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instead of actually writing an essay.. i wrote a thing on how to write an essay (woah meta) & added some pictures of my plans so u can see what i actually mean!! enjoy my friends i hope this is useful to someone

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May 6 2017

Still working on that darn research paper (I’m going to complain about it until it’s done tbh) but don’t worry, just over halfway through!

It’s due tomorrow at midnight though fml and I have other things to do

Ellee

It’s essay season! Gear up with the Recursive Paragraph model. lt is best used for persuasive essays and is especially useful in integrating research to support your claims. I will overview the six steps that will get you writing brilliant paragraphs for your next essay. Keep in mind, by the time you are using this paragraph model, you will probably have a thesis and an outline and your research ready.

Part One: The Controlling Idea

  • a.k.a. the “topic sentence”
  • Give your reader and idea of what this paragraph is going to be about.
  • This is usually one of the “points” that is supporting your thesis.

Part Two: Contextualize

  • This is where you introduce your quotation/citation that will support your argument.
  • How does it relate to your “controlling idea”?
  • How would you introduce it to a friend?
  • Assume your audience (your professor or teacher) is familiar with the material–no need to over-contextualize.

Part Three: Citation

  • This is where you integrate your citation, whether it be an in-text citation, block quote, or summary.
  • Make sure to use proper citation so as not to plagiarize!
  • Be sure to smoothly integrate the citation, using author names, for example: “Even Herbert Blau states that…” That is just one of thousands of possibilities.

Part Four: Analyze

  • This is where you break apart and close read your citation.
  • Thinking about how you would explain to a friend is helpful.
  • Try to break down the citation into smaller parts and analyze those.
  • Make sure your analysis is as close to the text as possible; in other words, don’t stray from the crux of your citation.

Part Five: Synthesis

  • This is by far the most important step!
  • This is the “so what?” of your point: why it matters.
  • How do these smaller parts relate to your controlling idea?
  • How does your interpretation/analysis develop your overall argument?

Part Six: Restate

  • You’re almost done with your brilliant paragraph!
  • All you need to do is restate your thesis in terms of your new synthesis.
  • In other words, recall back to your thesis statement.
  • The beginning of the next paragraph will call back to the end of this paragraph.

I hope this was helpful! Message me with any questions.

Chopped

TED: Four chefs, one chance at a ten thousand dollar prize.  They must create an unforgettable meal using the mystery ingredients provided, or they will be chopped.  Let’s meet our contestants.  First, Chef Angela.

ANGELA: I’m Angela, I’m sous chef at Le Snobbe in Omaha Nebraska.  My specialty is Scottish with an Asian twist.  I need to win this so my parents will take me seriously.

TED: Next we have Chef Madagascar.

MADAGASCAR: I run the Shaggoth Catering Company.  My family came over from Kazantzan to build a better life here, but my brothers all died of the plague the second our house foreclosed.  I need the ten thousand dollars to buy my mother a new kidney.

TED: Chef Bill.

BILL: I’m extremely loud and have a broad range of interests that will do nothing to help me in this competition.  Watch me as I punch the camera with my tattooed knuckles that read FOOD.

TED: And finally, Chef Gooseberry.

GOOSEBERRY: I’m Gooseberry, I live in Los Angeles, and I love vegan food to the point where I won’t eat anything that ingests oxygen.  I see so many people eating meat and it *starts crying* just makes me so sad, I have to win this to show them that there’s a better way.

Ted: Chefs, before you there is a basket of ingredients.  You must use all of them, and your dishes will be critiqued by our panel of distinguished chefs on taste, presentation, and creativity.  If you can’t, you will be chopped.  Please open your baskets.  You must construct an appetizer using shank of unicorn, human hair, ground glass, and puffed cheese snacks. You have twenty minutes.

ANGELA: I see the puffed cheese snacks and I immediately think, haggis.  I run to the pantry and grab chickpeas and Sriracha, to give it a little kick.

