especially not in conversation with my mom

4

This is what my YouTube channel looks like with YouTube’s new restricted mode, which has unfairly targeted some LGBTQ content for being “sensitive material.”

21 of my 43 videos disappear. 

In case you missed it: YouTube says it “wrongly” filtered out a ton of LGBTQ-related videos in a recent update to its Restricted Mode feature. This has affected virtually every queer YouTube creator from @tyleroakley to @everyoneisgay to little ole’ me. So, if you watch my YouTube videos in Restricted Mode, the videos above with an X through them aren’t available. 

Oh, and YouTube’s statement about the whole thing just sucks:

“We are so proud to represent LGBTQ+ voices on our platform – they’re a key part of what YouTube is all about. The intention of Restricted Mode is to filter out mature content for the tiny subset of users who want a more limited experience. LGBTQ+ videos are available in Restricted Mode, but videos that discuss more sensitive issues may not be. We regret any confusion this has caused and are looking into your concerns. We appreciate your feedback and passion for making YouTube such an inclusive, diverse, and vibrant community.”

So under that logic, the “more sensitive issues” that aren’t suitable for a “tiny subset of users” (like, say, a teenager with unsupportive parents who’s trying to get online from a school library where PORN IS ALREADY BLOCKED) include:

  • A discussion with my 90-year-old grandmother about how she eventually accepted having a gay grandkid
  • A conversation with my mom about This Is a Book for Parents of Gay Kids and why I didn’t have a proper coming-out
  • A crowd-sourced glossary of the differences between bisexuality and pansexuality 
  • A silly video with my fiancée where we write down things we love about each other
  • A collaboration focusing on the experiences of queer people of faith

And a lot more. I’m livid. Queer YouTube means so much to so many people. For millions of LGBTQ people (especially youth) whose rights are under attack, YouTube creators and viewers have built a community of resources that you just cannot find elsewhere. This is a mean and senseless kick when we’re already down. And we’re not going to shut up about it. 

Send LGBTQ YouTube folks good vibes & subscribes today. (If you’re not already subscribed, find your friendly neighborhood bisexual YouTuber [it’s me] here or on Twitter.)

our little family pt.1 | park jimin

Pairing: Father! Jimin + Reader 

Genre: Fluff/Angst + parent au 

Word Count: 2.8k

Summary: You were just a pre-school teacher, a simple dream that came true as you always adored children. But what you didn’t know, was how one child and her very special father would change you dream forever. 

“Jieun-ah, please.” Jimin sighed, as he tried putting her arms through the sleeves of her baby pink coat, which she shrugged back off again for the nth time making Jimin let out a soft groan of exasperation.

“Jieun-ah…” Jimin pleaded as he felt his patience go thin after a long tiring morning. 

“I don’t want to go to school daddy,” Jieun said softly, pouting as she looked at her dad with round eyes, the corners watering slightly before Jimin felt his resolve weaken at the sight of his little girl before him.

Sighing, he grabbed her hands and put on a large grin, “Jieun-ah, It’ll be fun!” he tried cheering, “Daddy had loved going to school all his life (what a lie) and really wished he could go again.”

“Then why don’t you come with me?” Jieun asked, tugging at the ends of her little pale blue sundress, the color contrasting strongly against her raven blank hair that tumbled around her shoulders in soft curls.

Cradling her face in his hands, her cheeks squishing up together making Jimin chuckle slightly, he said, “Daddy’s too old now, but if anything happens I’ll be there for you, alright? Do you wanna go now? I promise it’ll be great.”

“Pinky promise?” Jieun asked, holding out her pinky to Jimin’s face as he laughed a little, hooking her tiny pinky within his and bringing them together before pressing a small kiss to her hands, “I promise baby.”

“Hi guys!! Welcome! Hello!” you smiled happily as the kids walked one by one into your class, all their faces with expressions that varied, some happy, some mad, some scared and some with tears and snot dripping from their little noses.

Oh, children. 

“There you go Jieun-ah, I’ll pick you up in a couple hours okay?”

Keep reading

Cabin//pt.3

(I’ve spent more time looking for a picture/gif for this than actually writing this. My fingers got a goddamn workout from scrolling for the past couple hours and I swear I’ve seen every BBH pic on the internet now. Just think about that chair as the dining room table chair, and he’s got the smirk I guess so… here)

genre: smut, fluff, friend!au,

warning: Eating out, graphic smut, A (kind of) HELLA TWIST, Baekhyun still being a goddamn tease like always.

length: I guess It’s a pretty good length

Authors note: SO THE SMUT BEGINS. A lot of you requested that the smut begins in this chapter, but a lot of you also requested that it didn’t so I thought I would meet you guys half way and give you something a little spicy to hold you off till the next chapter. Please don’t be afraid to leave recommendations or requests for what you want to see in later chapters in my ask box along with other smuts, fluffs, reactions, etc. Enjoy!

pt: 1 // 2 // 3

______

“You know you sleep talk.”

Oh no, oh no. You’ve been sleep talking since you were about ten years old, and everything that ever comes out is either gibberish, or your actual thoughts, especially when asked questions.

You laugh, although it comes off shakier than you would have liked. “Oh yeah, I once had a twenty minute conversation with my mom about why fidget spinners caused the cold war.” You walk towards the dining room table, trying to put on the best poker face you can manage, “wh-what did I say?” Good job y/n, now he knows you’re nervous.

He gives a little chuckle then slowly glides towards you, sitting in the seat just opposite. “We’ll…” he looks to the ceiling as if he’s trying to remember. “At first you were randomly talking about ‘the large cheeto man with a comb over’ and I assumed that you meant Donald Trump, so I asked you if you were talking about Donald Trump you said, 'Ah yes, he is a very large cheeto indeed.’” He takes a sip of his soda, “And when you answered my first question, I thought I might as well ask you some other questions.” Your eyes are wide and fingers gripping tightly to the bottom of the wooden chair. He see’s your panicked expression and gives you a sweet smile, continuing. “So I asked you, 'What’s your favorite thing about Baekhyun?’” Oh my god, OH MY GOD. “And you immediately said 'his smile’ and I thought that was really adorable, but then you sleepishly decided to continue,” You grip your chair harder, knuckles turning white. “'His smile, and oh god his hands? have you seen his hands? They’re sculpted by God himself, just like the rest of his body. But that smile, that smile is the best goddamn thing on this Earth. Oh and his singing voice. I can listen to him sing to me for the rest of my life.’” You slouch down in your chair, closing your eyes to avoid eye contact from the everlasting embarrassment that is now engorging you. “And when you’re finally finished about going on and on about my smile and how you can look at it all day and night, I asked, 'So what do you think about Baekhyun as a person?’ and you hesitated for a second so I thought you were awake,” he laughs “but then you rambled about how I was an ass for like 5 years to you and then you said,” You hear him take a sip, this time his voice turns a little more serious as he continues. You can practically feel his eyes burning through you even with yours being closed. “'Baekhyun is easy to fall in love with, especially when he’s your neighbor.’” Your eyes shoot open and meet with his immediately, “'The Baekhyun you fall in love with isn’t the Baekhyun that is an asshole to you everyday, but the Baekhyun you see behind his window. The Baekhyun that you see smiling and singing and being himself from a distance.’” You’re in shock, you didn’t even know you could comprehend sentences while you’re sleep talking, let alone confess this hardcore to Baekhyun. “It gave me quite a shock I do have to admit,” he gives you a nervous laugh.

You squeeze your eyes shut again in pure  embarrassment, “Baekhyun you weren’t supposed to hear any of that I’m sorry.” Your words come out fast and high pitched.

“It’s okay, really. I just thought it was funny?” He gives you a little shrug before you stand, heading towards the fridge for some orange juice, your throat is extremely dry.

Baekhyun trails behind you so he can sit at the kitchen island, “Is my smile really that great?” You hear him say playfully behind you.

“Yah! Baek shut up!” You say turning around to give him a dirty look, though it comes off more innocent than anything, you look more like a pissed off 7 year old.

“Baek? I like that.” He smiles widely, obviously trying to smile as much as he can now.

You roll your eyes at him and pour yourself a glass of orange juice drinking it slowly so you can coat your dry throat.

“So you actually wanted to die when I walked out of the bathroom in only a towel?”

You choke on your orange juice.

“Wh-what?”

“You said that you wanted to die when I came out of the bathroom because 'his body is so heavenly I had to run to the room just to get some air.’” He says in a mock voice, “OH! And I knew that you were staring at me while I slept the other night! You admitted it!”

You didn’t even know what to do. Do you run? Or laugh along? No, instead your body decides to do the most extra thing it can think of by squatting down behind the counter so he couldn’t see you.

“Ah it’s okay y/n, I know my lips are plump and exquisite under the moonlight.”

“Oh my god.” Was all you could whisper to yourself.

When you stood up from your awkward counter squat, your face was as red as a tomato.

“I didn’t think you found me so hot y/n.” He winks at you, taking another long sip from his soda.

You took a long sigh and looked skyward. Why the hell is this happening to you? This could have happened any other time, but no, it had to happen when you’re stuck in a cabin with Baekhyun for another 4 days.

“I’m gonna um… take a nap.” You say, pointing in the direction of the room before dragging your body down the hallway.

Just as you entered and started to close it, Baekhyun squeezed through and pushed you up against the door with one hand, the other settling right next to your head, trapping you.

“I wasn’t finished.” His voice came out deeper than usual.

He pushed towards you, lips almost touching as he whispered, “Did you like watching me get off to you?” You gasp and quickly look down at the floor.

He moves his head to the right, attaching his loft lips to your neck.

Your body is completely still, unable to move even if you wanted to.

He continues, “You kept going on about how nice my 'long thick cock looked in my hand as I was pulling it at the thought of you.’” The hand that was placed next to your head starts brushing your hair out of the way so he could lick up the shell of your ear, stopping to slowly suck on your lobe, “You were touching yourself on the other side of the door while you watched me cum at the thought of you?"Your thighs clench hard under the sound of his voice in your ear.

"Well?” He leaves an open mouth kiss on the spot under your ear, “Is it true?”
Not know what else to say, you nod your head and whisper a slow, “yes.”

His lips are on yours. His kiss is soft yet dominating as he licks your lower lip asking for entrance. Your tongues start battling for dominance, eventually submitting to him.

You thread your hands through his brown locks as he pulls your waist against him, clashing your bodies together. You submit completely into his touch, growing impatient as the feeling of his member becomes more and more prominent on your thigh.

Lifting you up, you wrap your legs around his waist, never breaking the kiss. He turns around and starts to walk towards the bed laying you down, resting in between your open legs as you continue your rough make out.

Both hands start to travel up your shirt, slowly lifting it to see how you would react, “can I?” He breaths, breaking away from your lips for only a second. As soon as you nod the cloth is discarded from your body and thrown somewhere in the room in one swift movement.

He starts kissing down your jawline, down your neck, and across your collarbone, sucking lightly in places and swirling his tongue on the sensitive skin.

“Baekhyun.” You whimpered impatiently.

He gave your collarbones on last kiss before moving down to your bra. His right hand dug underneath you and unclasped it, removing it as swiftly as your shirt.

“Fuck you’re so beautiful.” He says lightly before taking your right nipple into his mouth. A moan escapes your mouth, arching against him as he uses his hand to need the other. He took your nipple in between his teeth, biting down only slightly so you would get a mixture of both pleasure and sweet pain, earning him a loud moan from you before doing the same to the other.

He starts to move downwards, placing open mouth kisses on your torso, stopping at the hem of your shorts.

He looks up at you for approval, his fingers rubbing up and down your sides, similarly to how he was doing in the lake earlier this morning.

You nod rapidly “Yes, Baek please.”

