Imagine finding out you’re pregnant and not wanting to tell Sonny
(A/N: Hey @itsallraultome bet you didn’t think I’d give you a crossover double bill. ;). I made this imagine super long for you guys (pretty sure it’s the longest) mostly because my results day is on Thursday and I’ll either want to celebrate or drown in misery. I’ll try to put up another tomorrow to tide you guys over but this one is long just in case I can’t. So if their isn’t one tomorrow. Except the next to be up on Friday or Saturday. It’s the part two to one of your guy’ and mines favourite. So stay tuned. Hope you enjoy this!)
Imagine finding out you’re pregnant and not wanting to tell Sonny
“Are you okay?” Sonny asked waiting for you outside the bathroom door after you swung it open.
He was standing their shirtless with blue pyjama pants and his hair was a mess. Not that you looked any better. Your hair was thrown up in messy ponytail, you were wearing a tank top and shorts. Your face red and puffy due to all the vomiting.
“Not really.” you muttered bitterly as a sharp pain hit your stomach again.
You steadied yourself on the doorframe, leaning forward to control the pain, psychically wincing.
“Do you think it was something you ate?” he asked putting a comforting hand on shoulder.
“I’d bet on it.” you chuckled harshly.
“What was it?” He inquired.
“What do you think?” you asked
“I told you not to eat it. I warned you.” Sonny reminded.
“Well what was supposed to eat? It was the only thing we had because somebody didn’t go get the groceries even though it was their turn.” you reminded annoyed. “When was suppose to get them? I worked the same hours you did.” Sonny argued.
“I don’t know. You should have figured it out.” you countered.
“Alright, alright. I’m sorry. I’m not going to argue with you while your sick.” he sighed cutting the disagreement short.
“You sure? You might actually have a chance of winning.” you mentioned.
“No, come on. Let’s go back to bed. You need to relax, get some rest.” he ordered/suggested as he began guiding you back to bed.
“No,” you said pushing him away, “I’m going to go sleep in the guest room.”
“Why?” he asked surprised.
“Because I’m in pain and cranky. And when I’m like this it is extremely possible just to get back at you. Next time I need to throw up. It will be on you.” you warned
“Are you mad at me?” he asked cautiously.
“No, like I said. I’m going to sleep in the other so both of us can get a good nights sleep. If anything I’m proving how much I like you by doing this.” you joked sarcastically.
“Okay then, I’ll miss you though.” he whined.
“Not like this you won’t.” you informed.
“You’d be surprised what I can tolerate when it comes to you. I love you.” Sonny joked wrapping his arms around.
“I love you too.” you sighed into his chest.
He leaned down to kiss you but you stopped him by putting your palm on his bare chest gently.
“I have vomit breath.” you warned giving him a funny look.
“I don’t care.” he smiled moving your arm and kissing you anyway, “Come on I’ll help you to your room.”
“You are not staying.” you warned as you began walking out your room into the hallway.
“You said that on our first date. Didn’t work out too well, did it?” he reminded with a cheeky grin.
“Whatever. Wake me up for work, okay?” you asked.
“You’re going to work tomorrow?” he responded surprised.
“Yeah,” you nodded, “I’m already starting to feel slightly better.”
“Alright then, night. Try to get some sleep, okay?” he agreed though you could tell he was skeptical.
“I’ll try not to be too loud when I rush to the bathroom.” you winked understanding what he was suggesting.
“It’s all I ask.” he smiled.
You kissed his cheek before going into the guest-room. You flopped onto the bed and closed your eyes in an attempt to soothe the headache.
You met Sonny four years ago and you’d been dating for three and a half. It was funny, really. You never expected you would ever go out with him, let alone fall in love with him, when you first met him. You became his partner after you transferred to Manhattan SVU from Brooklyn Vice.
Inherently, being a Reagan meant that not everyone on the force liked you. They thought you were only here because of your last name. It got even worse after you became a Detective. At the time you transferred you were used, when you got a new partner, that they would either immediately not like you or be overly nice to you because they wanted you to put a good word in for them.
When you were first introduced to Sonny, you assumed he was the latter. You put him through the ringer, setting up precautionary tests, Danny had suggested them, to see how he’d react. Clearly, he passed. He didn’t care. All he cared about was how good at the job you were, how you treated people and trusting that you had his back.
