especially when i need to order everything
Convention Spending Tracker
Sheet1 Table, Badge, Flight, Hotel, Printing, Misc., Misc., Total Expense, Amount Made, Total, Profit,

I posted this to Twitter earlier this week and it kind of blew up, but I want to post it here too. Just a little something I use to help myself keep track of spending during convention season, made into a rainbow because why not make more things rainbow?

Whether you’re tabling or just attending for fun, conventions can get expensive - especially when you include travel costs! I’ve used this sheet for about three years now, and helps me make decisions for future conventions. Sometimes it turns out I did better at a con than I thought I did! Or maybe I didn’t do so great compared to last year and need to think about coming back again. Oh, and everything listed are purchases that you get e-mail reminders about, so if you can’t remember the cost of a table or flight, it’s probably somewhere in your e-mail. I try to fill mine out as I buy flights and order prints, but sometimes I’m digging up old e-mails after the con is over.

Some things worth considering that are not on this sheet: food costs, gas if you drive to cons, baggage fees, and shipping if you ship your supplies in advance. Please feel free to download and edit this sheet as you see fit for your own needs! I hope it helps. And let me know if you have any questions, I’m happy to answer them!

EDIT: HOLY SMOKES, lenalibrarian on Twitter took my convention spending tracker and made it 100x better!!

–> SMART CONVENTION SPENDING TRACKER <– (original link edited too!)

It now calculates your costs and total profits AUTOMATICALLY!! Which is super useful for someone who’s terrible with numbers like me. I just finished importing all my 2017 convention spending so far, and this smart sheet caught a few mistakes already. I’ll be using this sheet for years to come, thank you lenalibrarian!!

anonymous asked:

How come mister doesn't have a little ? 😮 He's da perfect dadda!!


I get this question like every day…. so I will put things plain.

I am a lot to deal with.

Personal issues

I have agoraphobia. (look it up) combined with anxiety and paranoia disorders. this causes me to be extremely guarded, especially when it comes to most personal details about myself. It gives me great anxiety to reveal things… because I always think people are going to turn on me, come to get me, or otherwise take me from my safety.

My safety circle is a small radius that encompasses about a 3 mile ring around my house. I chose this house for specific reasons. its in the middle of nowhere, but close enough to everything I need that I can go out when appropriate to get it.

I have my groceries delivered. The guy delivers pizza and for 20 bucks he picks up my order and brings it to my house. He leaves it on the porch. No one but my brother and therapist have been in my house in several years outside of a few excruciatingly difficult events.

These problems are coupled with the fact that I am incredibly private.

most cant handle them and give up.  

(I wasnt always like this,… and I dont always expect to be. I am working hard on it every day.)


At the same time, I am also very dominant… very intimidating.. and very critical. The one who captures my heart, has to deal with a lot.  My Dom side often spills over into things… causing me to be cold, causing me to be stressful. I can be very selfish and such. I have high expectations.

I can be mean… I can be vicious even. And my irish blood doesnt take well to being crossed.

“Tumblr Famous”

most cant handle my status…. including my “internet fame”…. I get propositioned, daily. I obviously get a lot of attention from lost littles. 

jealousy is not something that can exist in the heart of the one who seeks to submit to me. But at the same time, once I am locked down.. I am very loyal. but.,.. most cant see the forest for the trees. So they make assumptions, pigeon hole me… turn me into a cliche’… and ultimately drive me away with their own self sabotage.

And thats a tremendous turn off.

I dont do jealousy. I dont do those who give me grief about things I cannot control. I cant control the actions, thoughts and emotions of other people. I am certainly not going to sit back and be blamed for them. I will run my blog as I see fit according to how it flows and moves me. At the end of the day, its still going to be there… no matter what. 


I can be reserved… quiet… and pensive a lot of the time. I am a deep thinker and meditate. People often mistake this as disinterest. I am naturally in defense mode expecting that everyone has an ulterior motive (because usually they do)… and these thoughts, coupled with my paranoia… dont do well. 

I’m not one to reveal much about my personal self, and thats something that you work for if you really care and want to know. How old are you Mister? Where do you live Mister? Whats your name Mister?


I’m not your traditional fly by night Daddy dom. 

I have years of experience, mentor ship and education that I can credit myself to… and anyone whose been around here for more than 5 minutes is going to tell you exactly that I know what I’m talking about and I do it well. Some would consider me an ALPHA in the game, maybe even THEE ALPHA, and along with that status I expect a certain level of thought be put into how I am seen and perceived. 

Yes I am completely narcissistic. I wont try to hide it.
Yes I am selfish at times.
….. I’m a Dom. duh.

I have a lot of power that I could easily abuse…. but I also have this rare thing called standards and morals. Imagine that… hard to believe it actually still exists in our world, but it does. I’m not easy… and I dont think with my dick.

So figure that one out.

 I am also one who has been around the block his fair share, I have owned subs and littles, I have been part of my local community, I have physically taught and trained many, I have studied this lifestyle at a collegiate level, and I have painstakingly crafted a blog in order to pass that wisdom and experience on to others in hopes that they might learn and succeed themselves.

I’m not one of these guys who sits around looking up the ddlg tag, getting my idea of it from porn, and then setting out to claim and conquer every girl I can in the process of trying to get mine and leaving them in the dust.

I have a genuine passion and caring for those in my community, daddy and little, and a great desire to improve the lives of each and every one I come in contact with.,

And if one little messages me telling me that they benefited even in the slightest way from what I do, that makes it worth it for me.

and I dont need a little to do that.

yes it would be nice, and maybe some day I will…

but the one who holds that title, who gives me her great gift of submission, is going to have to be extremely patient, hold no judgments or jealousy, and really take some time to figure me out and realize exactly the kind of opportunity she has sitting in front her… because the one who does that, is the one who is going to beat out all the others.

Everyone gets a shovel….

….. its what you do with that shovel that gets you to the goal.

Its just a shame that most end up using it to dig their own graves.


When we are talking about Fillyjonks, it’s better to consider which kind we are talking about. The most famous must be Mrs. Fillyjonk who lives next door to Moomins in the 1990s cartoon. This character is based on Mrs Fillyjonk in the comics and is a more shallow and comedic character than Fillyjonks we meet in the books. Unlike Hemulens, Fillyjonks are almost always alone.

No matter which version you look at, all Fillyjonks are the picture of perfect housekeeping. Their homes are spotless, their teacups are delicate and all possessions are in order. Problems arise when this control is lost and this is best seen with Fillyjonks in the books; they become hysterical and scared and before you know it, they will be running on the beach screaming with their hands up.

The very first Fillyjonk appeared in picture book “The Book about Moomin, Mymble and Little My“ (1952) and right away we can see how fragile Fillyjonks are as she ends up being scared by Moomin and Mymble. The real breakthrough for the character happens in the novel “Fillyjonk Who Believed In Disasters” from “Tales From Moominvalley” (1962). This Fillyjonk lives alone on a beach in a house which terrifies her. The most important things in her life are order and cleaning. “How can I live if I cannot clean and cook?” This Fillyjonk uses order to control her anxiety but it’s fear that controls her. She is especially terrified of her large, angry windows.

In the end, Fillyjonk’s freedom arrives through those horrible windows. A merciful catastrophe arrives and messes up everything. When Fillyjonk is crawling on the beach she realizes that the real terror was inside the house, not outside of it. Finally, she is free. Similar experience happens to Fillyjonk in “Moominvalley in November” (1970) as she locks herself outside the window while cleaning. After seeing her home from the outside she realizes how desperately she needs to leave.