His long fingers hook in the hem of your shorts, pulling them down your legs, keeping eye contact with you. His hands caress your thighs, opening them so now his face was only inches away from your core.

He smirks up at you, seeing just how badly you want him by the pool of wetness showing through your panties. You squirm at the feeling of his hot breath hitting your clit.

“So wet. Is this all for me?” He smirks while pulling your panties down your legs.You whimper an almost silent yes, anticipating his next move.
He kisses your inner thighs, giving them small bites occasionally, marking you. He licks your outer lips up and down, never coming in contact with where you need him most.

“Baekhyun,” you pant “stop teasing, please.” lifting your hips in the slightest.

His deep laugh radiates through you “so needy.”

You sit up on your elbows, eyes fluttering shut when he finally gives your nub a small kiss, licking a stripe from your slit up, sweeping his tongue side to side as he reaches your clit.

You moan, hips bucking up to meet his face. He smirks up at you before wrapping his hands around your thighs to pin you down. You fall back against the pillow as you feel his lips wrapping around your clit, sucking harshly.

Moans and Baekhyun’s name tumble out of your mouth, eyes squeezed shut feeling only the pleasure his mouth is bringing you while grabbing a fist full of his hair, earning you a deep groan from him.

He adds a finger, entering it half way before pulling it out again. You whine, looking down at him, eyes pleading for him to stop teasing. He complies by entering his long finger, curling it immediately to hit your spot.
You gasp at the pleasure, eyes rolling to the back of your head as he adds a second digit. His fingers work fast, going in and out at a speed that matches with his tongue movements on your clit. Your moans become louder and louder, sweat and euphoria coat your body, feeling a heat begin to rise in your stomach.

“B-Baekhyun I-I-I’m gonna…” you can barely get the words out.
He takes his other hand and spreads your lips wider so your clit is isolated before sucking hard and bringing his tongue down in circles, giving you that last push to cum. Screaming his name, your orgasm rips through you, your body feeling only pure ecstasy. His lips and fingers continue, riding out your orgasm before driving you over the edge.

“Too-too much.” You whimper out, grabbing his hand.

He stops his movements, moving up your body to catch your lips. He sucks and bites down on your lower lip, pulling away slightly. He grabs your leg, wrapping it around his waist so he could press his clothed member against you. You moan into his mouth, feeling how hard he is.

In a sudden moment you hear the familiar click of the front door being unlocked and pushed open.

You both look at each other with panic.

With energy it seems like you harnessed from the sun, you roll off the bed and put on your clothes in light speed.

You turn to Baekhyun while hopping into your shorts “Stay here and pretend like you’re taking a nap.” You whisper.

He gives you a wink and a thumbs up before climbing into bed, turning away from the door.

You walk down the hallway into the living room to see your mom looking down at the mess you and Baekhyun had forgotten to clean last night sitting on the coffee table.

She looks up at you. “Hi sweetheart.” moving towards you to embrace you in a hug.

“Hi mom." You say while trying to hide the breathlessness in your voice as you hug her back, "I thought you guys were gonna stay for the retreat?” You give her the most innocent look you can possibly make.

She smiles, “Yeah, we still are. I just wanted to come and check up on you guys, make sure you’re okay. And I forgot my phone charger here and have been having to use your fathers, so I might as well come get that too.”

“Yeah were doing fine.” Steady your breath y/n. “Baekhyun’s asleep.” You say, giving a fake eye roll.

“Has he lightened up? You know, since we left?” The concern in her protruding through her smile, “I’m sorry, I know you two really don’t get along.”

"Yeah yeah don’t worry Mom, he’s gotten a lot friendlier.”

________________________________________________________________

Authors note: AH THANK YOU FOR READING! Don’t forget to leave requests, comments, your critique, etc., in my ask box/submission box ❤❤❤.

Stay tuned for part 4, It might get a little spicier ;)

Artist:@osaze_akil
osazeakil.sarahah.com
Note: I drew this after a conversation with my mom about breastfeeding. The conversation was too good so I asked her to write a quote. She said that “ Breastfeeding is so much more than a means of providing natural sustenance to one’s child. Breastfeeding is an intimate, ethereal experience. There is no doubt, then, that it’s an indescribable bonding encounter created especially for mother and child by God, Himself.”

My dear lgbt+ kids, 

Even when you’re “out & proud”, you may feel nervous when your identity comes up around people you don’t know well. 

That’s perfectly normal! 

The truth is that we are never really done coming out. Even when all your family members and friends and classmates know that you use he/him pronouns, you may get a new teacher who you’ll need to explain this to. Even when all your neighbors know that the girl you live with is not a roommate but your wife, the family who only just moved into the apartment building will not know. And that’s just two examples. 

And each of these “little” coming-outs brings some uncertainty. It’s normal to get nervous, even if these people and whether or not they support you is of little importance for your life as a whole.  

It doesn’t mean that you’re secretly ashamed of or uncertain in your identity. Having to share private details with strangers is always a bit awkward, no matter how proud and confident you are. And this is especially true when you have to share these details purely so you can get your basic rights or to avoid even more uncomfortable situations (for example, to be allowed to go to the appropriate bathroom or so your new neighbors don’t refer to your wife as “the babysitter” when they see her playing with your kids)    

Not loving these “Hey, I’m trans” or “Hey, I have a girlfriend” conversations does not mean you’re not happy with your identity. 

With all my love, 

Your Tumblr Mom 

Blame the Distance (J.A)

Request: Can you do a Jack Cheating fanfic where he cheats on her when he’s in America and she lives and studies Law in University in London. They have a long distance relationship where they hardly see each other. I want it to be heartbreaking, which I know you can do☺️ I’m not sure if you would prefer the breakup to be over the phone or face to face but if it’s ftf then he should be the one meeting her in London. I kinda want her to move on from Jack like in the ‘Happier’ mv by Ed Sheeran. Thank you❤️

Warnings: heartbreak, angst, Cheating!Jack

Word Count: 5.3k


“Jack!” You ecstatically grinned into the phone as you paced back and forth in your room.

“Hey, baby,” he chuckles. “Why do you sound like your mom just gave you no limit to your credit card?”

Keep reading

Meet The Family

Originally posted by agsztrashbouquet

50 Reason’s To Have Sex #15 -  You finally get the chance to show your childhood bed some action

Request: So for number 15, I was thinking that the childhood bed could be Derek’s instead. He takes the reader to meet his mother for the first time (and also the rest of his family) and they end up staying for the weekend. They have to sleep in his old bedroom together (as the rest of the rooms are occupied) and on one of the nights there, things get heated, and… well… his bed gets some action and they end up breaking it and then he has to tell his mother about it in the morning.❤

Author’s Note: This idea is adorable and sexy and I just love it. It is sort of AU-ish…I didn’t really picture the Hales as werewolves for this one, rather just a close family. This is seriously a monster fic, guys. It totally got away from me. I really hope you like this one because I loved writing it! Let me know what you think, I always love feedback :) Enjoy!

Warnings: Language; smutty smut smut; awkward situations

Tags: @openly-panda​, @angels-secrets, @logancola, @wolfshifter4life, @palaiasaurus64, @lipstickstainsandwerewolfchains, @melanie451, @hardladyheart​, @noordinarymagic, @t0ribr0, @bubbles2416, @a-court-of-stydia, @palaiasaurus64, @iliketoimaginestuff, @wheresthekillswitch, @justdreamstars, @hattnco

*******************************************************************************************

“Sweetheart, it’s only one weekend,” Derek chuckled as he eyed my overstuffed suitcase. I sighed in exasperation, gnawing on my bottom lip.

“I know, but I wanted to make sure I was prepared for anything. You said that you’re family is really outdoorsey and can be spontaneous, and I don’t know what all we’ll be doing there, so I just wanted to make sure-” My anxious rambling was cut off by Derek’s hands on my arms, running up and down soothingly.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Hey Gray! I love your blog :D I was wondering if you could do this request: RFA+Minor trio reacting to MC's and their own child being bullied in front of them (like maybe the bullies didn't see them RIGHT THERE) for being chubby but the daughter/son is like really chill and hits them with a 'I'm used to it it's ok' thank you :DD I'll request more now!! Good luck with your blog and excuse my english lolol

Hey now, you’re an all star I’m so sorry nobody is allowed to apologize for their English on this blog. You’re really good with it, so don’t worry at all! English is a bitch to learn, and if anyone judges you I will f i g h t. Also, no matter how many other blogs I’ve seen in the past, I still don’t know who makes up the minor trio. I’ve seen it mentioned a lot, and I always assumed it’s Jaehee, V, and Saeran. If it’s someone else, I’ll gladly write for them, too! (Dialogue of fat-shaming in Jaehee’s. Just a heads up!)


Yoosung:

  • He had to pick up your kid from school one day because he got off from work early
  • Yoosung drove there just a little too early when he saw your child getting harassed by three other kids
  • oh no
  • nonononono
  • Instead of just driving up, he parked that damn car and walked up
  • Just far enough so they thought he was a highschooler  even if hes older hes still small you can fight me on this
  • Once he was in earshot, his only thought was how dare they
  • The things they were saying were downright disgusting to him
  • Yoosung walked right up and tapped one of them on the shoulder
  • “Hey there buddy boy, I’m going to ask, no, tell you to kindly leave and never speak to my child again”
  • Your kid just kinda bip bopped along with him after he turned to leave after the kids had given half-hearted apologies
  • “Hey, Dad?” “What? Do you want ice cream? We can go. If you want to talk, we can do that, too” “I just wanted to say that you didn’t need to do that. What they said is pretty normal for me”
  • oh hell no
  • Yoosung just nodded slightly “But it doesn’t have to be” “It’s just like that, but can we still get ice cream?” “Yep! Just don’t tell, MC!” “Will you promise not to tell them about my school either? I don’t want them worried, since you seem to be”
  • So they went out to a small shop that wasn’t too far away from your home and talked about animals
  • Then once they got home, you could see him looking concerned at your child when the put their bag from school up
  • He went to his office and typed out an email
  • Turns out, he got the three kids suspended
  • PTA Dad Yoosung won’t stand for that shit
  • Didn’t tell MC because he promised

Zen:

  • You can’t tell me he’s not a PTA dad either
  • Sure, practice sometimes doesn’t allow him to go to every meeting
  • But you know he’s ready to fight Nancy at the bake sale because what were those brownies, Jesus, Nancy
  • aNYWAYS, you both had to go to one of those lame ass schools fairs
  • you couldn’t say no to your kid because those puppy eyes reminded you of Zen’s
  • You were waiting in line for food while Zen was buying tickets for things and you let your child go off with their friends
  • Then the yelling started dAMMIT, ZEN
  • “How dare you talk to my child like that?” “Well, um, sir-” “No, I’m not hearing it from you, young man” “I want to say-” “Not you either, young lady!”
  • Zen walked back with your kid in tow and he was fuming
  • “MC! Can we leave? There’s much better food at the restaurant we passed” “Only if you tell me what happened, because it looks like our daughter is perfectly fine” “No, she is nOT. They were making fun of her weight! How dare they insult our princess” “Zen, You sound like a script right now, calm down”
  • Your child just mumbled, “Well, that’s what happened during school anyways”
  • Turning around so quickly that you got bitch-slapped by his hair, he looked at your kid
  • He was n o t having this shit
  • “Who cares if you’ve got squish? There’s just more to love! Those kids are douchebags” “Zen-” “As long as you’re comfortable with you, there’s no issue. If you feel bad because of that snotbag, I will find out who his mom is and raise hell” “Zen-” “That one girl looked like her mom runs a drug cartel. I should know, too, because her mom is probably Bethany” “Hyun!”
  • He turned back towards you flashing a slightly awkward smile
  • “MC, that boy was a beast
  • “Not this again” Well, damn, if your kid is sick of it, he probably should be, too
  • You ended up leaving after your kid was done with his shit wanted to leave
  • He may or may not have raised a little hell on the board
  • Gave a two minute monologue on bullying at the monthly meeting

