essentials

Ten staples that every woman needs in her closet

1. A vast empty hooded cape that you can control with the power of your mind, sending it forth from you to terrify and amaze.

2. A dress that can be whipped off by a bare-chested dancer to reveal another, more sparkly dress underneath, for those occasions when you accidentally find yourself in the Eurovision Song Contest.

3. A formal grappling-hook, for arriving at all the best parties. Make sure to have yours personalised, so that you do not arrive at the party via the same grappling hook as another attendee.

4. A khaki tank top. That is, just the swivelly bit with the gun on. The caterpillar tracks bit is probably too big for a closet but can be stored in a shed or garage until it is needed.

5. A leather jacket tanned from the tattooed hide of the last bull to cross you, as a reminder to other bulls that you will be crossing this field now, thank you very much.

6. Pumps. You will thank me for this recommendation when your boat starts to fill with water. Using buckets to bail is just tedious and may require more crew members than are left after the mutiny.

7. Pencil skirt. Never forget, wear with the pencils facing outwards. Inwards is super-uncomfortable and much less helpful in getting personal space on metro systems.

8. A dragon-proof cardigan.

9. Trousers that can be worn by a horse, in case you should meet a horse that wants trousers or that curse ever comes to fruition.

10. A good book with a light attached, so that on bad days you can just get into the closet and read without having to bother about all that clothes stuff. Make sure not to sit on the pencil skirt.

✨Hoe tips #1 -✨💆🏻

Hope you like my first hoe tips and beauty tips thread! These pearls of wisdom really help me a lot. Let me know what you think.


-💗 COCONUT OIL WILL TURN YOUR HAIR INTO SILK leave on overnight or if u don’t have time use a hairdryer to heat ur hair for 10 minutes for the oil to sink in. Wash with shampoo to make sure the oil is out and enjoy ur beautiful hair

-💗 tie your hair before you sleep and during sex, preferably in a ponytail or a very loose and low bun, if its damaged and tangles/frizzes easily in bed. Trust me this has saved my hair from breaking apart

-💗 chuck out ur foam and shave ur coochie with baby oil hell shave ur whole body with this beautiful oil just be careful not to apply it too close to the vaginal opening as u should only wash that area with water or a feminine wash

-💗 bicarbonate of soda or COFFEE granules are cheap easy and natural face scrubs/masks and will leave ur skin baby soft

-💗 for acne - sudocrem, witch hazel oil, tea tree oil are all cheap and effective

-💗 honey, lemon juice and olive oil mask for acne scars use everyday or every other day for half an hour and keep it up for a few months

-💗 don’t use coconut oil to moisturise ur face it has been proved it blocks ur pores which can cause acne

-💗 always leave spare clean panties, leggings/trackies and a top in ur car so if u stay round someone’s place u can sleep and chill comfortably n keep sexy underwear with u in ur bag just incase

-💗 a cup of apple cider vinegar in your bath will restore ur coochie’s pH to its normal state so less discomfort for u ☺️

-💗 for soft baby feet, pumice the dry heels then coat them with Vaseline and put clean socks over before u sleep and ur bae will be wanting to stroke them all day

-💗if ur into guys, carry condoms in ur purse at all times; don’t expect them to provide them all the time because truth is they don’t always n u don’t wanna be in that position where ur risking ur sexual health

-💗 combo of double wear foundation n urban decay all nighter setting spray is sex proof

-💗 coconut oil is good natural lube for giving head to guys , and the taste is good too.

More to come! ❤️

Hoe tips #2 💗🌟

Hi beautiful ladies, I’m here with more tips from my experiences and to help u with day to day hoeing and health n beauty tips 💜 enjoy ur day

✨- every hoe who drives should have a car ‘kit’ in the glove compartment or somewhere to store:
-backup contraception and condoms (sexual health is 🔑)
-baby wipes
-deodorant
-gum
-tampons
-water bottle
-both spare sexy panties and chill panties
-chill clothes than can double as pj’s (tracksuits, leggings, vest etcetera)
-lotion

✨- use shimmer body lotion to make ur skin n limbs look radiant n a lil sexier than they already do (beautiful hoes come in all shapes n sizes💜) even a cheap one like dove or VS does the trick n ur skin feels soft to touch too

✨- don’t forget to castor oil ur eyebrows every night

✨- be a confident hoe.. Smile more n sit with good posture n u will appear more confident n approachable

✨- warm n wet camomile tea bags help get rid of eye infections n eye bags really well and it works amazingly for tired puffy eyes too lay down for a while and place them on ur closed eyes

✨- WATER n green tea, drink them both (skip the tea if ur caffeine sensitive)