After the initial awkwardness, you both became fast friends. He wasn’t like anyone else you’d met. Especially, cop-wise. He was sensitive and emotional cop while you’d grown up with tough and abrasive cops, take Danny as an example. You were a mixture of the two. You liked to be sarcastic and distant yourself emotionally from the cases you delay with but you occasionally you’d sensitivity and emotion. Sonny could also get angry at times.
Sonny always came in with a smile on his face. He could light up the room with it. Your desks were opposite each other so you always saw it. You had always liked Sonny, bar that first day, when you started to like him more than just in a partner sense, who don’t know. Maybe the late nights at the office or those all night stakeouts.Maybe it’s because. He actually took an interest in you. Y/N Reagan and not Y/N Reagan. You shared of love over your siblings children and food. Soon you knew almost everything about each other. He knew things about you that even your family didn’t know.
He’s the only person you ever talked about Joe as well. Unlike the rest of your family who had talked to each other. You hadn’t talk to anyone else about him except Sonny.
You kept your crush over the six months you knew each other but weren’t dating a secret. You never could have imagined Sonny falling for someone like you. You were good as friend but you didn’t think you were the type of girl he’d bring home to his parents.
Though they did like you. He’d invited you round as a guest once to Carisi family dinner. It was strange being at a non Reagan family dinner. It was light-hearted and fun. The sorts of conversations you usually had family dinner were banned.
His mother was actually the first one to mention that he had a crush on you from his side. On your side Jamie mentioned it first. Stating that if you could only see the way he looks at you. You were good at hiding your emotions. Erin was the first person to guess you liked him. It was after you ran into each other at the courthouse and introduced them. She teased you about it to no end but she didn’t mention it to anyone else in the family, except Linda, who came down to your precinct, just to check him out.
You admitted you liked each other after a hostage situation where Sonny was taken. Quite a dramatic start to your relationship but in a weird way you both needed it. It was sort of a jumpstart that you both needed to confess your feelings for each other. You’d expect such a dramatic start would lead to a dramatic relationship but it really didn’t. Both you and Sonny were Detectives. No day at work was like the other. Everyday was different, dynamic, dangerous. So you both enjoyed your home lives and its simplicity.
Work was chaos while home was routine. You and Sonny had a routine that you’d cultivated over your three and half years. Though it really started when you moved in together two years ago. You worked all week, with Carisi family dinner on Thursday and whatever day Reagan dinner which varied week to week but usually on a Sunday. Saturday mornings you’d go to ballet recitals when they were on for Sonny’s nieces and on Sunday mornings you went to Sean and Jack’s game. You also had date-night every fortnight.
Your lives were chaotic and so were both your families. You both appreciated the simplicity of your little world.
The next morning you woken up Sonny gently shaking you.
“What?” you grumbled into your pillow, flipping over dramatically.
“I’ll take that as you still don’t feel better.” he asked leaning over and rubbing your back.
You nodded your head, flipping back over gently this time because you began to feel queasy.
“I figured, you seemed too sick last night for it just to be food poising.” Sonny admitted.
“What do you thinks wrong with me then Dr Carisi?” you tried to smile.
“Stomach flu, probably. Fin had a few weeks ago.” Sonny diagnosed.
“Remind me to kill him.” you muttered.
You looked at Sonny and you had noticed he was dressed for work. You looked at the time to see it was 8:00am, two hours after you usually wake up.
“Why didn’t you wake me? We’re going to be late!” you asked panicked, sitting up fast, too fast.
You rushed to the bathroom again and as you came out he was waiting for you again.
“That’s why.” he pointed out.
“So you’re going to work and I’m just staying here?” you asked sadly sitting heavily back onto the bed.
“Of course not. I’m not leaving you alone like this. I called your Grandpa and you’re going to stay with for today and I’ll pick you up after work. I called Liv and told her you’re not coming in today and I also called your doctor. You’ve got an appointment at 2:30.” he explained.
“If I ever break up with you it’s because you’re too perfect.” you commented in fake bitterness.
“Hmm.” he smiled leaning down to kiss you.
“Alright then, let me get my bag.” you said standing up slowly.
“Done.” he smiled pointing to the bag by the door.
“I’m this close.” you gestured with your fingers.
“Whatever.” he smiled shaking his head and walking towards the door and picking up your bag, “Come on let’s go. I let you sleep in so you can changed and ready at Grandpa’s.”
“Got it.” you said slipping on your slippers on and walking to him.
