“That’s the movie people have been waiting for,” said one. “I loved the special effects and the story felt fresh.”
Disney’s presentation of the screening, which at the end of the second day of CinemaCon,
started 30 minutes late as Paramount’s earlier presentation ran longer
than scheduled. Disney’s distribution chief Dave Hollis first gave a
short recap of the studio’s record year of $7.6 billion worldwide, noted
that “Beauty and the Beast” had eclipsed $700 million and offered a
relatively brief update of the upcoming slate.
No stars took the stage and Hollis did not engage in the typical
CinemaCon hyperbole, though he did point out mater-of-factly that the
four previous “Pirates of Caribbean” had grossed more than $3.7 billion
combined. The swashbuckler series launched in 2003 with “The Curse of
the Black Pearl.”
“Dead Man Tell No Tales” stars Johnny Depp
as the wisecracking Captain Jack Sparrow, Geoffrey Rush as Barbossa and
Javier Bardem as Captain Salazar. Brenton Thwaites and Kaya Scodelario
play the new characters, Henry Turner and Carina Smyth and Orlando Bloom
returns as Will Turner. Joachim Ronning and Espen Sandberg directed.
Several exhibitors said they were particularly impressed by the
depiction of the undead pirate hunters led by Bardem and Depp’s offbeat
portrayal, noting that he again was channeling Keith Richards of The
The film — the first since 2011’s “On Stranger Tides” — will be released May 26.
Pirates directors Joachim Rønning and Espen Sandberg turned back time on Sparrow, who is depicted in flashbacks meeting a young Captain Salazar (Javier Bardem), the villain in the fifth installment of the Disney franchise.
Depp, 53, loved seeing the young Sparrow saunter onscreen.
“Johnny was super-happy with it,” says Sandberg. “He said, 'This adds years to my career.’ ”
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales Review — Written 6/3/17
You know, when I heard that they were making another Pirates of the Caribbean movie six years after the last one, I sighed. When I found out about a week ago that the movie was written by the screenwriter of movies like Speed 2: Cruise Control and Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, I groaned. Both of those reactions are quite simple, but they also turned out to be nothing less than fitting. Dead Men Tell No Tales is the cinematic equivalent of both of a sigh and a groan, being an inconsequential and rather pointless ejection of hot, musty air. With a contender for messiest script of the year and truly nothing to care about amongst the wasted talent and lame gags that were tired back in 2011, this is easily one of the worst—and most boring—movies of 2017 so far.
The story here doesn’t really deserve much description since no one involved here bothered to put much thought into it, which is quite amazing in a perverse sort of way when you consider how many people it takes to make a Hollywood blockbuster. Basically, Henry Turner (Brenton Thwaites), son of Will and Elizabeth from the original trilogy (Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightley, both with about two minutes of screen time total), is looking for the trident of Poseidon since it will break the curse subjected to Will at the end of At World’s End, which trapped him in Davy Jones’s Locker for decades on end. He ends up crossing paths with Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp), who’s still searching for the Black Pearl, and Carina (Kaya Scoldelario), an astronomer constantly accused of being a witch due to her being a smart woman. Also, at the same time, the ghostly Captain Salazar (Javier Bardem) and his crew are hunting after Sparrow because Sparrow caused his death years back, implicating Henry and Carina in the process.
Most bad movies give you just one storyline to not care about, but Jeff Nathanson’s script here gives you several. It’s quite a good value if you’re looking for how much awfulness you can get for the price of a movie ticket. As for the good that’s within this shipwreck of a film, the action scenes are pretty competently constructed and you can tell what’s happening. They’re equally generic, but they’re understandable. There’s one brief set piece involving a guillotine that was amusing. … And that’s about all of the notable positives here.
Directors Joachim Rønning and Espen Sandberg bring nothing new to the table in terms of flair, performances, tone, visuals, or humor. This truly does feel like a movie that’s trying so hard not just to be amusing, but to just exist for 129 minutes. The onscreen talent is wasted about 97 percent of the time and Depp’s shtick is arguably more obnoxious, simplified, and dull than it’s ever been, and the final product suffers oh so much in terms as simple as general entertainment value. The movie it’s too long with its runtime, but it feels like it’s four hours.
The corporate cynicism at the film’s core at almost all times completely turned me off by as little as half an hour into it, and even the visuals aren’t that appealing to look at. With its desaturated and murky color scheme and below-average visual effects that literally float around Javier Bardem for essentially all of his screen time, the mystical elements of this world feel more like under-rendered work from the late 2000s. With this many cogs of the machine not helping each other out, it’s impossible to care about anything unfolding. It’s incredibly boring.