Jaehee: (Good end and after end spoilers)

  • Your son liked to hang around the café after school was done with a few friends
  • He came in one day with several people, a few being ones you recognized
  • You were taking orders and Jaehee was wiping down tables along with picking up dishes
  • cue dramatic plate falling when she overheard their conversation
  • “Maybe your clothes wouldn’t be so big if your  parents didn’t bake so much for you” “He’s right. All those pastries can’t be that great. Especially with how little you do in PE” “Maybe stop eating all of your lun-”
  • “Excuse me, but who are you, ma’am?” “Just a friend of this kid” “Get out of this café” “Who are you? Where’s the manager?”
  • “Mom, it’s fi-” “I’m Mrs. Kang, the owner of this establishment, and the disgusting comments you are making are towards my son. Leave
  • The girl turned bright red and moved to gather her things
  • Jaehee’s badass arm stopped her from properly getting up
  • “I thought it was heavily implied that you were to apologize”
  • She was downright glaring at this kid
  • You paused when nobody else was at the counter and turned your attention to what was going down
  • This look wasn’t even reserved for customers who threw orders at her
  • Once the girl left after having to repeat her apology several times, all the others followed, trying not to maintain eye contact with Jaehee
  • She slid in the booth across from your son and had a lengthy discussion about what was wrong for people to say
  • Jaehee had had enough in her life getting treated awfully, so your kid wasn’t allowed to have any of that
  • That night, you had to talk her out of fighting that kid
  • “Jaehee, that’s assault” “MC, it’s justice

Seven:

  • He was dicking around with the security system at your kid’s school
  • It’s not stalking if its not obsessive
  • The system’s visual aspect may not be strong, but the audio was pretty okay
  • Seven just wanted to hear what your child was doing after the bell had rung (I had to look up if it was rung or rang just now)
  • As soon as he heard what a person was saying that was most definitely not your child, he was ready to f i g h t
  • Your kid came back from school that day and went to greet him
  • He may or may not have turned around in an office chair dramactically
  • “So who’s Jun Ho? He sounds like a real biiiii-I mean, jerkwad” “How do you know who he is? He’s in one of my classes.” “Some teacher emailed me saying he was being rude to you. Making remarks on your appearance or something” “Oh, yeah, he does that a lot. It stopped bugging me awhile ago”
  • Red Alert: How About No?
  • “He shouldn’t be saying things like that in the first place. Why do you even talk to him?” “Jun Ho gives me food” “As much as I love food, you should never be degraded to get it” “But it’s soda, and I can’t take that to school” “You won’t get in trouble if no one finds out. That’s besides the point. Can you please drop that douuu-um, that trashcan? You don’t deserve to be told anything that’s negative about yourself that isn’t constructive”
  • Your kid just tried to assure him that It’s Fine, Dad but it most definitely Was Not
  • So then he went into every social media account he could find of Jun Ho’s and left some lovely messages and photos for the kid to find later

Jumin:

  • you know this motherfucker sent your kid to a private school
  • He didn’t realize that not every person would be magically nice to eachother
  • Just let him believe
  • Jumin was content with that for awhile until The Incident
  • Your son was walking back into your home as he was video chatting people at a party
  • For some reason, their conversation dropped off to what sports people were playing and some dumbass in the background made a rude remark to your kid
  • Jumin walked over and took the phone from your son’s hand and got the attention of the teenagers
  • holy shit, that was the dude that their parents made those important business deals with
  • that suit is probably worth more than all my organs
  • damn, he looks like he’s about ready to fail all of us in a class
  • Please refrain from ever contacting this phone ever again. Your words are unappreciated by myself”
  • Your son was desperately trying to mute him repeating that it was all okay
  • Jumin was still drilling these kids
  • “Furthermore, it is not any of your business to inquire about an individual’s health whatsoever. I will have you make good note that everything in this household is meticulously organized, so no, you’re not ‘concerned for his health’ or any other excuse that is as incompetent as yourselves. Have a good evening”
  • Sassy Jumin snapping that hang up button
  • Then he held out the phone to your son that took it nervously
  • “You’re never to speak to them again” “Dad, I-” “No, it is absolutely not fine. You will not be told that just because you’re not of the bare minimum weight, that you are any less of a human being. You are to be respected. If you are to speak to any of your classmates, please inform them that all business deals with their families will end soon.”
  • He most definitely called all of their parents that evening to tell them of these changes
  • Blocked every number he could
  • Also made sure that any future advertisements that were made by any department were to be inclusive of plus-size models

V:

  • There was a new museum and he was invited to attend it’s opening with his family
  • No way this Cotton Candy Man could say no when your daughter got excited at the mention of an artist she loved that was to have an exhibit showcased
  • Everyone had gotten dressed up for the occasion, including V in a snazzy I’m so sorry that I use that word suit, yourself in comfortable formal wear, and your daughter wearing a tighter blouse with a skirt
  • What she wore didn’t bug you or Jihyun, whatever made her the most loving to herself was fine by you
  • The three of you had walked in and were walking around to greet other guests and enjoy hors d'oeuvres
  • Your daughter walked off to admire the paintings until who you recognized as one of her fellow students walked up to her
  • There was no use in eavesdropping so you continued to walk as V walked into the room of the pieces
  • He honestly didn’t notice them until he could hear your child’s voice
  • Then he noticed what the other party was saying
  • Calm Dad walked over to them and apologized for his interruption in the conversation to tell off the student for what they were saying about your daughter’s outfit
  • “Hey, Dad, Mi Na wasn’t bothering me” “Then she was bothering me. Mi Na, please refrain from speaking negatively about my daughter’s appearance in the future. I assure you that whatever clothing she wishes to wear will not effect you”
  • You looked over to see the “Bitch, you ain’t shit” smile on his face and got interested to see what was going on
  • He explained to you the situation then spoke to your daughter again with a short lecture on Why She Was Perfect and Why People Suck
  • Got the girl kicked out from the museum afterwards
  • To make it up, even though “It was fINE, DAD,” V was able to get artwork from the artist your daughter was so excited to see

Saeran:

  • this one’s going to do with an ice cream parlor I’m sorry
  • He agreed to go on a family outing as long as the crowds weren’t too big
  • Hey, if you made it this far, don’t mess it up
  • To his favorite ice cream parlor first!
  • None of you cared if it was eleven am
  • It was always time for ice cream
  • While you three were waiting in line, your child noticed that the person scooping was the dickbag of an upperclassman that had been harassing them for a couple of weeks
  • Saeran noticed how they acted and offered to get a table with them so that it would fit into conversation easily
  • They nodded and went with them so that he could ask what happened
  • Your kid told him that the boy at the counter was giving him shit for his weight and that “It’s perfectly fine”
  • Then Saeran was p i s s e d
  • He assured them that they were perfectly fine as long as they liked themselves
  • Saeran then offered for them to go back in the line where you were ordering your food
  • Your child was slightly anxious as to what he’d do to the worker
  • He glared at that upperclassman so strongly that you thought he had killed Saeran’s joy in life
  • Considering how much Saeran loved his new family, he pretty much did, so the kid deserved to be scared for half a minute
  • He then smiled at you when you handed a cone to him and you sat down with the three of you eating happily
  • Saeran noticed the glances he was getting but didn’t mind them
  • He glared at the kid again for good measure when he held open the door

I’m sorry that this took me so long! Also, no offense if your name is Nancy or Bethany. They’re just my go to PTA Mom names. I’m going to try to get at least two requests up each day. I hope that this was to your satisfaction, but I’ll happily fix anything if you see fit. Much love to you all!

My mom is my best friend. She listens to me through everything and I mean everything. When I’m breaking out she looks at my face everyday to tell me if it looks better because I ask her to. She listens to me obsess about things. She lays in bed with me while I cry over a boy that broke my heart. She will listen to sappy break up songs for hours with me. She never judges me. She will watch romance movies with me all day. She lifts me up when I’m down. If I’m having anxiety about going somewhere I’ve never been she will go with me even if she’s worked all day and it’s the last thing she wants to do. She gives me the best advice that I trust. Nobody can make me laugh like she does. Especially when we’re trying to do something together; like carry something heavy and we can’t help but laugh and almost drop whatever it is. And when she says she promises, I know it’s true because she never breaks a promise.
—  I love my mom || Chapters from my life
The instinctive subtypes as I understand them

My attempt to consolidate what I’ve read in a way that filters/presents actual data without forcing them to fit it inso hamfisted, tortured shemes or concepts & to synthesize something from at times not all that concordant sources & illustrate descriptively where the differences are; I’m not under the illusion that I don’t have a PoV, but I can try.

Basically ppl initially theorized that each of the instincts would produce similar suptypes, but while they have certain similarities (ie, sp/sx being invested in their interests, sx/soc startng personal conversations with everyone… my mom somehow extracted a particular cashier’s entire family history), the ‘state of the art’ is that each type can present quite differently when filtered through one’s instincts, which fasciatingly illustrate how the self awareness/willpower, complex cognition, raw emotions & your instinctually driven brainstem all sit on top of each other and sorta form a whole.

In some types the subtypes can be fairly similar, in others they can be extremely different, especially when they go bad…

sp 1 - Someone who wants to be right/good/super-ego compliant when it comes to their own affairs and their everyday life; Might have a perfectionistic approach to their own work & behavior or even living space (keep it neat & presentable etc.) and/or turn it inward in an anxious way to the point of obsessive tendencies.  Might be cordial or, if healthy, even warm to others, not so much showing the cold or hot zeal you’d find in the other subtypes.

soc 1 - Has a colder, teacher-like demeanor; Most intellectual 1 especially with a 9 wing.  This is the “nitpicky” one the stereotypes are loosely based on, basically a person who wants things to be done right in society, wether it is the country at large, their workplace or their friend group, and be measured & controlled in their interactions with others.

sx 1 - Wants to spread in a ‘dialogue’ setting; Most likely to openly display anger, the type of person to be outraged at all the injustice in the world. Unhealthy individual might be a moral watchdog/ white knight/Nosy Neighbor projecting their own rejected impulses onto others or perpetate institutional/religious abuse, often having a “why not” approach to hypocritically fulfilling their desires on the side in the process of decrying others out of a twisted envy for their (”I repress my desires so everyone else should, too, even though it’s my cjoice to begin with”); Healthy individual would fight for actual good causes and be an uncorruptible whistleblower making sure society stays fair.

sp 2 - Quite different from the stereotype, this subtype hopes to make themselves loveable with a childlike, innocent/endearing demeanor. Might expect to be taken care of & act spoiled & entled; Sort of project more ‘static’ good attributes to attract the love & care of others & might feel they have to keep their attention/entertain them somehow to not be overlooked.   Healthier individuals will be sweet, charming & caring and provide for their loved ones with material/well-being related favors.

soc 2 - The “Charity Worker” or “Mom friend” sort of person. While the previous subtype acts overly childlike, this one is overly adult & wants to be in the role of the caretaker while perhaps overlooking their own needs/ fill an important/helpful/indespensable role for a larger whole of people, perhaps an organization - for that reason this subtype can actually be ambitious & leaderlike to get an important position (and/or help a lot of people).  Can get meddlesome,  histrionic, dramatic (”You all don’t appreciate my efforts!”) and/or develop psychosomatic problems when unhealthy.