He wrapped a comforting arm around you and lead you to the car. The journey was filled with Sonny asking you were okay and you failing to reassure him as it felt like your insides were fighting each other to death and your head felt like it was going to explode.
When you finally got to your Grandpa’s he’d made a little set up for you right by the TV. You and your Grandpa had force Sonny to leave because he almost change his mind. Your Grandpa had cancelled all his plans to spend the day with you and take you to your doctors appointment. Though he spent the first hour you were hour you were there after Sonny, left praising him and how well he took care of you.
Your family loved Sonny. Sometimes, you fear more than you. They had accepted him with open arms well after the initial interrogations. He could talk shop with Dad and Danny. Law with Jamie and Erin. He loved the boys like he did his own nieces. He liked playing chess with Grandpa. And he didn’t mind when Nicky came over for monthly sleepovers. He fit perfectly into your family unit. As much you had his.
“Here you go.” Your Grandpa said standing behind the couch which you were lying on handing you a tray with infamous sick Reagan special.
Grilled cheese with tomato soup.
“Ugh.” you whined as you sat up, your insides still shaky but you were starving.
You began snacking hastily on the food you were so distracted that you didn’t notice your Grandfather watching you with a suspicious eye.
“You know, Jamie always used to have the stomach flu when he was a kid.” you Grandpa mentioned coming round and siting on the couch adjacent.
“A huh.’ you nodded your mouth full of food.
“So, obviously I know the symptoms of it quite well.” he continued.
“Mmm.” you prompted curious as to what he was getting at.
“Well you’ve got the nausea and stomach cramps but you don’t have the fever or muscle or joint pain.” he continued further.
“So you don’t think you I have the stomach flu?” you asked before taking another.
“Well it’s a possibility,” he started, “ but I think it’s more likely that your pregnant.”
You suddenly choked on your grilled cheese. You began coughing violently at the thought and because you had food lodged in your throat. He quickly handed you water. You stalled it hard. Contemplating the thought. You, pregnant? No. You probably heard him wrong.
“You think I’m what?” you asked hoping for a different answer.
“Pregnant,” he repeated with a big smile on his face, “You’re acting like every other Reagan woman. When your Grandmother was pregnant with your Father. She was like you. Sick, spent all day in bed, throwing up but could eat like a horse because she was constantly hungry.”
“I don’t think so Grandpa.” you chuckled nervously, “I mean we aren’t trying or anything and we’re careful.”
“These things have a way of happening.” he reminded whimsically.
“Nah. I don’t think so.” you denied once again.
“Well we’ll see.You’ve doctors appointment, in an hour. They’ll prove which one of us is right. “ you informed, “You also need to get ready for said appointment.”
You watched him as went back into the kitchen. You continued to eat but the suggestion stayed with you. You couldn’t stop thinking about it.
You, pregnant? No. You couldn’t be.
You and Sonny had, of course discussed kids, along with marriage and what you wanted out of life. You started discussing it after a random soccer game of Jack’s. It’s funny really. When your discussing how many kids you want you don’t actually feel the weight of that decision. That car-ride you’d also made him agree that you wouldn’t try for kids until after your fifth anniversary. Which, right now was a year and half away. At the time who had the conversation about two years ago now. Sonny was driving you both home after the game.
“What sports do you think our kids are going to play?” Sonny asked suddenly, keeping his eyes on the road.
“What?” you asked not hearing him at first.
“What sports will our kids play?” he repeated, turning to look at you momentarily, “You know on Saturday morning.”
“Well, I played soccer and softball when I was a kid. And as Jack just demonstrated, we Reagans, are pretty good at it. So soccer is a must. What about you?” you informed.
“Basketball.” he admitted.
“Really?” you asked surprised.
“Yeah, was pretty good at it too.” he smiled.
“Is that because you’re…” you went to ask but stopped.
“Tall.” he answered for you, “I’d love if my kid played basketball like I did. So it doesn’t leave mush room for soccer.”
“Well you said it. Either-way don’t we think we should let them decide. Maybe one will play soccer and the other basketball.” you suggested.
“So we need to have least two kids.” Sonny inferred.
“At least?” you questioned.
“Well yeah.” he assured.
“I’m sorry. How many kids do you want, exactly?” you asked leaning back in your seat.
“You want have this conversation now?” he asked.
“Why not? We’ve got time and we have been dating for soon to be two years and we have’t ever had the conversation.” you reminded.