Fillyjonks are a combination of strict order and total chaos. They do their very best to keep up appearances and try to stay in control of their lives, usually by keeping material things around them in control. But they can never truly escape the anxiety and thoughts of different kinds of horrors sneak up on them in the middle of sunny days. When they finally snap, they truly lose it all and panic.
The only way a Fillyjonk can be truly free is for something to break them free, often by breaking everything old around them. After this breaking point they do not want to return to their old ways and instead show their spontaneous side; they dance, they laugh and they find peace.

Moriel baby Headcanons

Moriel baby headcanons!

 This is long overdue and was requested by @fandomtras-h ! Hope this lives up to your expectations xx

 I also have baby headcanons for Feysand, Manorian, Nessian and Rowaelin, more Azriel as an uncle headcanons and and Elucien headcanons if you wanted to check them out!


-Mor wants a baby. And Mor wants a baby now. The only problem is if Azriel deems himself to be ready or not. Mor has seen him with the children or their family, yep, literally everyone else has a child. Cassian has three the selfish bastard. And poor Mor hasn’t got even one.

-She knows Azriel would be an amazing father from the way the he takes care of other peoples children. And she knows that she’s ready to be a mother. This is the perfect time. There’s peace in Prythian, everyone’s happy, and SHE JUST BLOODY WANTS A CHILD OKAY.

-When she approaches Az to talk about it he tenses up and says he doesn’t think he can do it. Mor is emotional and demands why and he looks away from her. It’s just that he can’t look her in the eye and remind her that if they have a child she’ll be stuck with him forever, and she can never move on if she finds someone better, and he doesn’t want that for her. He wants her to be free.

-Mor starts sobbing and calling him an Illyrian idiot because why the fuck would she ever want someone else? When is he ever gonna get it through ridiculously handsome head that he is all she wants, all she’s ever wanted, and there is no such thing as ‘better’.

-He approaches her to comfort her through her tears but she pushes him away because she’s just so mad at him for saying bullshit like that.

-He concedes and says that they’ll leave it to chance. They won’t actively try to have a child, but Mor won’t take any tonic to stop it from happening if it does.

-It just so happens that Mor has a crazy sex drive, and after 10 months, which really isn’t a long time for Fae, Mor is pregnant.

-She is so elated and runs from the healer and winnows to all the places she thinks Az could be. She starts with their home: nope. House of Wind: nope. Their family’s homes: nope. She’s getting seriously impatient as to where he could possibly be.

-It’s not until she frantically runs into Rhys that he tells her he’s gone to Hewn City on unexpected but urgent business. She sighs and rolls her eyes because shouldn’t be be informed of shit like this but goes home anyway to wait for her husband.

-She has to wait 8 excruciating hours for him to come home.

-When he does he’s utterly exhausted and throws himself beside her on the bed.

-She tells him she’s pregnant with tears in her eyes, and holds his scarred hand over her stomach as though he could feel the life growing in there.

-He goes pale and all he says is ‘okay.’ He leans forward and kisses her forehead and leaves. Just like that.

-He flies to Cassian and Nesta’s home and frantically bangs on the door until his brother answers. When Cassian finally does, all it takes is one look at Azriel’s face for him to summon Rhys as well and usher Azriel into his home.

-When Rhys gets there Az tells them what happened and how he has no idea what to do seriously what the fuck is he going to do??

-Both explain calmly and try to assure the now shaking Azriel but he’s nearly impossible to be consoled.

-“What if the baby is a shadow singer?” He says through gritted teeth while trying not to sob. “I can’t inflict that on a child.”

-Rhys says that they’ll work it through as a family, and if that’s the case, they’ll never expect the baby to do anything that it doesn’t want to, whether as a child or as an adult.

-Azriel is still freaking the hell out when Cassian’s two year old daughter glides down the stairs. Literally glides. She can’t quite fly yet but at least she has that down.

-Cassian mumbles about how they must have woken her up and goes to walk to her to take her back but she sidesteps him, can barely walk and barely reaches his knees but she somehow manages, and heads over to her uncles. More specifically Az.

-Azriel is used to this. It’s been the same with every child in the family. He scoops her up and cradles her to his chest.

-Rhys and Cass give him a pointed look. “You’ve helped us raise our children, why do you think yours will be any different?” Asked Rhys.

-Az doesn’t have an answer, and begrudgingly admits he should probably go home and sort it out with Mor (not before he puts his niece to bed, of course. And gives his brothers/best friends long, thankful hugs).

-Mor’s still in bed when he silently walks back into their home and he is completely heartbroken to see her sobbing in their bed, clutching at her stomach and making small noises because crying alone isn’t enough to convey the pain she’s feeling.

-She looks up at him as he enters and is shaking so hard that when she tells him she didn’t know if he was going to come back it’s barely understandable.

-He crumbles and goes to his knees beside her, so thats she’s sitting up on the bed and he’s kneeling on the ground at her side.

-He’s says of course he came back. He’ll always come back to her. But he expected to have more time before he had to figure out how the hell he’s gonna be a father. He’s never, not once in his life, had a father figure he could look up to. Thank the cauldron he at least had his mother and Rhys’s, otherwise he’s be completely fucked in the parent department.

-Mor grips his hair to pull back his head so he’s looking directly into her eye. “Never, ever leave me again Azriel. Not without giving me some kind of cauldron damned explanation. And especially not when I’m carrying our child. I need you Az. This baby needs you. We need you so for the love of the mother get into bed right now.”

-And that was that. Azriel accepted that he’s going to be a father and helped Mor in any way he could.

-Everything was fine until she was 6 months pregnant and started having contractions. The healers managed to stop it, but poor Mor was ordered to bed rest.

-She huffed and complained about it but did as the healer ordered.

-Luckily she had Feyre come by constantly to entertain her, and her doting husband the rest of the time.

-Azriel was especially good in this time. He always brought her home treats after work, and started the baby shopping. He had to fly all the way to the summer court to get Mor the crib she wanted.

-Mor’s favourite though is when they would take baths together at night. Not even in a sexual way, it was just really nice to have someone she loved wash her hair and massage her back and make her feel beautiful at a time when she really didn’t (added bonus naked Azriel yes pls).

-Then at night he would wrap his arms and wings around her and they would sleep peacefully.

-It was on one of these nights when Mor awoke to sharp stomach pains. She instantly woke up Az too and they pulled back the covers to see that her water had broken.

-They looked at each other with wide eyes before Azriel raced off (like they had pre-planned) to go find their healer. On the way he also got Feyre and by default Rhys.

-By the time he was back at his house with the healer, nearly every member of their family was anxiously waiting in the living room.

-After 4 hours (in which Az fainted) it’s finally over and Azriel and Mor have a little baby girl to call their own. -She has little blonde curls and her mothers eyes to match, but Azriel’s ears and skin.

-The family all comes in to say hello, leaving gifts as they come and go. Nesta and Cass come in first with Cass whistling and then saying “bout bloody time.” He then places a kiss on all of their heads (even Az, the man ain’t ashamed to show affection). Then comes Rhys. Feyre had already been in the room, helping Mor while she was in labour, and who was now cleaning up. Rhys told them that’s she’s beautiful and as Az and Rhys embraced they both had tears in their eyes.

-Others came and went but as the night went on and the couple grew more wary, Rhys and Cass started shooing people away (Cass nearly lost an arm when he jokingly shooed away Nesta). -Everything was perfect. Azriel was no longer afraid, and was the brilliant father Mor knew he would be.

