eternal fear

Laying there, I was in constant thought. I told my self that I need to do what I truly want to do to be completely happy. I want to run away. Far away from this place and everyone in it. I don’t want anyone to remember my name or who I was, I don’t care about being a thought in your mind because even if I did, one day you will forget me. But I was still searching for that hand to hold. I’m searching for those eyes that burn away immortal dark thoughts. Running away with that hand interlocked with mine will unlock the universe that resides in my soul. Thought after thought tells me to run away. Thought after thought Tells me to leave this place now and start anew. Thought after thought is telling me that I don’t know what love is and I won’t be loved back. Thought after thought is telling me I’ll never get away. Battling among my mind is my dreams of eternal freedom and the fears that eat away my thoughts. I have every reason to run away. It’s the best damn reason to leave you and the rest of this behind but in the end, I couldn’t bring my self to walk out that door. In the end, I couldn’t bring my self to say I love you. I tell my self there’s a next time, but every day since I became more anxious. I know it won’t just come to me. I know I have to go get it. But I’m scared, when will I ever let go?
—  cookiiee10

when Even finally tells Isak about what happened at Bakka - about having a crush on his friend and getting shot down in flames, about throwing himself into Islam to learn everything he could and how it spiraled away from him, about how he tried to kill himself because the weight of it all was too much - Isak goes through a lot of emotions very quickly.

grief, that the man he loves felt so much pain that he tried to end it all.

a brief stabbing of fear, that Even could have been lost to him before they even met.

anger, that people who cared about Even could hurt him that way.

sadness, right down to his core that he couldn’t have been there for Even to ease that pain. even if Isak had known Even back then he knows he wouldn’t have been in the right place with his own sexuality to help anyone else, and for some reason that makes his heart hurt even more.

a flickering of recognition, because Isak knows that feeling of your sexuality feeling like an anchor around your neck and he had no idea his strong confident sassy Even had ever felt that burden.

relief. relief so strong it would have brought him to his knees if they hadn’t been sat down when Even told him. relief that Even’s attempted suicide hadn’t ended with a funeral and gaping hole left in the world where his brightness had once been.

sudden understanding, things Even had said in the past suddenly made so much more sense knowing this. those tentative questions so long ago, talking about the brain alone feeling, were Even’s careful attempts at opening up to Isak.

and finally, finally, peace. Even had finally trusted him with the most painful part of his history, the part he curled around and protected like an injured animal. Isak finally had the answer he was looking for.

it was only a matter of seconds. just seconds after the words and I- I tried to kill myself, Isak had left Even’s lips, but to Even it felt like an eternity. fear filled him like a rush of adrenaline, tarring his insides with black doubts and making it difficult to breathe.

but then Isak’s hands were cupping his cheeks, the rough pads of his thumbs tracing back and forth along Even’s cheekbones. it brought Even back to a cold night in December when he had felt lower than he could ever remember. the night sky had been dark, but Even’s heart had felt darker. and then there had been Isak, illuminating his darkness like the stars glittering thousands of light years away.

except Isak hadn’t been light years away. he had been right there with Even, in his bleakest moment. just like he was with Even now, sat on their ratty sofa in their own home.

You aren’t alone.” Isak whispers as he brings his forehead to rest against Even’s, clearly remembering that December night too.  “I love you.” Isak stares him straight in the eye as he says it, and Even’s heart simultaneously breaks apart and melts back together stronger than it was before under the intense gaze of those hazel eyes.

“I love you.” Isak repeats, ducking his head and brushing the gentlest of kisses against Even’s chapped lips. “Thank you for telling me.” He breathes against Even’s lips, and all Even can do is nod.

they spend the rest of the evening curled up together under the blanket on the sofa, and Even basks in the feeling of being in love with Isak and finally having nothing between them.

he was finally being real, and Isak still loved him.

he never had to be alone again.

Lasting for Eternity

Henry Turner

Anxiety, fear, comfort, fluff, love

Fandom: Pirates of the Caribbean

Request: "HENRY TURNER REQUEST?! HECK YEAH I CAN HELP! okay so I haven’t been sleeping great… so what about something post the film were the reader and him are together and she hasn’t been sleeping at all because of night terrors from the events of the film, so one day she is out with Henry (maybe the day he was planning to propose cause PARALELS!) and she just collapses against him but wakes back up from another nightmare and he comforts her? Thank you so much and sorry…“

Word count: 808

gif is not mine.

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13 Steps for Managing Flashbacks
  1. Say to yourself: “I am having a flashback”. Flashbacks take us into a timeless part of the psyche that feels as helpless, hopeless and surrounded by danger as we were in childhood. The feelings and sensations you are experiencing are past memories that cannot hurt you now.

  2. Remind yourself: “I feel afraid but I am not in danger! I am safe now, here in the present.” Remember you are now in the safety of the present, far from the danger of the past.

  3. Own your right/need to have boundaries. Remind yourself that you do not have to allow anyone to mistreat you; you are free to leave dangerous situations and protest unfair behavior.

  4. Speak reassuringly to the Inner Child. The child needs to know that you love her unconditionally- that she can come to you for comfort and protection when she feels lost and scared.

  5. Deconstruct eternity thinking: in childhood, fear and abandonment felt endless - a safer future was unimaginable. Remember the flashback will pass as it has many times before.