“Well, alright go ahead.” Sonny agreed.
“We should do this properly. Do you want kids?” you inquired already knowing the answer.
“You already know the answer to that.” Sonny pointed.
“Humor me.” you chuckled.
“Yes, I do. I want kids. I always have. Ever since I was kid.” he responded a massive smile on his face.
“I do too. How many do you want?” you asked once again.
“Five.” he stated.
“Five?” you questioned in shock.
“Yeah, don’t you?” Sonny questioned back equally as shocked.
“I want kids but not that many.” you explained.
“Really? I thought you would.” he suggested confused.
“Why would you think that?” you questioned equally as confused.
“Well we both come from big families. You’re the youngest of five and I’m one in four. We know how much fun is to have loads of siblings.” he explained.
“Yeah, I come from a big family which is why I don’t want one of my own.” you countered.
“Come on. You don’t like coming from a big family?” he questioned skeptical.
“No, I love being from a big family that doesn’t mean it’s perfect. One kids always get forgotten.” you argued.
“I hardly, think you were forgotten.” Sonny said.
“I wasn’t talking about me,” you corrected, “I was referring to Jamie. If we have five kids what will happen to our Jamie?”
“So is that a no go. On the five kids?” he asked cautiously.
“Yeah, I’m sorry.” you sighed.
“Don’t be. I understand. I can compromise at four.” he sighed all-knowingly.
“Four?” you questioned.
“What’s wrong with four?” he complained.
“I don’t want four.” you argued chuckling slight at him.
“Well how many do you want?” he asked exasperated slightly
“Three.” you stated.
“Three?” he repeated in voice as if he found it the most confusing thing in the world.
“Yeah, what’s wrong with three?” you questioned smirking.
“What isn’t wrong with three?” he responded.
“You’re going to have to explain it to me.” you ordered chuckling.
“Have I ever told you about my irrational fear of the odd numbers.” he suggested suddenly and on the spot.
“No, you’ve never mentioned it.” you smirked playing along.
“Well, it’s bad. I scream, cry, the works. It get’s really bad. You ca ask Ma.” Sonny fabricated further.
“I will.” you smirked.
“On second thoughts. You shouldn’t it will remind her of really bad time.” he countered.
“Well, okay. I’ll give up my dream and we can have two, instead. If it is that big of a problem.” you sighed jokingly watching him out the corner of his eye.
“Or we could go up to four.” he suggested.
“No, we shouldn’t risk all that screaming and crying at three.” you dragged out.
“You know what three is, good. It’s fine. It’s great in fact.” he retracted.
“You sure?” you questioned jokingly.
“Yeah,” he reassured, “I’m cured.”
“Alright then,” you smiled, “Three it is.”
“When do you want to have them?” Sonny asked.
“Maybe four or five years from now. I want to enjoy being a couple and experience life a bit more. You know?” you responded.
“Okay.” he agreed immediately.
“You okay with that?” you asked cautiously.
“I’m fine with it. I understand what your getting at. You want to enjoy it being just me and you for a bit more. I feel the same way. And anyway, I want it to be your decision for when decide to try. Before the baby is born, women do the majority of the work. So, I’m will be ready when you are.” Sonny explained.
“Five years it is.” you repeated, “It’s a good thing, really. Gives you time to propose.”
You were dead set on not becoming a mother anytime soon, then. And it wasn’t because you didn’t like kids. You loved kids as much as Sonny. It’ s what started your bond. You became an Aunt for the first time when you were twelve years old. You’d been an Aunt for the majority of your life. You were the fun Aunt, the cool Aunt, the one they could go to if they needed anything. Sean, Jack and Nicky were three of the most important people in your life. Sonny, adored his nieces as much as you did yours and your nephews. You’d also loved his nieces and him vice versa with your lot.
Sonny, definitely wanted to be Dad. Sooner rather than later, in fact. You, on the the other hand were a bit weary. You’d always wanted to become a Mom one day but that didn’t mean you thought you’d be good at it. In fact you feared you’d be a train-wreck. You weren’t instantly good with kids, like Sonny. You took time. You had to get to know them, talk to them spend time with them. You had that time becoming an Aunt because you didn’t have to spend everyday with them.
Being a mom meant you would have to spend everyday with them. You feared that you wouldn’t feel that instant overwhelming feeling of love, that Erin, Linda and even your Mom talked about. Sonny was a natural father but you were hardly a natural mother.