sx 2 - The closest to the stereotypical version; The sort of person who always needs to have someone to focus on/  (best friend, boy/girlfriend, children…) really can’t stand being alone. Unhealthy individuals might end up on the manipulative or codependent side, more functional ones will be giving & generous toward their loved ones.

sp 3 - The “Businessperson” Markedly different in that while they might still be braggarts, they’re not overtly flashy and might even disdain flashyness & rather play up their no-frills, pragmatic qualities; Projects an image of ‘being able to care for themselves completely’ & not needing anyone (”I didn’t take no free handouts from no one”) which might manifest as being very sucessful, ambitious & industrious, and, in the best case, inspirational, adaptive & preseverant with a “can do” attitude; Most focus on self-improvement.

soc 3 - Now here’s where the flashy is at; This is the commonly known version. Might be interested in fame & popularity or at least adoration in their circle, comes with a lot of “aura” around them, less enlightened individuals might tend toward the fake, shallow & grandiose, but in the more self-aware ones we find confident public self-love & ppl wo are very good at making an impact on others & making their dreams come true.

sx 3 - Also fairly different but accounts for a lot of em, for example, I was surprised to learn that 3 is the 2nd most common type among ESFJs, and sure there might be some enterpreneurial or flashy ones but they’re not what we most commonly think about… but that was before I got this info. This subtype will present as attractive according to the values present around them, maybe the gender norms,  they’ll try to have the perfect friends & family & partner, perfect house etc the stuff the magazines recomend to be liked & admired but more admiration by the ppl immediately around you than society at large; Might still make a good actress or star tho but in a different way.  Though all 3s are usually on the more extroverted side or at least very good at social maneuvering, it’s the least pronounced in this subtype and some can even be a little shy, maybe worrying if they measure up to what they feel society expects from them; As with all 3s getting an understanding about which wants & goals are truly theirs, being transparent about those and knowing that they’re valuable just for being people probably helps.

sp 4 - These are complex, apparently. I’m not sure f it depends on the wing, the exact stacking or simply how life has treated them, but these tend to fall into two categories; Their similarity is that they tend to deal with their feelings/uffering more by themselves, and might be kinda torn between wanting to take care of their shit by themselves but also lowkey wishing someone would notice, which they might deny or be embarassed about; Also they might use physical possesions/decorations as a means of self-espression but be detached of non-symbolic possesions.

Some of them might present as relatively sunny & quirky, with an undercurrent of melancholy there, the sort to try to keep up a smile and lament about the mishaps in their daily lives and self-console themselves with some chocolate or scented baths or other material things.

The others will do the “enduring it by themselves” more through projecting toughness (and might be easily mistaken for 6s or 8s.) sort of like this type of anime character who’s a tough, cold adult woman that is all embittered because of some sad backstory; In the extreme of that you get a risk-taking, vagabond–like person.

For whatever it’s worth, as a sp-first person with a w4 and secondary 4 fix, I’d say I have traits of both; It depends on which mood you catch me in.

soc 4 - Probably the ones that could be said to most overtly display shame; They’re also fairly different depending on their functionality level, less functonal ones will often compare themselves t others & find themselves lacking/ have low self-esteem and might (ironically) be the most socially anxious and/or avoidant and reclusive.

In the medium range some of them can be involved with subcultures (goth, hispter, punk, what-have-you) as a way to reconcile the opposing impulses of seeing themselves as disparate from the larger society but still wanting to belong to a group.

At their best they often become savy critics of society & will try to help keep society staying true to authentic ideals or make it better.

sx 4 - The 4 classic. Better characterized as a refusal to feel shame for who they are and perhaps a kind of resentment over their lot in life; Attitude of having been personally wronged. Dramatic & possibly competitive (especially with 3 wing), might be very critical of themselves and others & lament the unfairness of their situation, in extreme cases to to the point of vindictiveness, errecting an arrogant superior veneer or misanthropy (”I hate (normal) people.”)/ feel that others have it easier/get more attention than they deserve & be resentful over that;

Might be tempestous, intense & feel personally wronged, be moody or sullen & just generally have a lot of feelings.

As their best they’ll be uncompromisingsy idealistic & integrous and will turn their high standards toward being their best possible selves & doing the best possible work, generally very creative folks and care a lot about making sure everyone’s treated with respect & fairness despite their differences/ might want to help others also become their best possible selves & generally stand up

In searching partnerships they might run into the problem that they have very high standards and might not find someone who meets them or become disillusioned when their partners don’t live up to their ideals; Also I’ve read somewhere that they have the minor quirk of often staying friends with their exes.

It is to be noted that these usually start out as those super sweet  sensisitive, imaginaive children before middle school/[any random stressor]  happens to them and that a lucky few mantain/regain this in adulthood, but there’s always going to be a fierce, immediate quality to their individualism.

sp 5 - The ‘Hobbyist’ mostly spends all day with their own pursuit of their current obsessions; Introvert among introverts, autonomy & having their own space is very important (many chose to live alone or at least like to have their own area in the house, where they might keep personally significant or potentially useful stuff; Might be minimalistic. Or just quirky. Tends to really like the idea of “secret hiding places” & construct/stock a ‘lair’ that they won’t have to leave more often than necessary so they can follow their pursuits.  )

soc 5 - The most intellectual/detached & most uninterested in ‘everyday life’; often tries to fill the role of an ‘expert’ in society/a group & see that as somthing they have to ‘bring to the table/contrbute’; Often interested in symbolism or understanding how society works, the meanings behind great patterns, might have a tedency to admire people they agree with or find accomplished & be drawn toward groups of other ‘experts’. The most detached from small-scale everyday life. Less pleasant examples might be stuck-up & elist.

sx 5 - Least outright ‘academic’ and kinda more dreamy with more of a ‘natural’ curiosity a rich inner life & artsy inclinations, might dream of best friends and/or lovers but not be as good at realizing it IRL because of their withdrawn nature.

Could be mistaken for a non-sx-4 or  sx 9 but distinguished by the sharing of thoughts & information as  a point of appeal; Want to share thir own secret world with the person & have their thoughts be understood.

While individuals without sx in their stacking/in the last spot might want a partner who’s not too demanding & uncomplicated to live with, (if they’re interested in finding one at all), folks with a more pronounced sx insticts will look for friends &/or partners they can have an intellectual exchange with. (Or at least phantasize about finding them)

sp 6 - The “warm/cute” variant of 6. Looks endearing, kind & harmless so others will trust them, wants to be part of gropus in their local surroundings - family, community etc so less system-oriented, or rather working for the system in their immediate surroundings. Tedentially the most phobic/ compliant variant; Under extreme stress, turns into anxious nervous wreck.

soc 6 - Most intellectual, outright ‘mental’ and system-oriented variant, will seek to understand the rules that govern society, most sceptical, keeps authority in check, can be a sort of beaurocratic legaliatic person or a dutyfull whistlblower. Examples which go bad can become conspiracy theorists or outright paranoid.

sx 6 - The ‘warrior’/’punk’/’rebel’, most counterphobic & reactionary of the subtypes, most rebellious, sort of sublimates energy, the interpersonal “testing” behavior is probably most overt here. The sx drive toward making a direct impact on the people you regularly interact with comes out as wanting to have a tough, intimidating effect of people, to have them respect (and therefore not coss/harm/betray) you. Can be mistaken for 8 but while these are more ‘lone fighters’ or ‘ringleades’, & just want others not to cross them, the 6 will react more to perceived infractions into their ‘territory’ and rely on strenght in numbers where the 8 is adversrial & independent.

Can be real badass & stand up against unjust authorities/ actually get trusted & respected, but also become complete fanatists at worst.  

sp 7 - The ‘Hedonistic ‘Pragmatist’: Focussed toward getting their physical needs met and seeks physical/material pleasure. While some name the soc 7 as the ‘countertype’ I personally think the sp 7 is one that has the marked difference to the others: While other 7s will be idealistic and can be naive, this one is instead pragmatic, materialistic,  realistic & wordly quite unlike the ‘scattered, unfocussed, pixie dream girl’ 7 stereotype.

Can be a good business person, extroverted yet discernin nature helps to form  & secure & formaliances, and be pretty assertive and enterpreneurial, even agressive.

Less functional examples are at real risk for addictions (with or without substances involved) & can be pretty selfish & ruthless as they see much of the world as commodities to cosume and might lose sight of everything but ensuring their own material comfort.

soc 7 - Wants to make “the most of their time” in the sense of interacting with/ contributing to larger society and ‘doing worthwhile things’; Your classic ‘benevolent adventurer’, might travel the world with their friends and/or become a activist/ work toward noble causes, have a self-sacrificing bent. Probably the subtype where the ‘overplanning’ problem can be most apparent.

Maybe because the soc instinct’s drive to focus on the group and the fear to lose your own hapiness are more likely to conflict, this is the subtype where the inner anxiety can be the most prominent/ closest to the surface, especially with a 6 wing. Because of all this, can be mistaken for social 2, but ephasis, motivations & reactions will be subtly different as they’re not so much about earning the direct grattitude of others .

sx 7 - Seeks mainly intense experiences & connections to others and as such can be adventurous & very novelty-seeking. Often has a certain  ‘manic creativity’ to them, probably embodies the ‘positive’/’optimistic’ aspect of the 7 the most. Can be very dreamy, idealistic & energetic. Partnership wise, they might be very romantic & look for the one ideal person. 

Also adventurous, can have a tendency to be impressed by/aprreciate/ be excited about all the new cool things they encounter/people they meet.

One common downside is that these individuals can be a bit on the naive/ suggestible side, at least in their youth, and might end up inadvertedly sabotaging their relationships with their tendentially scattered nature. 

On the lower health levels, there can be actual manic tendencies, and increasing inability to control one’s emotions

Can occasionally be mistaken for a 4, especially with 4 fix.

sp 8 - The ‘tough lone fighter’ sort of 8; A bit like a sp 3, they’re going to want to show that they can take care of themselves and some might express this though securing material wealth, though the independence will be more pronounced, wating others to get off their case & respect their boundaries more than to make an impression on them like the 3 or ‘be the boss’ like the other subtypes (though they might still fill the boss role to get shit done/ not tolerate disrespect/just by virtue of acting dominant)

These are typically very self-governed ppl who don’t listen to or rely much on others and follow their own judgement, sometimes to the point of an ubermensch mentality. (not necessarily a bad thing depending on what their values happen to be, they could fall anywhere between honest, fortright & & following their own justice without yielding to outside pressure/hypocricy, or self-servingly amoral) One particular quirk/traits is that they will often act idependently/ “just go and do something” without referring to other authorities especially if it’s something related to getting what they need; In some cases this can lead to ruthlessness. 

soc 8 - The ‘ringleader/gangboss’ sort of 8, where the adversarial, jungle-survival-y attitude of the 8 gets projected onto their peer group & the strenght/ filling of the ‘strong’ role is lived in part through taking others under their wing. 

The worst example would be that one archetypical short guy leadin a band of bullies, flanked by two taller musclier cp6s. Or they could be muscly themselves, it’s the ‘ganboss/armed-with-a-posse’ part that’s the point. Exertion of power/intimidation through having a group as your asset. Other pitfalls can be black & white thinking where the ‘them’ group is seen as practically a caricature, ie basically mob mentality. (Donald Trump anyone?)

The best of them is pretty much the exact opposite, someone who protects & forms a band for the downtrodden. more the sort of person who’d kick a bully’s ass and offer the bully-ee to check out their friend group & empower them to be more confident; Of course part of that involves allowing themselves to feel tenderness for their friends (and indirectly, for themselves) & feel for their troubles. 

sx 8 - More geared toward projecting strenght & self-ruled-ness in terms of direct interpersonal impact, this is going to be a person with an impressive commanding and/or tough aura; Often someone you have to respect even i you don’t agree with them, a ‘charismatic/magnetic leader’ (more sx/soc) or intense rebel (more sx/sp) sort of person. 

