societal stability and progress. Marriage makes life well-organized and it is from its fortress that righteous generations are produced. Allaah says,

“And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect.”

(Surah Ar-Room, 30:21)

Marriage promotes purity and chastity, keeps the married person away from illegal sexual intercourse and sinful activities. It brings about blessing and makes the society live a morally secure and comfortable life. Allaah makes marriage a virtue and a way of the Prophets. He says addressing His Messenger, 

“And indeed We sent Messengers before you (O Muhammad (peace be upon him)) and made for them wives and offspring.”

(Surah Ar-Ra’d 13:38)

Therefore, it is because of these great benefits that Islaam encourages marriage and encourages its facilitation. It also prohibits all that could impede or disrupt it. Allaah says,

“And if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with the orphan-girls then marry (other) women of your choice, two or three, or four; but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one or (the slaves) that your right hands possess. That is nearer to prevent you from doing injustice.”

(Surah An-Nisaa, 4:32)

The Messenger of Allaah (sallallaahu 'alayihi wa sallam) said,

“O young people! Whoever among you is able to marry, should marry, because it helps him lower his gaze and guard his modesty (i.e. his private parts from committing illegal sexual intercourse etc.).”

[Sahih Al-Bukhaaree and Muslim]

In the Qur'aan, Allaah commands that suitable suitors should be married to as He prohibits preventing women from marrying women of their choice. In the Qur'aan and the Sunnah, rights and responsibilities of the husband and the wife are explained so that a truly Muslim family that is the foundation of a strong and coherent society can be established. 

Brethren in faith! It is certain that anyone who has concern for his society and Ummah and wishes his fellow Muslims well will make all efforts to promote this institution and make it successful. He will avoid all that could impede it. A concerned Muslim will also be worried about the failure of some marriages when he sees problems springing out of some homes. It is therefore necessary that a wise Muslim should adopt all useful means of making the marriage life successful.

Fellow Muslims! Speaking about marriage has many aspects. It is enough to talk about some phenomena that precede marriage and that have an undesirable impact on the course of life so that the Muslims can be sincerely admonished and the heedless will be awakened. 

One: Delaying marriage until the end of studies or after getting a job and having financial capability or delaying marriage in order to avoid commitments or for any other reasons. All this is part of the evil plans of Satan by which he brainwashes humans especially the youth through the filthy films and serials that are aired on the satellite TV or published in magazines and newspapers. This has created a lot of misconceptions about marital life, corrupted the people’s morality and instilled in them mistaken ideas that opened the door to a great evil.

Delaying marriage contradicts Islaamic teachings as it contradicts the human nature. Sociologists affirmed that early marriage is the best marriage even if the financial condition is hard. They also affirmed that it is a major means of attaining stable psychological and physical health; and that the children born from early marriage are more intelligent and healthier and have less physical disabilities. 

In addition to the above, early marriage makes one’s religion complete and makes one chaste. It is also established that early marriage is a major factor in many people’s success in their academic life. So when an artificial impediment is put in the way of this natural institution, the consequences will be woes upon the society.

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An Unwelcome Arrangement - Closed

⊰ 💮 ⊱ —— ;; The irritation was plain on her delicate features;  her brow was drawn together, her violet orbs narrowed, and pink lily lips were pressed into a thin line to hold back heavy sighs. She sat withdrawn from the public gaze, like a violet in the grass, the grand party swirling around her in celebration of her arranged marriage to a man she had never even laid eyes on.

Her guardian, Viti, was the one who had arranged everything. By his decree, her hand was being given in marriage to a prince by the name of Hibiya. She was passive clay in her guardian’s hands; whatever he wished of her she would do…it was the least she could give back in repayment for all his kindness and generosity over the years, after taking her in as an orphan. And yet, even still…an arranged marriage was taking it a bit far.

Her arms were crossed tightly over her chest, the way she was sitting wrinkling the dress her guardian’s servants had gone to so much trouble preparing. She was supposed to meet with her intended husband tonight, and the thought of it made her ill. Surely, a marriage to a complete stranger would be hell! And to a prince of all people—she wasn’t in any way a princess, and while she wasn’t like the street children that ran around in rags and covered in dirt, her ways and mannerisms were hardly suitable for the future wife of a monarch.

She tugged on a lock of her hair nervously, both tapping her foot erratically and chewing her bottom lip at the same time. Her nerves were frazzled, and she was at her wits end. She just wanted this to be _over. _‘As soon as I meet with him, I should be able to leave…right?’ she wondered. Her internal moaning monologue was silence as the noise in the grand room died down, and she felt a cold sweat begin to trickle down the back of her neck. The crowd was whispering, parting for someone coming through.

It was him.

holy cows

onion and i just received what is possibly the nicest unexpected gift ever:

this amazing knife set from our registry!!  from @caffeinated-cake!!!!  i dunno why i can’t tag you, this is so amazing and wonderful!!  i’m seriously shocked that you would send us this!!!  <333

we are hardly able to accept the idea that our family will buy us these things, let alone long-distance friends–hold on–charlie get away

keep your hands where i can see them chuck–okay, like i was saying, HOLY BALLS WE HAVE A NEW KNIFE SET!!!

they’re so sharp i’m probably going to cut myself, i’ll just have to get used to having knives that actually work

but i think–

oh shit i have to go–THANKS PACHI!!!  <3333

~ Chesterfield’s Art of Letter-Writing Simplified…To Which is Appended the Complete Rules of Etiquette, and the Usages of Society: Containing The Most Approved Rules For Correct Deportment In Fashionable Life, Together With Hints To Gentlemen And Ladies On Irregular And Vulgar Habits, Also, The Etiquette Of Love And Courtship, Marriage Etiquette, &c., 1857

It is forbidden for either the husband or the wife to spread any of the secrets of their bedroom to anyone outside.

Shaykh al-Albaanee

(The Etiquettes Of Marriage And Wedding, Ch 23 Eng Trans.)

schntgaispock  asked:

arranged marriage au !spones really just fucks me up. like Vulcans having all these weird rules for marriage and bones being really confused or mad all the time like 'wait nobody told me there was a sword what the fuck is going on' and it getting to the point where Spock has just decided to screw with him. 'There was a section on this in the text, Doctor. I expected you to be briefed on this.' is said while shoving carrots down bones' shirt.

Bones finally cracks and demands a copy of the marriage etiquette rules off Amanda and she supplies. So he power reads in one night and discovers that Spock has put him through an awful lot of ridiculous shit he didn’t need to do. So Bones starts coming up w his own human marriage traditions to throw at Spock. Bones demands to be carried over every doorway and threshold for a fortnight. He insists Spock be painted blue every other day (the paint takes like an hour to get off, and must be removed before bed). He starts passive aggressively yodeling whenever he and Spock disagree, because betrothed couples shouldn’t fight (this starts more fights). Bones makes life sized figurines of Spock out of whatever he can find around the house (they’re terrifying) and chats to them when Spock isn’t talking to him. He also keeps accidentally injuring and killing the figurines. “Oh gosh I’ve spilt hot oil on Fake Spock 3. Lucky it wasn’t actually you, see, this is why we need them. To practice.” Bones says as he turns and glares and a slightly scared Spock while still calmly pouring boiling oil on the shivering mess of blankets and plates with Spock’s face drawn on.