You kept on thinking about it as your grandfather drove you to the doctors. When you were called in, he stayed outside. You did the typical, how are you feeling, how much you drinking, how much excretes you do. The normal stuff and the personal stuff.
“So, stomach flu?” your doctor asked.
“Well I think so.” you admitted lifting up your shirt so she could feel it.
“Does that hurt?” she asked pressing where your stomach was.
“No.” you said.
“Hmm.” she noted, “You don’t have any fever either.”
“And…” you prompted.
“And…I’m just going run a quick test. You stay right here.” she smiled before walking out the room.
It was about five minutes before she came back. You hadn’t mentioned the whole ‘pregnancy’ suggestion because you had decided it wasn’t possible.
“Well, it’s not the stomach flu.” your doctor singsonged as she came back into the room.
“Then what’s wrong with me?” you asked sitting up.
“Well that depends on how you take the news.” she said coming to sit down in her chair in front of you.
You watched her suspiciously, “Am I dying. Is my life about to end.”
“I didn’t mean it like that. What I meant was that it’s good news if you’re ready. Either-way it;s hardly life ending more like life changing.” she explained after laughing at your over-dramatics.
You suddenly realised what she was getting at, “I’m pregnant aren’t I?”
“About two to three weeks.” she nodded.
“Are you sure?” you asked not believing her.
“Pretty sure. Not only from the test but you’ve got all the signs. The sickness, headaches, nausea and changes in appetite. Though I can understand why you thought it was stomach flu.” the doctor explained.
“Yeah, but I wasn’t just sick in the morning. I’ve sick all last night and the whole of today.” you tired to argue.
“Well it’s called morning sickness but it can happen at any time.” she refuted.
“Alright, but is it supposed to be this bad, is it?” you asked sighing looking back on how sick you’d been.
“Well, it changes from woman to woman but if you’d like I can prescribe you something, safe, that will stop it for the most part.” she offered.
“Yes, please.” you responded, taking a deep breath.
As she went. She began to breath heavily and instinctively put your hand to your stomach. You were pregnant. And all you could think of in that moment was, your Grandpa was right. Damn. You were happy, you were just processing. A part of you wanted to scream and the other cry.
“Here you go.” she smiled as she handed you the prescription, snapping you back to reality.
“Thank you.” you choked out, standing up, grabbing your things and heading for the door.
“Congratulations.” she said as you opened the door.
“Thank you.” you smiled as you left the room.
As you walked out, you went back to the waiting room. Your grandpa was sitting waiting, getting up when he caught sight of you.
“Well?” he asked expectingly.
Expecting to be right. You wanted to tell him but it would only be fair, to tell Sonny first.
“Stomach flu.” you lied.
“Dammit, I was convinced I was right.” Your grandpa sighed, shaking his head.
“Nobody is always right, unless you’re me.” you joked putting your arms around him as you headed out.
“I was sort excited for another great grand baby.” he sighed.
“Why don’t you badger Erin, about it?” you suggested jokingly.
“I’ll have more luck with you.” he retorted.
After that you went to the car and went home. You stayed quiet about the whole thing. But as the hours passed you kept finding yourself looking at your stomach or rubbing it instinctually. You just couldn’t believe that their was something inside of you that wasn’t technically you. An alien, parasite, foetus, baby. You were pregnant. Having a baby. You and Sonny. Sonny, did this to you. You wanted to be alone and process everything but you couldn’t slip away.
People, just kept coming over. To check up on you and to see Grandpa. Making it harder, for you to be alone. You thought about how you were going to tell them. They’d be so excited but not nearly as excited as Sonny. Who was being held up at work. You were getting impatient. You wanted him to get here, so you could go home and tell him.
When, he finally arrived. You were anxious, so anxious that you didn’t actually hear him come in.
“Hey.” he greeted from behind placing his hands on his shoulders while you sat on the couch.
“Hey,” you returned after jumping and instinctively grabbing his hands in defence.
“You okay?” he asked as you span around and hugged him from over the edge of the sofa.
You pulled away and looked up at him. He was looking down at you. In that moment you felt the weight of the situation of you were in. It wasn’t just the next nine months of your lives. It was the whole rest of your lives.
“Yeah, I’m fine.” you said awestruck.
“So, you’re feeling better?” he inquired trying to ensure you were actually okay.
