eric why are you always so bad at this

#2

I think Jack likes to talk about his feelings a lot, but the problem has always been that no one is patient enough to listen to him. And it’s not always their fault. Sometimes they don’t even know that they’re interrupting him because he’s been silent for five minutes trying to think of the right words to say. His parents are too desperate for answers, or too sad to listen to the silence. His therapist will ask him another question if he doesn’t give him an answer fast enough, thinking that he just doesn’t have one yet. And Shitty will say that Jack doesn’t have to explain why he’s feeling down and Jack doesn’t even have the words to explain that there’s so much he wants to tell him.

Eric didn’t get it at first either. He would always try to fill the silence with something because the cold look in Jack’s eyes when he talks about the things that make him have bad days is something that still haunts him. But with time, with too many nights of being there and not knowing what to do, he starts to understand Jack’s need to take his time - just like he does with all his other emotions.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Eric will ask when he sees something bothering him. And Jack will nod, because he does, and then maybe not say anything for a few minutes. And Eric will hold him, run his fingers through soft hair, and listen to the silence until it’s ready to not be there anymore.

Something Worth While (Pt. 2)

Alright y’all sorry this took forEVER to edit but here it is. I’ve got a basic idea of where I want this to go but I still don’t know how long it’s gonna be lol. I also decided to keep this on tumblr for now because for some reason I’m super self-conscious about it (I feel like I’m exposing myself IDK)

Also, thank you all for your lovely messages they really encourage me to get off my lazy ass and write this stuff

Heads Up: There is a scene that is a bit NSFW

(Pt. 1)

********

Keep reading

won me over (check, please! jack/bitty, 3.6k)

As promised, I’m posting a fic before 2016 ends!  It isn’t beta’d, and I’ll be posting a more refined version on AO3 at some point, but… well, almost 4k of words is better than nothing right? 

This is technically a sequel to my fic head over feet, but you don’t really need to know it to understand this one. 


It’s a Sunday morning when Bitty is woken up by the incessant buzzing of his phone.  

He rubs the sleep from his eyes and glances out the window.  There’s a stillness on campus that comes only after the first snowfall of the season—a perfect excuse to stay inside and avoid responsibilities. Normally, Bitty would be an advocate for such procrastination, but he remembers that he has plans and he can’t afford to mess them up.

“Ugh, turn it off,” Jack grumbles when Bitty’s phone starts buzzing again.

Bitty chuckles. “I would, but I can’t exactly move right now,” he informs from where he’s sandwiched between the wall and Jack’s body.  He gently shakes Jack’s shoulder. “You’re hogging the bed.”

“’m not,” Jack mumbles, still half-asleep.  He rolls over onto his back and pulls Bitty on top of him, which puts Bitty in close enough proximity to his phone to dismiss his alarm.

Bitty tries to wriggle out of Jack’s hold, but the other man retaliates and tightens his grip around Bitty’s waist.  

“Jack, sweetheart, let me up.  I have things to do.”

“I want you to stay here and sleep with me.”  

“Honey, you can’t still be tired.  It’s nearly ten!”  

Jack cracks one eye open and smiles lazily. “Who said anything about being tired?”

“What—” Bitty narrows his eyes. “Jack Laurent Zimmermann, was that a come on?”

“Maybe,” Jack responds. “Is it working?”

Bitty’s mind recalls the image of a blissed and fucked-out Jack sprawled on his bed just over eight hours ago. “Was last night not enough for you, honey?”

“I’ll never get enough of you, Bits.”

“You really know how to sweettalk a guy, don’t ya?”

“You’re the only one I’m interested in sweettalking,” Jack informs.

Bitty rolls his eyes but kisses him anyway.  Jack tries to deepen the kiss after a few moments, but Bitty stops him. “I have to study for midterms.”

Jack honest-to-god pouts. “You’ve had all week to study.”

“Not all of us have a work ethic like yours, Captain.”  

“You’d get more done if you didn’t tweet so much.”

“Okay, there’s got to be some sort of rule against chirping your boyfriend in bed,” Bitty says with a huff.  

Jack smiles. “You love it.”

“Unfortunately.” Bitty kisses him again, but abruptly pulls away when Jack’s hands starts traveling below the waistband of his shorts.

“Bits, why—”

Bitty ignores him and climbs off the bed. “I’m going to Founders to study with Lardo,” he announces.

Jack sits up and frowns when Bitty starts getting dressed. “You’re actually going?”

“I have two midterms on Tuesday,” Bitty says. “I’d rather not fail them and have to take summer classes.”