There really isn’t much else to say about Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales since those involved clearly didn’t try. They didn’t try to redeem what was at time the worst of the series with On Stranger Tides, instead ignoring it to make a poor imitation of the lightning-in-a-bottle success that Gore Verbinski and company found 14 years ago. The law of diminishing returns is in full effect here in every way, but the $230 million wasted with this installment makes it pretty clear that no studio executives really care. They surely don’t think much of their audiences.
Remember 14 years ago when there was a movie coming out based on the Pirates of the Caribbean theme park ride and everyone thought it was going to be terrible and then it ended up being pretty darn good? And now all these years later the fifth one has been released and everyone assumed it would be terrible and it really, really is? Funny how that works. There are so many reasons why Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales is one of the worst movies of the year, and the absolute nadir of this franchise that has milked the goodwill of its one good entry to death and very far beyond. There’s the diminishing returns of seeing the exact same procedure of some new mythical MacGuffin that suddenly every pirate on the seas is determined to get. The equally diminishing returns of the endless parade of over-elaborate and drastically over-long action sequences that start dumb and end maddeningly dull.
Of course there’s also the bitter taste of watching professional scumbag Johnny Depp sleepwalking his way through another bland performance on his way to reclaiming his title as the most overpaid actor in Hollywood. The unfortunate pain of seeing Javier Bardem continue to squander his talents on roles that turn him into a joke in movies that sully his filmography. The cruelty of Golshifteh Farahani following up her delightful role in one of the best movies of last year (watch Paterson if you haven’t) with a wasted part in one of the worst movies of this one. The hilarious realization that in casting the son of Orlando Bloom’s character, the makers of this movie somehow managed to find an actor even more boring than Orlando Bloom (in ten years everyone will have trouble remembering who Brenton Thwaites was). The hilariously dumb and ridiculously convenient reveal that could only be considered surprising by taking into account the fact that the audience would surely never think that this movie would pull something so random and silly out of its ass, and then they double down by immediately trying to milk it for maximum sentimental value (it doesn’t work).
Dead Men Tell No Tales is a movie with no shortage of flaws, and really no existence of positive qualities, but the biggest offense of all is the way that they cheaply teased the audience with the promise that Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightley would be returning in this movie. After the sour reception to the fourth movie raised a black cloud above the franchise, they knew they needed a reach like bringing back the fan adored lovebirds to build some goodwill here. The return of the two was hyped up plenty, and even featured in the marketing. Which makes it an egregious insult when you watch the movie and discover that Bloom only appears in a flashback scene that opens the film and then not again until the very last scene. As for Knightley? Well, I hope you enjoyed her brief appearance running up that hill in the marketing campaign for the movie because that’s literally the only appearance she has in the movie. I struggle to think of any way that a movie this year will be able to insult its fans more significantly than Dead Men Tell No Tales has, but in 2017 I won’t put it past anything. They’ve certainly set a high bar, though.
AS SEEN FROM THE CINEPLEX Reviews: Pirates
of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales
The Pirates of the Caribbean series is a long mainstay in the movie
business. And after the overly bloated Jack Sparrow-centered sequel On
Stranger Tides, many thought the franchise is over. And with this fifth entry,
it is no surprise that Dead Men Tell No Tales (or Salazar’s Revenge my
country) ended up predictable and musty.
Leaving from where the predecessor ended,
Johnny Depp’s Jack Sparrow is pursued by an old foe (Javier Bardem as the usual
Spanish villain) and his CGI decaying army. So, with the help of Will Turner’s
son (a bland Brenton Thwaites) and a “horologist” (a fine but average Kaya
Scodelario), he needs to obtain the Trident of Poseidon to stop him. What comes
is the same old pillaging for treasure with power that doesn’t add anything
fresh to the saga.
Only it provides a messier addition to the Pirates mythology.
It does not help that the story is quickly paced and frantic that character
arcs and chemistry are thrown out of the window. Depp really tries to catch up
but only slips off from sobriety, with Thwaites and Scodelario dragging behind.
Do not even expect for the action sequences to scale the gravitas of this
complicated world of pirates; throw that weak climax as a salt in the wound.
The only saving grace is Geoffrey as Captain Barbossa, though his part has been
softened for an obvious outcome.
It goes to show that even two directors
(Joachim Ronning and Espen Sandberg of Kon-Tiki), a great
character actor in Bardem, two returning characters, a Beatle cameo and a
sequel-baiting end credits cannot save this dull (but hopefully last?) entry of
the franchise. There is a reason why “dead mean tell no tales”.
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales is a 2017 action adventure film directed by Joachim Ronning and Espen Sandberg. It stars Johnny Depp, Geoffrey Rush and Javier Bardem. It is the continuation of the Pirates franchise, where Captain Jack Sparrow searches for the trident of Poseidon along with new allies Karina and Henry and his old friend Barbosa, as they are pursued violently by a man hell-bent on revenge; Captain Salazar.
