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Heroes come in all sizes. #AntMan

But not all genders or skin colors, apparently.

And please note that “all sizes” just means “larger or smaller but all proportionately built to a very specific, conventionally attractive aesthetic.”

So really more “Heroes come in all scalable versions of the current heroic white male physical standard #AntMan”

I am sorry I do believe everyone should be represented and all, but I would also like to say a couple things on this topic. 

1. There is diversity in superheroes. Black Widow, Wonder Woman, The Canary & The Black Canary, Cat Woman, and Hawk Girl are example of strong women superheroes. Nick Fury, Falcon, Batwing, Green Lantern, Storm, Black Panther, Gentle, and so many others are African American superheroes. Kato, Katana, Sunfire, Ryan Choi (The Atom), Karma, and Jubilee are Asian heroes. Captain America was the weak dorky (and brave) kid turned strong by a scientific serum. J’onn J’onnzz from Justice League was a freaking Martian with green skin. And don’t even get me started with Guardians of the Galaxy: a raccoon, a tree, a man, and two aliens. That’s not the typical stereotype to me.

2. To be a superhero running around a city and fighting crime and saving the world, you have to be physically fit. You can’t be out of shape it you want to do stuff like that. So maybe they don’t come in many shapes and sizes but that’s because a certain fitness works best when you’re constantly fighting criminals and saving lives. With enough training and working out anyone can be a hero as shown with the Green Arrow.
3. At the time when most of the comics were written it was a different era. In the time period it wasn’t as socially acceptable and the new movies try to stick to the originals as closely as they can or else they get a ton of shit for it. And even then they had these characters in there. 

So stop trying to make every small thing into such a big issue and please don’t make comments bashing on something when you aren’t fully informed or think about all possibilities. Sure it’s still not perfect but it’s also not 100% awful either. 

Your opinions are bad and you should feel bad.

1.  What a wonderful list of heroes!  Too bad of all of them less than five have made it to movies.  It is a shame.  It’s almost like despite all the wonderful diversity that comics allows is disregarded by the major studios in favor of more cishet white males of a certain level of attractiveness.  How odd.

Black Widow has now been in three of Marvel’s movies as a major player, she still does not have a solo movie announced.  Nick Fury is a wonderful character, but not really the super hero most little boys and girls are looking for.  Falcon is great and there’s been no mention of him for Avengers: AoU, a major disappointment.  You neglected to bring up James “Rhodey” Rhodes, a major player in all three Iron Man films, who HAS been announced for AoU.

Nor did you mention Captain Marvel, who has been announced for 2018.  You got Black Panther, who is slated to appear before that, in 2017.  Wonder Woman was announced by DC, but the director has since cautioned us that, OOPS, it doesn’t have a script or a green light.  She is supposed to appear in DCU: Two White Dudes Hit Each Other In the Face a Lot, her first BIG SCREEN APPEARANCE compared to what will be the 14th version of either Batman or Superman. Fun Fact!  More white guys have played Batman (five of them) then DC has had female heroes on the movies.

Cat Woman (though I’m not sure I’d classify her as a superhero) has appeared a few times on screen, as has Storm.  YAY TWO DOWN!  Also Elektra and Batgirl and Supergirl, Steel and Blade all in movies no one likes to pay attention to.

Your attempt to bring “Green Alien Guy” in as representation of marginalized human beings is both INSANE and very very insulting, so we’re going to pretend it never happened.  

GotG!  WOW SUCH DIVERSITY.  SO AMAZING.  A white dude, a male alien, a tree alien, a raccoon alien and a woman who gets called a whore repeatedly by her own teammate.  I could school you on the actual Guardians canon, but it’s late and I’m tired.  Do yourself a favor, look up Moondragon.  

Moondragon, the canonically bisexual telepathic geneticist martial arts snarkmaster who was tied in with Thanos and ran with the Guardians who somehow did not make it into the movie.  Talking Raccoon voiced by Bradley Cooper did, though!  SUCH DIVERSITY SO AMAZE.