“Yeah, medicine kicked in. Feeling good.” you lied with a big smile.
“So it was stomach flu?” He asked holding you by the was it.
“Yeah,” you lied again before resting your head on his chest as he kissed the top of your head.
The medicine did actually work. You took another day of work, but by the next afternoon. You were yourself again, health wise. Everything else was still adjusting. Your head especially. Like you said before you just wanted to be alone for a while. Clear your head, think things through. Decide on things, like how and when you should tell Sonny.
But your job made it hard. Being partners was usually a great thing. Who wouldn’t want to spend all their time with their best friend slash boyfriend. No one. This week in particular made it hard too. It was busy work wise especially after being off for two days. Personally, it was busy. it was Sean’s birthday and Sonny’s sister Bella’s. You were with Sonny all week but you were never alone along enough to actually talk. And you didn’t have any alone time, which you promised to give yourself before telling him anything.
The reality was weighing hard on you. You were so constantly consumed with your thoughts that you were constantly distracted and you one that Sonny had noticed. He was one that had to constantly bring you back to reality. You could tell be was worried about you but you were too distracted and anxious to even focus long enough. You can’t even imagine what Sonny thought was wrong with you.
It was five days after you found out when you finally broke. It was early in the morning, about 4:00am and you couldn’t sleep. You hadn’t slept all week. You’d spent an hour staring up at the ceiling. Just staring. The clock was ticking and Sonny was breathing beside you. You had a hand on your stomach. You were so confused that you didn’t even know what you were feeling. You turned and looked at the face of the man you loved. The man who loved you. The man who would be so excited about the news but you kept it from him and you didn’t now why. Robbing him from happiness and what he’d wanted for the majority of his life. The opportunity to be a Dad and thats’s when you snapped.
You eased Sonny’s arm which was wrapped around you. You kissed his forehead before you got out of bed. You put some shoes on and wrote him a quick note. So, he wouldn’t worry, though you knew deep down either-way he would. It said ‘I’m sorry. I love you.”. You grabbed your keys and snuck out the apartment.
You sat in your car for a good five minutes before deciding where to go.
You kept driving, until you realised you were out of the city. You found yourself on an empty stretch of road. It was about 7:00 in the morning. Sonny would be up. You pulled off to the side and just sat in your car. Taking a series of deep breaths. You had your phone but you turned it off.
This is what you wanted. To be alone. To think and you did.
You thought about what a baby would mean. It meant the end of your life as you knew it, in a good way. The focus of your world would shift from you and Sonny. To this tiny person that’d you’d both created. Who was half Sonny and half you. Half Reagan half Carisi. Someone you’d be forever connected you. Someone who’d forever connect you and Sonny.
You questioned yourself. Would you be a good parent? Could you look after it, love it and care for it like you should. What if you end up as bad as the people you saw on a day to day basis? What if you screw up their lives and they hate you? What if you were just a bad mom? You, were a bad Aunt at first. Not knowing what to do. What if you didn’t get that motherly kick. You weren’t a naturally born parent like Sonny. What if they loved Sonny more than you? What if Sonny started resenting you for not being as good as him?
He was born to be a Dad while you feared your highest parental calling would be being an Aunt.
Then you thought about all the people your Baby would never get to meet. Their Grandmother and their Uncle Joe. They’d never meet two of the most important people in your life. The person who shaped you. Made you the person who were today.
How would you make this Baby a good person?
After you practically drowned yourself in worry, pity and doubt.
Is when you remembered. Having kids wasn’t just Sonny’s dream. It was yours too. One you had ever since you’d met Nicky. You saw how happy Erin was and you knew you wanted to have that one day. Maybe, just maybe, you could be as good as she is. You’d have help too. You had Linda and Erin in your corner not to mention Sonny’s sisters and mother. They’d help you out. Show you things teach you the tricks.
This kid wouldn’t be in short supply of love either. Not only would they have you and Sonny. They’d have a Great grandpa, two Grandfathers, a grandmother, five aunts, two uncles and four cousins. This kid would never be alone. Always have someone to talk too, someone who loved them.
Even if this kid got all your bad qualities they’d be half Sonny Carisi. The best person you’d ever met. If they had his genes. They were almost guaranteed to be a good person. They’d be cute too.
Maybe, it didn’t matter that you hadn’t waited five years. You only wanted to wait that long because you thought you had some living still left to do but it wasn’t like you stopped living after having a kid. If anything your life would be worth living more.