GOOSEBERRY: Unicorn!  Whyyyyyy is there meeeeeeat!  (cries) Oh well, I’ll just have to suck it up and make it vegan as possible by pan-searing it and dousing it in chicken broth.

MADAGASCAR: I’m so stoked to see ground glass in the basket.  My mom used to cook with this all the time.  It has sort of a crunchy texture, so I’m gonna make pancakes.

(Shot of Bill looking alarmed and confused)

BILL: Guys…none of these are…food…uhh…

BILL: I just have this wad of human hair in my basket and I’m thinking, what the hell am I supposed to do with this?  But I know unicorn has to be soaked to get the glitter off, otherwise it’ll be way too salty and start sprouting little flowers, so I get that soaking and hope the rest will come to me.

JUDGE ALEX: What a great basket!  But I think it will be a real challenge for our chefs.

JUDGE SCOTT: There’s a lot you can do with puffed cheese snacks, but you’d have to be careful their saltiness doesn’t build on the natural saltiness of the unicorn shanks.  I’m so curious to see what they plan to do with the human hair, which in this basket is a mix of Asian, African, and Caucasian strands.

ANGELA: Some of these hairs are Asian, so I use them to tie the ends of my haggis.  I love showing off my specialty.

MADAGASCAR: Not many people would think to cook and eat a unicorn, but in Kazantzan, you take whatever comes your way.  I take the glitter and I put it into a puree for a sauce with vinegar, making sure to chant the ancient evil incantation over it that will keep it from sprouting.  But I’m running out of time, so I may have slurred some of the words together.

(Madagascar starts bleeding from the nose)

JUDGE ALEX: Ohhh, it looks like he’s reversed the S and the Q in “sesustngsnqsutintan.”  That’s the kind of mistake that could cost him some time.  You have to admire his ambition though.

BILL: I get the unicorn into the grill, but I haven’t even touched my hairball yet.  I remember thinking of a prank my big brother played on me once, so I throw the ground glass into the blender with some ice, vodka, and limoncello.

TED: And there is one minute left remaining!

ANGELA: I haven’t even started plating yet, my haggis isn’t done swelling, but I’m thinking, just get it on the plate.

GOOSEBERRY: I have one minute.  I’m gonna make a fresh green salad to represent my vegan lifestyle, and start making a vinaigrette.

TED: FIVE…FOUR…THREE…TWO…ONE…time’s up, please step back.

MADAGASCAR: I look down at my dish, and I’m pretty proud of what I’ve done.  Then I see that there’s nose blood on the plate.  I need that ten thousand dollars.

BILL: I quickly added the hairball as a garnish.

It’s not gross, it’s gormet

GOOSEBERRY: ohhhh nooo I forgot the unicorn shanks, the glass, the hairball, and the Cheetos (TV EDIT, TOTALLY DIFFERENT VOICE) puffed cheese snacks.  All I have is this red onion salad and white truffle dressing.

ANGELA: If I’d just had five more minutes, this would have been a killer cheese and hair haggis.  *shrugs*

TED: Alright chefs, let’s see what you made. Chef Bill.

BILL: I’ve made for you today a cheese-snack encrusted grilled unicorn shank, with a lemon glass slushie.

JUDGE ALEX (sternly): I love this.  You really handled the glitter beautifully, and the limoncello adds a lot of much-needed acidity to the salty flavors.

JUDGE SCOTT: I don’t like it.  There’s hair on my plate and I hate you.

BILL: It…it was one of the ingredients…

TED: Chef Angela.

ANGELA: Before you today we have a cheese snack and ground unicorn haggis, tied with Asian hairs and garnished with a tarragon and glass crumble.

JUDGE ALEX (sternly): The combination is brilliant, the flavors really play off each other well.  But mine is a little cold in the center, and you can see…I have sprouts.

ANGELA: It’s supposed to do that.  I meant to do that.

