eric what are u

meanwhile in school shooter spirit land

eric harris: hey dylan do u like cheese

dave cullen: **BURSTS THROUGH THE FUCKING WALL hOLDING HIS BOOK IN HAND** AS YOU CAN SEE ERIC HARRIS WAS A DOMINANT FIGURE WHO FORCED DYLAN TO JOIN HIM IN THE COLUMBINE SCHOOL SHOOTING HE IS A MONSTER aND HIS PARENTS SHOULD BE ASHAMED

eric harris: I just asked dylan if he liked cheese wtf??

dave cullen: yoU DISGUST ME foRCING MY BABY DYLAN TO EAT CHEESE

dylan klebold: uhm I like cheese

dave cullen: HERE’S A PRIME EXAMPLE WITH DYLAN AGREEING WITH ERIC BECAUSE HE IS SCARED OF HIM 

dylan klebold: what 

eric harris: tf

dave cullen: plea s e   b u y   m  y   b o o  k

dylan klebold: 

eric harris:

dylan klebold: we shot the wrong people i stfg

anonymous asked:

Pls help I am in desperate need of a restaurant au with waiter bitty + ZIMMBITS

When Eric moved to Providence for college he really hadn’t envisaged being a waiter. Sure, he knew he’d need a job - don’t even get him started on the debt he was going to end up with by going to this school - but for whatever reason he’d never imagined that he’d end up in a little French restaurant, serving dishes with names that he can’t even translate. 

Honestly, he thinks he’s damn lucky he was even hired what with his lack of experience - the owner seems to have a soft spot for him though so Eric’s not going to complain. He’s been working there for just over a week now, finally settling into the habit of balancing plates on his arms and not causing a ruckus every time a customer requests something even slightly off the menu. He’s just dropped off a dessert bowl for a couple when he spots a new customer sitting alone at a table. 

“Hello, I’m Eric, and I’ll be your waiter for today. Can I get you something to drink?” He tries not to make it sound rehearsed, but truthfully he’s a little tired because he’d spent last night writing an essay into the early hours in the morning. When he properly looks at the guy he’s serving, he realises with a funny little flutter in his stomach that he’s - well. He’s hot.

“Uh…” says the customer, “Just some still water, thanks.” He’s got a heavy Québécois accent which is actually not that common for Providence even though they aren’t far from Canada. 

Eric thinks it’s fucking adorable. 

“Sure,” says Eric, “Do you need more time to decide on your food?”

He watches, fascinated as the man pulls his lower lip between his teeth and bites for a second, before answering. “What would you recommend?”

It takes Eric a moment to process his words, which is kind of embarrassing and he really hopes he’s not blushing. “Err - the croque monsieur is really good.” He knows he stumbles over the French and he really wishes he was fluent because his customer is smirking just a little bit at him now.

“Okay. I’ll have one of those, please?” He passes Eric the menu with a smile that makes Eric’s insides go all warm and squishy. He feels like facepalming or pulling out his phone to tweet about his new cute customer but resists the urge.

“Merci,” The guy says, and his eyes flicker down to Eric’s shirt for a second and he smiles, and in that same accent, “Eric.” 

Eric definitely blushes. (He also swears loudly once he’s back in the kitchen, but that’s not so important.)


Eric’s waiting aimlessly by the kitchen door when it happens. The cooks are talking to the waitress and he catches a bit of the conversation when the door opens.

“Jack Zimmermann, yeah!”

There’s a pause and then Eric hears, “Fucking hell, bro, that’s awesome!”

He frowns but thinks nothing of it, instead goes out to the restaurant and picks up a few empty plates before he goes to check on the cute guy by the window (again). 

“Everything okay?” he says, trying not to sound to eager. 

The customer smiles. “Yeah, it was really good, thanks.”

Eric hovers for a second while he takes Jack’s plate. “Do you wanna order anything else or…?”

“Wha - oh, no, sorry. I - um -”

“Yeah?”

It looks like the guy is having some sort of internal struggle before his shoulders sag. “Just the check, please.”

Eric smiles and fetches it for him. When he comes back, the guy is twiddling a pen between his fingers and there’s another guy who he’s waving at that’s walking away from his table with a huge grin on his face.

Eric looks between the two and raises an eyebrow. “Company?”

“I - uh -”

“Sorry, sorry,” he says, “None of my business.”

“No, it’s okay,” the guy says, looking embarrassed. “Just an autograph.”

Eric is taken aback by that - is this guy some famous celebrity that he’s never heard of? (Maybe he needs to catch up on his tv.) Still, he’s got a job to do so he shrugs it off and thanks the guy when he hands him back the receipt with money and a very generous tip.

It’s only when he gets to the kitchen that he realises there’s a note scrawled onto the bottom of the receipt:

You can totally ignore this but my friends say I need to get out more. Also, I think you’re really cute. - Jack (401-555-0147)

Eric would like to say that he’s an independent man who don’t need no boy but he can’t help letting out a little squeal anyway.

this au <3 thanks! send me writing prompts :)

check please ice princess au where bitty is the inexperienced figure skater whose parents want him to focus on opening up a bakery and and kent is the mean figure skater who tries to sabotage him and jack is the zamboni driver who woos him. literal zimmboni.