You were excited. You were finally excited. This kid was your future. Sonny’s future. Your future together. And he had no idea. He deserved a big announcement, a spectacle surprise, he deserved to know. You couldn’t hold it anymore.
You grabbed your phone. It was 10:00am. You’d been out here just sitting in your car thinking for over three hours. You had about fifty missed calls and hundred text. The majority from Sonny but Danny, Linda, Jamie, Erin and your Dad had all tried too. Not to mention Liv, Fin, Rollins and even Barba. You didn’t have court today, did you? As much as you felt bad for worrying everyone. You needed to call Sonny. He would be worrying the most and you had to talk to him.
He answered halfway through the first ring.
“Y/N?” He asked frantically down the phone his voice was laced with stress and concern.
“Hey.” you greeted breathing heavily.
“Where the hell are? Why the hell did you leave, without saying anything. Do you know how worried I’ve been. How everyones been? I woke up alone and have spent the whole morning calling everyone we know to ask if they’ve seen you. Everyone’s looking for you…” he ranted.
“Sonny..” you tried to interrupt.
“Your Dad is literally this close to mobilising the entire force, to look for you. And that note? Was that supposed to keep me calm? I thought’d you’d left me. I thought you’d run off with somebody else and left me. How could you do that to me, Y/N? And you just got up and left in the middle of the night. You haven’t been answering, all morning. I thought you were hurt or dead…” he continued unfazed.
“Sonny.” you tried again.
“Where are you?” he asked his voice on the verge of tears.
“I’m okay. I’m so sorry. I just needed to be alone.” you tried to explain.
“You could have told you needed to be alone. You didn’t need to leave in the middle of the night! Why didn’t you say anything.” he argued.
“Because I was confused but I’m okay now. I’m great.” you smiled down the phone.
“Well it’s good you are. Because I’ve been terrified all morning.” Sonny ranted down the phone uneasily angry.
You’d knew you’d hurt him badly.
“I’m so sorry. I need to see you. I need to talk to you.” you pleaded.
“Then talk.” he suggested.
“In person. It’s too important for over the phone.” you countered.
“Tell me where you are.” he demanded.
“I can come back.” you offered.
“No, I’m coming to you.” he said sternly.
You rattled off the address.
“What the hell are you doing all the way out there?” he asked but you could hear him hurrying to the car.
“I don’t know. I just ended up here.” you admitted.
“Couldn’t have ended up in Brooklyn?” he asked sarcastically.
“That would have been to easy.” you tried to joke.
‘You’ll be the death of me Reagan.” he commented.
“I’m sorry.” you apologised once again.
“I know. i can tell. I’m just so glad you’re okay that I can’t even be angry.” he sighed.
“I love you, more than anything.” you whispered down the love.
“I don’t know how I feel right now. I’ll love you when I see you with my own two eyes and know you’re okay. I’ll see you when I get there. Make sure you call your Dad next, he’s worried.” he reminded taking deep breaths.
“I’ll see you soon.” you said.
“See you soon.” he said sighed before hanging up the phone.
You called your Dad after that. You could tell he had been worried but he played it off. He was happy you were okay but scolded you for running off. You wish you could tell him why but Sonny deserved to be the first to know. You texted and reassured everyone else after that. You’d have a lot of people to answer to when you got back. Sometime after that you must have fell asleep because you were awoken some time later by Sonny frantically banging on the window of the car. As you opened your eyes the first thing you saw was Sonny’s face full of relief. You unlocked the door and he slid in faster than your eyes could comprehend.
“Oh my god. Y/N.” he panted grabbing you and pulling you into a hug.
“Hi?” you mumbled into his chest.
“Are you okay?” he asked worried holding your face in his hands, moving frantically, checking for injuries.
“I’m fine. I was just sleepy.” you admitted.
“That’s good. Why the hell are you here?” he asked his tone suddenly changing.
“I told you. I needed to think.” you reminded.
“I understand that but you still could have told me, that you needed space and I would have given it to you. Why didn’t you talk to me?” he asked holding you by your arms.
“I don’t know. I was just so confused.” you repeated not having another answer for him.
“You’ve been acting weird for the last few days. I didn’t know what was wrong and you stopped talking to me. And then you left this morning and I just thought the worst.” he admitted shaking his head.