✨- if u self tan like me, get you some exfoliating gloves. Actually everyone get them, they revolutionised my skincare routine n now I don’t need to buy or make body scrubs unless I wanna treat myself on the odd occasion

✨- always wear spf on ur face and under ur makeup even when it’s cloudy

✨- always wash ur face in cool or lukewarm water n avoid doing it in the hot shower as the heat n pressure can upset the skin

✨- as tempting as it is to make it smell like ur shower product for when ur getting head, don’t clean ur coochie with ur shower gel it can upset the pH n cause infections such as thrush and BV as well as parched skin

✨- spray ur pressure points (behind ears, insides of elbows n knees, inner thighs, décolletage, wrists) n ur perfume will linger all day

✨- exfoliate ur lips too! Make ur own white sugar scrub (or buy from LUSH) or use a wet flannel or an old toothbrush n rub very gently

Festival season is right around the corner! Better start preparing!

Festival season is right around the corner! It’s my favorite time of the year. (: If you’ve never been to a music festival where you camp and stay for a week, I HIGHLY recommend it. It’s an incredible and life changing experience. I’ve spent some time and have come up with a list of some essentials to have for those who haven’t been or are going for the first time. Although it says Electric Forest Essentials, most of this stuff applies to all festivals. I hope you enjoy my list and that it helps! Positive vibes to everyone. (:

Electric Forest Essentials

By: Isabel Leite

  • $$$$$$ BRING MONEY $$$$$$
  • *HYDRATION PACK* (any sort of backpack with the refillable water pack. STAY HYDRATED PLEASE)
  • Disposable cameras (it’s super awesome when you get the pictures developed)
  • Canopy
  • Tapestry or sheet (wrap around the canopy sides to keep the sun out)
  • *Shower bag*
  • Chairs
  • Small table (not necessary but it’s nice to have a place to roll and put food and things that you don’t want on the ground)
  • Picnic blanket (or something big to lay down on the ground to sit on)
  • Tent (duh)
  • Sleeping bag
  • Blankets (it gets COLD at night so bring warmer clothing too, *light jacket*)
  • Pillows
  • Lantern
  • Flashlight
  • Batteries
  • External battery pack for your phone
  • Pipe, grinder, rolling papers,lighters
  • Simple first aid kit
  • Sunscreen
  • Bug spray
  • *Toilet paper*
  • Facewash, soap, deodorant, toothpaste, toothbrush, hairbrush
  • Tampons or pads (just in case)
  • Hair ties and headbands
  • Sunglasses
  • Hat
  • Rain ponchos
  • Glow sticks! (any glow toys/apparel you have too)
  • Cooler
  • Water bottles
  • Gatorade or Powerade
  • Food (we’re bringing mostly breakfast stuff and munchies for late at night. there’s lots of good food inside)
  • Gum
  • ENO hammock (not essential but VERY recommended. doesn’t have to be ENO, just make sure it’s easy setup)
  • Big 2 gallon bucket (this is ratchet and not necessary, but we used this to pee while at camp. for girls obviously: sitting on the bucket is easier and better than squatting on the ground and pissing all over your feet lol)
  • Clothes: you can literally wear anything you want! Everyone is smelly and gross and on drugs, so nobody cares. I think it’s better to overpack and have too much than not have enough. Bring a swimsuit. Skimpier and breezy is better. It’s pretty hot during the day but it gets cold at night. Bring jackets, some pants, and long sleeves. Lots of underwear to help keep the stank to a minimum lol. I recommend making kandy to trade with other people.
  • Drugs: it’s smarter to just bring lots of money and buy drugs there instead of bringing them. Seriously, there are A LOT of drugs there. It’s fine if you bring a lil bud for the trip, but don’t risk bringing too much because if you get pulled over THEY WILL SEARCH YOU. If you smoke in the car make sure to bring febreeze or ozium to get rid of the smell immediately.  
  • Stay low-key and don’t write on your car. The cops are on high alert on the way to the festival. Don’t make it apparent that you’re going to a drug festival lol. DON’T SPEED!!! Pack all your paraphernalia deep in your shit, the forest people kinda search before you go in the festival but not really. They won’t allow glass items in.
  • Make sure to get there early! The earlier you get in line, the closer your campsite will be to the forest. That makes a HUGE difference when you’re walking back to camp tired as shit from dancing all day. Have a full tank of gas before you go in.
  • If you forget or need anything,there’s a store in the forest with essential shit but it’s expensive. Usually you can literally ask any of your neighbors or anyone, and everyone is so nice and willing to share and help in every way possible.
  • And most importantly, don’t forget to bring your positive vibes!