would you be willing to write 2 for erin/holtz please?
2. “Hey, hey, calm down. They can’t hurt you anymore.”
“I’m so angry,” Erin spat as she stomped into the firehouse. “I can’t believe the audacity. How could they say stuff like that?” She tore off her proton pack and dropped to the ground it in such a way that made Holtz wince.
“Hey, hey, calm down,” she said, stretching one hand towards Erin despite the distance between them and the fact that her back was turned. “They can’t hurt you anymore.”
Klaine fix-it for 6x07. How that blasted choir room scene should have gone.
As soon as Blaine was parked at McKinley he wasted no time.He leapt from the car and barely paused to lock it before he was racing into
the school. Thankfully Kurt’s car was in the parking lot, a sure sign he was
still here, where Blaine had instinctually gone. He sprinted down the corridors
elation spurring him on, flashing past the familiar halls to the choir room,
the room where he and Kurt had loved each other despite the environment they
we can never stay together. we tried so many times..
just came by to drop off your dress.” I held the plastic draped
dress I’d borrowed up.
a word she pulled her door open, granting me access to the spacious
apartment. I laid the dress on a nearby wingback chair as she fell
onto her couch, grabbing the remote.
that bag of clothes I left?” I sighed, annoyed. I didn’t want to be
was still every bit of pissed about the cruel things she’d said to me
last night. Though I’d never admit it, her words left a series of
furious lacerations on my spirit.
how much we quarreled and often disagreed I held Erin in pretty high
regard. Knowing exactly what she felt about me, how despicable she
saw me to be hurt my feelings. I wanted to say I didn’t care about
her opinions but I did.
had been the longest running piece of consistency in my life. We’d
grown up together, sharing many experiences and hardships. All the
lessons I’d learned had been with her, All the mistakes I’d made and
dumb shit I did – with her. She was my partner, not just in crime
but in life. She annoyed me to no end with her bickering and bitching
but I loved her and knew how much she loved me. She was my person.
how lowly she thought of me struck a cord – several of them. She
thought I was dumb and hopeless – an idiot as she’d said.
he cheat?” Her question was stark and zapped me around from my
I sighed as defeat slithered through my veins. “I can’t – I
don’t have the energy. Where’s my shit so I can go?”
energy fa what?! I asked a simple question.”
eyes narrowed. “Would that make you feel better? If he did?”
loudly kissed her teeth, broadcasting her displeasure. “Yo, you
haven’t liked him since the beginning.” I shrugged. “Maybe
this is what you needed, a real reason not to like him.”
nigga been trash since day one.” She insisted through twisted
never even did anything to you! He was nice to you – always.”
if he such a nice person why you on the brink of a divorce? Why he
publicly embarrassing ya ass with that white bitch? Where he at? Why
you here? Those clothes ain’t important, and I coulda got the dress
when ever. Why you crying?”
touched my face, finding it wet with my tears.
he cheat?” She posed the question again.
was the straw that broke the camel’s back, the arrow that’s pierced
Achilles’ heel. It broke me down like a wrong move in a Jenga match.
I went numb as soon as my knees impacted the ground. Ironically the
only sensation I felt was my heart twisting and breaking into a
trillion pieces. And then Erin’s warmth.
please just listen.” He huffed a sigh, staring down at me through a
set of weary eyes.
don’t wanna hear shit you have to say. Just leave – if you keep at
it Erin’s gonna call the cops.”
her.” He reached for me only to sigh when I dodged his attempt. I
didn’t want his hands on me . I didn’t even want to breathe the same
air as him.
need to leave.”
– just come home and talk to me. What Luzy say – she… I never
want to be with her and that piss her off. I love you.”
you good?” Erin asked, pulling the door open.
fine.” Larry’s voice was strained from all the ire he felt towards
not fucking talking to you. Marlee?”
talk to you and say she good.” He bit back.
fuck you! She wasn’t good when she spent last night crying her eyes
out over your bum ass and that white bitch you can’t stay away from!”
for yourself. You so fucking miserable. You wait all this years for
something bad happen because you just jealous. You not my wife friend
– you a jealous bitch who want everything she have!”