Pirates of the Carribean was pretty much always around when I grew up. The first three parts I watched on a constant basis and it’s fair to say that Captain Jack Sparrow and his friends had a large role in my childhood. When I see the hate the franchise gets, I honestly don’t understand it. It’s a fun, nonsensical and over-the-top ride and it knows it. However, I was incredibly disappointed by the last part, so my expectations going into this one was lukewarm. After watching it, I’m happy to say that it is much better than its previous installment, but it still doesn’t match up to the first three. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales is a 2 and a half hour long Disney theme park ride with some old friends and a bottle of wine; nothing more, nothing less.
I’ll start with the film’s strong points.
Firstly, visual effects. This film blew me away with its visuals. The effects work on Salazar and his ship were brilliant, and I really thought the end sequence was creative, fun and executed beautifully. The production and costume design should also be praised, because from a visual and technical stand point this movie cannot be faulted too much. Given its massive budget, I am not surprised.
Also, score. Music in the Pirates franchise has always been its strong point, and that doesn’t change here. Geoff Zanelli fills Hans Zimmer’s shoes perfectly with some new sounds as well as some throwbacks to the classics to really make the true fans of the franchise feel incredibly nostalgic. I really loved hearing the old themes, truly made me think back to the older days when the franchise was just getting off the ground. It contributed a lot to my enjoyment of the film to say the least, along with the other little surprises you will soon find out for yourself.
However, this journey is far from perfect. It does have its major problems.
To begin with, storytelling. From a storytelling point of view this film is completely all over the place. It makes some really weird storytelling decisions and at some points I was taken out of it. We basically just drift from set piece to set piece throughout. Characters come and disappear for legitimately no reason, and there are two in particular that are literally exposition robots; I’m talking about Karina and Henry. The two newbies of the franchise did a decent job, but I wasn’t feeling their chemistry. They literally just exist to blabber about plot points and explanations and some of the dialogue was so obvious and simple that I was sort of annoyed. I don’t want to be spoon-fed everything so obviously.
Also, Johnny Depp. I love Jack Sparrow, as I previously mentioned he is a large part of my childhood, but he definitely goes mental in this one. Jack Sparrow is more of a side thought in this film as it really doesn’t know who to actually focus on. There are so many characters you are not sure who is the central figure. He does more of his Jack Sparrow slapstick and drunk dialogue, but something tells me he was actually drunk or on prescription pills while making this one; it’s sort of as if the directors went up to him and told him to do your thing and times it by 20, and don’t forget to go absolutely undoubtedly crazy. I really think Depp overdid it this time, considering his character basically went nowhere the entire film. I also felt Javier Bardem wasn’t given enough to work with as the villain; while he was much better than Blackbeard in part four, he could have been done much better considering having an actor of Bardem’s caliber.
All in all, despite some really messy storytelling and an over-the-line performance from Depp, I genuinely had a throwback to ten years ago when the franchise had just reached its third film. It was like meeting old friends again, and it gives most viewers my age that sense of nostalgia and enjoyment. Of course, I will judge it as a movie on its own, and in that context it’s much better than the fourth, but still doesn’t hold its ground to the first three. Nonetheless, judging from the way the film ends and sets things in motion, I’m actually curious and excited to see what they do next. Complete with top notch visual effects and an enjoyable score, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales receives an 7.6/10.
No sense in sugar coating it, this film was a mess from start to finish and it didn’t even seem to be aware of how much of a mess it was. I expected i would not love this film, but i hadn’t a clue i would feel so utterly bored for what felt like the longest two hours of my life. There came a moment during the film i decided to have a glance at my phone, something i usually refrain from doing, but to my shock and dismay only an hour had passed. It was at this moment i realise an hour of absolute nothing had gone by and i still had to endure another hour of it, quickly my seat began to feel like a chair of torture. For the duration of the film a couple behind me seemed to be laughing the whole way through, my companion and i glanced at each other as neither of us were sure what was making them laugh because we were both certain it wasn’t the movie.
I suppose i should elaborate on what i mean by “mess”, as a fifth installment this film seemed to either forget or just not care about anything written or establishd in the previous 4 films. This meant every moment of this film there was a story or an event that 100% contradicts or more accurately butchers everything set up in what had come before. Character development means nothing, the deep rooted sea lore and mythology that these films are centered around just got washed out with the tides now forever lost at sea with no hope of ever being seen again. Aside from the constant screwing over of its own mythology there just wasn’t a single redeemable quality about this film. I have wracked my brain looking for one, i almost thought i had found one when i realised it was simply me taking pitty upon this poor piece of work. At the end of the day, nothing was going to save this film and i say this with saddness. While not all of the films in this series are the best films ever made they do tend to have a certain charm about them, so whatever else they may be you still feel like you had a good time along the way regardless of the destination. But whatever charm this film intended to have i did not see it anywhere on the screen.