-As a baby their daughter loved to do two things: wriggle and bite things. She was constantly wriggling from the moment she was born. She would never stay still, even when she slept her little arms would flail about. One night Az and Mor were watching her moving in her cot, Mor behind Az with her arms around his waist and head resting on her shoulder. Mor pressed a sweet kiss to his neck and murmured, “She’s going to be dancer.” As for the biting the baby would munch on anything that got close enough to her mouth. Usually this wasn’t a problem until one day, when she was 10 months old, she found a small coin and ended up choking on it. It all ended up fine but poor bby bat Az had a heart attack and Mor refused to let her daughter sit in the ground for a month. She was in someone’s arms or she was asleep.

-The first real hiccup happened when their baby was 5, and Azriel noticed that some of his shadows would cling to his daughter instead of him. He tried to keep it a secret, not because he didn’t trust Rhys but any other High Lord or person in a position of power that heard would undoubtedly try to steal her away from him. The only person he told his fears to was Mor.

-But there was no hiding it by the time she was 7, and has her own shadows dancing around her, there was no doubt that she was a shadowsinger. All it took was for one person to see it, and both the Court of Dreams and the Court of Nightmares knew.

-This created problems on two fronts. Firstly, Mor’s family demanded that she and any offspring she had return to Hewn City so that the baby could be raised with its ‘family’. Mor’s father said that they’ve been lenient with her over the years, but this is something that they will fight for. Truthfully, all they wanted was the power of a shadowsinger to be wielded by them and no one else.

-Of course Mor said no and was given free reign by Rhys to punish them however she wanted, and oh how she punished them. They would likely never speak to her again, not that she minded.

-When it came time for Azriel to set up shop in an Illyrian camp with his daughter when she was 10 (every child had by a member of the inner circle had done the same thing, so that they had the training and skills of the Illyrians) Mor fell pregnant again.

-This made things more difficult for the couple, but in the end they decided that they would just have to half their time between the two for now and wait for the blissful few years when their daughter was old enough and their other child (they have a son and he is Azriel incarnate physically but is as bubbly and charming as Mor) is young enough that they are all living in Velaris.

-But another horrid suggestion was made. Unbeknownst to Azriel, his eldest biological brother has had a few children, centuries older than Azriel’s, who were semi powerful and lords and lady’s of multiple factions of Illyrians. It was suggested by Lord Devlon that Azriel’s biological brother take care of his daughter while he attends to his his wife and duties. As Devlon was saying this, one of the men that had caused Azriel so much pain and left brutal psychological and physical scars on him stepped into the room they were in, a smirk on his face.

-Az immediately ordered Devlon to leave, so that he could talk to his ‘brother’ in private.

-Azriel’s brother started listing the accomplishments of his children and of him but Az interrupted him by slamming his face against the wall behind him. He heard a satisfying crack as his nose shattered the pushed him to the ground and slammed his fist into his face.

-“You will never get your disgusting hands on my family. But I guess there is something I should thank you for,” he snarled, “because of you, I found an actual family and actual happiness. Something you will never have. Something else you will never have is the satisfaction of knowing you can kill anyone you want to and never have to face repercussions. In fact, it would be encouraged for me to do so. Do not forget what happened the last time you encountered the High Lord and I.”

-With that Azriel left and flew back to Velaris, telling Mor that it was no longer an option to have their daughter train there.

-As Mor and Az were talking their 10 year old came to see them with wide eyes filled with tears, and shadows swirling around her. All she knew was that her father got in a fight with another very scary man, and that this mans blood was still on her fathers hand.

-Az saw her and scooped her up like he did when she was a toddler regardless of her age, and assured her that everything was fine. Mor looked on with her hands clasped in front of her, the love she had for them both was overwhelming sometimes. Both their shadows came together, leaving them in a darkness that is different from Rhysand’s or Feyre’s. She couldn’t help but walk up to the pair and wrap her arms around them, soothing both father and daughter.

  -The decision was made that she would be trained in the Illyrian ways from a combination of Az, Rhys and Cassian, and Cassian’s oldest child and Rhys’s daughter who were in their late 20’s and mid 30’s.

  -This was for the best, in the end.

-Not only did she get to grow up with her family, but also got to be raised with her little brother, both surrounded by people who love them.
hip hop unit when you’re on your period


  • he probably made plans for the day but you texted him in the morning telling him you can’t make it bc you’re bleeding and you didn’t have the mood :(
  • he would be disappointed but being the sweetheart he is, he would come over to take care of you
  • that includes buying you your favourite snacks
  • you’ll probably be clingy when he’s here but he isn’t complaining
  • he LOVES it when you’re all clingy and pouty so he can take care of you
  • lots of kisses
  • but no cuddles bc you can’t lie in that position you might stain the sheets
  • and as much as you wanted to cuddle mingyu, you won’t have the energy to wash everything
  • binge watch movies
  • romance movies just bc
  • you have to keep leaving in between movies to go to the toilet
  • “babe don’t leave”
  • “i have to change”
  • “no you don’t”
  • “shut up kim mingyu i will bleed on you”
  • you hit his shoulder and then push him away so you can go to the toilet
  • “but i miss u” mingyu will be all pouty and shit
  • “…….we r literally in the same house…… and i’m going to change my pAD ITS DISGUSTING”
  • “it isn’t disgusting bc ure my girlfriend”
  • and then he’ll smirk and ure like…. ???
  • anyways you will push him away and run to the toilet AND LOCK THE DOOR
  • phew it’s so hard to get mingyu away idk if its good or bad
  • and he’ll be outside the toilet calling you asking if you’re done and when you open the door he will try to scare you
  • “BOO” he’ll suddenly jump out
  • when you roll your eyes at him he’ll hug you like a teddy bear and carry you onto the sofa and continue to kiss you
  • “i hope ure always on ur period”
  • “why??”
  • “bc then i get to take care of u and kiss u, and u won’t run away bc u r lazy”
  • you’d be too tired to even reply him and entertain his shit
  • but u still love him 


  • he’s chilling at home and you texted him asking if he can get you pads and come over
  • tbh he would be pretty reluctant and hesitant but too bad he loves u and ure cute
  • “ure lucky I love u so much to be doing this”
  • when he’s at the store he’ll freak out and send u pictures of the pads and ask u which ones u want
  • “babe which”
  • and after u tell him he’ll grab and pay very quickly, trying his best not to be obvious that he’s awkward
  • he’ll get some food along the way
  • after he reached your house he’d rant about how awkward the situation was when he was getting the pads
  • you’ll just laugh bc he’s so cute
  • “what’s so funny??” and you’re like nothing and he starts to tickle u
  • and he’s like “oH shit I forgot SORRY” 
  • he’ll make sure u aren’t in pain
  • y'all will eat lunch while he surfs the net blasting raps
  • and you’ll be taking boyfriend pics of him
  • “babe stop and eat” then he’ll cover ur phone lens
  • “nO VERNON let me take more pictures of u”
  • “but I’m shy”
  • he’ll start rapping his part in fronting and you’re like /heart eyes/
  • lots of selfies with weird faces
  • if you’re having cramps he would stop whatever he was doing and pull u closer to him and let u lay ur head on his shoulder and will ask u if you’re alright
  • if u fall asleep on him he’ll smile and take girlfriend pictures of u ;-)
  • when u wake up he’ll show u those photos and
  • rip chwe hansol