I sniffed, blocking Erin from fully exiting her apartment. “Go
I sorry – please don’t cry.” Larry pleaded with me, grabbing my
touch ha. Marlee, come on.” Erin curled an arm around my
midsection, creating distance between Larry and I. “If you bring ya
big bird looking ass over here again I'mma call my cousins to whoop
ya ass. Fuck the cops.” Erin japped before slamming the door.
hands nest had taken permanent residence in my hair. My fingers had
grown acquainted with every follicle that lined my scalp. My nails
threatened the tender flesh that formed my crown. For the tenth time
in the past five minutes I snatched my hand away, tucking it in my
was anxious and a whole lot of other things. I felt completely and
totally unstable. My thoughts were poison and my memories my worst
shame and embarrassment burned like a million suns dancing across my
bare back. My pride squeezed at my spine, severing nerves and sending
the rest into frenzy. Everything hurt. My body, my head, my heart…
craved understanding more than I craved my next breath. In this
moment I wanted nothing more than to understand my husband. I wanted
all the whys and hows to be answered. I wanted to know what I’d done
to him to make him act with such malice.
been driving myself nuts trying to relate but I simply couldn’t. I
would never in a million years talk to Pierre or any person about
Larry how he’d spoken to Luzy about me. I didn’t know exactly what he
said and how he’d said it but those text messages revealed everything
Male Larry had nervously blurted the vicious act that took me over
the edge, as well as his why but his explanation hadn’t been enough
to prepare me for the hole my recollection blew through me. And my
fuzzy memories couldn’t prepare me for the Google search I’d done
yesterday that pulled up the screenshots Luzy had leaked for the
world to see.
was the funny thing about the internet. Nothing ever died.
shifted on the couch, seeking out comfort but there was none. Sitting
bare assed on the Great Barrier Reef would’ve probably been more
hand moved back to my hair and I snatched it away then stood, exiting
bedroom was as empty as the rest of the house. I’d asked Larry for
space and he’d given it to me without much fight. I didn’t know where
he’d gone, I didn’t ask and frankly I didn’t care but if I had to
guess I’d say he was uptown at Roy’s.
no particular place in mind, I shoved my feet into a pair of Nikes
and exited my place with my mind set on feeling better.
walked aimlessly for a while, basking in my neighborhood. All of it
felt familiar and that was a great feeling. I could remember
everything from the buildings we’d looked at as options before
finally finding our place to jogging excessively in an effort to
loose the baby weight.
I walked the sidewalks that had my stories etched into them I grew
hungry and decided to stop at Whole Foods to hit the hot bar.
was when I got to the hot bar that I actually remembered that the
food at this particular Whole Foods was trash. I quickly moved on to
plan b – food to prepare when I got home.
wanted my husband’s cooking but my feelings towards him at the moment
were up in the air. I didn’t want to talk to or see him, let alone
ask him for anything. I didn’t know what I wanted from him.
wanted a divorce, I reminded myself, knowing we would’ve permanently
broken up had I not lost my memory. But everything happens for a
reason. Then again what kind of twisted fate would allow me to lose
my memory for the sake of getting back with my husband only for me to
eventually remember all the shit that led to me leaving him?
was entitled to the time and space to sort my thoughts out but I knew
that Larry would only remain patient for so long. I saw it in his
eyes every time I declined his offer to ‘talk’. I heard it in his
voice each time he spoke to me. My time was running out.
finality of my decision scared me. Our fate resided in my trembling
embarrassment, hurt and anger I felt as a result of Larry’s actions
made me want to walk away and never look back. He’d acted with no
care or regard for my feelings and our relationship. And that was
just with one incident.
neglected me after the loss of our second child, putting me and our
marriage on the backburner. He’d left the country without talking to
me about it, forgotten our anniversary and skipped out of the
counseling that was supposed to help mend us. He’d done so much in
the past two years – too much.
much to stay?
question swirled around in my head, dizzying me. It was too heavy to
bear and too crucial to just brush to the side. So I stalled.
stalled to think and cry and pray. I stalled with hopes that another
memory would come – one where Larry redeemed himself but I knew
better. I knew that what happened had been my final straw. I knew
that the chapter following his betrayal featured me being apathetic,
and filing for divorce.
then I’d been done but after experiencing what love felt like with
Larry all over again it felt weird just being done. It felt wrong.
warned you, I thought, remembering how Larry had been sure that I’d
leave him. He alluded in so many ways that he’d done terrible things
– unforgivable things but here I was wanting to conveniently forget
his doings for the sake of us.
colorful bags of chips before me blended into one as my thoughts grew
heavier. I reached for one and then another, tossing them blindly in
my basket. I willed the triggering inner workings of my mind to come
to a stop but they refused.
I cursed, gripping the handle of my shopping cart.
shifted in an effort to allow the other body in the aisle to pass me.