Unhealthy individuals can have a volatile temper and be possesive, controling partners, though those are ppl shooting themselves in the foot due to their inability to fully trust others; Actually they’re the most at home in a ‘Lady & Knight’ sort of dynamic and a well-developed individual will be very comitted & devoted to their partner. 

While 8s with less pronounced sx instincts might look for a ‘worthy opponent’ type partner who is also impressive & idependent, this subtype especially is all about trust & look for someone who will be completely loyal & trusts their decisions & might even have self-awareness to recognize that that is because that makes them feel safe themselves. 

They take betrayal really badly (though most 8s do); At the very best they’ll wash their hands of you. Doesn’t help that many 8s are types with absent/polR or inferior Fi. This is not a place where you wanna poke them. 

sp 9 - An earthy creature of habit sort of person, whose means of ‘tuning out’ in times of stress will tend to be everyday/material comforts like food, watching TV etc.  Grounded, calm and patient. Though 9s generally tend to be your typical phlegmatic temperament/‘people-oriented introverts’, this subtype is the most likely to require frequent alone time. Has their own way of doing things and will put up resistance when asked to change their habits.

Tends to be humble & content with their peaceful everyday life but can be inflexible. 

soc 9 - This one can be a bit harder to identify because they might not look all that ‘passive’ at first, in fact, they can be quite hard-working, maybe a combined effect of the 9s identification with/reliance on he larger complete system/environment, and the soc instinct’s ability to really comprehend/grasp that ‘evironment’ and its constituents as more than a vague mass, thus the tendency to want to actively contribute to its continued existence & stability, but unlike, say, a 1 or 3 they will do this in a very self-effacing manner; 

In the worst case there’s where you find the ‘deadened office drone’ variety of disfunctional nine.

sx 9 - The most ‘dreamy’ nine where the ‘epic inner fantasy’ life is the most pronounced; ‘Idealized Identification with the environment’ will be more bound to particular people though the person themselves might not even be aware how much their idea of themselves & their lives is anchored in those people. he main point of synergy between the instinct and the type is a desire for unification so it’s not usual to find these ppl as nature-lovers, spiritual types, or just, looking for a deeper/ideal form of ‘peace’. 

Though with a ostly internal coping mechanism less functional examples can look apathetic & escapistic.

(Corrections always appreciated)

Contrast

Ethan Dolan x Reader #1

Warnings: noooonnnneee :)

Word Count: 1103

Note: i loooovvveeee this AU, so I figured it be the perfect on to start on ~ K

[ masterlist

#1 for AU April: Florist x Tattoo Artist 

(gif creds to @jaredpadaleckis

—————————————————

It was ironic, and someone’s poor planning, had somehow lead to her flower shop was right next door to his tattoo parlor. As if by some wave of fate’s wand the two had met on the strangest of circumstances.

For him, she was a constant. She was never late, and each day when it came to him opening his doors, she was already there watering the fresh flowers on her windowsill. She’d always say good morning and ask if he had any fun appointments for the day. She never seemed to get down and when she did, it was never for the public eye to see.

For her, he was a mystery. He was always rushing to his door with a wave at her. He’d always ask her for a ‘flower of the day’ and when she had asked him why he simply said: “because you look cute when you talk about flowers”. He was amazing at tattoos, and each person that left his shop were filled with smiles, yet he didn’t have any visible himself.

For the both of them, it was only a matter of time until they got together.

They made perfect sense….

Keep reading

“When I was in middle school and early high school, maybe sixth to ninth grade, I contemplated suicide a lot, and I made some very poor attempts, probably not very serious ones.

But especially when I was 12, I thought that I would die because I was so unhappy. I thought my heart would just stop. And when it continued going, it was a mystery to me why I didn’t just drop dead from life being impossibly horrible.

So when I was in high school, maybe 14, I was cooking dinner with my mom, maybe stirring something on the stove, and I said to her, ‘I feel sorry for people who commit suicide. They must be really sad.’ I guess I was trying to provoke a conversation. I must have been desperate to do that because we did not talk about anything. I did not make it an obvious reference to me, but I remember she shut me down really fast and sharply. She said, ‘People who commit suicide are selfish!’

So I said, ‘okay’ and just kept stirring, and that was the end of the conversation.”

(Part I)

Canton, MA

How to tackle a big paper (at the last minute)

Hey! So I have a 10-15 page paper due in 10 days that I haven’t started yet. So because this is a problem I am tackling right now so I thought some of this may help you as well! As I’ve mentioned on this is blog before I have ADHD and Dylexia which makes “just sit down and do it” not very helpful. So here are some tips I complied to help you (and me!!) with this problem!

1. Read for only 5-10 minutes at a time

Having dyslexia makes reading really laborious so I purposefully keep my reading time very short especially when I’m reading heavy academic literature. This makes sure I’m actually comprehending whats being written and and not just glazing over. Read for 5 minutes take a 1 minute break and then start fresh. 

2. Talk it out

Call your mom, grab a friend and tell them all about the paper the paper before you start writing. Since I’m much more of a talker and a listener than a writer or a reader, I find that having conversations about my papers and projects helps a lot more that just brainstorming on paper. Also it always helps to get other people’s opinion of what you’re doing and here their ideas and suggestions. 

3. Make ridiculously detailed outlines 

Outline everything. Everything your going to talk about. Write in al of your topic sentences put in all of your supporting quotes. Make it so writing this essay is basically like filling in the blanks. For me writing a outline and then filling it is much less intimidating that starting from a black white word doc. 

4. Collect all the quotes you are going to use in advance and type them out.

One thing that will always stall me when writing a is stopping to get and laboriously type of long quotes. I always take time before I start writing to get all my quotes together and in order so when I’m in the flow of writing I can just cut and paste

5. Color code your essay. 

Black and white text is basically the worst. It makes everything look the same and it is hard to go back and reread the essay. So while I’m writing I color code the sections. For instance all the quotes go in blue, analysis goes in pink, historical background goes in green and transition go in purple. This makes it easy to spot where things are in the essay and it also makes it easy to see if all the parts of my paper are in balance. I need to have enough analysis and keep the transitions and fluff to a minimum. It really helps in the editing of my essay. 

@yourewelcomeforbeingmyfriend: ugh, I had my gallbladder taken out about ten years ago. No fun…although I felt much better after I was all healed; I wouldn’t wish gallbladder attacks on anyone!!

Here’s some fluff to make you feel better!! :)



“Dean, we need to talk.”

Dean looked up from his book to see Sam leaning against his doorframe, an odd expression on his face.

“And before you say anything, just let me say…” He trailed off, looking like he’d just swallowed a mouthful of pond sludge.

“Before I’m 50, Sam.”

Sam took a deep breath. “Look. I know you’ve got this whole repression thing going on, your ‘if I don’t talk about it it isn’t real’ plan of attack, or defense, or whatever it is, but I really think you’re going to have to face this head-on at some point, and I’m thinking that point is going to be–”

Dean tried. He really did. But this was too much. He did not like where this conversation was headed.

“Sammy! I have two things to say to you.  1. You’re rambling. Stop. And B. I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Dude. He’s baking a pie.”

Dean froze. Cas was…baking? Pie?

Dean heard Sam say “Apple. He bought the crust but he’s making the filling..” but it sounded like he was far away, or maybe underwater. His brain was too full of Cas to listen to Sam now.

Cas. Baking a pie. Cas didn’t eat pie–Cas didn’t really eat anything. Sam barely ate pie. So if Cas is baking a pie, did that mean it was for…

And Cas didn’t cook. Back when he was human he raved about peanut butter & jelly sandwiches, and he could make passable coffee, but Dean had never seen him so much as fry an egg. And now…

But it didn’t mean anything at all.

Right?

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Chris Hardwick, stand-up comedian, actor, voice actor, television host, writer, producer, podcaster, and musician, CEO of Nerdist Industries interviewed Robert Pattinson for 50 minutes. Listen to this great podcast:

Highlights of Rob’s interview & my notes *Rob’s quote in bold:

Starts at 8:00

  • Explaining the current press tour, how the Safdie brothers (directors) are more focused than him.
  • Vaguely embarrassed about talking about his acting process “What if someone doesn’t like it?”
  • Pretty much all of my drive and enthusiasm for anything is born out of chronic insecurity and self-hatred. It’s kind of annoying. it’s a vicious circle if you ever get out of that then you’ve succeeded in something, like you ain’t gonna be lost forever”
  • Shared that even Bruce Springsteen felt similar chronic insecurity and “visions of grandeur and sickness in equal measure”
  • His admiration for The Band, which he wanted to do a movie on, where these people who wrote “massive stuff” and “spectacular pieces of art” at only 22, recollected that he doesn’t even know what he was doing at 22.
  • He only thought he wanted to be an actor “ACTOR” at 25. “I always just think I approach everything thinking it’s going to be my last time every single time, and a lot of my decision-making processes “is this the one you’re going to go down for? Is that amazing decision for the right reason?”
  • Making movies whether it is a hit or whether people like it or not, at least he could take aways two things that were important to him from his past endeavours, prior to Twilight,
  • He was getting jobs up until a point that he thought ”this is going to be my life” and then just suddenly hit a brick wall. Twilight came along to be his big peak, but he could quite successfully disassociate myself from that, because he could psyched himself in thinking that it could just be taken away, and it was another nut down the road of his career.
  • Praising the Safdie brothers for their incredibly organazied minds, phenomenal people skills (both of which he does not have), how they could imagine a movie in their head and know technically they could put it together, and he is only beginning to understand the relationships between a director and the actor.
  • “You just had to have more trust in yourself and because when you don’t have trust in yourself then you can’t trust a director either. And so I think I would constantly be thinking that I somehow needed to mold a story from inside. As the performance rather than just accepting that it’s their medium, and also I just got better at choosing directors as well. I sort of realized because sometimes you do you work with a director and they’re just not in control of it… You try and control it but you literally can’t control as a director at all. It’s impossible well…you have one small piece… you’re just a cog and if you try and do your own thing you’ll just break the machine”
  • “I guess now I just have quite a smooth relationship with everybody I work with, it’s just way less contentious than it used to be.”
  • He recalled having to read the teleprompter the other day and having read his speech 15 times from his card (in the car) before finally understanding it.
  • I get nervous when I think there’s any kind of expectation that’s in any form of my life. If there’s any expectation then I’ll freak out and fail. I just have to set up my entire life to make sure that I’m in my own lane and not competing with anybody. Otherwise I know, I can’t compete. As I was talking about auditioning, I don’t like it. but if you realized if you just invent your own game and no one else knows to rules aside from you, then its fine.”
  • He has auditioned twice and gotten one of them so far (post Twilight)
  • It is not a pick and choose situation at all for him when it comes to his projects. The big projects with well-known directors that he’d want to work with, he hasn’t done enough to be really recognized or sought after. For those that wanted him “to get financing” he doesn’t want to work with them anyway. He has recognized over the years that he really like to be the A&R (artiste and repertoire) kind of person who is trying to find something with true potential that the majority of people have not realized yet. Then he will completely go in on them, committing a million percent which is what he did on Good Time. 
  • His love for movies, he watched a lot of them. Sometimes doubting himself imagining that he will ruin the movies if he were to play the roles he has his eyes on. He chose script by finding a fit to the kind of zeitgeist, the idea of the type of character that he wants to play and will search for it.
  • His preparation process before a project: his anxiety builds up before a project starts, when he gets really obsessed with the script and thinks everything is going to be amazing. When the date draws closer he just reaches a point of not understanding anything “it doesn’t even make any sense, it is not even written in English…the directors’ previous works are all shit…” and gets worse and worse spiralling out of control, and he will start to act out on everyone around him, getting their sympathy etc. Then one day his agent told him “you just like this feeling, you get high from anxiety” which he admitted about feeding on the adrenalin from anxiety.
  • In making the “fear” real. “The most real thing in the world is pain, and if you somehow figure out some kind of psychological or physical pain which is associated with the job” ….many artists or actors set up walls when they feel the devastation from pain (even when faking it) or doing it as an addiction, “whatever you still have to do it, ….you have to figure out a way, to trick yourself… to use everything inside of you…now I am going to make it real”
  • Funny story : My dad has always given me relationship advice. And my mom and dad have been married for nearly 40 years, and my dad said “You know, at the end of the day, love is just a fancy you’ve created for yourself. It’s only in your own head”…and I said “you shouldn’t this right in front of her (his mom). And his mom said “he’s right you know”
  • Living in character: “That is generally why I kind of stay in isolation if I’m trying to do something. It got so much easier because you create real arguments with everyone in that situation”
  • “I have those conversation the whole time (with my brain) every single decision I made, I consult my brain and especially like  “is the yes bigger or the no bigger?”…. I don’t know, I think that’s a yes…”
  • “I always find it strange when someone’s saying “oh yeah well this is because of this, and this or that” it’s like, if you say something and someone acknowledges your unique individuality I think it’s much more comforting…. It is scary to think you are part of a herd and you’re just a number. I think I would almost prefer to be unique and alone.”
  • “I am very very in my own head like almost constantly. Since I was a kid. Need to be in therapy to be less afraid of confrontation. I hold grudges and never tell people because I don’t want to piss them off. I just don’t talk to them again, just ghost it!”
  • “I remember growing up, my dad was like “you can do anything you want, just don’t be loud” I was just very uncomfortable with that kind of people not thinking things through all the time, and I think that’s why now I’m very attracted to parts where people are very upfront, not really second guessing themselves.”
  • He never understood that acting to be fun (for some performers). It is a kind of hybrid therapy for him. “Some people see it as a job, but I think that’s crazy. What you’re doing there, so you’re making faces, practice making faces so people are able to hire you? I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing, I have no idea what the skills are, I literally just know there’s something which I want to confront in my real life, I am going to use the excuse of this fictional situation, which is like a kind of reality safety net so I can do all these stuff, because it is not real.”   
  • “It is just a way to experiment, how you would feel in a situation and you can have a safety net. Most of the time you avoid doing certain thing because you don’t want to have to deal with the consequences afterwards, whereas in a movie, you can do things and then sort of not really deal with it.”
  • He talked about Netflix, Cinephile videos where he can get an entire catalogue of directors from that place a lot of which is not on Netflix. He loved doing that. “I’d like being a sponge the things”
  • He felt Ciro Guerra’s Embrace of the Serpent (a Columbian movie) is an insane and magical thing from the first shot. He was mesmerised, and he doesn’t understand how it was made. He hassled Gueraa to give him a job which is happening early next year “How can you make something so magical?” “I want to know how you make it so magical!”. He doesn’t think anyone can really explain their thing in creating magic, he knows some will have innate talent. In general, it is putting in tonnes of time and practice and work till you get it right.
  • The story about his sister’s magician friend who did this card trick of always getting the right card (90% accuracy) he picked. He knew it is about certain patterns and work put in, and concluded that “if you are a true magician, then you are actually looking for the thing which is real…then the real matter is not a trick.”
  • He has waited for years to work with Claire Denis. “I think all these things are just like having a relationship with someone. You have that initial moment, you only fall in love with people of things so many times or that find something, you just get that feeling of falling in love with it, you might not necessarily know what it is but you should 100% chase it down afterward.” Like this next thing (Claire Denis project) “I remember seeing it, as it is directly clear to me, who is one of my favourite directors, but I remember seeing her first movie when I was shooting the last Twilight movie in Louisiana and it was on TV. I remember being so struck five and a half year ago, and I tracked her know. She’d never made a fully English language movie before and I just kinda stay involved…”
  • He was going to Jimmy Kimmel later and his mind is going crazy. What goes through his mind where there was a fans-”grabby period”. Luckily, when he is in a calm situation, his brain will be filed with anxiety and panic and then when he is in a panic-anxiety-inducing situation, his brain completely calms down (totally zen). He has no idea why and it is kind of helpful, like he gets dumped of serotonin. When something feels really nerve wrecking, his heartbeat will slow down and have this weird out-of-body-experience. In those situation (similarly to being on social media), he would have a desperate need to make everyone like him. “just like me, like me!” That is why he will never have social media, he will never go off his phone and will be staring at it all day which is 100% complete waste of energy.
  • Fight or flight situation. He is either zen and calm, or (a few times that happened) when someone confronts him said one thing, then he has compressed rage (built up from 5 years) thrown out at that person.
  • “To maintain any kind of career for long, somehow it will get out, people will get a feeling of who you actually are, it is impossible to keep something contained, especially now. Unless you literally never leave your house, but then, it reflects on what type of person you are”

anonymous asked:

I was shopping at City of Parties today with my mom and suddenly hear yelling. A manager is badgering her employee on the floor for being 2 hours late. A valid complaint, but she was doing it in front of customers. She continued to send him home in front of all of us as well. It just seemed like a conversation to be had in the back, especially since she came out of nowhere to yell at him while he was trying to blow up balloons.

sadgirlenthusiast  asked:

How do I make a character the "mom friend" without going overboard?

I am the mom friend usually and I think it’s because I’m an older sibling. When I’m with an individual or group that acts hesitant or naive, I tend to take charge. Age makes no difference, so if some of my group is older than me I’ll still see to their immediate needs if they aren’t doing very well themselves. When a threat is posed to my group (anything from a pushy salesperson to a lurky guy) I go into protective mode and get very blunt: “No, we’re not interested.” - “Dude, you need to back off.”

Sometimes I get protective when I wasn’t even present. If a friend tells me about a recent event that made them feel scared or weak, I get mad and want to make it right. This is not my normal everyday personality, mind you, I’m not that brave or quick, but when it’s about my friends or younger sibling that “mom” side of me comes out.

It’s the same side that will sit down and listen, or take someone aside when the time is right and make sure they’re alright. I try to include everyone in the conversation or activity, especially outliers and shy persons. I’ve spent a lot of time being the third wheel or ignored member of groups before, so I’m very sensitive to how it makes others feel. Once my sister and her friend were talking, and her friend’s younger brother was melting in the sun waiting for it to be over so I just traded places with him so he could be in the shade. I don’t even remember the kid’s name.

But it can definitely be overdone. If someone does not want to be “mothered” they let you know. I have embarrassed people by being protective, and sometimes people find attentiveness to be condescending or evening threatening. It all depends on how the “mom friend” views the others and herself. If she just wants to be in charge because it makes her feel good, she can rub some people the wrong way (though some may be relieved she’s in charge). A good example of this is the title character in Jane Austen's Emma. If the mom friend genuinely wants to help, but misreads someone in the group she can also offend them that way, possibly for good since most people do not like feeling meddled with. 

So, how your maternal character is perceived depends on how the others in her friend group react to her. I keep saying “she/her” but guys can be that protective influence in a group too, though obviously they’re referred to as brotherly or paternal instead of “mom friend.”

I hope I answered to your satisfaction and I wish you the best with this character!  

Tattoo Pt 1

Season 3a Masterlist

Stiles Stilinski x Reader

Word Count: 2,874

Warnings: Mentions of Sex, Fluff

   It was around noon when I finally woke up. Stiles was softly snoring underneath me, and I smiled, looking up at him. These past four months have been so normal and fun, and Stiles and I easily slipped into our relationship. Scott says it was because we were practically dating already, just without the kissing.

   Scott and Allison were still split up, but he was taking it pretty well, and despite his relationship ending, he had been nothing but supportive to ours. Sheriff had already taken me in with open arms, as did my parents for Stiles. It seemed like they all expected this to happen sooner or later. I think my dad had hoped it would just be a little later than now.

Keep reading

When I was like five I asked my mom what ‘fetish’ meant and for some reason she told me it means you hate something a lot and you can probably imagine how that went for me later in life when I tried to express just how much I hate it when people put their feet near me

You’re Gonna Live Forever In Me (Part 3/4)

Prequel to Richie’s Eulogy

Official Cast

Part 1 Part 2

A/N: This chapter is when we finally get to see Richie in all his hispanic glory! Haha I hope you all like how I characterized the Losers. I know it’s kinda different than how other people do, but I wanted to spice things up. Bill’s parents are nicer in my fic than in Canon, but I liked to imagine eventually they help and became nicer. Whatever though. I also added a lot more humor into this chapter. I fucking love doing dialogue and really hope you all find it funny. Enjoy. 

Pairings: Reddie with a slutty side of Stenbrough and some implied Benverly 

Summary: It’s senior year and Eddie has began to notice Richie exhibiting strange behavior. He is worried he might be hiding something, but doesn’t know how to confront Richie about it without setting him off and making matters worse.


December 1994

It was Christmas in Derry, Maine, and just as it’s been since the conception of the club, all seven losers found themselves in the Denbrough’s household, preparing for their annual holiday dinner. Eddie, Mike, Ben, and Bev’s parents preferred to celebrate Christmas Eve as a family, which, coincidentally (and conveniently), allowed the Losers to spend actual Christmas Day with each other. Stan was Jewish as fuck, so he could do whatever the hell he wanted on the Christmas; and Richie’s parents didn’t care what he did any other day of the year, so why would Christmas be any different? For some of the Losers, this was rather poetic; since their friends were more of a family to them than anything their parents could hope or care to be.

 
Despite having become accustomed to his parent’s active indifference, the holiday season was still an agonizingly difficult time for Richie. This was the time of year when the world seemingly would mock and torture him with imagery of happy families, as if to say “You see this? You will never have this!”  Of course, this wasn’t really the case, but it sure felt like it was to Richie.  Seeing all these families on TV, in advertisements, and even around town indulging in their pseudo-domestic bliss that came with the yuletide had Richie’s heart set ablaze with jealousy. “How can people be so happy? Why couldn’t he have that? Why did his parents have to be so awful?” These questions loomed over Richie, taunting him.

 
Unable to make the pessimistic voices in his head dissipate, he figured if he spoke louder and didn’t stop, he could drown them out enough to make the season tolerable. Unfortunately this made him especially intolerable to everyone, except the Losers. Richie has always liked to crack inappropriate jokes and be the center of attention, but this was taking it to a whole new level. Anything and everything out of his trashmouth was either a crass joke or an obscenity, making his nickname even more fitting. The Losers weren’t thrilled about this, but, being aware of his situation, had developed more patience for him throughout the years. This didn’t mean that there weren’t times when Richie crossed thresholds and sent them into a fury.


“GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME, ASSHOLE!” Having Richie pestering him all day, had Eddie fed up. “I don’t care if there is a mistletoe under every fucking doorframe, I am not making out with you!”  

“Baby, don’t be such a prude! Es Navidad! Dame un besito! Andale mi nino lindo! Presioso!” Eddie hated PDA and refused to kiss Richie outside of the privacy of their rooms, but it was their first Christmas as a couple and Richie wanted to make it special. So, he decided to bring out the big guns: talking in Spanish. Whenever Richie spoke in his native language, Eddie would melt and Richie could get him to do almost anything. 


Eddie froze in place as fire spread across his cheeks, giving away just how effective his boyfriend’s tactic had been.  “Umm… uh… ahem! NO! Stop it! I know what you’re doing and that is not going to work this time! I have to get back into the kitchen to help Mrs.Denbrough with dinner! You’ve already distracted me long enough!”

