• Isabel:Question: what if I see something I wanna take and it belonged to someone else?
  • Erwin:You would be arrested.
  • Isabel:But what if I want it more than the person who has it?
  • Erwin:It's still illegal.
  • Isabel:That doesn't follow. No, I want it more, sir, do you understand me?
  • Levi:Say someones does something that irks me, and I decide to remove his spine.
  • Erwin:Th-that's actually murder, one of...the worst crimes of all. So also illegal.
  • Levi:Huh.
Good Morning

When Erwin wakes up, his voice is deep, his stubble is rough, and his joints crack and squeak as he stretches. When Erwin wakes up, the morning is pale in comparison to the golden strands of his hair and the bright blue of his eyes.

When Levi wakes up, he has to force himself out of bed, he curses in at least three different languages and rages over the broken kettle. When Levi wakes up, he forgets how many sugars Erwin takes in his coffee and what sort of jam he likes in his bread.

It would probably help if Erwin didn’t show up in the kitchen with his glorious everything bare naked for the world to see, all mussed hair and deep yawns as he grumbles a hoarse “Morning Levi,” and absently scratches the prickly stubble on his cheek.

When they sit at the table, Erwin drinks a coffee that is far too sweet to his taste and eats a slice of toast that has far too much raspberry jam, but that’s okay. All is worth it when Levi is complaining about last night’s dirty dishes and swearing a blue streak while sitting on his lap and demanding his daily dose of cuddles.

They did it.  They won the war.

Erwin, Levi and Hange look on with pride as the first village is erected outside of the walls.  Erwin puts an arm around them both and says:

“Well, you two, I guess we really… Er-won this round.”

Levi punches him and Hange mumbles that the titan should’ve done the world a favor and taken off more than just his arm.

anonymous asked:

What would Eruri Dads do for 4/20? (imagine kids as Eren and Armin)

im crying so hard ok pls read on - 

so im gna cast eren as 14 and armin as 13 here. eren brings home like a small tiny ass nosebag of weed and he basically worries about finding a place to smoke it for two whole days until armin devises a perfect strategy that involves towels under doors, incense and air freshener as long as he won’t have to smoke it 

but levi fucking knows his two litle fucking assholes are up to something and he knows exactly what that shit is

“how the fuck do we catch the bastards at it?” he whispers dramatically to erwin sometimes and erwin doesn’t really care i mean he’s quite sure the only weed they can get is like half a gram with their allowance but he plays along with levi 

“i know you tits are hiding something” levi murmurs darkly on the morning of april 20 

“dad what are you even talking about can’t you get your head out of your ass at least in the morning” eren says, while shooting a dirty look at armin for dropping his spoon

anyway the kids (well, eren) go to try smoking their cute lil bag of weed and eren is puffing away and acting high and levi bursts in with a large meat knife and a maniacal grin and starts yelling like 

“YOU TURDS I KNEW YOU WERE TRYING TO SMOKE WEED YOU CAN’T FUCK WITH THE MASTER ALSO IS THAT A TOWEL ON THE FLOOR YOU ARE BOTH GROUNDED FOR TWO WEEKS ALSO EREN I KNOW ARMIN WASN’T IN THIS SO YOU GET AN EXTRA PUNISHMENT OF CLEANING THE CARS AND ARMIN YOU PUT THE TOWEL NEAR THE MUSTY ASS SMOKE SO YOU HAVE TO CLEAN THE KITCHEN TWICE” and he’s just raging and laughing

and eren is just ????? and armins practically shitting himself because he never even wanted to try and it was all that shitbag eren’s fault 

erwin is just “so guys whats up with that dank ass dope yolo 420. you can smoke what ya want here as long as ya show me, k boys, i’m a COOL dad not a regular dad” and starts cracking ganja jokes

until the boys excuse themselves even though their punishment wasn’t official yet bc they’re dads are fucking embarassing and they’ll never smoke again because what if these two fucking gross old men show up at their school and put on this act

and levi’s in the bathroom with his meat knife looking all triumphant like “shitty kids can’t beat ME” and erwin just looks down at him like

“you do know i found that marijuana on the first day. and replaced with with asparagus or something like that.” 

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Thanks ~

A guard is watching over Erwin as he sits in the prison cell when a member of the Military Police approaches. “I’m here to take the prisoner to the military council at the castle,” he informs the guard. At once, the guard complies and enters the cell to remove Erwin. Erwin stumbles upright, but when he finally stands tall, he notices that the officer looks slightly worried by the thought of Erwin’s lack of handcuffs. “Is the prisoner safe for transportation?” the officer asks.

“Don’ you worry,” the guard says, “‘e’s pretty ‘armless.”