Standing in the middle of the aisle while having a breakdown would
cause far too much attention.
the contents of my basket I realized that I’d filled it with a ton of
bullshit I didn’t need. My purpose of coming here had been to grab a
meal from the hot bar and now I had $100 worth of dumb shit in my
cart. I quickly debated abandoning the cart and going home and then
changed my mind, knowing I needed to cook.
a heavy sigh I threw the chips I’d uncaringly grabbed back on the
don’t need this shit either.” I muttered, fingering the bagels I’d
My name was wrapped in the deep velvet of a masculine voice. It was
foreign and familiar all in one.
the chills consuming my flesh I turned, finding a looming figure
behind me. My already slanted eyes narrowed as I drank in chocolate
skin and defined muscles. He was tall but not as tall as Larry. He
was wider with a sturdy frame. The grey t-shirt he wore told the tale
of how much time he spent in the gym.
was first to break our stare, opting to study the random contents of
my basket over my puzzled expression.
know,” He started with a chuckle. “I don’t think you’re gonna
like the healthy version of those Rice Krispie treats as much as you
do the real ones.”
my gaze dropped down to the yellow box I’d scooped in the snack
aisle. “365 is trash for those – tastes like cardboard.” He
went on, smiling a small smile.
I murmured only for his smile to widen, revealing perfect teeth.
shrugged, peering at me from under dense lashes. “Good to be
blinked, unable to believe I was seeing him in the flesh. He’d been
in my memories – the happier ones. He’d impacted me in several
ways. He’d left Larry shook, and he was standing two feet away from
was so much I wanted to say to him, so much I wanted to ask. A part
of me even felt the urge to apologize though I wasn’t quite sure why.
is odd because –“ I paused chewing my tongue. “I don’t know how
long it’s been since we last spoke. I don’t – do you hate me?”
the grocery store the hub for all the people from my past? Would I
run into everyone I knew while buying food? First it had been Erin
and now it was Pierre. Was my estranged aunt next? Or my preschool
Erin I’d dove right in, not knowing exactly where we stood in our
friendship only to later find that we weren’t friends at all. I
didn’t want to make that mistake again.
Pierre had been an awesome friend his feelings, or past feelings for
me made things a bit tricky. Had we completely stopped talking? If
so, when – how? Did I cut him off? Did he cut me off?
is kinda strong ain’t it?” His brow hitched upward.
hated me. Delilah hated me. Erin hated me enough to try to fuck my
consumed us as he assaulted me with his gaze. His body language gave
nothing away, or maybe I’d forgotten how to read him.
shoulders were squared along with his jaw. His eyes, narrowed and
lips slightly agape. He was okay with the silence but I wasn’t. I was
nervous and honestly a bit annoyed.
had been months since the accident and frankly I was tired of not
knowing. I was tired of swimming in uncertain waters. Here I was mere
inches from my husband’s number one threat and I had no clue how he
felt about me.
a year ago he was feeding me in ways Larry used to. He’d saved me
from famine, giving me attention, making me happy, encouraging me
while my husband did the same for another woman. And now we were
standing awkwardly in Whole Foods.
I don’t hate you.” He finally took me out of my misery and I
celebrated with an inward sigh.
we stopped talking? Or–“
remember getting a very confusing call from your mans some months ago
– thought he was fucking with me.” He chuckled, shaking his head.
“Clearly he wasn’t.”
he said doesn’t matter, Pierre.” His eyes softened as my tongue
eased over his name. “The possibility of me – my brain
experiencing trauma due to someone telling me something is dead. I’ve
already remembered so many terrible things – mostly everything I’m
you don’t remember what happened between us?” He quizzed.
happened, happened?” Fear struck me like a tidal wave.
laughter eased through plush lips – unfamiliar lips. Perfect teeth
were displayed. Sultry eyes darkened, almost teasingly.
you’re married.” Under his smooth voice was apparent amusement. It
fucking shit.” I snapped. “That’s not what I asked.”
didn’t really ask anything.”
we ever had sex?” He shook his head and my lungs quivered with
relief. “Kissed.” Another no. “Have we ever done anything that
would shit on my vows?”
no.” His verbal response was doused in something resembling
bitterness, or maybe it was longing – regret.
not understanding. They look the same.”
one shoots wide and this one is for tighter shots.” Confusion
refused to leave his face. “This one,” I held up the lens I’d
just removed from my camera. “Shoots a wider scope horizontally.”
yeah. I get it.” He nodded, lying.
smile was unavoidable and soon his mirrored mine, leaving us dumbly
smiling at each other. I was first to break the contact and
immediately busied myself with finding my lens cover.
chicken with extra chilli?”
I paused what I was doing, finding Pierre scrolling through his
ordering from Mr. Chow – do you want what you usually get or…?”
brows rose with shock and then furrowed with confusion. “I thought
we were going out to eat,”
clearly happier here. We can just do take out.”