“Since when did you become the voice of reason in this relationship?”

“Mmm… probably when my future-NHL player boyfriend invited me to spend the summer with him,” Bitty says as he packs up his laptop and notebooks.

“I can still take you out to dinner later, right?” Jack asks.

“Of course, sweetheart.” Bitty says, grabbing his coat and backpack.  He pauses at the door on his way out and looks back at Jack.  It takes all of Bitty’s willpower to not jump back in his bed with a half-naked Jack Zimmermann, but he trudges on.  “In the meantime, maybe you can think of a few ideas on how you can wear me out tonight?” 

“Trust me, Bits.  I’ve already got more than a few ideas.” 

Keep reading

Back In Time: Part 4

Eric Harris birthday was coming up very soon. Dylan wanted you to come so desperately but sad part is you can’t control when or where you go back to. Its only been about a week or so since you last showed up. Dylan e-mailed you almost everyday after that day.

VoDka: “Hey spacey!”

(Your User): “Hey Dyl. What’s up?”

VoDkA: “Reb wants you to show up in a few days”

You let out a small sigh and looked over the dozens of e-mails between you and him. You started getting more nervous a few days ago when you noticed there were even bigger changes than just a later starting time or Dylan being even less vocal and angry in the tape transcripts. You noticed now that the event happened almost a whole week later and there were less ammo and pipebombs.

VoDkA: “Hello?”

(Your User): “Sorry. I slipped away into my thoughts. I’m going to take a nap alright?”

VoDkA: “No problem”

You closed your computer and let out a deep breath. You climbed into your bed and closed your eyes just waiting to fall asleep. You started to feel your body get extremely heavy and your breaths began to slow. You knew this feeling all too well and you just waited for the adventure too start.

_

You stood in an empty girls’ bathroom and opened the stall door. You looked at yourself in the dirty and smudged mirror and saw how drained you looked. You splashed your face with some cold water and patted your face with a napkin. You slowly walked out of the bathroom into the familiar wide hallway corridor with the soft carpet underneath you.

You deicided to climb up the stairs that led to the second floor when you noticed a teacher or principle walking towards you. You walked fast down the hallway not really focused on who was there or what was going on. There were a few more students out on the second floor rather then the ghost town downstairs.

“Spacey?”

You heard a very familiar yell and turned around quickly. You saw a tall and lanky teenage boy and began to smile. You walked towards what appeared to be his locker.

“Hey Dyl!”

You found yourself in his small embrace and felt your cheeks turn red. You looked at opposite way.

“So what’s up? Why are you here?”

“I don’t really know Dyl. I don’t really control when I come over here.”

He let out a small laugh and continued rummaging around his messy locker. You looked at the familiar placement of the locker but the unusual numbering.

“Hey I think I actually have your locker Dyl. But that’s not my locker number.”

He gave an audible noise to assure you that he heard you and finally found what he was looking for. He threw it into his bag and began to walk towards the school doors nodding at you to follow him. Once you reached the large doors you saw another familiar face.

“Hey stranger! I haven’t seen you in forever dude.”

“Yeah I know ma-”

“Not you V, I saw you like fucking 20 minutes ago”

You laughed at his response and at how Dylan mocked the boy’s voice afterwards.

“Hey Eric.”

“Hey! So you coming to my little birthday get together?”

“I honestly don’t know. I’m going to try though.”

He gave you a small nod and began to walk towards Dylan’s car. You all climbing and blasted some very familiar music. Eric made fun of you almost 100 times when you tried to sing any of the German songs.

“You fucking suck dude.”

You stuck your tongue out and keep singing, now obviously trying to sing it badly. Sooner or later the boys both joined in pretending to be terrible at the German words.

Dylan pulled into the Blackjacks parking lot and told you and Eric to stay in the car that he would be right back. The air grew very still once the engine turned off and Dylan closed his door behind him. A few slient moment passed by when Eric finally spoke.

“So why are you never really in school much? Like no one knows who you are.”

You shifted nervously in your seat, hoping Dylan would hurry up and come back but he didn’t. You were still stuck in the car with a lingering question. You tried not to look into Eric’s stone cold eyes.

“You don’t go to Columbine do you?”

You shifted a bit more and tried to speak.

“Uh not reall-”

You heard the heavy door and saw a flying white envelope hit Eric in the back of the head.

“What the fuck”

You felt a shift in the car and let out a small sigh.

“So where too next?”

“Any ideas spacey?”