Eric And Dylan Ordering a Pizza
  • Eric: *on the phone* dyLAn what toppings u want??
  • Dylan: can i have uhhhhhhhh foot skin toppings on my pizza please
  • Eric:
  • Dylan:
  • Dylan: oh and put eggs on it as well :)
  • Eric: *on phone again* okay so i'll have one foot egg pizza,,
  • Dylan: 👌👌
  • Eric: and one GODLIKE cookie dough slimjim gun flavored virgin pussy flavored pizza please and thank you👅👅💦💦

anonymous asked:

Hello dear! I hope you're doing better. But could you please do a bullet form imagine of what it would be like being in a relationship with Eric? Thx! I love you and your imagines so much, I miss you! <3

hello love ! first off, i would like to thank all of u for all ur lovely messages. it means so much, u guys have no clue. i haven’t responded to everyone just yet because there’s so many but i’m trying my best to get back to all of u guys. i’m slowly trying to get myself back on here so as soon as i got this request i decided it’s time to post something for u guys. it’s not much, i know, but at least it’s something. so here u go anon, i hope this is what u wanted ! ♥

eric as your boyfriend would include;

- i’m not gonna lie and be all like “he would be so sweet and love you to death” because uh huh, we all know that shit ain’t true

 - you two meeting in your freshman year and him having an eye on you ever since  

- being in a relationship with eric would be both lovely and difficult at the same time.

- he would easily get jealous and be over protective because you know, he would NOT allow somebody else to  snatch you away from him

- but over all your relationship would be pretty okay even if you two would have heated arguments pretty often

- he would constantly have his hands on you; it didn’t matter where you guys where, he would always find a way to sneak his arms around you or hold your hand

- “oh c'mon y/n, stop fucking stealing my shirts all the god damn time!” but secretly he would love you walking around in his way to big shirts.

- dinner with his parents would literally be the best (even if eric hated it)

- not being able to leave the house without dyl joining which wasn’t that big of a problem

- he’d like to show others you’re his so pda at school would be a thing, but not that much

- and the sex!!!! i feel like it would be so good and he’d be so into trying out new things

- but in the end of the day he preferred it best when you would fuck yourself lazily on top of him and he’d be able to scan your whole body and appreciate you

- honestly, i feel like you’d be the only one who got to see his more emotional side and not the more tough side of him that he’d like to show at school or any other places where there was a lot of people 

- “eric david harris, get off of me!” “absolutely not.

- but in the end of the day he would love you uncontrollably and he’d be so thankful for each day that passed with you by his side, even if he could be the biggest douche sometimes.

anonymous asked:

Hi! I'm really excited about how your blog will turn out! I hope this question is okay, but I was wondering how the main four would feel about dating a girl with an eating disorder like bulimia or anorexia? If you aren't comfortable with answering, I understand, I'm just curious about people's opinions on it :))

Stan:

  • Would always try to help, but would be very scared of overstepping boundaries.
  • Very torn between keeping it secretive or telling everyone in search of help.
  • Switches between being very persistent in helping, and not mentioning it at all. After trying to help, he often thinks he went too far and ends up going silent about the issue for a while.
  • Leaves you little treats and candies in hopes you’ll eat them.
  • Always buys you a huge meal when you are out and doesn’t care what happens to it.
  • “I just want you to have something to eat if you want it. I’ll love you either way.”
Kyle:
  • Asks a billion questions and tries to make sure he knows absolutely everything about the issue and how it affects you.
  • Asks a bunch of people hypothetical questions about it to verify/dispel any and all of his ideas/plans to help.
  • After learning that you were affected by the disorder, he spent the next night doing research on it.
  • Spends too much time thinking/worrying about you.
  • Never asks you over for dinner, fearing what his parents will ask/think.
  • Has talked to Ike about it (most likely in hypotheticals), and Ike gives you play food whenever you come over.
  • “I’m just worried about you, and I don’t want anything bad to happen to you.”
Cartman:
  • Does not understand the idea of not constantly wanting to consume food and asks how it is possible at almost every meal time for a while.
  • Makes fun of you for it, but only in private and usually feels awful afterwards, even though you tend to take it with a grain of salt. He rarely apologizes, but when he does it’s very heartfelt.
  • Will threaten to fight anyone who jokes about the disorder in any way shape or form.
  • Often takes the food you don’t eat off of your plate. When in groups, he uses this as a way to make it seem like you’ve eaten more to avoid questions.
  • Will offer to share his food with you. You are the only known human who has been offered anything edible by him.
  • Has whined to his mom about you not eating to which she suggested that he gives you a gentle nudge and tries to get you to eat little by little.
  • “I don’t get it, but more for me right?” (Usually followed by a sheepish look, a just kidding, and a quick kiss)
Kenny:
  • Will always share what little food he has with you.
  • Constantly invites you over for dinner, despite his parents scolding him for bringing over another mouth to feed.
  • Picks you up a lot and usually makes sure your weight isn’t fluctuating drastically.
  • Tries to keep you as heathy as possible and insists that you follow the same general routine that he does to keep healthy with little food.
  • Has serious late night conversations with you about it. Asks why a lot.
  • Often insists that all women are beautiful, no matter what their weight.
  • “One day, everything will be perfect. We’ll be married, live in a big mansion, and eat a huge feast every night.”

anonymous asked:

IM LITERALLY SCREAMING INTO THE VOID that anon reminds me of the time I mentioned a girl I liked who I knew for a FACT was gay and how I wanted to ask her out so badly and a #man whom I am no longer friends with was like "you take all the good ladies away from us lonely men" LISTEN HAROLD SHES GAY SHE DOESNT WANT YOU ANYWAY

right like listen hun,,,, wlw are not “stealing” your women…… we are freeing them…….. they did not want your crusy man ass anyway……. what did u even bring to the table eric?? dad jokes and hypermasculinity??? bc women tell dad jokes better 150% of the time and also women are amazing like thank you for playing but there is really no competition sweetie im sorry

anonymous asked:

what do u think Modern day Eric would b like?

•has a hate blog dedicated to brooks
•dank memes AF
• “fucking normies”
•doesn’t follow back
•uses the word “cringe” every three minutes
•secretly watches fidget spinner trick videos
•spreads hate only on anon
•will fight you but afraid of spiders
•plays kahoot unironically