I shook my head. “It’s fine – I just got carried away.” I
explained, gazing around my studio space.
arrived nearly an hour ago to take me to dinner and in that time I’d
done a million tasks, shoving food to the back of my mind.
good.” He grinned. “Velvet chicken extra chili?” He pressed
cilantro.” I added, trying to conceal my smile, and the butterflies
looming in my gut.
yeah, I forgot about that lil green shit you like.”
be disrespectful.” I warned, pointing a stern finger even as my
just saying.” He shrugged and gave me his back as he made the call
to order our food.
it arrived we wasted no time diving right in. Delicious aromas
permeated the space and our laughter acted as the soundtrack.
Together both components made for the perfect night.
was the type of person you could do nothing with and have the time of
your life. He was positive and radiated a magnetic energy that not
only drew you in but left you feeling brighter and refreshed. He was
peace in the flesh.
wasn’t long before I had a camera in my hand. I hadn’t even finished
my food which left Pierre with a ton of shit to talk but being in
this space left me antsy and wanting to play with my most prized
I murmured to myself as I played around with the settings of my new
Mark IV. Everything in the room had ceased to exist including my dear
friend who was a total magnet for attention.
been playing quietly, switching out lenses and toying with lighting
when a warm tide rolled over me, prompting me to look up. I was more
than surprised when I found Pierre’s sultry gaze locked on me.
slid by as I watched him watch me. I briefly wondered what was on his
mind and then decided that I didn’t want to know.
you looking at me like that?” I quietly asked.
what?” His lips twitched into a smirk.
shrugged and his gaze never faltered.
looked back down at my camera, deciding that this was too much. He
was too much. The concentration I’d possessed minutes ago was no
where to be found as I was too distracted by my staring comrade.
could still feel his gaze, and the heat it produce. I could also feel
my heart rate rising and my belly winding into dizzying knots.
I whispered, not looking at him but knowing he was looking at me.
I lied. “I’m annoyed.” I lied again.
my picture.” The request drew my eyes to him again.
playing with the camera,” He noted. “Play with it on me.”
didn’t know how to take his words and I certainly didn’t know how to
respond. Without a word, I raised my camera and took a shot of him.
the heavy device down, I gazed at the picture I’d just taken quietly.
I adjusted a few things and moved to get a different angle with
better lighting before snapping another shot and then another.
all you’re gonna do?” I asked in reference to him just standing
do you want me to do?” He asked almost meekly. It made me laugh.
don’t know – something.”
smiled. And my heart exploded.
photograph beautifully.” I spoke a few minutes later as I clicked
through the pictures.
brows rose as his smile widened. “Beautifully?”
you’re very photogenic.” I murmured still looking through the
frames I’d snapped.
smirked. “Just tell me how fine I am and get it over with.”
laughter boomed through the space as I looked up from my camera.
ain’t even tryna acknowledge how fine you are.” I chuckled.
I’m sure your got mooore than enough people telling you that.” His
expression confirmed that I was indeed correct. “Exactly.”
none of those people matter.”
um – how’ve you been?” I shifted on the bar stool.
feel awkward or something?” His question crowded mine.
think this is awkward, yeah. Don’t you?”
His response was airy and quick.
feel familiar and unfamiliar to me at the same time. It’s – weird.”
I explained not looking at him but at the glass of Malbec before me.
it been that way with everyone?” His cognac was in his hand and
seconds later at his lips. I watched him drink, saying nothing.
“Hmm?” He pressed.
offered me dinner – Mr. Chow and I’d declined. This very bar within
the grocery store was a better option for me as I wasn’t sure where
thought the middle of the chip aisle was odd place to catch up and
suggested the bar to make things less awkward. Needless to say,
awkwardness still loomed.
know, I don’t know that many people. With Larry the energy was
different.” I watched his facial expression change at the mention
of my husband. “Everyone else was his family, Tiffany – and
that’s really it. I haven’t come in contact with anyone I used to
work with. I haven’t worked at all either. I went through my emails
and some names stuck out but – it’s weird.”
keep saying that.”
it’s true.” I shrugged.
didn’t know any other way to describe the sensation that comes when
you’re face to face with someone that you know you know but don’t
know at all in a sense. Interacting with a person that knows you
deeply, and maybe intimately, and not remembering any events that
solidified your relationship is a curse that I wouldn’t wish on my
emailed you – a couple times.”
frowned. “I never got them.”