“Uh.. I’m just down for anything”

You guys just decided to drive around a bit until you guys figured out what to do. You felt an off balance mood in the air. It made you very uncomforfable.

“Hey V, why do you call y/n spacey?”

Dylan cleared his throat and looked back at you from the over head mirror. You shifted your weight and looked at him helplessly. He must have not noticed how long he was slient for because Eric asked the same question, a little more annoyed.

“She is just a very… Spacey person.”

“I call bullshit on that.”

Eric turned directly at you and burned your soul with his powerful eyes. You felt the hard glare. He didn’t have to say anything, you knew he wanted an explanation and he wasn’t stopping until he got an answer.

“It’s just a nickname he sorta came up with. I can be a real Space Cadet sometimes”

“I hope you don’t think I’m stupid because I know damn well you don’t go to our school. So why are you always there?”

You began feeling sick and dizzy. You knew you were about to fade out. But you can’t just fade away with Eric watching your every move. Dylan noticed right away.

“Reb fucking chill out on her.”

“I just want to know what’s going on.”

You felt like everything was getting light and airy.

“Fuck”

That was the last thing you heard before waking up in your bed hot and sweaty. Your covers were a messy and your pillows were thrown about. You felt a lump in your throat. You knew something bad must have happened but you were to scared to even check your e-mail. You finally gained the courage and opened your computer.

REBdomine: “What the fuck happened ?”

VoDkA: “Well we have to tell him now.”

Eric Gets Jealous

Originally posted by complete-fandom-trashhh

It was never a pretty sight when your boyfriend got mad, which is why you always did your best to avoid it. You knew better than to be one of those girls who intentionally made her boyfriend mad to mess around, or whatever the reason. When he got mad, he got really mad. And he had no problem taking it out on whomever he pleased. So, when he got jealous, it was bad. It had only happened once in a blue moon, or at least, in public.
It was after training. You were helping out some initiates that couldn’t throw knives properly, two of which happened to be guys. That wasn’t even where the problem came in. Eric was okay with that, knowing it was a part of your job and everything. And you knew your boundaries when it came to what he would freak out about or not. He and you acted professional when outside of his house. You rarely talked during training or things along those lines, and when you did, it was strictly about the initiates or whatever was necessary. You kept your relationship very private. In fact, not everyone knew you were together. Most people were very shocked when they found out, seeing as you’re not all that much like him. He’s violent, hard, scary, covered in piercings and tattoos - while you have none of those and are much more reasonable and polite than him.
After the initiates you were assisting left, you began packing up what remained of the equipment. Four approached you after Eric left the room, to help you clean up apparently. “You’ve gotten very good at that, we should find out who is better one of these nights.” He says as he helps you. You look over his shoulder, searching for Eric. He tends to get very irritated when you so much as talk to Four. With him nowhere to be found, you nod your head with a playful smile, responding, “I’m sure it’s me, but I’d be happy to prove it.” Your messy bun is falling apart, due to your long night, and your bangs fall into your face. Before you can fix it, Four does for you, pushing the hair behind your ear. You blush because it was sweet, but gulp, hoping he doesn’t regret talking to you due to your boyfriend. “Thanks,” you say, bending over to pick up a box. He grabs the other and you both start to head toward the door on the other side of the room, before horrifyingly noticing Eric leaning up against it. His arms are crossed, muscles tense, face expressionless. “Thought you were supposed to be a gentleman, Four,” he says-disdain clear when he speaks Four’s name-standing up tall and slowly approaching us, frozen in our spots. “Shouldn’t you know better than to flirt with someone else’s girl?” He growls, sarcasm heavy in his voice. You set down the box on the table and give him a look. “Eric, relax, we were just-” “Oh no need to tell me, I saw.” He says. You place my hand on his chest as he gets too close for your comfort to Four. “I wasn’t flirting.” Four says through clenched teeth. He’s clearly on guard, knowing this could be heading toward a serious fight, which is what you are trying to prevent. Eric stays still, an angry look plastered on his face, body very tense. “Babe, c’mon, let’s go back to your place. Nothing was going on.” You speak softly. His glare leaves Four and finds you, softening just a little. “Stay away from her.” He says, grabbing you by your waist and dragging you off, leaving Four to deal with the boxes. You shoot him an apologetic look and follow your boyfriend back to his apartment for what you could only imagine would be an eventful night, if you catch my drift ;)

Regret - Chapter 4 (Eric X Fox)

Rating: M (swearing, violence, smut - everything you’ve come to expect from me :* )

Genre: Drama/Angst

****Trigger Warnings - Sexual Abuse, Rape, Domestic Violence, Child Peril****

Thanks everyone for the re-blogs and support!!! IT IS SO AWESOME!!!