TED: Chef Madagascar.

MADAGASCAR: Today I’ve made you a unicorn pancake with a glass crust, and a glitter dipping sauce.

JUDGE SCOTT: I’m not getting any of the human hair.

TED: Tell us why you need to win today.

MADAGASCAR: I need to get my mother a new kidney, as we had to sell her good one to pay for my father’s ransom.  He’s okay now, but times have been hard with just one kidney to share between them.

JUDGE ALEX: There’s blood on my plate.  I can’t eat this.

TED: Chef Gooseberry.

GOOSEBERRY: I’ve made a vegan-friendly dish, with the unicorn, cheese snacks, and the hair omitted.  The glass did not make it onto the plate.

JUDGE SCOTT: This is just red onions and white truffle oil.

GOOSEBERRY: That is correct.

(TV EDIT, SCENE RECONVENES TEN MINUTES LATER)

GOOSEBERRY (with a black eye, sniffling): Thank you chef.

TED: Now whose dish has been put on the chopping block?

(DRAMATIC MUSIC AS WE LOOK AT EVERYONE’S SAD FACE)

TED (revealing Gooseberry’s dish): Chef Gooseberry, you’ve been chopped.

GOOSEBERRY: I was pretty disappointed to get chopped, but I stand by my work, and I’m proud nobody had to eat meat made by my hand. (leaves down the hallway)

TED: Next up, the entree round. WHO (flash to Madagascar) WILL (flash to Angela) BE (flash to Bill) CHOPPED???!!??

me drinking tea: life is so beautiful, it is a tragedy that everything moves so fast. i want to embrace life. maybe i will do yoga later? haven’t been journaling for a long time, i could start again! life is beautiful.

me drinking coffee: alright motherfckers i have to get shit done and nothing will stop me!! this essay? i will finish!! no shanon not now i.have.to.be.productive. let’s get started #girlboss *falls asleep*

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Meet the Muslim teen who repeated #BlackLivesMatter on his Stanford application and got in

  • When Ziad Ahmed was asked “What matters to you, and why?” on his Stanford University application, only one thing came to mind: #BlackLivesMatter. 
  • So for his answer, Ahmed — who is a senior at Princeton Day School in Princeton, New Jersey — wrote #BlackLivesMatter exactly 100 times. The risky decision paid off. On Friday, Ahmed received his acceptance letter from Stanford. “I was actually stunned when I opened the update and saw that I was admitted,” Ahmed said in an email. 

  • “I didn’t think I would get admitted to Stanford at all, but it’s quite refreshing to see that they view my unapologetic activism as an asset rather than a liability.” Read more. (4/3/2017 4:30 PM)

For all my lazy friends who hate writing papers and don’t have money to pay your English major friends to write them.

Okay y'all want to know how to write every essay ever if you’re a lazy fuck like me? This form has literally never failed me. I’ve used it in English lit classes, technical business writing, on mechanical technical reviews, research papers, history papers, style analysis papers, college essays, anything, everything.

You use this form to make an outline - a hella in-depth outline, a ¾/5 layers deep outline, maybe even deeper if it’s got to be really long. You start with the big topics and move in until it’s tiny itty bitty chunks. Then you write a sentence next to every segment. Then you take out the outline part. And then you read the paper and combine sentences that are too small and split sentences that are too long. Ta-dah you have a perfectly organized and well thought out and PASSABLE, UNPLAGERIZED paper that you can do in literally 45 min right before it’s due.

If this doesn’t work for you, I’m still writing papers for money hmu.

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28.11.16 This is a clock that i walk past every day, and on the face it reads:
“Remember, time lost has gone forever.”
It’s very motivating, because my essay is underway! I’ve been feeling very apathetic towards life recently, so I’m going to an appointment with my personal tutor to ask for some help. In the meantime I’m writing about the history of geography since the year 1500! Wish me luck guys. Xxx emily