eyes dropped and then my head. I wonder what the emails had said, and
how Larry felt reading them. I wondered if he felt as crushed as I
felt while reading the exchange between he and Luzy. A part of me
hoped so but the other part knew that Pierre and I would’ve never
exchanged the kind of words that Larry and Luzy had. I could never
hurt Larry the way he hurt me.
you been?” He asked.
chewed my lip and then swallowed the words I wanted to say – the
lie I wanted to tell. “I wanna say I’ve been better but based on
the terrible things I’ve remembered I don’t know that I have been
saying 'good’ would have been easier, I realized as his gaze locked
fine.” I muttered, going for my glass and draining the contents.
can’t just say that and then say you’re fine.”
forgot how aggy you get when it even seems like someone is telling
you what to do.” He chuckled but nothing was funny.
ignored the statement. The weight of it was too heavy. “How are
He nodded, studying my face. “I’m gearing up to move to L.A. In a
I smiled and he nodded. “That’s awesome. Tell me more.”
much to tell. Majority of Roc Nation is on the west coast now so I’ve
been spending a ton of time there. The back and forth is exhausting
as shit. It makes sense to move, you know?”
love New York though. Will you miss it?”
darkened eyes found mine as he brought his drink to his lips. “Nah.
Ain’t nothing here for me no more.”
response raked down my spine, dismantling it. The words had an aim
and I was the target. They hurt even though I’m sure they weren’t
supposed to. He wasn’t malicious. I was.
happy for you.” I said, and I meant it. His smile was bright and
full of appreciation. I returned one, realizing it was the first time
I’d smiled genuinely in days.
conversation flowed like silk afterwards. We laughed, joked and
frowned as we spoke about the past few months. It was easy to
understand why I’d gotten so wrapped up in my friendship with this
man. He was amazing.
was my ringing phone that broke up the party nearly two hours later.
The signature Apple ringtone and the appearance lovey dovey selfie of
Larry and I in Male on the screen was like a bolt of lightening.
let the phone ring, silently promising to call Larry back when I was
done catching up with Pierre. Tucking the sleek device away in my
purse seemed to be the best idea but before I could carry out the act
Pierre stood, signaling that he was indeed done with me.
my cue.” He smiled only it didn’t reach his eyes.
'see you laters’ seemed more like a permanent goodbye even as we
exchanged numbers with promises to keep in contact. Our hug was
longer than necessary. And as we parted ways I knew deep down that
I’d never hear from him.
Her smiling face consumed the screen of my Macbook, adding just a
tinge of brightness to my dark day.
Delilah.” I forced a smile.
qui vas pas?”
lie.” I fought not to roll my eyes as her gaze moved over my face.
fine. How are you?” I managed to force a smile. It was built
completely on fumes – residual happiness.
terrible liar. How I not know my sister?” She pressed.
did you do today?”
ask me another question until you say to me what’s make you like
pregnant.” I chirped. “So what did you do today?”
the words aloud nearly crippled me. They were letters of pure
detriment meshed together. Each time I’d uttered those words tragedy
followed. They were stated with glee for most, shock from others,
regret from a few and horror from me.
was sure I’d never speak them again as my history had been an ugly
one. Birth control made it so that those words wouldn’t leave my
lips. But I’d stopped my birth control months ago – when my husband
clocked out of our marriage. I never liked the stuff, and the way it
made me feel anyway and taking it without having a sex life was
pointless. So I stopped.
then a few weeks ago I fucked my husband.
I was pregnant.
I managed to reactivate my sex life during my most fertile day of the
month was a mystery to me. How I managed to conceive despite my past
was some kind of twisted miracle – one I didn’t ask for.
breasts had been achy and my period absent. I blamed stress. I was
stressed after all. My marriage was practically over, my husband –
missing, my will to do anything – nonexistent.
took a weeks worth of nausea to propel me to humor myself with a
pregnancy test from Duane Reade. My 'symptoms’ weren’t convincing
enough to drive me to make a doctors appointment. I knew it was
stress but I wanted to explore all possible options, even the most
two pink lines appeared on the first stick I realized that maybe it
wasn’t so outlandish at all. The blue plus sign that appeared on the
second still left me with doubts. It wasn’t until the E.P.T boldly
flashed 'Pregnant” at me that I swallowed my reality. It was harsh
and severed my throat on the way down.
joke?” Delilah’s voice was stark.
wish.” I sniffed, dropping my gaze to the belly I’d worked so hard
to flatten and tone. “I don’t know what to do, D.”
my brother say?” I shrugged. “What that mean?”
haven’t talked to Larry?”
brow shot up.“Since when?”
called him. He didn’t answer.” My shrug did nothing to hide my
despair. In fact, the fact that I was trying to act nonchalant made
me feel worse.