The movies for both major studios have focused almost exclusively on white, cishet males of a certain attractiveness, and that is REALITY.

2.  So you believe that a guy can fly, or shoot lasers from his eyes, or talk to marine life, or wield a magic staff that steals people’s minds, but only if they have a six pack?  Really?

Sure, Natasha, Clint, Ollie, Bruce and a handful of others are ‘normal dudes who trained really hard!’

But you know what?  The physical size and shape of a person doesn’t matter if they ARE MAGICAL BEINGS FROM ANOTHER UNIVERSE.  Like, are you listening to yourself?  Do you honestly think that Superman works out, and trains to a mixtape of “Eye of the Tiger” and “Shake it off” to maintain his ability to LEAP TALL BUILDINGS IN A SINGLE BOUND?

If he gets his powers from the yellow sun, as the song states, well, then, his physical size/shape mean nothing.  And it goes beyond this.  Why do they feel the need to put RDJ on a frickin’ stool?  Why can’t a superhero  be short?  Why can’t a superhero have major freckles or natural hair or any other number of 'imperfections’ that don’t relate to ability at all?

Oh, that’s right, Hollywood.

3.  Let us quote from your stunning piece here: “At the time when most of the comics were written it was a different era. In the time period it wasn’t as socially acceptable and the new movies try to stick to the originals as closely as they can or else they get a ton of shit for it.”

And you know what?  A.  It’s not the sixties anymore, and fiction (and fictional characters) can change to SUIT A NEW AUDIENCE, and B. guess what?  They’re going to get “a ton of shit” if they don’t.

Your “it’s the way things are, and if anything changes idiots will be mean about it so you should just accept GENERIC SUPERHERO #13746 (size changing variant)” is the dumbest thing you said in a long list of dumb things.   

Ant-Man is a boring character in a boring trope of “single dad goes straight to protect his imperiled daughter (aged so as to not be threatening, just SPUNKY!) with a nice side of females fridged to further male HEROIC ORIGINS!”   It’s been done.  It’s boring.  

And people have the right to air their frustrations without you pretending that they’re overreacting.

Call me when we’ve got All-New Ultimates on the screen.  We might be a bit happier when Young Avengers gets added to the lineup.  When the new Power Girl (Tanya Spears) or Ms. Marvel (Kamala Khan) are headlining.  When Prodigy (David Alleyne) gets to explain that he’s bisexual right before kissing Speed (Tommy Shepard) or Hawkeye (Kate Bishop), then we’ll have made progress.

Until we have trans superheroes on our movie screens, and WOC superheroes and openly queer superheroes and a super hero for every goddamn kid out there, don’t you dare tell anyone to shut up, and accept another bland white male when the world of comics promises us we can have SO MUCH MORE THAN THAT.

Comics are for everyone.  The movies should be too.

Equestria Girls and Why It Bugs Me So Much

Alright, bit of a lengthy post here but after receiving question after question about my opinion of the upcoming MLP movie, Equestria Girls, I decided to finally make a post about it.

In short: I can’t provide a solid consensus on it since I have yet to see it, but I’m not being exactly hopeful about it.

Now, before anyone gets on my case about the cast and crew and how they have handled “game changing” bits about MLP, I want to state for the record that this is not a reflection on them or their message but rather on the context of the message and the means of which it’s being brought across.

I do, however, want to state that their dresses are just hideous.

When Lauren Faust wrote the main six, she set them out to be complete individuals with different tastes, hobbies, and work ethics. They do things their own way but share the same values.

Her original message was, “There is more than one way to be a girl.”

And in this day and age, where female stereotypes still flood the silver screen and every form of media, it is such an important message to bring to young females of every walks of life.

Some girls are bookish, some are athletic, some are shy, and some are adventurous. None of these traits makes their character any more/less of a female. It’s who they are and what they should take pride in.