@emmysrandomthoughts@beautifulramblingbrains @iammarylastar @tigpooh67 @bookwarm85 @elaacreditava @badassbaker @captstefanbrandt  @treeleaf  @beltz2016 @lilu46  @girlwith100names @gaia25 @readsalot73 @slayer0507 @stone-met @lostinthebeans @lauraaan182 @girlslovestorys @tonyt1995 @lacy-love @fuckthatfeeling  @sparklemichele @vitaevandal @jojogoo65 @micolegg @frecklefaceb @jaihardy  @bookgirlthings @queenara4  @bluelassbird @mom2reesie @pathybo @letmagichappen @littlesouthernrebel @shaunarcanine @equalstrashflavoredtrash @sterek-foreverandever @itschibi

****************************************************************************************************

A huge thank you to my beta and Jai-sister @iammarylastar ! Quelle equipe!

****************************************************************************************************

His hand shot up and Fox couldn’t stop an involuntary flinch, but Eric’s touch was gentle; belying the dawning rage in his eyes. He turned her head to the side and tilted it back then fixed his intense gaze on her, one eyebrow lifted in question.

“Ethan-” Eric let go of Fox’s chin and turned to launch himself out of bed but Fox managed to snag his arm. He shrugged free and continued but it slowed him enough that Fox was able to scramble after him and grab his arm again before he made it to the door.

“Eric, please!” Fox pleaded, pulling backwards.

Keep reading

Tell me something I don’t know…

“Your acting cray y/n! I’m telling you I was home! All night! Ask mom.”
“Yea I already did Eric, she said you left for work at 6pm and she didn’t know if you came home or not! She assumed you were at my house or Dylan’s! So where were you?”
“I told you babe!”
“Bullshit! So don’t fucking babe me!”
“Your being ridiculous!”
“No. I’m not, and I ain’t fucking stupid either Eric…”

You slammed your locker close and stared Eric down. He shifted from foot to foot and avoided your gaze. You threw your arms up in frustration before storming off. His shouts for you to wait up drowned out by the hubbub of activity in the hallway. You slipped quickly out of sight into the girls bathroom, splashing your face with cold water. Dark rings circled your eyes. Evidence of too many sleepless nights. Staying awake wondering where the fuck and what the fuck your so called boyfriend was doing.

You sighed loudly, running your hands over your face. The sound of the door opening making your head turn quickly.

“Oh…hey y/n…how are you?”
“Hey Susan, you know same ol same ol. How are you?”
“Um I’m good. Um…right…um look I need to tell you something…”

Susan was cut short by the bell signalling for you to haul ass to your next class. She stood quietly, avoiding your gaze. You quickly muttered that it would have to wait because if you were late again you’d be facing yet another suspension.

“Um…sure y/n”
“Rain check sue?”
“Yea…‘sure…”

You darted past her and hurried to your next class. Making it with seconds to spare as your teacher looked snootily down her nose at you. Rolling your eyes you lurched towards the back of the class. Sitting down heavily and hanging you head in your hands. He was hiding something from you, you just knew it but when Eric didn’t want to talk it was easier to break into a bank vault then to get him to open up.

Lost in your thoughts you glanced outside down in the smokers pit you could see your best friend Dylan having a animated conversation with Eric. He looked super pissed. You sat more upright as you watched Dylan push and hold Eric against the wall, clearly yelling at him, Eric still trying to explain something. Dylan released him before storming off. Leaving you now with even more questions to be answered. You attention was snapped forwards as the teacher scolded you for not paying attention. Giving you a on the spot detention.

“What?! No fair! I didn’t do anything!”
“Do you want to make it two detentions Ms. y/l/n?”
“This is fucking bullshit!”
“Well now! Let’s make that 3 detentions!”
“Well you might as well make it 4! Im fucking out of here!”
“Oh no you don’t young lady! You are not going anywhere!”
“Oh yea?! Just try and fucking stop me you old bitch!”

You screamed the last sentence before tearing out of the classroom, muffled giggles trailing in your wake and outraged shouts demanding you return to you seat at once. So much for avoiding that suspension to muttered bitterly to yourself. You quickly walked to the gymnasium, taking refuge under the bleachers. Screaming your frustration out into your fists. Before familiar voices caught your attention. You scooted more into the darkness, and listened.