disappeared a fucking month ago after he fucked up and I haven’t
heard from him.” More words that when spoken out loud made me
called Larry after the first pregnancy test and then again after the
third. He hadn’t answered. I’d tried again thirty minutes ago, and
he’d sent my call to voicemail.
he’d popped up at Erin’s apartment he’d blown my phone up for days
and then all of a sudden the calls stopped. Shortly after the texts
hadn’t seen or heard from him in any capacity. Having deleted the
portals to social media from my phone I’d severed the mere
possibility at getting a glimpse of him. It hurt. I’d married the man
and now I couldn’t even get in contact with him.
call him now.” She hissed, mumbling a few curses in her native
bother.” Another shrug.
part of me wanted her to call him, as I needed to talk to him but the
majority of me knew that I’d die if he answered for her. Her offering
a helping hand would only solidify the fact that we were indeed done.
I wasn’t ready to face that fact yet.
probably with that bitch.” I added, allowing my bitterness to
season my words.
he don’t talk to her any more.”
smirked. “That’s what he told you?”
what I know.”
you know he was telling her all my fucking business? Did you know she
would leak those pictures?”
you know I not know that stuff. But I know my brother, and he not
friends with her anymore.” I scoffed at 'friends’.
glad you know him because I sure the fuck don’t.”
consumed the room, on both ends. I was busy trying not to cry and she
was trying to figure out what to say to me.
was well aware of the fact that going to her put her in a sticky
position but I had no one else. Laure was too emotional and Erin
would only dramatize everything, leaving me worse off.
can’t believe this is happening to me.” The dam I’d constructed to
keep my tears at bay finally crumbled. “Why is this happening to
cry, my baby.” She cooed but her words didn’t reach me. It was
impossible for me to be comforted. “Stress bad for baby.”
don’t even matter.” I scoffed, wiping roughly at tears that I
hadn’t wanted to appear.
back straightened and her eyes widened. Brows that were delicately
shaped arched towards her hairline. “What that mean?”
have to explore all my options.” The statement left my lungs
depleted and tongue raw.
was the fact that the 'I’ wasn’t a 'we’ that killed me most. I never
in a billion years that I would be making such impactful decisions
She sighed and licked her lips. “You not think you want to not have
this baby, are you?”
you can say that after what happen with the others? How–“
exactly why I’m saying it! I have had the worst luck with pregnancy!
Why would I do it again, and alone at that?”
not alone, baby.”
do I have?!”
– he just be stupid right now. And you have me and Laure, maman and
Lau – Sallah, Michel–“
chuckle was dry and echoed through the room as I eyed my Macbook with
a frown. “All people who are linked to Larry. His family.”
too.” She amended. “Why you talk like this?”
you’re his sister. I know where–“
your sister too!” She snapped clearly frustrated with me.
wanted to boldly and plainly explain to her that all it took was for
papers to be signed to changed her tune. As much as I loved her and
the rest of the family they were his family. Their loyalty was to him
and him only. I knew they loved me but if – when worse came to
worst I knew who they would stand behind.
sorry, D. I’m just tired and – sad.” I didn’t want to upset her.
“I’m feeling a bit nauseous. I’m gonna go lay down for a bit.”
call me later?” She pleaded.
gonna be too late to call you later.” I offered a small smile meant
to soothe her.
don’t care. Call me.”
my baby.” Her voice was light and happy.
can’t do this?” I sighed into the phone. Though my words weren’t
direct, they were heavy.
had been days since I initially spoke to Delilah. Days of crying.
Days of vomiting. Days of being ignored by Larry.
not even going to attempt to have this baby. I mean, it probably
wouldn’t survive any way. I’m not doing it, D.”
wait. What you mean?”
getting an abortion.” I’d uttered the statement a thousand times
aloud to myself to make it real and it still hurt to say it.
She shrieked – her accent heavy on my name.
shook my head despite the fact that she couldn’t see me. I’d avoided
Facetime because I didn’t want to see the disappointment and disgust
in her eyes. Hearing it in her voice was enough.
can’t do this, Delilah.”
this a blessing. You can't–“
can you call this a blessing when pregnancy has brought me nothing
but pain? If anything I’m cursed – not blessed.”
know you mad right now but you have to think about this.”
nothing to think about.” I swore only for her to sigh.
haven’t spoken to Larry – I don’t know where the fuck he is. I–
Doing this alone is not an option and I’m not gonna– If he doesn’t
wanna be with me that’s fine.”
call him for you. I do right now.”
Fuck him – let him stay where the fuck he his.”
he need to know this.”