  • we’re looking at a boyfriend material right here
  • he knows exactly what to do when u’re on ur period
  • he already knows which types of pads you use after you told him once
  • he’ll buy so many packs though
  • “you need to store these up in case of emergency”
  • and u’re like “wow u sure know more about this than i do”
  • when you want to drink iced drinks he’ll be like “nO WHAT DO U THINK URE DOING RIGHT NOW”
  • u’re like ???
  • and he will talk about how you shouldn’t drink cold drinks when you’re on your period
  • ………who’s the one bleeding now……… u never know
  • and you’re like “but i rly wanna drink it”
  • and you throw in a few pouts
  • “nope, you’re gonna have cramps later on, YOU’LL REGRET UR DECISION”
  • and before you can continue to argue further he pushes you out of the kitchen and brings you into your room and tells you to rest
  • even though you’re fine
  • “cheol i’m perfectly fine, i’m not in pain”
  • he shushes you and goes to the kitchen to cook lunch for you
  • isn’t he such boyfriend material
  • just marry him already
  • he’ll bring the food into your room and treats you like a princess
  • he might even feed you U NEVER KNOW U WILL NEVER KNOW
  • you’ll catch him staring at you and when you ask why he’ll just say that you’re beautiful and he just needed to have a good look
  • “you feeling ok?” “you need anything?” “i’ll do it” “rest baby” “do u want to cuddle if u want just let me know i’m here”
  • ok i’m ending this here before i spill tears everywhere where do i get a seungcheol


  • i have a feeling he’ll search about periods when he’s alone
  • “why do girls bleed”
  • “why do girls have mood swings when they bleed”
  • “why does cramps hurt”
  • “what to do when your girlfriend is in pain when she bleeds”
  • when he’s over at your house he’ll ask you a lot of questions about it
  • “wonwoo, are u ok? why do u need so much info”
  • “because…… it’s important to know about girls’ needs, and their pain…. and especially now that i have a girlfriend, i just need to know”
  • “but u can’t help much”
  • “how do u know i cant help u have to tell me first”
  • and after you explain everything to him he’ll nod and pout
  • “i’m sorry” he’ll apologise out of nowhere
  • “what for??”
  • “for not understanding what girls go through… and sometimes being angry at you when you have mood swings, i didn’t know things are this hard”
  • “its fine, at least now u know”
  • he’ll ask if you’re hungry and he’ll order anything you want
  • pizza! time
  • after lunch y’all will be doing ur own things aka him sitting beside you on your bed while reading his book while you’re probably decorating your diary, pasting some polaroids that you and wonwoo took together, and snapchatting
  • when he wants to take a break from reading, he will hug you like a koala and make clingy noises
  • “babe i’m sleepy”
  • you’ll pat his head and let him lie on your lap
  • playing with his hair is one of your fav thing to do
  • and you’ll use your fingers to trace his features and he’ll fall asleep
  • aHHH SO CUTE its always so cute when he falls asleep on your lap
  • but it wouldn’t be cute if you need to go to the toilet to change before it overflows and you can’t bc wonwoo is in deep sleep
  • but its still cute


okay hey guys !! So I made a sort of Unofficial Hiatus Announcement about a month ago because of exams BUT I’m making an official one here now. I’m going to be on Hiatus until about mid-June because I’m graduating from high school this June (!!) and I’ve also managed to procrastinate several things I need to do (:///). This includes three final projects, two community service projects, and several little side assignments that I…should have done…and didn’t. 

As a result, I’m just getting everything in order for when I return !! Thank you all for your understanding (especially those whose threads haven’t been reblogged in A While). I really appreciate your patience!

Thanks everyone!!

I feel so emotionally tired that i really had to push myself to go to school.

I have an internship gather thing on Wednesday, where you can gather info about a certain company to potential do your intern at and i REALLY want to intern at guerilla games but i doubt i’ll be accepted. My self confidence is utter shit. Especially about my work but my teacher who came from that studio said my work was good so yey? Idk…. I feel like i’m getting nowhere in life and just want rest and assurance.

I will try non the less but i still need a full on break and have everything school related (retakes n all) done and in order.

Hope to get out of my current own living space too. That place is a paranoia inducing shitshow especially when you crave rest and no one there gives a single shit about your mental and physical health… I honestly hope to get a new space soon away from those people and with proper help with what i am dealing with

anonymous asked:

Hey madara-fate. I have a question. Why do you think, that especially SS/the ss fandom is so much hated in the naruto fandom? Is it, because SS blocked so much other ships? And I sometimes have the feeling that the SS fandom can´t really enjoy anything cause antis try to bitch about it.I read everywhere that SS is abusive etc. and it really depress me everytime I read it because I have the feeling we are not allowed do enjoy our OTP. And then the names they call us like SShitheads or SSheeples..

Allow me to quote myself from a previous post of mine:

Well its for a lot of different reasons really. However, I’d say the most prominent one is that many people simply just don’t pay enough attention. For instance:

  • They think that the part 2 Sasuke is a truthful representation of his actual character, and completely disregard everything that Tobirama says in 619 regarding how the Uchiha are cursed with hatred once losing love.
  • They actually believed Sasuke when he said he would have allowed Sakura and Kakashi to fall in the pit of lava, and ignored everything that Naruto said afterwards.
  • They think Sasuke was being serious the 2nd and 3rd times he called Sakura annoying when he obviously wasn’t. Not only that, but they also consider calling someone annoying as an insult, which it isn’t.
  • They think Sasuke constantly insulted Sakura and made her feel worthless, when in fact, Sasuke never insulted Sakura once in the entire story, not once.
  • They think Sakura was still after nothing but Sasuke’s D, even though she’s never thought of how “cool” Sasuke was since prior to chapter 49. This is made even more shocking when you consider how many times Kakashi shoved it down the readers’ throats in chapter 675 and 693 that she wanted to save him, nothing more, nothing less.
  • They think Sasuke was about to kill Sakura in the Iron Country because he genuinely wanted to, and not because he was so deep in the curse of hatred at the time, that he wasn’t in the right frame of mind.

I could go on and on but I don’t wanna write an essay in response to your ask; they essentially believe Sasuke didn’t care about Sakura at all. So basically, people want every single intricate detail of their relationship to be handed to them on a silver platter, and don’t bother to read a little more carefully. This is detrimental, especially when trying to understand SasuSaku because you NEED to read closely in order to understand Sasuke’s side of the relationship. That’s why so many people frustratingly don’t understand that this:

And this:

Are not the same person. Pre-massacre Sasuke and post 698 Sasuke are who he truly is. Everything in between (especially in part 2) is a gross distortion of his character, by taking away most of the positive aspects of his personality, and replacing them by amplifying the negative traits.

All of that is just touching the surface of the misunderstood Sasuke aspects, I haven’t even gotten into Sakura’s side yet! Lol. That just gives you an idea of how complex the relationship is, and thus how it can easily be hated on if you fail to pay attention to just one aspect.

Apart from that though, there are others who simply think that as soon as a couple faces issues, it’s immediately an unhealthy and problematic relationship, and that alone is enough for them to bash it. Angst is a turn off for them. And that’s fine, but I often see people claiming the couple is a train-wreck because not everything is sunshine and rainbows 100% of the time which is quite annoying. Sometimes it’s the angsty couples that demonstrate the largest bonds because they’re able to stay devoted to one another despite their flaws. Sounds familiar don’t you think? :P

Goodness gracious, I feel as though I’ve barely answered your Q and I’ve written so much! I guess that’s what defending SS does to me! Lol, so I’ll spare you any more of my drivel =)

Thanks for the question ^_^

roses-inthesky  asked:

First of all: this blog rocks! I love it so much :D Second: I laughed so hard when you posted all those Millennium-relationship GIFs by request of the anon, the Major was amazing! XD Could you please do the same with characters that belong to Hellsing? :D That would make my day!

Haha, thank you so much! You just made my day! I’m glad you enjoyed them! And yes, I couldn’t help it when came to the Major. XD And of course, especially if it would make your day dear!

GIF Request: Relationship Headcanons - Hellsing


Alucard is, admittedly, not very romantic in my mind. His affection would come more in the form of relating to his partner. He’d be there to comfort them when needed, but would make sure that they were not coddled.