While it is always nice to see old faces return i failed to see a single one used correctly. Johnny Depp returns as Captain Jack Sparrow but he has this time lost all his famous Jack qualities. Jack is known for being cunning and manipulative but does so while appearing like an imbecile who is somewhere between lucky and insane. His flourishes which always appear to be the actions of a man perpetually drunk are at times just a technique used to mislead people. In this film they’ve taken away all the cunning and manipulation and the techniques which just left him as an imbecile who is perpetually drunk, so much so it was next to impossible to understand any of his dialogue. While the character attempts to add a great deal of levity to the film he fails to succeed and just comes off as a joke and a person not to be taken seriously as he failed to really accomplish anything. At least in the other films he always had some sort of plan that would come to fruition towards the end, but in this, there are no plans, just great amounts of stupidity.
Geoffrey Rush returns as Captain Hector Barbossa, in this film he has lost all his flare. This once impressive villain is now nothing more than a greedy one legged man living off his riches and now desperate for survival. While they have chosen to teach us more about his past, the way they have done so is positively ludicrous, doesn’t fit the timeline and frankly doesn’t fit the character either. While it was almost nice to see a softer side of Barbossa, it wasn’t Barbossa at the end of the day and that was disappointing. Orlando Bloom and Keira knightley return as Captain Will Turner and Elizabeth Swan for no other reason than as a means to an end. Instead of being remembered as important characters in the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise they are simply used as a way to find a story they can work with. While they worked with it, it failed to really make much sense if you think long and hard about it.
Dead Men Tell No Tales introduces Brenton Thwaites as Henry Turner, other than being the son of Will Turner and Elizabeth Swan the character did absolutely nothing. He’s not much of a fighter, he can’t sail and while claiming to know everything about sea myths and lore he failed to be of any use for the entire film. It seemed many characters were brought in and then just left there to find their own way. Kaya Scodelario plays Carina Smyth, a character who should never be compared to Elizabeth Swan as they have nothing in common. While Carina may have a good academic mind on her shoulders, one that gets her dubbed a witch she, like Henry, failed to deliver anything. By far the worst thing about writing her is that they wrote her intelligence by writing every male character as far more dimwitted than in previous films. If you have to drop everyone elses IQ’s to show someone’s smarts then they aren’t that smart and you have failed at the character you were trying to produce. An astronomer who only looked at one constellation for the entire movie and did not much else aside from always having to be right and never admitting when she was wrong. A character who prides herself on using science and logic and not believing in myths or ghosts….while searching for a mythical object belonging to a mythical sea god.
Our villain is one Captain Armando Salazar, played by Javier Bardem. While Bardem is a terrific actor this would have to be the worst role i’ve ever seen him play. A character that relies heavily on CGI and is at times also hard to understand, has a somewhat weak motivation and just looks horrible. The final stage of his character’s journey by far makes absolutely no sense and just further shows when writing this film they really didn’t care what happened or if it made sense. I’m almost reminded of every Friday the 13th film after the first one. Jack, appears genuinly more terrified of this villain than any other he’s faced which is sad given this is the least menacing or threatening of them all. The dialogue for this character in particular was undoubtedly the worst of the bunch. It was beginning to feel like subliminal messages, Salazar said the title of the movie every chance he could, as if the writers were hoping if the audience heard it enough they’d be compelled to like it and see it again. Can honestly say it had the opposite affect on me.
The writting was a mess, the dialogue for everyone was a mess. The previous films always had a sailors phrase or something like that thrown in but it always felt organic, this time around they all felt forced and out of place like they were trying too hard to make it sound like a pirate film but never actually was one. Characters were all somewhat useless and the CGI was just sad. They made this film focusing too much on what moments would be in 3D, and while i watched it in 2D it was very clear where the 3D moments would be because it put the effects into disarray and made everything just look extremely cheesy. It was honestly painful to watch how poorly it was put together.
The film fails to recapture any of the charm, adventure or even humour that any of the other films had. It wants to, but it tries so hard it just embarrasses itself. We see a great deal of the jokes used over and over again and it got repetitive very quickly. It’s a sloppy poorly planned disaster and it can be seen in every aspect of this film. Being nothing like the previous films it stands out as a mark against the series. Let this be a lesson to all film series, to know when it’s time to call it quits and bow out gracefully or risk ending up like this film looking like a fool. For all the reasons i have listed i give Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales a rating of 0/5 crystal balls. As there was nothing about this film worthy of any type of rating.