  6. Remind yourself that you are in an adult body with allies, skills and resources to protect you that you never had as a child. [Feeling small and little is a sure sign of a flashback]

  7. Ease back into your body. Fear launches us into ‘heady’ worrying, or numbing and spacing out.

    [a] Gently ask your body to Relax: feel each of your major muscle groups and softly encourage them to relax. (Tightened musculature sends unnecessary danger signals to the brain)

    [b] Breathe deeply and slowly. (Holding the breath also signals danger).

    [c] Slow down: rushing presses the psyche’s panic button.

    [d] Find a safe place to unwind and soothe yourself: wrap yourself in a blanket, hold a stuffed animal, lie down in a closet or a bath, take a nap.

    [e] Feel the fear in your body without reacting to it. Fear is just an energy in your body that cannot hurt you if you do not run from it or react self-destructively to it.

  8. Resist the Inner Critic’s Drasticizing and Catastrophizing:

    [a] Use thought-stopping to halt its endless exaggeration of danger and constant planning to control the uncontrollable. Refuse to shame, hate or abandon yourself. Channel the anger of self-attack into saying NO to unfair self-criticism.

    [b] Use thought-substitution to replace negative thinking with a memorized list of your qualities and accomplishments

  9. Allow yourself to grieve. Flashbacks are opportunities to release old, unexpressed feelings of fear, hurt, and abandonment, and to validate - and then soothe - the child’s past experience of helplessness and hopelessness. Healthy grieving can turn our tears into self-compassion and our anger into self-protection.

  10. Cultivate safe relationships and seek support. Take time alone when you need it, but don’t let shame isolate you. Feeling shame doesn’t mean you are shameful. Educate your intimates about flashbacks and ask them to help you talk and feel your way through them.

  11. Learn to identify the types of triggers that lead to flashbacks. Avoid unsafe people, places, activities and triggering mental processes. Practice preventive maintenance with these steps when triggering situations are unavoidable.

  12. Figure out what you are flashing back to. Flashbacks are opportunities to discover, validate and heal our wounds from past abuse and abandonment. They also point to our still unmet developmental needs and can provide motivation to get them met.

  13. Be patient with a slow recovery process: it takes time in the present to become un-adrenalized, and considerable time in the future to gradually decrease the intensity, duration and frequency of flashbacks. Real recovery is a gradually progressive process [often two steps forward, one step back], not an attained salvation fantasy. Don’t beat yourself up for having a flashback.
So you heard Seven to Eternity is awesome (it is!) and you want to check out more by Rick Remender...

In his newest series, SEVEN TO ETERNITY, Rick Remender, with artist Jerome Opeña and colorist Matt Hollingsworth, tells a story about family and freedom, set in an exquisite fantasy world replete with great and terrible magic.  

The God of Whispers has spread an omnipresent paranoia to every corner of the kingdom of Zhal; his spies hide in every hall spreading mistrust and fear. Adam Osidis, a dying knight from a disgraced house, must join a hopeless band of magic users in their desperate bid to free their world of the evil God, or accept the God’s promise to give Adam everything his heart desires. All men have surrendered their freedom for fear. Now, one last free man must choose.

SEVEN TO ETERNITY is one of the most beautiful and exciting new releases this week!  Keep reading to find five awesome graphic novels by Rick Remender you should check out next!

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“People could have died” - the eternal fear of Tony Stark manifesting in every movie, now being repeated in a tense voice to the pseudo son he made outfits for to try and help him but also trying to make sure that he stays safe. Gosh. The man who never thinks his hands could be clean is trying to keep people alive but they keep dying and now his pseudo son is showing signs of teasing danger and Tony is showing full on internalized panic.

The results would not be pleasant...
( darkiplier )
The results would not be pleasant...

Anonymous asked: Dark. what would happen to us if you let loose on your power? and do you and anti eat? i just am assuming that you both might not.

“For the first question… My powers can be very overwhelming for many of you to witness. Directly at one person, you would suffer migraines and even be subject to tinnitus after a time, as well as out-of-body experiences, shallow breathing, and frequent mind-blanks, at the most. It would be as if your own world had violently turned upside down, and you would fear for your life as you frantically ponder, in your mind, what horrors would await you from the eternal darkness. True fear comes from the unknown, after all.

Now, imagine all of that affecting a larger amount of people all at once, the magnitude multiplying by how many fall under my power. If you are confused, don’t worry your little heads over it. You may be better off not knowing. “Ignorance is bliss,” am I right? (chuckles) 

As for the second question here, yes, Anti and I do eat, though I don’t require constant sustenance like you humans do. Starvation and dehydration do not affect me at all. And Anti’s prefer type of cuisine is… well, I’m sure you all know what cannibalists typically dine on. I’ll spare you the details there.“

Soul Survivor

“People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that’s bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they’re afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they’re wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It’s all in how you carry it. That’s what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you’re letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain.”

-Jim Morrison, Ten Years Gone-

Another rock-god philosopher lost too young. Go on, listen. Venture down; take that walk on the darkside. Own every single moment of your flawed actuality. Fuck what anyone else thinks. It’s your truth – wear it with pride, live like you mean it. Anything else is death.