pretty quickly after i came out as a lesbian on this website, i added “no terfs allowed” to my bio. every lesbian i follow has it in their bios. i follow wlw who aren’t lesbians, and while some have it in their bios, it’s less common.
i’ve been thinking about the general sentiment of “fuck you, terfs,” and why it bothers me. it’s not the attitude against terfs (i don’t like them or want to associate with them either), but rather the performative nature of it. it allows us afab wlw to sit comfortably knowing we’re not one of Them. it allows us to get comfortable, to wrongly assume that our job as allies is done because we said we don’t affiliate with terfs.
first of all, while all terfs are transphobes, not all transphobes are terfs. all of us (afab wlw) have privilege over trans wlw, even if we are nonbinary (as i and many of my afab lesbian friends are). we all need to be aware of our own privilege and not distance ourselves from it by proudly displaying our anti-terf sentiment. sometimes i think by saying “i’m not a terf and i don’t affiliate with terfs” what comes out is “i’m not holding myself accountable for my own transphobia because it’s not me who’s the problem.” we’re turning terfs into scapegoats for transphobia (and especially transmisogyny) and that’s such a reductive view of the way that systematic oppression works.
second of all, afab wlw, to an extent, should want terfs to follow them because assuming we’re doing our jobs as allies, we’re potentially exposing people with toxic views to information and opinions that they might otherwise not hear. i would much rather a terf be following me than be following a trans woman. the violence a transmisogynist could enact on me is significantly less, so i should be putting myself between terfs and trans women, amplifying the voices of trans women in the hopes that terfs and transphobes will hear. cis/afab wlw telling terfs to go away is shutting a door. it’s one thing to not want them on your blog in order to protect yourself; that i understand. it’s a whole other thing to keep them from reading what you write and reblog because they have bad opinions (to put it lightly). how are their opinions ever going to change if they never leave their echo chamber?
third of all, i think the whole “no terfs allowed” thing swings back to the scapegoating of the lesbian community within the lgbt+ population. before, when i identified as bi/pansexual, i never felt like i needed to make excuses for the label i chose. sure, i spent some time defending my sexuality as i faced biphobia (and my own internalized homophobia), but i never found myself saying “i’m bi, but i’m not one of the Bad Ones” the way that i feel like i have to say all the time as an out lesbian. to the point where i have to essentially write, “i’m not one of the Bad Ones” in my own bio to justify my being a lesbian in an online public space. i know this is a much more complicated issue than i am making it out to be in this post, but it does really bother me that every afab lesbian i know also feels this need to clarify their position on this matter when it seems like no other subgroup of the lgbt acronym does.
so putting in your description something like “no terfs allowed” is performative allyship, but it also feels like a necessary defense against lesbophobic assumptions. both things bother me, but i feel helplessly caught in the middle - it’s necessary for me to protect myself against lesbophobia by putting it in my description, but in doing so i feel like i am failing to do my full part as an ally to trans women
this post is okay to reblog, and in fact i would love to hear other people’s (especially other lesbians’, and especially trans lesbians’) input on this
I think one of my favorite things is when Person A is a bit distant and not so prone to show affection but that suddenly, after months of building up trust and love, they hug Person B from behind.
With one arm across the other’s chest and the other holding B’s waist, A hiding their face on the back of the other’s neck, because they’re a bit embarrassed of how clingy they feel, but B just holds one of A’s hands in one of theirs and lifts the remaining one to reach back and caress A’s head affectionately.
one of my favorite parts abt making ocs is deciding what their teeth look like. are there gaps? do they have braces? dental crowns?? an overbite? any chipped teeth? are they unnaturally sharp?? are they crooked??? lol idk i think teeth can give a lot of character
prompt: bitty & shitty, besties and roommates, move in next door to the cutest married couple, jack & lardo. unfortunately for their pining little hearts, they don’t realize that jack and lardo aren’t actually married. or dating. (bonus points if bitty has to talk shitty out of propositioning them for a three-way)
Can we please recognize that each series is distinct and has distinct appeal?
Yes, the series are loosely tied together, some more so than others. And if you want to try to fit everything into an overall continuity, that’s absolutely fine - that’s not what I’m talking about here.
I’m talking about the tendency to rank the series in terms of best/worst, etc. When it would be more accurate to say most favorite/least favorite, because it’s all completely subjective. The fact of the matter is that each series is its’ own thing and can stand alone. Each series has unique aspects, and those aspects may or may not appeal to a particular person. This fandom is not a homogeneous community that will all have the same tastes.