“I know. I’m sorry. It’s just I needed to get my head straight before I could tell you about it.” you apologised.
“Y/N, you can tell me anything.” Sonny reminded.
“I know but it wasn’t something you could have helped me with. It was something I needed to sort our before I could, tell you about. It was just hard because this week because we were so busy. I kept putting it off and I felt like I was drowning. So I just needed to get away.” you explained.
“But you still could have told me. I was so scared. I’d lost you.” Sonny whined pulling you close again.
“I’m so sorry.” you sighed into his chest, “ Forgive me?”
‘Of course, I forgive you. Just never do that again. Next time, please talk to me.” he warned holding onto you tightly.
“I won’t promise and anything nothing like this will happen ever again. It’s sort of a once in a lifetime thing.” you smiled as he let go of you.
“So, what do you need to talk about that was so important?” he asked, his voice returning to normal as his grabbed your hand and laced his fingers through yours.
“Well, it’s what this has all been about.” you admitted grabbing his other hand and turning so you were facing each other to the best of your ability.
“Okay.” he prompted though you could tell he was curious.
‘I’ve know for a few days and like I said. I just needed to get my head around it but I never considered you. I’m sorry for keeping it from you and being distant.” you began.
“It’s okay, Y/N.” he reassured.
“No, it’s not. This is as big of news for you as it is for me. It impact you the same amount as it does me. I was being selfish and you deserve way much more than this admission. In a car, in the middle of nowhere. You deserve so much better.” you explained.
“Y/N, what’s wrong?” he asked concerned.
“That’s the thing. Their is nothing wrong. Nothing is wrong. It’s what you’ve always wanted. It’s what I’ve always wanted. What’ve always wanted.” you continued.
“I don’t understand.” Sonny said confused.
“i’m pregnant, Sonny. We’re pregnant.” you admitted.
You watched his reaction. His face changed from a state of confusion to a face of unbridled joy. You took a sigh of relief.
“You’re pregnant?” he repeated, making sure he’d heard you correctly.
“Yeah.” you nodded.
“You’re pregnant. We’re going to have a baby?” he asked once again.
“Yep.” you stated.
“Really?” he questioned again, a massive smile on his face.
You nodded. He pulled you in for another gigantic hug. Then he kissed every inch of your face before finding his way to your lips.
“Are you excited?” you asked stupidly.
“Excited? I’m more than excited. Words cannot describe. I’m so so happy. I love you so much. We’re having a baby. A Carisi/Reagan baby.” he smiled shaking his head with joy.
“So you’re not mad anymore?” you asked giggling.
“You could have killed someone and I would still would have forgiven you after that.” he sighed unable to control his excitement, “How long have you know?”
“Since I went to the doctors.” you admitted.
“You didn’t have stomach flu, then?” he questioned.
“No, I just needed some time.” you responded.
“That doesn’t matter, now.” he grinned holding you, “We can discuss that later. Right now. I’m just too happy.”
“I really glad you are.” you sighed.
“Dis you think I wouldn’t be?” he asked shocked.
“A part of me did. Which is insane because I know you were going to be so excited.” you confessed.
“Oh, Y/N. How could you ever think that. You know this is the best news you could ever give me. I love you so much. The rest of my life is going to be with you. And our baby.” he reassured with a smile, “God, I love you.”
“I love you too, more than you’ll ever know and more than I could possibly show you. If I’m going to do this with anyone. I’m glad it’s going to be with you. I couldn’t think of anyone who would be a better Dad than you’ll be.” you smiled before kissing him.
“I couldn’t think of a greater mother for my kids.” he returned.
“Really?” you asked skeptical.
“Of course. I’ve seen you with kids at work. You’re the best Aunt in the world. You’re the most supportive,loving ,honest and loudest person in the world. You’re are going to be the most amazing Mom. I won’t be able to compete. I’ll just be too busy watching you in awe.” he chuckled just thinking about it.
“Don’t act like you won’t be the best Dad in the world. Sweet, kind, understanding. No matter how bad I am. They’ll always have you.” you responded.
“Thank you so much.” he sighed taking your hand and leaning is head in it.
“For what?” you asked.
“Everything.” he sighed taking your other hand and kissing it, “I love you.”
“I love you too,” you winked, “We should head back.”
“You’re right. A lot of people want to see you.” he remembered sitting up straight.
“Don’t you mean us.” you reminded putting a hand on your stomach.