Hotch: Because I know these guys. I know everything about them.
Strauss: You’re a poor FBI agent if you think people can’t surprise you.
Hotch: Not these people. Here, watch this.
Hotch: It’s Thursday, so Emily’s gonna leave early to rehearse with her new dance group, the Nancy Reagans. They’re the first ladies of the movement. JJ’s going to be going over her weekly budget. And Spencer will be attending a “pizza for one” cooking class.
Reid: Tonight’s menu: Pepper-alone-i and I.
Hotch: And if I run and leap at Derek, he will most certainly catch me in his arms. *starts running*
From him not wanting her there, to her quiting her job to save his and him convincing her to go back with him, passing by the time he sent her away to save her life, to all the times he asked her to return, to the very last time, when he requests that it be her the one to take his place as the BAU Unit Chief. (and so many more things in the middle)
not-so-secretly a spy, pretends to be past her emo phase- is actually still really emo, speaks 458379803854 languages, lowkey ninja, super chill, the older sister, drives with the windows down, straight up eats ice cubes for no reason, listens to emo music in her room, quiet in a loud sort of way, her laugh is actual magic, wears too much black to be considered healthy, always just a little bit angry, really bad at being the designated driver (always ends up being the most drunk), always up for a good party, cats are her spirit animal, deepest desire is to be a crazy cat lady, knows how to hold her licquor freakishly well, turns 21 every year, cooler than everybody else
eats cheetos like oxygen, little sister/middle child, hair is always perfect, can eat all the junk food she wants without gaining any weight, can kill you with his ninja hands, smells really nice, somehow knows everybody's secrets, good listener, smiles a lot, just really wants to fall in love one day, the popular cheerleader that everybody actually likes, listens to indie music, never not fabulous, wants to have a ton of kids, brings home strays without telling anyone, always the first to volunteer to take care of the class pet
that weird neighbor kid that's just always around, nicknamed "the baking grandma" because of the inexplicable way she has of always having baked goods on hand, "Garcia's the name, and witty comebacks are my game", perfect ray of sunshine, an actual human rainbow, everybody has to have at least one pefectly peculiar nickname, will kill you with her ninja-hugs, has a gigantically beautiful sparkling smile, bright pink lipstick, wears too many colors at once, really good at helping you through a breakup, butterscotches in her purse, might be a grandma, computer nerd, can beat anybody at video games, afraid of guns, tries to be tough but doesn't know how, would wear pure glitter if she could, doesn't have a favorite color because if she chose then she would feel bad for all the other colors (it's actually pink)
the undeniable dad, loves everybody equally, shows people love without words, you know you're in trouble when he gives you one of his famous "hotch glares", only really laughs when he's with the people he loves, his smile will make your knees weak, likes to spoon, strong and silent type, always wears suits for no reason, works too much, secretly a sinnamon bun, will kill you if you mess with the people he loves, cares too much, the proud dad, shows up to ALL recitals and shows, equally passionate and compassionate, crazy good at his job, nobody knows his secrets, secretly amazing at throwing surprise parties, can not bake to save his life, his smile is like the moon and the stars combined, tries to make dad jokes and fails
king of the dorks, the precious little brother, must be protected at all costs, obsessed with Halloween, plans Halloween an actual year ahead of time, drinks coffee through an IV, book worm, facts, books make him feel safe, refuses to play video games, thinks he's tough but is actually a precious cinnamon bun, owns too many sweaters, purple is definitely his favorite color, apologizes too much, drinks a lot of water, lost count of the number of PhDs he has a long time ago, awkward, never knows what to say, bad social skills, social anxiety, chess tournaments make him happy, eats a lot of cake, owns a scooter
the amazing big brother, looks out for everyone else before himself, kicks the bullies in the nuts, burgers and fries all the time, captain of the football team but also organizes fundraisers for the needy, likes working out, shovels neighbors' sidewalks/ mows neighbors' lawns without asking, loves and appreciates dogs, lowkey believes that cats are the anti-christ, helps old people cross the street, grocery store runs are always his job, goes on long bike rides just to think
aka Captain Sass, the weird uncle, nosy but he's rich so it's okay, DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO STAY IN HIS LANE, always offers to babysit but he has no idea how children work, has so many stories that just can't be true but actually are, thinks he's cool and hip- might actually be but tbd still, somehow knows all, shows up at random times, can cook REALLY REALLY WELL, super Italian, thrives on pasta
crazy bird guy that lives across the street, makes pecan squares that he thinks are amazing but actually aren't, secretly paints in his basement (like Bob Ross-level paintings), people watches from his front window, awkward pats on the back, doesn't always understand social cues, throws A+ garage sales, yells at other people for not raking the leaves off their lawn in the fall, raises chickens without telling anyone
can stab you with a knife, a gun, a chainsaw, and a machete all at the same time, mean older sister, WILL call you on your shit, thinks about death too much, everybody is afraid of her, skipped the emo phase, somehow came out of the womb a traumatized adult, 100% feminist, steals your food when you're not looking, doesn't like hugs, says it like it is, wears a lot of necklaces, confusing, has a thing for a guy in a uniform
has a lot of friends, seems really badass until she starts gushing about baby animals, volunteers at animal shelters, sorority sister, infinitely loyal, loves everybody until she hates them, knows how to appreciate the simple things, 5'2" of rage and fury and love, pure emotion, loves to cuddle, sometimes people confuse her, just wants to make the world a better place, hates vegetables but eats them anyway, drinks a lot of chocolate milk
reads a lot, blue is her favorite color, went to college earlier than normal, a beautiful nerd, a rare species, deserves the world but gets a cup of coffee instead, underestimated, knows how and when to pull out the sass, ends up being the babysitter on all occasions, more mature than she should be, extremely level-headed, knows how to read between the lines really well, accepts everything thrown her way, underappreciated, needs to be told she's loved more often, breakfast is her favorite meal of the day, makes a lot of sandwiches for no reason at all
the cousin that everybody always forgets about, gets left behind on family outings and everybody has to go back to get her- she's strangely okay with it, just wants some kettle corn or cotton candy, puts ketchup on everything, shows up at colleges she's never been to just to party, okay with anything as long as she has a say, will talk to anybody, likes getting to know people, would totally speed-date, likes to watch old stand-up comedy and slam poetry videos on YouTube
won't admit that she's the mom, proud of all her children, owns 8 million sweatshirts from her alma mater that she constantly wears, kinda lonely but will never admit it, hates cooking with a passion, loves wine a little too much, seriously appreciates a good towel, would sell her soul for a massage