Yet, I keep seeing people in this fandom with this annoying tendency to try to bring everyone in line with how they personally like/dislike things. Personal preference is stated as objective fact. The series are pitted against one another even though it’s like comparing apples and oranges. Fans of the “wrong” series, or people who are not fans of the “right” series in the eyes of particular people - they’re shamed and sometimes disparaged.
Please stop this.
It’s fine to talk about what you do and don’t like about a show. But if you don’t like one of the shows, don’t try to ruin it for other people. Don’t go and tell people that are enjoying it that the series is horrible and that they should just give up watching it. Don’t do that to people who haven’t watched it, either - say you personally didn’t like it, but let them make up their own minds.
Yes, I’m referring to Arc V, because I’ve seen this way too much from too many people. But this goes for any of the series. And it can be extended to other media, too.
By the same token, if you do like one of the shows, don’t try to shame people into liking or even watching it. General posts about “This is why you should watch X!” are not what I’m talking about - that kind of thing is fine as long as you aren’t disparaging other series to do it. But if someone makes a post saying they don’t have any interest in one of the series, or some of the series, for whatever reason - don’t go onto that post and tell them that their reason is wrong (even if you think it’s a silly reason, for example, they’re complaining about the character designs when there’s always been ridiculous character designs - even so, they’re entitled to their opinion) or try to shame them into “giving it a chance”. If they don’t want to give it a chance, that is okay. Doesn’t matter what the reason is. Whether it’s that they don’t like the hair, they don’t like the premise, they don’t like the writer…it doesn’t matter. It is okay to just not be interested in something, because different things appeal to different people. You don’t have to watch a show to decide you’re not interested. The idea that just because someone likes one of the YGO series that they should necessarily have an interest in the others is ridiculous. Of course there will be large overlap between the fanbases, but the shows are still different enough.
With Vrains coming out soon, can we please avoid this kind of thing? In either direction? I know it’s very easy to get caught up in your passion for/against something, and it’s easy to fall into this kind of trap. I just ask that people make an effort to avoid it, and try to state opinions rather than force them on others (i.e., “X is my favorite/least favorite series” rather than “X is the best/worst series”)
I get so sick and tired of constantly hearing this as a criticism: “but that’s not in the books"
I get it. You loved the books. You still have them. But this is a tv show, even if it is based on the book(s), it’s a completely different ballgame. Common sense dictates that there’s gonna be some changes made. Depending on who you ask, some of those changes will be good and some won’t. Either way, it doesn’t have to follow the books to a tee for it to still be as good or entertaining.
so i’m flipping through some screengrabs for a ref for somethin’ about ritsuko and actually -
i’ve actually been wondering lately - now that there’s some major distance between me and nge, both time-wise and where i was mentally when i first started the series - what is it about nge that was so cohesive, that was the singular vibe you saw in each of the characters. like, they all felt like they were part of a set, the same notes in a tone, even with fantastically written differences in stages of life, motivations, ways they held other people at a distance (or too close), etc.
contempt. i’m pretty sure that’s what it was.
you see it most in ritsuko (like, go look at the screenshots even on the first page of google; it’s ridiculously obvious in her eyes, not to mention how she views her mother, misato, gendo, herself), and asuka (gad damn that final shot of her in eoe isn’t iconic for nothing) - but it’s there in varying levels in all the others, even shinji, fuyutsuki, rei … (you could probably write an essay on each of the characters and how they echo that, that’d be fun, actually)
they say that contempt/disgust is one of the ….7(?) universal expressions in humanity and i dunno how much of that is b.s, but contempt is such a crucial part in viewing nge, i think - you have to start out with understanding that as a defense mechanism, and go from there. you miss so much of the subtle bits in shinji’s story if you don’t see how tiny bits of that leak out in how he interacts with everyone (especially the girls holy shit); how asuka tries to use her contempt as literal fuel for her fire until she burns from the inside out, how kaji thought he had it under control and stuffed down too many layers of lies but it poisoned him in the end, too -
anyway, -waves a hand- one last thing; it’s there. oh hell it’s there. but the pinnacle of nge is not just that exploration of contempt and what it takes to be truly loathe yourself and others (a light series it ain’t) - but, ultimately, how nge doesn’t give you (or the cast) a bullshit excuse to wave off every one of your issues with that, and instead sits you down and says ‘you can be better than this, you know.’
imo that’s something that needs to be said more. with that honesty.