“Bebe, no seas asi! Amorsito! Nene!” Richie cooed as he wrapped himself around Eddie’s shoulders. “Solo un besito chiquito! Aaaandaleeee!”

“Fuck off.” Eddie pushed him away and began to make his way back into the kitchen. “If you keep annoying me, I won’t kiss you for the rest of the week.”

“Hijo de tu puta madre!” Richie mumbled under his breath, crossing his arms over his chest, and a child-like pout settling on his rosy lips.

“I KNOW WHAT THE FUCKING MEANS, DUMBASS!” Eddie retorted as he disappeared behind the kitchen door.

“Oh shit…” This is when Richie knew he fucked up.


“So, what happened? Did you get Eddie to kiss you or what?” Stan smirked as he continued to set the table. All of the Losers had been setting up for dinner, while Richie was on his quest for affection.

 
“Of course he didn’t! Why do you even bother asking, knowing how Eddie is?” Mike answered, beating Richie to the punch. 


“Because then he has to admit to us that he didn’t, making his failure humiliating as well as disappointing.” Stan looked directly into Richie’s eyes with a condescending self-satisfaction. 


“Wow! You’re evil… and I think it’s making fall in love with you all over again.” Bill placed a delicate kiss onto his boyfriend’s temple as he passed by him with a stack of plates in his hands. Through years of speech therapy his stutter had pretty much disappeared, except in the instances when he found himself inebriated. 


Richie was none too pleased with getting ambushed by the people who he was starting to regret calling his friends. “Honestly, I don’t get what you’re being so smug about, Staniel. My Eddie is a classy lady with decorum, which more than I can say for you. Don’t think any of us have forgotten about catching you bobbing for Bill’s apple last Halloween!” 


“CAN YOU NOT!?” Bev interjected, disgusted with the memory of Bill and Stan mid-blowjob being forced back into her mind. “How are any of SUPPOSED to forget about it if you keep bringing it up, Richie!?”


“Yeah, and my mom is in the next room, idiot!” Bill’s parents were aware and supportive of his son’s relationship, but that didn’t mean they were interested in knowing the details, especially such graphic ones. 

“Buscame y me vas a encontrar! That means come for me and you shall find me, Big Bill. I wouldn’t have to put you on blast like that, if you kept your bitch in check.” 


“RICHIE!” Ben was fed up with the conversation. He knew there was no real malice behind any of their words, but this was hardly appropriate banter for Christmas dinner with Bill parents. The Denbroughs knew the Losers had quite the potty mouths, but expected them to cut that shit out on Christmas. “Why don’t you help us finish setting up the table, instead of arguing? Dinner is ready and we need to have everything set up, before Eddie and Mrs.Denbrough bring in the serving dishes!”


“Yeah, I think that is a good idea. God knows the last thing I want to think about during dinner is blowjobs.” Mike was by no means a prude, but was not eager to picture his friends getting it on, either. 


“Agreed.” Bev stated as she finished placing the utensils on the table.

They finished setting up and took their seats just as Eddie entered the dinning room with the first platter.  He placed it in the open space at the center of the table and took his seat beside his boyfriend. “Hola, mi amor!” he said completely butchering the usually romantic Spanish language, with the thickest accent anyone had ever heard, but Richie didn’t care. The sentiment was sweet nonetheless and he thought it was adorable when Eddie tried to speak Spanish.


“Eddie-Bear! My Love! Why are you sitting there, when there is a perfectly comfortable seat here on daddy’s lap?” Richie knew just how to ruin a cute moment. 


“Can you behave!? Bill’s mom worked very hard on this dinner! Don’t be rude and wrangle your trashmouth!” Eddie looked up at Richie, who still comically dwarfed him even when seated.


“Whatever, bitch. Don’t be trippin’ balls, you know I got this shit.” He said with a straight face and not a hint of humor to his voice, knowing this would set Eddie off. God, how he enjoyed teasing his boyfriend!!


“Listen here, motherfuck-“

“Eddie!” just then, at the most incriminating moment, Bill’s parents walked into the room, each with a dish in their grasp. “I am so disappointed in you! You know we don’t allow foul language at the dinner table, especially on Christmas, young man!” 


“I’m sorry, Mrs.Denbrough. It won’t happen again.” Eddie avoided her eyes at all costs, as if to catch them he would cause him spontaneously combust. He reached under the table and gave Richie a hard pinch to the sensitive flesh of his thighs. A vengeance that was subtle, but very much effective. 


“OUCH! You dick!” Richie whisper yelled, only audible to Eddie, and Bev who sat beside him. She giggled.

 
“You deserve that! You got poor little Eddie in trouble!” she teased.


“Don’t talk about me like I’m some defenseless creature. I’m a man!” Eddie resented his height, and it infuriated him when anybody made him feel weak because of it. “And, yes, you did deserve that, trashmouth.” 


“Whatever you say, my little love-muffin. Ay que lindo mi bebe henanito!” Richie knew Eddie hated when he talked to him like a baby, which is exactly why he did it so often.


“Uuuuuuuugh!” Eddie was exhausted and just wanted to enjoy dinner. “Whatever.” The Losers exchanged amused looks. Eddie and Richie always knew how to put on a show, even if they didn’t mean to. Well, at least Eddie didn’t mean to.

 
“Alright, everybody! Let’s dig in!” Mr. Denbrough said wanting to change topic. Bill’s parents adored having the Losers over for Christmas, even more so since Georgie’s death. It was a pleasant distraction from his absence, though nothing could ever fully make their pain go away. It was still nice to have a house full of children, even if said children weren’t really kids anymore. 

 
As they all began to enjoy their dinner, the couples segregated into their own individual conversations. Mike, being the eligible bachelor that he is, dipped in from one conversation to another. Mike was so charming and intelligent, and always adapted so well to any crowd, so it was effortless for him to jump from one topic to another. Ben and him had a particularly strong bond and could find themselves lost in conversation for hours. It was probably due to their similar qualities and shared interests. One could say they were Richie and Bev’s counterpart; both platonic, both incredible close.

 
The evening went on pleasantly, as it did every year. Eddie and Richie, surprisingly, bickered very little. Mostly because no one was paying them any attention, so there was no motivation for Richie to rile him up. Their conversation consisted mostly of cute inside jokes and sweet nothings. It would have been perfect, if not for Richie’s constant glances in Mr. and Mrs. Denbrough’s direction. As the boys spoke, Richie would face Eddie, but his eyes would dart towards the parents and linger just a bit too long. Then he’d catch himself, and snap his attention back to his boyfriend. Richie has always had a short attention span, but this was different. It seemed more like Richie COULDN’T get his eyes off the Denbroughs, rather than being incapable of paying attention to Eddie’s words.


Annoyed with Richie’s behavior, he turned to see what it was that he found so fascinating. What he found was a thing of fairytales. There were Mr. and Mrs. Denbrough, leaned into one another with her hands lovingly enveloped within his, as they engaged in their own conversation. The way he looked into her eyes was that of a man who could see the answers to the universe and find treasures untold within her emerald irises. An incandescent luminance seemed to radiate from them, and it was breathtaking in the most understated way possible.

  
Eddie was touch by such a display of unconditional love, but couldn’t understand why Richie found it so hypnotizing. It’s not like it was the first time they had seen Bill’s parents being affectionate toward each other. What made this instance so special? Eddie turned back to face Richie, who seemed to realize he had caught on to what he was doing. “You okay?”


“Yeah, totally.” Richie responded as he cleared his throat and sat up on his chair making him seem a whole foot taller.  Whatever it was that Richie found so engaging about the Denbroughs, it was clear to Eddie that Richie DID NOT want to talk about it. Knowing that asking him anything else about it would just aggravate him and ruin what has been a beautiful night, he relented. 


“Okay.” He reached out for Richie’s hand and began to caress his knuckles with the pads of his thumbs. Richie turned to face him again, relaxing into the gesture. Eddie looked into his ebony eyes (noting to himself how much they resembled onyx) with sincere adoration and gifted him with the warmest of smiles. “I love you.”

 
A smile grew onto Richie’s face; accentuating the creases besides his eyes, a sign Eddie’s words had meant more to him in that moment than they usually would have. And that was saying a something. “I love you, too.”


“Oh my god, I am so stuffed! Eddie you guys did such an amazing job! It was DELICIOUS!” Ben plopped himself on the couch and patted his belly. After dinner everyone had helped out with the dishes, making the whole process much quicker, and they were now ready to enjoy their movie marathon in the living room. 


“Thank you, but it was honestly all Mrs. Denbrough. I just did whatever she ordered me to do.” Eddie said humbly, seating himself in his usual spot on the floor, next to Richie.


“Hmmm… and what is it I have to do to get you to do the same for me, Eds?” Richie draped his arm around Eddie’s shoulder and pulled him closer to him. 


“Don’t be fucking gross! I just ate!” Stan cried from his seat on Bill’s lap. “I swear I’m gonna go all exorcist and projectile vomit all over you, if you don’t cut the shit, Richie!” 


“Okay now you’re the one being gross.” Bev grimaced at Stan’s words. “I’d rather talk about the film selection, than talk on any bodily functions or fluids.” 


“I second that motion!” Mike said as he sprawled out a large selection of VHS’s on the table in the center of the living room. Everyone leaned in to inspect the titles. “What do you guys think about a Christmas movie?”


“Isn’t that a little cliché?” Bill chimed.

 
“Well when else are you supposed to watch a Christmas movie?” Ben quipped. “It’s not like we would watch A Christmas Story in July. Well, I don’t know about you, Bill, but we wouldn’t.”


“Appropriate or not, I don’t feel like watching a Christmas movie!” Richie interjected. 


“What about a scary movie!?” Mike suggested excitedly, as he held up the new Nightmare on Elm Street movie. 


“Yes!!!” Bev and Richie cheered in unison, then smiled at each other, proud of just how much they think alike. 


“We can’t watch a scary movie! You know how easily Eddie gets scared, you guys!” Bill warned as he directed a concerned look at Eddie.


“Shut the fuck up! I‘m not scared, you twig-bitch!” Bill was taken back by Eddie’s unexpected outburst. There was a reason Richie and Eddie made such a perfect couple. Amongst many other things, they shared the same lighting wit and venomous tongue. “Don’t project your pussy boyfriend’s fears on to me!”


“I love you so fucking much!” Richie beamed with pride as he hugged Eddie with all his might. “I think it’s so fucking HOT when you get snarky like that! Mmh,” he whispered into Eddie ear, only to find himself chastised by the petite spitfire. 


“I resent that, Eddie. I am not scared; I just think horror movies are stupid! They are all so predictable and exactly the same.” Stan attempted to defend himself to no avail. Everyone already knew what Eddie said was true.

 
“It’s okay to be afraid, Stan. It’s not that big of a deal.” Mike assured Stan, sympathetically. 


“I’M NOT SCARED! Put on the fucking movie, I don’t care!” Stan was determined to prove his so-called friends wrong! 


“Are you sure, babe?” Bill asked, his words laced with uncertainty.

 
“YES, I’M SURE BILL! WHAT THE HELL!?” Stan was disappointed that his boyfriend, out of everyone, didn’t believe in him enough to watch a horror movie. “Just put on the fucking movie!” 


“Okay, people! You heard Curly Sue!” Richie chanted, earning a leer from his ringlet adorned friend and a giggle from Ben. “Let’s get this shit started!” 


Mike took the VHS out of it’s plastic case and inserted it into the player. Everyone made themselves comfortable, paring into their respective couples, ready to enjoy the horror flick. Before they could begin, though, Bill’s parents entered to say goodnight, both ready to head to bed. “Alright, kids! We’re gonna go to bed. It was nice having you over again this year. Have a good night.” Mr. Denbrough said with the typical paternal formality one would expect from a father.