A LOT of male-dominated television shows aimed towards children love to include women that are only there as placeholders for worn-out stereotypes and tropes. The girl is either overly girly (thus annoying the male character because ew girls) or so tomboyish that she would rather face death than a frilly dress (not really a girl but one of the guys.)

That’s not to say that there AREN’T females like that and that it’s NOT okay to be anything like this. It’s completely alright, but it’s still a huge generalization that applies to a very small percentage of girls.

As time goes on that percentage tends to get slightly higher because young girls THINK that they HAVE to be like this and so they mold themselves to fit into this role that media has set out for them.

This is where My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic comes in.

Not only did Faust notice a lot of these trends for girls, but she set out to directly challenge them.

Rainbow Dash is very much a tomboy, but she’s well aware of her own femininity and never once comments negatively about wearing a dress.

Rarity is a fashionista and dislikes getting dirty, but she is never condescending to her friends and disregards her own image for the sake of helping out someone. (She cuts off her tail for Steven Magnet and covers herself up in mud to race with Sweetie Belle)

They move beyond the “pretty girly pink horse” show that it was based on and even challenge their own toy line. (Villains are hardly ever included in toys meant for girls and yet there have been Nightmare Moon and Gilda figures produced)

MLP challenged these ideals and stepped away from what they were, by all tropes and stereotypes, “supposed” to be.

Equestria Girls is working backwards on this.

Rather than to move further away from stereotypes, it instead does a full back-peddle back into the most cliched of all female story settings.

This is what bothers me.

You have a show who not only sets out to make each character different, but embraces their individuality, and then you turn each character into the same cookie cutter example of what a girl should look like.

Because, you know, there aren’t a million high school fashion dolls on the market directed towards little girls or anything.

This is the part where I would have posted five pictures as an example, but I want to spare you all the page stretching.

Nevertheless, a good quarter of the “pink aisle” consists of fashion dolls with a high school setting or something to that extent.

This wasn’t a move on the creative team’s part as a story change, but rather a move on Hasbro’s part as a marketing ploy.

“Sir, it seems that more grown adults are buying these pricey Funko figures and that glow-in-the-dark Zecora.”

“Why! That’s fantastic news! Oh those Bronies.”

“However, we don’t think that little girls are actually buying this stuff.”

“Hmmm… Well, as a white male in his 40’s I obviously know what would appeal to little girls. Dolls! High school! Cute boys!”

“What about the Bronies, sir?”

“They’ll eat up whatever crap we give them! Send the word out to the creative team to work on this pronto!”

What sickens me is the fact that this is obviously going to work out.

Bronies will get their MLP movie, Hasbro will get their money, and little girls will be spoon fed the same old tripe that they have been fed their entire life about what they, as silly little females, should care about.

I know that the writers will do a good enough job and I hope that they challenge some typical high school tropes, but at this point it’s looking like it’s going to be a “nerd alone, nerd gets friends, friends show the mean girl what’s up, friendship,” scenario.

And that is what bugs me so much about Equestria Girls.