Integra is going to deny EVERYTHING! When she develops feelings, she will distract herself in order to avoid her true feelings. It would end up frustrating her to the point where the object of her affections would notice and ask what was wrong before she calmly confessed.

Seras Victoria

Seras admires from afar at first. She’s not really sure how to react. She likes them, she can admit this to herself, but she’s far too shy to approach them. When she finally is in a relationship with them, she still will continue this admiration, being proud of them all of the time.

Pip Bernadotte

XD Not even sorry! He would be rather sexual, you understand. Anything his partner would do would make crazy and he would love every single one of their actions. Though, not everything would make him that “ready” if you know what I mean XD (I’m going to hell!)

And there you are. I didn’t include Walter since I did him before, but I hope you enjoyed this one!


Lots of people vehemently defend self diagnosis, and there are only three reasons why:

  1. You’re a willfully ignorant sack of shit
  2. You want to be special without having to go through the verification
  3. You’re lazy

Now before I get cries of “m-muh ableism”, let me tell you a thing.

I have Interstitial Cystitis, vulvodynia, pelvic floor dysfunction, levator syndrome, chronic UTIs, borderline personality disorder, and possibly (but I stopped going to therapy for a bit because I realized the therapist I was going to was kind of a dickbag, I’m looking for a new one - and not a dickbag about my illnesses either, or particularly insensitive, he just tried blaming my depressive episode on my drug use and told me I didn’t know anything about drugs, citing federal studies and anecdotal evidence to counter my knowledge, stating that the fact that 80-90% of meth users never get addicted was false, and also saying that LSD was an “inherently violent drug”, and drugs are a Big Deal to me) schizoid personality disorder. I’ve also been diagnosed in the past with GAD (but I’m fairly certain that’s just a facet of my Borderline, the GAD diagnosis was from adolescence), depression (again, I think it’s a Borderline thing, but Borderline isn’t diagnosed underage), and “oppositional defiant disorder”.

I am disabled.

I am also poor. While I’m fortunate enough to have health insurance, treatment for my conditions are by no means affordable, even with that insurance. Before I could see doctors and specialists for my problems, when I had literally no money to go off of, I still didn’t diagnose myself. I certainly googled my symptoms to see if there were home relief type things I could do, like the whole “sitting on a tennis ball” thing for PFD or “walking away from the situation” for Borderline. That’s about as far as it went.

I think it’s absolutely offensive to claim that you have any ailment without getting verification from a professional. I think it’s absolutely okay, however, to say “I have [x] wrong with me, I think it might be [x], but I’m not sure.” If you find a swollen spot on your body, it could be cancer, but it probably isn’t. It’s probably a lymph node, an allergic reaction, a muscle knot, a bone spur, or literally anything else. When you self diagnose, you have a tendency to go for the big condition, instead of thinking about what pedestrian thing it might be.

I’ve been misdiagnosed, too. My general practitioner kept throwing Ciproflaxin at me for my infections, without looking in to why I had so many goddamn infections. It took a few years of me nagging GPs to refer me to specialists, because that’s what it takes. General practitioners, (your general “doctor”) isn’t going to know jack shit about a problem that you have in your kidneys (unless your doctor also specializes in urology). You have to go see someone that spent extra time in medical school studying kidneys. That’s how it works. It isn’t perfect, but that’s how it works. If we wanted general practitioners that were experts on everything, well, we wouldn’t have any doctors at all, because they’d be in school their entire lives.

There are some things, some attitudes that I’ve seen about this on tumblr, that really really grind my gears. I’ve taken the liberty of highlighting a few:

I give no shits about people who go around policing people who self-dox. All that does is discourage people from identifying their mental disabilities because they can’t get an ~official~ diagnoses and therefore delaying their ability to find help, even though unofficial sources.

No. Discouraging self diagnosis isn’t discouraging people from identifying what’s wrong with them. You can identify your symptoms, and that is FINE. The thing is, however, that you’re going to have inherent bias in a self diagnosis, and you’re also not going to be able to see the entire picture like someone who has devoted their lives to studying these things is. Policing self diagnosis is something that, in the disabled community, is important, because there are so many people that are outspoken about their “disability” that they gave themselves, and without the opinion of a professional, it lends to the idea that able bodied and minded people have about us “faking” or “overexaggerating”.

f*ck anyone whos anti-self diagnosis, its only with mental illness that u apparently arent allowed to go to your doctor with any ideas as to what might be wrong with u. u know what happens when i go to my doctor about a problem and twiddle my thumbs and mumble “i dont really know whats wrong with me i was hoping u could figure it out?” forget about a diagnosis, u cant even make an appointment with that. ive been chewed out and laughed off the phone by hotline workers and nurses for not knowing whats wrong with me so dont u dare tell people that they arent allowed to try to figure out for themselves what might be going on with their minds and bodies, especially when some of us cant even afford the treatment we need or even the diagnosis itself. literally f*ck you with everything sharp or sandpapery

You’ve been laughed at because in order to make an appointment, you must have identifiable symptoms. The doctor is not going to clear out time in his practice for someone that is probably just attention seeking and not serious about finding treatment, when there are patients that aren’t attention seeking and are serious about finding treatment. Want treatment? Identify some fucking symptoms, call your doctor like an adult, and go in educated, instead of “twiddling your thumbs”. The problem lies with you, not with the medical system.

money problems. a large percentage of the population cant afford physical health care, the addition of mental health care is really not in a lot of peoples budgets.

There are free clinics in the US and UK, as well as free mental health services. They may not be top-notch, but they are there, and they will help you.

they are a minor and do not have supportive parents— the amount of kids I know who suffer severe anxiety I know who’s parents dismiss it as just stress or faking it for attention is unreal. a lot of peoples parents refuse to let them see mental health professionals. 

Anxiety can clear up with puberty. Stress in adolescence can cause clinical anxiety. Parents refusing to let kids see professionals is a bummer, but it doesn’t warrant a diagnosis. A teenager is in no way fit to diagnose themselves.

Ableism. A diagnosis can actually cause more trouble than its worth for some people (especially when the mental illness someone suffers from can lead to institution) the idea of being institutionalized is terrifying to a lot of people. On top of that, it can lead to workplace discrimination, along with discrimination by law (custody battles, etc…)

Uh, are you fucking kidding me? Getting a real diagnosis will actually put you under OSHA’s protection (in America) as well as the protection of the ADA (in America), and in most states, you cannot be institutionalized against your will unless you are posing a direct and immediate threat to your person. Have you even cracked open a legal book? (This is something I’ve dealt with personally, by the way, as I disclose my disability information to employers on day one of working at every job I have.)

I also found this awesome tidbit that EMPIRICALLY proves self diagnosing wrong:

Less than half of the 35% of the US population that self-diagnose get it right. It also doesn’t help that 35% out of the 35% population that self diagnose don’t even receive a professional opinion.

But back to the idiocy:

people who criticize, shame and police those who self diagnose with mental illnesses because they are unable or afraid to get professional help, and ignore the factors of class, race, gender, sexual orientation, etc in terms of diagnosis/treatment in the mental health industry are the actual worst

ok bye

Literally all of these are protected legal statuses and you can seek legal recourse (usually pro bono) if you believe you have been discriminated against.

“Self diagnosing harms people who are ~*really*~ ill.”




*pins ribbon on you*


I just covered this, but if you are serious about getting treatment for your problem, you will save the money, you will find the resources, and you will make the time. I went through a lot of my journey through my disabilities alone. Invisible illnesses are like that. You’re either going to buck up and get serious, or whine in a self-validating corner about how sick you are and how oppressed it makes you.