“There are plenty of snacks in the pantry, if you kids get hungry. Feel free to scavenge through.” Mrs. Denbrough added. 


“WAIT, MRS. DENBROUGH!” Bev yelled, startling Bill’s parents with the sudden exclamation.


“What is it, Bev!?” Concern littered her petite face. “What’s wrong?”

 
“Oh gosh, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to startle you! Ha! Ha! It’s just that you’re both under the mistletoe.” She answered bashfully. 


“Oh, I guess we are, huh?” Mr. Denbrough smiled sweetly at his wife and she mirror his expression.

 
“KISS! KISS! KISS! KISS!” Everyone except Richie chanted. His stillness garnered the attention of his boyfriend, but Richie would never have noticed. He was lost; disconnect, but burdened. As the Denbroughs shared a kiss that could not be classified as anything other than a quick peck, Richie stared intensely and Eddie’s heart began to race. Eddie immediately recognized the expression that settled onto his face as the same one that he had on that terrifying September morning. It was unmistakable! It had been so long since he had seen it, but he could never confuse or forget it, even if he tried. It was burned into his memory like a scar.


“Richie… “ Eddie whispered warily, forgetting all about the other people in the room, who also seemed to be blissfully unaware of the situation between the two boys, having started to clap and cheer for the Denbroughs. 


“Hmm. Yeah, Eds?” This time around reaching Richie was much easier, as he snapped back into the present almost instantly. Again, just as last time, he immediately tried to overcompensate with smiles and kisses.  “What’s up, baby boy?” he asked nonchalantly as he leaned in for a kiss, which Eddie did not resist. 


“Uh. Nothing.” Eddie learned from his experience last time and decided now was NOT the time to interrogate his boyfriend about what just happened. He would leave it for another time when they could both be alone.  Richie just responded with another smile, only this time, the creases besides his eye did not make an appearance. 


“Hey you two! Are you ready to watch the movie or do we need to give you some privacy?” Mike asked from the recliner he had made himself comfortable on. Eddie took notice of the Denbrough’s absence, surmising they had probably gone to bed in the middle of their exchange, and now all eyes here on them.

 
“Ha! Ha! Very funny.” He said sarcastically. “Press play, we’re ready.” 


“Okay, but no making out during the movie!” Mike taunted with a sing-song tone one would expect from a child. 


“Uh, when have we ever done that around you guys? Why don’t you say that to Stan and Bill!? They’re the ones that are always all over each other!” Eddie complained, in his tenor whine.

 
“Don’t be a fucking hater, midge.” Stan retorted. 

 
“You know, Staniel, I think I like you better with Bill’s dick in your mouth.” Eddie said glaring into Stan’s eyes, a smile spreading on to his lips. “At least then you’re quiet.”

“Oh fuck! Ha! Ha! Ha!” Ben cackled. “Damn, dude.” 


‘Okay! Okay! I’m pressing play now, everyone shut the fuck up!” Bev announced, taking the remote from Mike. She, too, had thought it was funny, but thought Stan had been humiliated enough for one day. 


Eddie found himself unable to pay attention through the duration of the movie, still concerned with Richie’s strange behavior. He instinctively wanted to be blunt and forward, but he knew better. If he just came out and asked what was wrong, Richie would just flip out on him again. No, he needed to be smart about this. He settled on dealing with this on their walk home, which wouldn’t be for few more hours. This gave him plenty of time to figure out how to approach the subject. He knew that no matter how much prep time he had, Richie would still end up upset somehow, but it didn’t matter. This was something that had to be addressed. He silently prayed to whatever deity would listen, to bless him with the same resilient determination when he was force to face off with a furious Ricardo Alonzo Tozier.


It was now a little passed midnight as Richie and Eddie trekked their way over to the latter’s house, their gloved hands laced together and swinging between them. It had been a quiet walk for the most part, but not uncomfortably so. Both of them found themselves content in the other’s presence, even if neither spoke a word. It was strange to see the couple so well known for their loud and heated arguments be so serene. As heartwarming as it all was, Eddie knew this was just the calm before the storm. Guilt began to overtake him and he decided to break through the stillness.

 
“You know you can talk to me, right? I mean, like, about ANYTHING! I am here for you.” He said looking up at his raven-haired, statuesque boyfriend, forcing the calmest tone could possibly muster. 


“I know, baby-boy.” Richie responded avoiding eye contact, knowing where this conversation was going and wanting to evade it at all costs. 

 
“So, um… what’s going on?” That was EXACTLY what Eddie had promised himself not to ask, and then he fucking went off and asked it anyway. He was so frustrated with himself. “Ahem… Is everything okay?”


“Yeah, everything is cool. It was a nice night, right?” Richie asked sullenly. 


“Yeah, of course.”


“Then, let’s not ruin it. I know where you’re going with this and I appreciate it, babe, but I don’t want to get into it.” Eddie was surprised and slightly hurt by Richie’s bluntness.  


“I’m not trying to ruin anything.” Eddie’s eyes darted away from his boyfriend and glued themselves onto the pavement beneath them. “I am just concerned.”


“I know you are, and like I said I appreciate that, but nothing is wrong. If something WERE wrong, I would tell you, Eds.” Richie’s tone was becoming more pointed.
“No you wouldn’t.” Eddie said under his breath, which came out as a small cloud due to the freezing temperature of the evening.


“What did you say?” Richie stopped in his tracks and pulled his hand away. “What did you say, Eddie?” 


“Nothing.”


“No, go ahead say what you’re really thinking! You wanted to talk; well here’s your chance! Talk!” There was no going back now. 


“I-I-I … um… “ Eddie hesitated as he turned back to face Richie, “I said ‘No, you wouldn’t.’”


“And what the hell is that supposed to mean, Eddie?” Richie inched himself closer.

“It’s just that you never talk to me. I mean you do, but only …like, only when you …”


“Only when I what? When I run to you after my dad kicks my ass? After my mom throws a bottle at my head and tells me to kill myself? Hmm?! Is that what you can’t seem to say?” Richie was not holding back any punches. “It’s funny how you say you want to talk, but here we are and you aren’t even able to finish that sentence!”

  
“It’s not that I can’t say it! I just have to walk on eggshells for you. If I say the wrong thing you get mad at me!” Eddie was starting to regret having brought the whole thing up.


“Oh, so it’s me!?” Richie widened and narrowed his eyes, pointing towards himself.  “So I’m the bad guy!?” 


“Richie, stop it! That is not what I said! Why does there always have to be a villain!? It’s just you and me; two people who care about each other! I am just trying to help…” Eddie tried his hardest to pacify Richie, but it seemed to make no difference. 


“No, bullshit! I tell you everything is fine! I ask you to trust me and you keep fucking digging, Eddie! Why can’t you just let shit be? Why do you have to keep nagging and bitching!? What the fuck do you want from me? If I don’t want to talk about something, maybe its cause I can’t! Has that ever occurred to you?! No, because you don’t fucking care! No, you just want to martyrize yourself! You want to save me! I don’t need saving Eddie. Just let it fucking go! LET! IT! GO!” Richie was full on shouting now, emphasizing the last three words of his rant by shoving his boyfriend. 


Eddie’s amber orbs began to shimmer with tears, but he refused to divert he eyes from Richie’s. “Why … Why are you being so mean? I didn’t mean to … I- I -I  was just-Ugh!” He could find a way to finish a thought, so overwhelmed with hurt and frustration. 


“You know what?” Regret had begun to sink in. Hurting Eddie was something Richie never wanted to do, but yet here was his Eds, crying because of him. “I-I-I’m just going to go home.” He turned around to walk back in the direction of his house, but before he could take more than one step he felt a small hand latch onto his arm. 


“Wait! Stop!” Eddie began to wipe tear off his face with the hand that was not grasping on to Richie. “No! Don’t leave! Is this what its going be like every time things get difficult? Are you always going to walk away? What’s going to happen when things get to be too hard? When I get to be too annoying? Are you just going to leave me forever?” 


“Eddie, I just can’t right now.” Richie pulled away and continued towards him house in wide strides; he needed to get out of there before he made things worse.


Without a second thought, Eddie chased after him and wrapped his small arms around the taller boy’s midsection, “STOP! DON’T LEAVE! I’M SORRY! I’M SORRY! I’M SORRY I MADE YOU MAD; I DIDN’T MEAN TO. I’LL LET IT GO, I PROMISE! JUST- PLEASE DON’T LEAVE!” Eddies sobs tore into Richie’s heart. His body trembled as his tears streamed down his cheeks uncontrollably, his voice deteriorating with every word. “Please don’t be mad at me! Please don’t leave me. I love you. I love you, Richie. I’ll let it go! … I’ll let it go.”


“Eddie…” Richie’s voice was tender and free of the malice that had poisoned it minutes ago. He turned to face Eddie, pulling him into his chest and rocking them side to side. “Shh… It’s okay, baby-boy. I’m not going anywhere. I’m right here. I’ve got you.”


“I’m sorry. I never wanted to make you mad at me, I swear. I just wanted to help! I’m sorry.” Eddies sobs began to die down, but his face remained buried in Richie’s chest. 

“You have nothing to be sorry about. I’m not mad, bebe. I promise I’m not mad.” Peppering kisses all over Eddie’s head, Richie tightened his embrace. “You did nothing wrong, I’m the one who should apologize. I shouldn’t have said what I said. I’m sorry, I just…It’s just hard sometimes.” 


Moving his arms from Richie’s midsection and wrapping them around his long pale neck, Eddie nestled his face into it’s nook. “I can understand that. I just want you to know that I care. I’m always going care and worry about you. I love you so much, Ricardo Alonzo Tozier! You never have to feel afraid or ashamed to tell me anything. I will always stand by you.”

 
Richie pulled Eddie away from him and looked into his eyes tenderly. “I love you too Edward Kaspbrak, so fucking much! I’m not going anywhere, you hear me? I will always stand by you, too!” Eddie’s lips spread into a smile, before leaning in to kiss the taller man.“Your nose is freezing! Let’s go home before you catch pneumonia.”

“Ha! Ha! You’re an idiot, but yeah. I’d really like that.” Just like that, it seemed everything reverted back to normal between them. 

“You know what I’d really like, Eddie Spaghetti?” Oh yeah, Richie had definitely gone back to his normal self. 

“Don’t even THINK we’re gonna have sexy-fun-time, tonight. I am so tired and you definitely need to shower before you get anywhere near my bed.” Eddie foreboded, as they continued their journey home with Richie’s arm draped over his shoulder.

 
“Eds, have you learned nothing today? I ALWAYS get my way.” he smirked.

“No, you do not!” Eddie looked up at him with narrow eyes and furrowed brows.

“I got you to kiss me tonight out on the sidewalk. It wasn’t underneath a mistletoe but it still counts as PDA!” Just then, Richie leaned in and stole another kiss from his boyfriend.

“That doesn’t count!” Eddie argued.

“Oh fuck yeah it does! Accept defeat and let me ravage you, Juliet!” Before Eddie could attempt to squirm away, Richie wrapped his arms around his hips and lifted him above him. Tickling Eddie tummy with his nose, Richie began to spin them around, playfully.

Eddie grabbed on to his shoulders in an attempt to stabilize himself as he giggled wildly. “Okay! OKAY! OKAAY!!”

“Does that mean yes sexy-fun-time?!” Richie’s eyebrows wiggled suggestively as he gently returned Eddie onto the pavement.

“Hm, we’ll see,” was all Eddie said as he continued his walk home, leaving Richie behind him.

“Oh, Eds, mi amor! You and I both know what that means.”

Eddie giggled in the distance. 

 


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