I snapped. “I don’t want him and I don’t want his baby.”
if you not with my brother you can do this. You so strong, Marlee. I
know this. You don’t need him for this.”
think I'mma be a single mother?” I nearly laughed but my anger
wouldn’t allow me to.
just tell you that you don’t need him. So many women do it alone.
ignored her. Those words weren’t what I wanted to hear. In fact, they
pissed me off.
know what every happen with you and my brother he be there for the
baby, and of course I’m there and Laure too.”
I huffed, wanting – no needing her to shut up. I called her with my
mind made up. I didn’t need the single mother pep talk.
strong and can do this – with my brother or without. You can do
this.” She was trying to pound her encouragement into my skull.
laugh was bitter. “I shouldn’t have to.”
sighed, clearly exasperated. “Marlee, things happen–“
Delilah, I did it the right way! I got married after knowing Larry
for years. I didn’t go out and fuck some trash ass nigga and wind up
pregnant only for him to abandon me. I shouldn’t have to worry about
being a single mother because I did it the right way!”
I do it wrong?” Silence consumed the line. “Is that what you say
was no secret the relationship she had with her child’s father was
casual before she conceived and nonexistent after. His lack of help
caused her tons of hardships. I didn’t want that to be me. I couldn’t
allow that to be me.
mean…” I my words hung in the air, echoing nastily.
how you can say–“
I gotta go.” I muttered before ending the call.
mmm! addendum to the “the prism of nahaaratui is tetris” theory; the purgatory block erin and eustace were trapped in was blocked in, aka, literally what gums up the works in a game of tetris, when there’s a row with an empty block you can’t reach ‘cos something’s on top of it.
Hello humans! I’m so sorry it’s been a minute since I’ve updated I’ve just been super duper busy and stressed so of course that lead to writers block. (Erin, no one cares) But I hope you enjoy this and I might make a part 2 so let me know if I should!
*Not My Gif*
“So what do we do?” Her voice shook with fear. “I…I don’t know.” Dean whispered.
“I’m telling you, we’re going to find Sammy. We just have to get inside his mind.” She turned and stared at Dean. “I know…” He mumbled. “Now…if you were Sammy and you just drank a crap ton of demon blood, where would you go?” She questioned aloud. “I don’t know…a shady motel maybe..somewhere no one would think to look.” Dean replied. “What about that small motel 3 miles south of here? Remember you said it looked like it came straight out of Psycho?” Dean’s mind raced with thoughts until it finally clicked with what Y/N was talking about. “We’ll never know until we try.” He said as he grabbed his keys off the table and headed to the door with Y/N following behind. The drive was quick, but they almost dreaded getting out of the car. They didn’t want to face the truth that stood behind those motel walls. Dean turned off the engine and they sat in silence. Y/N reached over and held Deans hand softly and squeezed it lightly. He looked over at her and stared into her eyes. She could see the fear in his eyes and he could see the fear in hers. “It’ll be okay.” She whispered. He nodded and kissed her hand before getting out of the car. “You check that side, i’ll check this side.” Dean said as he pulled his gun from his coat pocket. Thundered rumbled as she nodded and glided towards the door that read ‘502’. When she approached the door, she knocked softly and waited. When there was no answer, she pulled out her bobby pin and let herself in. The room was dark, almost black so she searched the wall until she found a switch. It was somewhat clean and a glass wall separated the beds from the kitchenette. Sam’s gun laid on the table along with small puddles of blood. Her stomach churned at the sight of it. “Sammy?” She called out. Before she could say anything else, the bathroom door swung open and Sam crept out. When his eyes laid on her, he stopped dead in his tracks. His posture was stiff and his eyes were dark. “What are you doing here?” He asked coldly. “Sammy…you’re okay..” She exhaled and she placed her hand on his arm. He looked down at her hand then back into her eyes. “I said, what are you doing here?!” He yelled as he pushed her away from him. She stumbled back and held back tears. “Sammy….what is wrong with you?” She whispered. “NOTHING IS WRONG WITH ME!” He screamed before smacking her across the face. Her hand instantly went to her cheek, but her other fist clenched. She swiftly swung and punched him with all her might. He grabbed her jacket and jerked her forward so they were face to face. “You’re going to regret that.” He spat before throwing her into the glass wall. The wall shattered into pieces and tore tiny cuts into her pale skin. She gasped for air and groaned from the pain. Sam marched up to her and placed his foot on her chest as she laid there helplessly. It was in that moment when she looked into his eyes that a memory played in her head. She thought back to the time she had met Sam in college. He was with Jess at the time and she remembered being so close with Sam that he let her call him 'Sammy.’ She remembered all the smiles and laughs they shared and how it was a much simpler time. “Sammy…” She cried weakly. Her memory faded when Sam smirked slightly and kicked her across the face, knocking her unconscious. She was awoken from the crashing of lightning outside and the roaring thunder. She was laying in the motel bed with a soft pillow under her head. She couldn’t remember how she had gotten onto the bed, but she vaguely remembered hearing Dean yell her name, so she automatically assumed it was him that put her here. The door opened, snapping her out of her thoughts and Dean walked in with a bag full of stuff from the local drug store. “You’re awake.” He announced as he shut the door and threw the keys down on the table. “Mind telling me what the hell happened?” He said as he gestured over to the broken glass. “He was here.” She mumbled. “And he was very angry for some reason and he ended up hitting me..so I fought back, but he ended up throwing me into the glass and kicking me unconscious.” “Well that explains why you kept asking where Sammy was when I picked you up.” “I did?” She questioned. He nodded and looked at her cheek. “He left a bruise.” He muttered as she put her head in her hands. “How are you feeling?” He asked sincerely. “Like a million bucks.” She groaned. He chuckled at her comment and put his hand on her cheek lightly. “He wasn’t in his right mind, you know that right? You’re Sam’s best friend and I know he would never hurt you, but when we get him back to normal he better be kissing your ass.” He laughed. She chuckled and laid her head against Dean’s chest. The rain pounded on the roof and lighting cracked once more. “So what do we do?” Her voice shook with fear. “I…I don’t know.” Dean whispered.
Yo I'mma need Ella and Erin to write, direct and star in a movie based on their relationship and all the nitty gritty details no one got to see in the beginning. Y'know, like how did Ella act around Erin before she came to terms with a her sexuality? Did she avoid her or were they friends? I wanna know tbh
Author’s Note: Apologies for
the delay in updating. I had a couple of people ask across various social media
platforms ask if I plan to address particular episodes and the answer is, yes,
I do. The plan for this series is to write a oneshot for each episode of Season
Three. This oneshot picks up immediately at the close of 3x06 with Erin and Jay
leaving Molly’s together.
I’m ready for
this; there’s no denying. I’m ready for
this; you stop me falling. I’m ready for
this; I need you all in. I’m ready for
this so, darling, won’t you hold my hand? – “Hold My Hand”
by Jess Glynne
The arm draped over her shoulders feels
surprisingly light given the strength she knows he posses, and Erin reaches up
to assure herself that his arm is still
pressed against her. Her fingers wrap around his wrist tugging him
closer, placing his hand against her chest so his fingers skim the top of her
breast through the fabric of her jacket. And she can feel the steady drumbeat
of his pulse against her fingers as she curls his hand around his wrist and
then against her shoulder through the fabric of his jacket when she leans into
Erin’s smile deepens when she feels Jay’s
nose brush against the side of her head, and she doesn’t need to look up at him
to know his lips are breaking out into a wide grin because she’s doing the
same. Jay may have jumped a few steps, skipped right over holding her hand, but
this – kissing in Molly’s, his arm slung over her shoulder – feels right.
Feels a little bit like a dream when he presses his lips to the side of her
head; feels a little bit like reality when the front door of Molly’s is pushed
open and the cool October air hits them.
The intersection in front of Molly’s is
practically deserted, but most of the street parking has been snagged by the
firemen, cops, and doctors that frequent the bar. And there’s a momentary pause
where the two of them stand on the steps of the bar – Jay’s arm still looped
over her shoulders – and where Jay seems unsure of which direction to steer
them both in. His eyes dart from left to right down the street, from where he
knows he parked his car to where she might have parked hers.
And Erin bumps her hip against his to get
his attention flicking her gaze down the street towards his car and raising a
single eyebrow in a silent reply to the hesitant look in his eyes. She was
serious when she said she had come down to see if he was there. Erin had
circled the block pretending to look for a better parking spot; let the guy
driving behind her think that she had zero confidence about her ability to
parallel park. When, in reality, Erin had been looking for his car – or, the yellow and blue New York license
plates his brother had yet to switch out because maybe they carpooled down here
together – and she had parked her sedan right behind his a little ways down
the street by design.
There’s a lightness in her walk as he
guides – or, maybe she drags given the way her hand still clutches his wrist
– them over to his car, and Erin’s smile widens further into a chuckle as a
stupid and silly thought about this being what walking on Cloud Nine feels like
crosses her mind. She doesn’t believe in that kind of stuff – the romance
novels and the chick flicks – but it’s hard to shake the smile on her face or
the laughter bubbling forth as Jay’s lips skim against her head one more time.