What it really comes down to (because I’m not putting myself through more of that tag right now), is that self-diagnosers are lazy. Yeah. That’s right. You heard me. If you really think you have a problem, then you need to make it your first priority. If it’s ruining your life, make it not ruin your life. Nobody is going to hold your hand as an adult, you have to take responsibility for your well being and your life and make it what you will. Self-diagnosis is an easy “out” in order to whine about how hard things are and avoid the responsibility of adulthood. It invalidates the efforts that those of us who grabbed the bull by the horns and accepted what life entails, as if because we were responsible, rational, and motivated, that it makes us lesser, or insensitive.


We just want you to play by the rules like everyone else does, and to stop behaviors that hurt yourself and others.

first time seeing The Force Awakens: wow poor emo baby Kylo Ren… he just needs some Hot Topic coupons

second time seeing The Force Awakens: Kylo Ren is being torn apart. I cannot tolerate this. He’s in a state of emergency because he doesn’t think he can believe any of his own thoughts. The dark and the light are carving him out, trying to take him for their team. Kylo is not lost to the dark side, he just thinks that’s what is best for him. Did you see the way he was beating on the wound in his side? That’s him trying to inflict more pain, trying to remind himself that he is dark and powerful because he can tolerate it. He is clearly drawn to the light, and he was tired during the final fight. He was ready to give in. During the scene with Han, you could see that his face was illuminated with both blue and red light- symbolizing his division. The light became completely red and that was when he made his decision. Except, he didn’t really make that decision, that’s just what he thought was best. Maybe he’s trying to protect the rest of his family, the few people he has left, from the First Order. He knows the First Order would do anything to stop the Resistance, so maybe if he was still involved the advances would slow. Kylo is still torn. He doesn’t even know what to believe. He’s skeptical about everything, especially himself.

Pregnancy in the Glade

Hi love! Your imagines are so amazing, thank you so much! Can you pretty please do a one-shot newt imagine where the reader and him are dating in the glade and she finds out she’s pregnant and it goes through the whole pregnancy? Thanks!!! - Requested by Anonymous

A/N: Aw, thank you so much, I’m glad that you like them! x

‘Wren, will you shut up?’ I whined, smirking over at him. He was currently trying to come up with some kind of reason for us being in the Glade, another hare-brained theory that did nothing to help us – or the Greenie who was sitting in a corner, looking terrified despite how Ben was doing his best to calm him.

‘What?’ he asked, looking innocently at me as the Keepers began to leave their meeting. All of them looked more worn out than usual. Since Gally had been Stung they all had a lot on their plates, and I couldn’t blame them for almost skirting around the rest of us.

I was glad to see that Newt’s attention slipped towards me. A small smile slipped onto his face, and his eyes seemed to brighten slightly.

‘Hi, love,’ he said, moving to sit beside me. ‘You all right?’

I nodded as he rested his head on my shoulder. ‘Yeah, just been sat here trying to tell Wren that the Maze isn’t some illusion,’ I told him, grinning over at the shocked looking Wren who was mumbling darkly about it being a possibility.

Keep reading

I just saw a post that said Finn treated Rey as a damsel in distress and Kylo Ren treated her as his equal. 

Okay, okay, that’s mean. Everyone’s allowed to ship whoever they want and that is okay with me. I mean I can see why people would want to ship Kylo Ren with Rey. Although I personally think they’re related but then that’s my speculation over Rey’s origin.


It’s so irritating when other shippers bash a character of another ship just to suit their own ship needs, like no, friend, that is not okay. Especially when what you’re saying is so completely untrue.

Finn’s desperate need to protect Rey was not because he sees her as a damsel in distress but rather because that’s his instinct. Surprisingly, in spite of everything he’s been conditioned to believe with the First Order, Finn is a protector. He cares about people and he wants to protect them. That overwhelming desire is what stopped him from killing those villagers. That’s what made him save Poe. I know he said it’s because he needs a pilot but I think it’s also because he knows that Poe would inevitably die without his intervention and the urge to protect told him that this was the right thing to do. That’s what he did with Rey. Yes, Finn goes to hold her hand but I don’t think it’s because he thinks of her as a damsel. I think it’s because he’s attracted to her and there’s nothing wrong with that. Just because a person wants to hold your hand and keep you safe doesn’t mean he thinks of you as lesser than him. That’s absurd. I get that the hand-holding to keep the female safe is a tired old trope used in so many of these kind of action movies because what it does is strip the female’s agency to think or act for herself. Finn doesn’t do that with Rey at all in the movie. He respects and admires her. He trusts her judgement and in fact what’s wonderful about these two characters is that they’re equal partners through and through. They complement each other.

And for the rest of the film these two characters go to extreme lengths to be there for each other, not just Finn but Rey as well. To say that Finn doesn’t see Rey as his equal is just ridiculous. Actually, you know what, that’s true. Finn doesn’t see Rey his equal. He sees her as better than him. Finn thinks so highly of Rey both as a woman and as a person. She’s his whole reason for fighting the First Order. And honestly his admiration for her is why he can’t help but start to fall for Rey.

nocturnalinseoul  asked:

I love your blog! I started learning mandarin last week and I'm struggling a lot. Any tips on self-studying the language?

aw thanks! dang self-studying mandarin, as they would say, 很厉害!(awesome!) I think mandarin has a particularly sharp learning curve at first (at least if you’re coming from a romance/germanic language) and can feel like beating your head against a wall, but it does mostly get better!

Hm, I think my main starter tip would be give yourself a really fucking ridiculously solid pinyin foundation (including tones), and start paying attention to character radicals as soon as possible (not names of strokes, that is near-useless at first, I mean like 水 turns into three dots as in 江)–both of these are really worth not having to come back to, and ok now I may not know a bajillion words, but I have zero trouble being understood when I speak. some pinyin stuff: sweet chart, game Like really I think we spent the first week+ on pinyin alone, get those x, c, z and sh, ch, zh clear. 

if you have a smart phone, get yrself Pleco and buy the card add on, it is way worth it, start collecting words you look up and organize them somehow. If you don’t, you can use Anki on your computer to make flashcards, and there are a lot of pre-made intro lists. Memrise is also pretty ok and sometimes even has audio. Skritter is not cheap but I am very fond of it, and like if someone makes a super useful thing they should get a little cash to keep doing that right? The internet loves to be like DO EVERYTHING FOR FREE but a lot of times that can mean mediocre resources or just w/e, you can’t escape capitalism so I think putting some $ towards language learning is not the worst thing (that said, sometimes libraries have great stuff so check there first). Relatedly, I really like ChinesePod, and it’s torrentable if you don’t know someone with a school account.  

After/aside that, try to pick a limited number of resources to split your time between, say like maybe two textbooks max for example (I can talk about texts if people want?). No textbook will be perfect but also with learning a language you’re in it for the long haul, don’t stress yourself out trying to learn everything at once, set little goals like “one chapter a week” or “5 characters every two days.”  Or when you look up song lyrics for fun or find a tumblr post don’t try to bite off more than you can chew, just picking up a few words or one grammar structure out of a list is more than you knew two seconds before! Like I always pull that shit where I pull up a page in Mandarin like “haha I got this” and then two seconds later have to hit translate, languages are /hard/, minimum fluency in mandarin is ~2,000 characters and that just takes longer than you’d think to learn if you are a person who leaves the house and has other interests y'know?