“I’m telling you Emily! He’s the best I’ve ever had! He goes all night!”
“But doesn’t he like have a girlfriend Brandi?”
“Well she mustn’t be a very good one if he’s come after me right?”
“That’s true, and let’s face it. We all know y/n is a bit of a loose cannon. She’s practically a dude anyways.”
“I know! Eric clearly wants someone more feminine to satisfy him!”

You felt your stomach fall to the floor. Your chest tightened making it hard to breathe. I fucking knew it! You screamed to yourself internally. Your hands intertwined in your hair, pulling at it painfully as the horrid reality sunk in. He was cheating on you. After all the shit he did and accused you of it was HIM all along. You mind flashed back to Susan in the bathroom. Fuck had she been trying to tell you? You needed to get out of here but were effectively pinned to the spot whilst Brandi and Emily tittered away. Her words fuelling your anger more and more as she went on and on about how her and Eric had been sneaking around your back for months.

“It’s only a matter of time before he dumps her stupid ass for me Emily”
“Are you sure?”
“Well why would he dine on a $2 snack like y/n when he can have prime rib steak like me?”
“Yea I guess so, so like don’t you feel bad tho? Y/n has always been nice to you..”
“Pfffft no! Shes a idiot!”

Yes…yes I am Brandi. You thought as you watched them finally leave. The bell ringing again sounding for lunch. A smoke…you needed a fucking smoke. You dashed quickly to the pit and tucked yourself away into the furthest corner. Just as you were finishing you heard Dylan’s voice calling out to you. You looked up sadly at him but didn’t move. He reached you quickly and sat next to you.

“How ya doing midget?”
“Yea I been better dyl”
“Oh what’s up?”
“Um…I’m getting suspended again, I called Mrs fathoms a old bitch and left class”
“Nice, coz that was a smart move”
“Don’t remind me…”
“Y/N!”

Both yourself and Dylan tensed at the sound of Eric calling your name. You looked away from him and stubbed your cigarette out, rising to your feet getting ready to leave.
Dylan muttered something you didn’t catch under his breath as Eric reached you both. You turned away from him going to walk away before he grabbed your arm.

“Y/n! What’s the matter with you?! Talk to me”
“I’d let her go if I was you REB”
“Shut up Dylan! This ain’t got nothing to do with you!”

Dylan audibly growled before stepping back. You turned to face Eric, letting all your rage and hatred project across your face before you slapped him as hard as you could. The silence that followed afterwards was sickening, a few murmurs of oh shit coming from the other smokers.

“I know everything Eric….”
“What?! What are you talking about y/n?!”
“I KNOW YOUVE BEEN CHEATING ON ME WITH THAT FUCKING SLUT BRANDI!!”

Eric’s face drained of all colour as you shouted at him. He released your arm, tripping over his words.

“Y/n! It’s not what you think I swear! I love you! Only you!”
“Bullshit! Your a fucking liar! I hate you! We are through! Go have fun with Brandi!”
“Y/n! Wait no please! Let me explain!!”
“There’s nothing to explain.”

You pushed past him and headed for the car park. Fuck him and fuck everyone you thought viciously. Eric went to follow but was stopped quickly by Dylan.

“I wouldn’t do that REB”
“I have to go to her V!”
“You lost her the moment you touched Brandi you piece of shit! How could you do that to y/n!?!”
“I duno! I fucked up man big time!”
“Yea well now you’ve just lost the one person who cared about you the most…you don’t fucking deserve her and never did.”

Dylan shoved Eric to the side before tearing after you. He found you sitting behind the wheel of your car, staring off into space, he quietly slipped inside. Remaining silent until you spoke.

“Am I that bad dyl?”
“What do ya mean y/n?”
“Am I that bad of a girlfriend? I gave him everything dyl! Fucking everything!!”
“He never deserved you y/n…”
“Yea…tell me something I don’t know dyl…”

Don't Sink

Summary: Dan thought he knew what love was. He thought the possessiveness, the name calling, and the rough-housing were normal. Phil is terrified for Dan and Dan is just an empty shell of what he used to be.
Word Count: 3965
Note: So, this is based on kind of a true story so this is pretty personal to me. I used a few real quotes and stuff and it’s an all-around deep story. I hope you guys enjoy because I worked quite hard. Enjoy & thanks for reading (:
Warnings: self harm, suicidal thoughts, abusive relationship

-
Dan didn’t notice when he first started to deteriorate. It’s quite ironic, actually, how things can change gradually over time until they seem completely normal, taking over your past and making you into an entirely different person. You don’t even realize that it’s happening, that someone had taken ahold of your very own personality and locked it into a cage, restricting what you used to be until there is nothing left except for a shell of the past, a memory of what you could have been one day that is now in complete ruin. And that’s how it happened - slowly. Because Dan didn’t realize how toxic things will tear him down faster than he could scream for help. In fact, he didn’t even notice and he can’t decide what’s worse; noticing that you’re just an empty shell of depression, or waking up one day to realize that you would rather stop breathing than to have to live through another day.