Kate and Sci see "Godzilla" and disapprove of its life choices
  • Me: Hey, there's still a mom! That's a good-
  • Movie: No, there isn't.
  • Me: My expectations for this movie just went way, way, way down.
  • Movie: Skips forward 15 years
  • Me: What? Why?
  • Kate: Because Brian Cranston isn't the young hot ineffectual white guy that audiences demand.
  • Me: Did they name the kid after a car company?
  • Kate: Noms noms noms.
  • Me: What are you- Are you using your hand to pretend to eat the human characters?
  • Kate: The movie we're fifteen minutes in and no one's been eaten yet. I need to correct this.
  • Me: Stop that.
  • Me: Actually, you make sense. Here, I'll help. But just the annoying characters.
  • Kate: So, the humans.
  • Me: ... Yes.
  • Kate: Anyway, why is everyone speaking English in Japan?
  • Me: The Japanese love us loveable gaijin!
  • Kate: No. No, they do not.
  • Me: Okay, because Americans are lazy and don't like to read subtitles.
  • Kate: Far more likely.
  • Movie: Makin' bad choices all the livelong day
  • Me: Okay, if you've broken into a quarantined area, and proved that the quarantine is a massive cover up and conspiracy, surrounded by hundreds of guys with guns, maybe screaming how you will expose them as soon as you get loose is not a good plan. In that they can just kill you and leave your body by the side of the road and no one will ever know.
  • Kate: Oh, Logic, this movie has none.
  • Me: Just saying. Oh, look, an interesting, likeable character with actual personality.
  • Kate: And he's not ineffectual white guy, so he's going to die.
  • Me: Maybe-
  • Movie: Squish
  • Me: Aw, sadness. You were a nice guy, random military grunt 2746.
  • Movie: Don't worry, ineffectual white guy named after a car is still here!
  • Me: But I hate him.
  • Movie: Soon you will hate him more.
  • General: I am going to make bad decisions!
  • Me: Why is the military always so stupid in these movies? If Rhodey was in that room, he would be like, are you all out of your GODDAMN minds?
  • Kate: That seems like a better movie. Rhodey and Stacker Pentacost.
  • Me: Ooooo! And Carol! Punch that monster, Carol! And for science staff, we need scientists who can deal with science that'll kill ya. Jane.
  • Kate: And Bruce. He's an expert in Gamma radiation.
  • Kate: I want it.
  • Ken Watanabe: Godzilla is here to restore balance to nature!
  • Me: What are you basing this on?
  • Kate: Previous Godzilla movies.
  • Me: Well, okay, then. Oh, look, they're dropping in the military guys with parachutes.
  • Kate: Annnnnnd... SAM. Sam. Sam.
  • Me: Sam would be a better choice.
  • Monsters: show up briefly to fight, then movie takes them away again
  • Me: GODDAMMIT. Just. Stop. With the humans. Do not care. This movie isn't called: "Ineffectual White Military Dude Has Daddy Issues" it's called "GODZILLA" give me what the title promises.
  • Kate: Maybe they will be eaten.
  • Me: We are pretty much the worst people ever, you realize that, right?
  • Kate: This movie has given me no reason to care. About any of them.
  • Me: I'm actually more sympathetic towards the monsters.
  • Me: Wow, this looks like the egg cache in "Finding Nemo" and now I really feel bad for the monsters, because ineffectual white guy (tm) is going to kill their babies and then the single father will have to take care of the one remaining one with the crippled wing.
  • Monsters: fighting
  • Me: And I'm now bored with this, because I've never liked the trope of 'lo, I am defeated, except I HAVE A POWER YOU NEVER SUSPECTED I HAD.'
  • Kate: Unless chain swords. When it's chain swords it's cool.
  • Me: Let's just skip the end and go watch Pacific Rim again. Riley got over his emotional stunted issues off screen.
  • Kate: Riley was better at this.
  • Ineffectual White Military Guy: Completely fails at his job.
  • Kate: Did the bomb just go off?
  • Me: Yeah, the big whiteout there in the background.
  • Kate: So they just nuked San Francisco.
  • Me: Well, most of it was already broken.
  • (Ineffectual White Guy finds his son somehow. Son finds mom in giant stadium full of people.)
  • Me: What is up with the 'kids can magically find their parents' thing in movies? The number of times some kid has grabbed my pant leg thinking I'm mom disproves this concept.
  • Kate: You realize that kid grows up to be Newt, right?
  • Me: ... I accept this headcanon.
  • Movie: Ends abruptly. Get out. There will be no encore.
  • Me: Well, I think they ran out of film.
  • Kate: Or cares to give. So. Where does that fall on the chain of bad movies featuring ineffective white guys?
  • Me: Above "Battleship," below "Red Dawn."
  • Kate: "Red Dawn" was horrible.
  • Me: And Chris Hemsworth still did a good job with it.
  • (And we yell about how much we hated 'Red Dawn' for the rest of the credits)