The actually rough thing about mandarin/languages in general is keeping up with it, everyone has their motivation methods so just gotta figure out yours. Read Chinese stories w/English, dramas, music, videos, comics, go eat and learn menu words, whaaaatever it takes. Also find other people learning that you can gripe with sometimes or share whatever cool new thing you just found, you’re not alone! Doing a little something everyday is a much better plan of attack than big cram sessions–this can be hard to do if you’re studying multiple languages but is also the best way to maintain multiple languages (I do not recommend starting languages at the same time though). Mandarin also is unique in that at least for me, I had to learn to be ok with knowing a word but not knowing how to write it. Obviously I eventually want to know how to write everything, but in order to not get bored sometimes you need to be able to say/recognize new words faster than you can learn to write them, and that’s fine! They’ll be easier to remember when you get back to them because it wont be new word + new writing. 

Especially as someone self-studying, you should eventually also find ways to practice with native speakers/people who can help correct you. I am next level introvert but I know that I am not gonna learn mandarin by hiding in my books. Try: Lang-8 (they also have an app for just asking questions) or I have heard good things about iTalky and HelloTalk. If you are a magical extrovert try meetups and even if you can’t speak for shit you’ll start picking things up. Don’t worry about making mistakes, but also don’t worry about remembering every correction–the more you talk you’ll fix things the more they become habit. 

I have so many thoughts but that was probably long enough…if you have any other questions don’t hesitate to ask! I write a lot at my intermediate-ish level but I wold love to write more intro stuff and start that as a tag since that can be hard to find good resources on and I am super nerd about language pedagogy interacting with internet DIY. Oh, my last big tip would be don’t compare yourself to others–not rando hyperpolyglots not a friend who just picks up words faster than you not anyone. You learn languages for you, none of that academic abelism bs allowed. Welcome to the learning Mandarin party, 加油!

I just received my final grades… 4.0. I wasn’t in the hardest classes but I did have a full time and a part time job plus plan a wedding and get married the day after finals week! So yeah, I’m a bit braggy. But guess what, if I can do it so can you. And I don’t mean that metaphorically or figuratively or whatever- I mean literally!

My steps for success this semester:

1. Plan everything in advance. You can conquer anything you schedule in advance and write down!

2. Prioritize: it doesn’t always make sense to do assignments in the order their assigned. Figure out what needs more time when they are first assigned and give special attention to that one.

3. If possible, do assignments long in advance of due dates. This is especially true for online classes. Anytime I had extra time I did online assignments, which really helped two weeks prior to the wedding (and finals!!)

4. Go to each class and do each assignment with the mindset of learning something . Don’t be one of those annoying blabby students who doesn’t appreciate the learning experience. If you keep the ‘I’m here to learn” mindset over the ‘daddy pays for my college’ mindset, you will not only cease to annoy your classmates but also realize that even the smaller lessons are worthwhile. I was shocked to see how much I enjoyed the English 201 class I has to take, and the enjoyment came from me refusing to leave a class period without something new.

5. Don’t compare yourself to others. I watched the other students in class and those who compared themselves to other seemed to do worse and worse. It doesn’t matter how you stand comparatively with other students- it matters how you stand according to the professor. So focus on their requirements and what impresses them and produce quality work everyday, even on the most simplistic of assignments.

Well, that’s the advice of a 24 year old readmitted student! I hope it helps.

anonymous asked:

why was peridot so randomly ooc in back to the barn? never once has she been shown to think pearl any lesser than amethyst or garnet?? she hated all of the crystal clods equally??? tbh they probably just needed a character for pearl to prove wrong lmao its so obvious. this ep didn't even make sense tbh like why was the skinny white gem suddenly oppressed?? just a shitty attempt to stop the hate that she deserved for making a child think she was useless lmao

honest garnet wouldve been a way better option for an ep like this just cuz like…. as far as i remember garnets the only one of the 3 peridot has insulted directly? like the rest of the time its usually her just calling them crystal clods but w/ garnet she called her a war machine which is essentially an insult to everything garnet is….
not the mention garnets feelings rn are wayyy more relevant than any other gems considering the cluster is pretty much spitting on everything she stands for….? and she more than anyone else has a reason to hate peridot like, the most;
like we’ve already focused on pearl’s feelings and pearl’s character enough when we finally get to start to delve more into a theme that would affect garnet directly the first chara the show wants to focus on is………………………. pearl,
plus its not like the entire fandom didnt already know that pearl was made as like, a servant on homeworld an ep revealing it could’ve come at any other point and been fine.. honestly im just so tired of pearl eps they always feel like we need to pause the storyline in order to fit the pearl quota for the week and its getting incredibly tedious esp when there’s technically 4 other gems (garnet, ruby, saphire, and amethyst especially) that we still know hardly anything about? 

by this point i think the writers have completely forgotten everything about amethyst’s backstory tbh she’s just been a ~wacky purple sidekick~ and nothing else in the lastest eps 

Sweet Sixteen- Chapter 26


Anger flowed through me as I stormed down the school’s almost empty hallways. I didn’t care if Parsons had a class now. I was willing to interrupt it and make him talk to me. I was absolutely furious, and surprisingly more so at Ashton who had blatantly disregarded how serious the situation was. I found myself feeling like I had to take on the responsibility of confronting Parsons because Ashton wouldn’t. The only problem was that when I burst into the class room, I froze.

Keep reading

It Only Takes One Time (Part 33)

TBH I feel like trash right now, but I have a new computer and that makes it easier for me to write more. It’s technically Friday and since it is my most famous, I’m doing my first piece of writing on this with IOTOT. So, here.

Warnings: Swearing, there’s also smut but it’s not smut but it still is???

Part 32

 I knew it was wrong to feel so tempted by someone I was completely undeserving of, but in that moment I could care less. Phil was a beautiful human and I was blessed by being able to stare at him-so perfect and half naked made me think things I shouldn’t.

I’d be lying if I were to say that I wasn’t still in love with Dan. No amount of sexual frustration or infatuation with Phil could change that, at least not yet.  Dan was something mystical and what I felt towards him was something indescribable. I would never choose the right set of words in order to explain how I felt when I simply thought about him.

However, that was a dream that wouldn’t happen. I could no longer afford to let myself fall back into Dan whenever one of us was lonely. Everything about us together screamed unhealthy and it didn’t take a rocket scientist to see that.

 Anything involving non-platonic actions should’ve been off the table the second Waverly mentioned the possibility of another pregnancy. I didn’t want another child, especially not with Dan after we both decided we needed to try and put the whole fiasco behind us. Liam was everything and more and as parents we both agreed that it would definitely be enough to keep him as an only child. That included that Dan wasn’t planning on impregnating anyone else, either.

Everything else aside, I knew that I definitely wanted to stick around Phil’s room a little longer. I was under his affect and it was like cocaine; I wanted more.

“What if instead of taking a picture, I sit around and you can explain to me why Dan is moping around on the couch and won’t explain what made you guys get into an argument.” I strutted over to Phil’s bed and sat down. Tonight had been a long evening and his bed was so comfortable, it felt wonderful. I could have melted into the bed.

“He won’t?” Phil ran his long slim fingers through his hair and let out a lingering sigh. “Ah, shit. Maybe it’s good that you don’t know yet. You should relax for once. Or, at least try to.” Phil’s voice sounded thicker and deeper. It was mixed in with a slur (probably from the drinks he previously consumed) and sleepiness.

“That’s not fair. If it’s about me I should have a right to know.” I slightly began to frown. The fact that neither of the two men would answer my questions made me feel so peeved.

“How do you know it’s about you?” Phil walked over and sat parallel to me on the bed. His contacts weren’t in so he had his glasses on. On many occasions I’d seen him wearing them, but I was never fully able to appreciate how cute he truly looked. His eyes were a beautiful shade of blue and if you stared long enough it was like you were swimming in a well lit ocean. Of course, I would never say this out loud to him because there was no way I could say any of it without wanting to implode and self destruct.

“If it’s not, then telling me would do no harm.” I urged on, playfully twirling my hair around my finger and giving Phil a sweet smile. He returned the favour by grinning ever so slightly.