Keep reading

Imagine Eric

Originally posted by singfromthehair

Imagine Erik teasing you about being nervous to get your first tattoo.


“Come on, (Y/N). It’s not that bad.” Eric said in an annoyed tone. He had been trying to get you to go with him to the tattoo parlor for the past couple days but you had always come up with an excuse. Sadly today was an off day so none of the initiates had anything they had to do, giving you no excuse not to go.

“I’ll come watch but I am NOT getting one of those things.” You stated as you crossed your arms for emphasis.

A teasing smile spread across Eric’s face, “Why not? Are you afraid?”

“What? No, of course not.”

“Really? Cause it seems to me like you are.”

You shot him a death glare, “I’m not afraid.”

“Then you wouldn’t mind getting one with me?” He playfully bumped his shoulder up against you.

You gave him a mischievous smirk, “Ya know what, Eric? I think I will get one.” Eric broke out into a smile, happy he had won the argument, “On one condition. I get to pick out what you get.”

Eric’s smile faltered for a split second but then he regained his composure. “You’re on, (Y/L/N). But it would only be fair if I get to pick something out for you in return.”

You rolled your eyes and let out a sigh, “Deal.” The two of you shook on it.

As the two of you started walking off Eric stopped in his tracks causing you to turn and see why he had stopped. Eric looked slightly concerned.

“You okay, Babe?”

“Um yeah, just…just don’t make it something embarrassing, I do have a reputation to uphold.”

You let out a short laugh and grabbed his hand, leading him towards the tattoo parlor, “Wouldn’t dream of it.”

Where Do We Go Now?

This is my second one shot, and I like it better than the first :) I’m thinking there will be a part 2, let me know if you want one!

Title: Where Do We Go Now?

Summery: Reader lives with the Winchester Brothers after they save her from a demon that had been on her tail since she was young. She immediatly developed feelings for Dean, but never told him. But when she finally did, it did not go as planned.

~~

You were starting to feel claustrophobic, surrounded by piles of papers, bags of clothes for Good Will, and stacks of memories. It had been far too long since you did a big cleanout like this. You were tired of the clutter. You sat crosslegged on the floor of your room in the bunker, in the middle of what seemed like all your things. You’d been at this for hours now. Not just throwing everything away, but going through every box, every folder, every piece one at a time. You had been called a packrat more than once, but everything you kept held a memory for you. Some good, some bad, but you found it really hard to part with anything. As you started to retrieve the next box, which was shoved in the far back of your closet, you heard a snicker behind you.

“Nice view (y/n).” You flushed when you realized the position you were in, head in the closet, backside protruding in the air outside. The flush was also associated with the owner of the voice, Dean. You could feel your cheeks warm and blush. You definitely had a thing for the older Winchester. How could you not? He was gorgeous, strong, passionate, kind…and way out of your league. You never told him how you felt, you couldn’t ruin the friendship you had with him. It was what kept you afloat most days.

You lived with Dean and his brother, Sam. The bunker that used to belong to The Men of Letters now belonged to the brothers, as the last surviving legacies. After they saved you from a demon three years back, they asked you to stay with them. You had nowhere else to go, and it was supposed to be temporary. Now though, you couldn’t think of anywhere else you would want to be. This was the only real home you could remember, same for the boys.

“Don’t be snooping around people’s doors.” you scolded Dean while still in the closet. You were pretty sure the blush was still on your cheeks, and you just couldn’t deal with the harassment that could cause.