“Nah, it’s pretty gross actually. It shouldn’t concern you. I feel more bad for Dan, but he won’t listen to me when I give him an opinion about it and we fought.”

“You both argue like I did with Catherine. Except, our friendship ended far more dramatically.” I shrugged. “But considering Dan and I have a child together, you should tell me.” I smiled and grabbed one of Phil’s pillows, hugging it close to my chest.

“I can’t.”

“Why not?” I groaned, throwing my head back like a 3 year old walking out of a candy store.

“I promised Dan I wouldn’t. He said it would freak you out and I happen to agree with that. You shouldn’t have to worry more about anything else than you already do about-everything.” Phil looked me up and down and gulped back. “Can you just wait it out, please? He’ll come to you when he’s ready. I hardly support anything he does anymore, but this is more personal to him than me.”

“Fine. But if he doesn’t tell me by tomorrow night, will you? It’ll stress me out more not knowing than if I did.” I knew that I should have just respected Dan just because it was a huge sign that I needed to leave him be when I had Phil telling me. At that particular moment, I had my own secrets and I didn’t want anyone going off and telling Dan either.

“Okay,” Phil stretched for a second before turning back to me with a little side smile. “Can I ask you a question?”

“Shoot.” I nodded.

“You never told me what you want to do with your life,” Phil mumbled. “Like what are you studying?”

“I want to be a doctor but I’m getting just a good ol’ science degree first in case I change my mind before Med school. That’ll be harder now that I have Liam and I have drama with his dad… Okay. Now that I’m saying this out loud that sounds stupid and maybe I need to see a therapist.” I chuckled right after my last few words. It was hard to find humour in the sequence of unfortunate events within the previous months, but if there was something I could find; I’d take the shot.

“You saving people’s lives? That’s hard to believe you’d want to do that,” he sounded amused, and normally I would feel more insulted than charmed, but it was nice to not freak out over everything. I was my calmest around Phil. I would probably wake up with lingering distress over my life choices but either way, taking a break from it fell good.

“What? You don’t think I’d be a good doctor?” I gasped and placed my hand over my chest, pretending to be offended.

“Well, what kind of doctor?” He relaxed himself more on the bed, laying on his side and holding his head up with his hand.

“I’m pretty fascinated with a psychiatrist.” I nodded, laying the same as him. This made him laugh louder and lean forward, pressing his forehead against mine.

“I support you 100%, but you should focus on yourself instead of others.” If I’m honest, that one stung a little but not because he said it. It hit me a little because it was absolutely true and it seemed better that it came from him than anyone else. At the time, that is.

“Maybe you’re right,” he was so close to my face that I could feel his breath hitting my face. That normally would be a cringe moment, but I chose to enjoy it.

“We haven’t kissed in awhile…” Phil whispered, diverting his eyes to my lips. “Kissing you is really nice.”

“Hmm… Nice to know…” I responded, leaning in and softly pressing my lips against his. I don’t know why I bothered to even consider trying to gain some self control, but I was engulfed in pure bliss. This would be the hardest kiss to get away from because I wanted to keep going. This kiss transported me to a whole new universe.

A universe that didn’t involve Dan.

Phil didn’t seem to be anywhere close to being ready to stop. His lips were attacking mine and they weren’t staying in one place. He was moving from my lips to my jaw and then to my neck.

“Y/N…” Phil whispered, sucking on one spot lightly on my neck.

“Mhm?” I responded, not intending for it to come out as a moan but not preventing it. It felt amazing and I wanted to keep going. It was so wrong, especially the Liam was upstairs and it wasn’t even his dad I was rolling around with.

“Can we keep kissing?” He responded, continuing to kiss down my neck, meeting with my collarbones and eventually the valley of my breasts.

“Can we do more?” I countered, carefully starting to unbutton my blouse for him. Whatever few left that I couldn’t be bothered to open, Phil ripped open.

Things continued to escalate until it was just us between the sheets, letting all of our problems go together. We both were in heaven and it felt fantastic to just let go. This wouldn’t help my pregnancy scare or my aching heartbreak over Dan the man who tore out more heart.

But it sure as hell made everything seem great. And, we used protection.

Once it ended, I cuddled up to Phil and fell asleep. It would cause some speculation when I would leave his room early in the morning, so we made sure to set an alarm for 5:30, so I could sneak and waddle to Dan’s room and sleep peacefully before waking up and facing the music.

Well, that was the plan until we were awoken at 5:32am to loud banging on the door.

“Phil! Turn off the alarm! It’s too loud! Liam’s going to wake up!” Then, the door handle started twisting.

anonymous asked:

I dont understand why Sasusaku is so hated in Naruto fandom? From YouTube, Facebook, Tumblr and any social platforms, all i see is "Sakura is useless" and "Sasuke is an asshole!" like wtf?!? Sasusaku is the most misunderstanding couple in the entire fandom and i dont know why. Just why???can you just fill me in please???

Well its for a lot of different reasons really. However, I’d say the most prominent one is that many people simply just don’t pay enough attention. For instance:

  • They think that the part 2 Sasuke is a truthful representation of his actual character, and completely disregard everything that Tobirama says in 619 regarding how the Uchiha are cursed with hatred once losing love.
  • They actually believed Sasuke when he said he would have allowed Sakura and Kakashi to fall in the pit of lava, and ignored everything that Naruto said afterwards.
  • They think Sasuke was being serious the 2nd and 3rd times he called Sakura annoying when he obviously wasn’t. Not only that, but they also consider calling someone annoying as an insult, which it isn’t.
  • They think Sasuke constantly insulted Sakura and made her feel worthless, when in fact, Sasuke never insulted Sakura once in the entire story. 
  • They think Sakura was still after nothing but Sasuke’s D, even though she’s never thought of how “cool” Sasuke was since prior to chapter 49. This is made even more shocking when you consider how many times Kakashi shoved it down the readers’ throats in chapter 675 and 693 that she wanted to save him, nothing more, nothing less.
  • They think Sasuke was about to kill Sakura in the Iron Country because he genuinely wanted to, and not because he was so deep in the curse of hatred at the time, that he wasn’t in the right frame of mind.

I could go on and on but I don’t wanna write an essay in response to your ask. Basically, people want every single intricate detail of their relationship to be handed to them on a silver platter, and don’t bother to read a little more carefully. This is detrimental, especially when trying to understand SasuSaku because you NEED to read closely in order to understand Sasuke’s side of the relationship. That’s why so many people frustratingly don’t understand that this:

And this:

Are not the same person. Pre-massacre Sasuke and post 698 Sasuke are who he truly is. Everything in between (especially in part 2) is a gross distortion of his character, by taking away most of the positive aspects of his personality, and replacing them by amplifying the negative traits.

All of that is just touching the surface of the misunderstood Sasuke aspects, I haven’t even gotten into Sakura’s side yet! Lol. That just gives you an idea of how complex the relationship is, and thus how it can easily be hated on if you fail to pay attention to just one aspect.

Apart from that though, there are others who simply think that as soon as a couple faces issues, it’s immediately an unhealthy and problematic relationship, and that alone is enough for them to bash it. Angst is a turn off for them. And that’s fine, but I often see people claiming the couple is a train-wreck because not everything is sunshine and rainbows 100% of the time which is quite annoying. Sometimes it’s the angsty couples that demonstrate the largest bonds because they’re able to stay devoted to one another despite their flaws. Sounds familiar don’t you think? :P

Goodness gracious, I feel as though I’ve barely answered your Q and I’ve written so much! I guess that’s what defending SS does to me! Lol, so I’ll spare you any more of my drivel =)

Thanks for the question ^_^