“Sorry, but not sorry.” he joked as he kept on walking. You smiled and shook your head as you pulled the box out of the closet, and returned to your spot on the floor. You moved aside the flaps of the box and immediately regretted it. There was a reason this box was at the bottom back of the closet. This was the box of memories you didn’t want to remember. It was too late now though, you realized, as you grabbed the first item of the top of the box. A photograph of you and your parents taken when you were little, probably 4 or 5. You were all smiling. It was hard to remember those days. With a sigh, you laid the picture on the top of the “Keep” pile, and grabbed for the next item. It was a small, wrinkled, almost illegible scrap of paper, but you knew immediately what it was. It saved your life. You leaned back against the wall with the scrap of paper with the phone number on it, and began to remember that day when a hunter by the name of John Winchester saved you from a demon that had just killed your parents. You happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time. You were only 10 years old. The demon smoked out of the man he was possessing, right after he looked at you with a warning that he would see you again. John gave you his phone number that night. Told you to call him if he ever came back. You held on to that number, and you were glad you did, as it was what brought you to the brothers.

You drew yourself back into reality, and wiped the tear that was slowly making its way down your face. You grabbed the box again, and reached in blindly for the next item. You pulled out the old wooden frame, and turned it around to view the picture. Your breath stopped and your heart thudded in your chest. It was him. You did not remember keeping a picture of him. Seeing his face brought back all the terrible memories of that night.

Eric. It wasn’t easy thinking about him. You loved him. You were going to marry him. He was perfect for you. That was probably why it hurt so much when things went sour. It was amazing at first. So many smiles, and so much love. Then, it went bad. It started with the anger. He would always be angry. Not always at you, but it was always terrifying. After the anger came the abuse. You couldn’t understand how someone so loving a few months ago could turn so quickly. Then, one day, you saw it. The black eyes. It finally made sense. It wasn’t him. It was a demon. You found out that it was the same demon that killed your parents. He had been keeping a trace on your all your life, since that day. The idea that Eric was actually a demon didn’t hurt as much as the fact that he was possessed the whole time you were with him. You actually fell in love with the monster, not the man. How messed up are you? The night you hid in the storm cellar three houses down from the monster was the night that you remembered that your savior John gave you a piece of paper with his phone number on it the day he saved you. He told you to call him if you ever needed him again. You figured, tonight was definitely a night that you “needed him”. You pulled the worn and wrinkled paper from the forgotten pocket in your wallet you were glad you had on you. Also glad that you remembered your phone. Almost silly that the two things you needed most right now you remembered to bring with you when you ran. You frantically dialed the number and prayed that he answered. Of course, John didn’t, but Sam did. And with only the short story you told him, he and Dean busted in and saved your life, just like their dad did. Just like your knights in shining armour. That was the day you moved into the bunker with them, as you had nowhere else to go after Eric. That was the day your life changed forever.

The past two years have been great. Sam and Dean became family. Your relationship with Sam was so strong, he was your best friend and you loved him like a brother. Dean, however, was different. You loved him, but it wasn’t a love for a brother. He made you feel whole. The first few months after Eric, you didn’t think you would feel for anyone again. You were broken. Dean put you back together again. He let you be yourself, and didn’t judge. You knew you couldn’t let him know how you felt. You knew yourself too well. You fall fast, and hard. He was your rock. What if he said he didn’t feel the same? I mean, yeah, he flirted with you, but doesn’t he flirt with everyone? You couldn’t lose him. That is what you told yourself every time you got up the slightest nerve to tell Dean how you felt. Those times were usually on nights when you remembered Eric. They would always start with your nightmares. Dean would always seem to know when you were seeing the demon in your sleep. He always found his way into your room, by your side. He always knew what to say to calm you down. What would you do without him?

You looked down at the framed photograph in your hands once more, and you could no longer contain the sobs. You broke down. You threw the frame against the wall with all the strength you could muster while letting out a primal yell. It hit the wall with a crash, sending broken wood and glass all over your floor. Dean, thinking you were in danger, ran back to your room at full speed.

“(Y/n)? What’s wrong? Are you alright?” His voice was filled with concern as he saw you sat on the floor, your body heaving with sobs. He scanned the floor for the perpetrator of the breaking glass, and found the frame. Cautiously, so as to not cut his hands, he picked up the photograph. Shock and realization hit him as he saw the face of the man you are with. That was why you are crying. That is where that angry scream came from. Dean dropped the photo back onto the floor, and with just 2 large strides, he was at your side. Sitting next to you on the floor, he wrapped an arm around your shoulder, and pulled your head to rest on his chest, as he enveloped you in a comforting embrace. He just let you cry, while rubbing circles on your back and whispering encouragements in your ear.

You didn’t know how long the tears lasted, could have been minutes or hours, but Dean was patient with you while you cried yourself out. Once the sobs turned to sniffles, Dean placed his fingers under your chin and tilted your head to look at him.

“Hey.” he said with a smirk. You couldn’t help but smirk back.

“Hey. Look, I’m sorry…”

“Don’t you dare apologize. Everyone is allowed a break down once and awhile.”

“You’re right. Thanks for sitting mine out with me.”

“(Y/n), you don’t have to thank me. I care about you, and it hurts when you’re hurt.” You weren’t sure if the bravery came from the proximity, or from Dean admitting to caring about you, but you couldn’t help yourself. With yourself still wrapped in his arms and your faces inches apart, you closed the gap, and pressed your lips to his. They were so soft, and you felt like you were home. But it ended too soon. Dean quickly pulled his head away from yours, and looked at you with such confusion in his eyes.

“Ummm, what was that about?”

“Dean, I’m sorry. I just…” Now was the time, you had no other option. You had to tell him how you felt. “…I care about you too Dean. I have since the moment you rushed into that cellar to save me. Being with you made me realize I could love again. Dean, I love you.” You weren’t prepared for the look that he gave you next. Pity. This was it. Your worst fears were coming true.

“(Y/n), I am so sorry. I didn’t know that you felt that way about me. But, I just don’t feel the same. I can’t. You are like a little sister to me.”

“But you said you care about me.” Your voice sounded much whinier that you intended.

“I do care. You are like family. But that’s all. I’m sorry.” Your face flushed with embarrassment and anger. He flirted with you openly since you met. How could he lead you on like that. What kind of person does that to a girl? You pushed hard against his chest to break his hold on you and stood up fast. He tried reaching for your hand to bring you back, but you pulled away.

“No Dean, don’t. You couldn’t have been oblivious to how I felt about you. I mean, we flirted so openly. Even Sam has made comments about it. If you didn’t feel the same, why did you play along?”

“I didn’t think you meant anything by it. I thought it was all for fun. You can’t be angry with me, you never told me you cared about me.” Dean’s voice was starting to raise as well as yours.

“I never told you because deep down, I was afraid this was going to happen. Please, just go. I want to be alone.” You turned your back on him, and crossed your arms. You waited until you heard the door click closed before falling onto your bed, wracked with a new wave of sobs.

How could this have happened? Everything was going so well with you and the boys, and you had to go mess it up. You should have kept your feelings to yourself. How were you ever going to face him again? That thought made your decision for you about what to do next. You couldn’t ever face Dean. You ruined what you had, and you had to go. You couldn’t look at him everyday and mourn the loss of your love, even if it were one sided. With a newfound purpose, you lifted yourself to your feet, and grabbed your duffle bag. You didn’t want to keep everything, knowing how most of your things will remind you of him. You grabbed a few pieces of clothes, your stash of money, and one photograph. It was of yourself and the boys, taken when you first moved in. You were all smiling, and you wanted to hold on to that memory. You sat down at your desk and scrawled a quick note. Then, as quiet as you could, you left your room, headed to the door of the bunker, and with one last look around, closed the door to that chapter of your life behind.

~~

Dean couldn’t sleep. Not with what happened with (y/n). He felt awful. He didn’t mean to hurt her. He really didn’t realize she felt that way towards him. He thought the playful flirting was just that, playing around. After tossing and turning on his bed for the past hour, he decided to get up. He had to apologize again. He didn’t want to lose her.

He quietly stopped at her door and knocked, waiting for a response. None came. Maybe she was asleep? He slowly opened the door and peered inside. The light was on, but she wasn’t there. Her stuff was still scattered on the floor the way it was when he left her room hours ago. Where was she? He looked towards her desk, and saw a folded piece of paper, with his name printed in her hand on the front. With a deep breath, afraid of what it was going to say, he sat down at her wooden desk chair, and began to read.

Dean,
Goodbye was the one thing I never thought I would say to you. But now it seems I have to. I can’t stay, knowing that we will never have what I want. I can’t look at you everyday because I will only see the future that will never happen. I’m sorry I spoiled what we had. Please take care of yourself, and Sam. And find someone that will make you as happy as I thought we would be. Even though it doesn’t mean anything to you, I love you and always will.
Yours always,
(y/n)

Dean didn’t realize the tears were running down his cheeks until they started to fall on the note in his hands. He jumped out of the chair and ran to his brothers room, pounding on the door.

“Sammy! Sammy get up!” When Sam opened the door he was shocked to see a tear stained Dean.

“Dude, what’s wrong? What happened?” New tears began to form in Dean’s sad green eyes as he handed his baby brother the note.

“It’s (y/n) man. I messed up. She’s gone!”