eric harm

If I read the term “textbook psychopath” in conjunction with Eric one more time, I swear I’m going to cram the following down everyone’s throats ad nauseam..

YOU CANNOT DIAGNOSE ANYBODY POST-MORTEM

PSYCHOPATHY IS A CONTROVERSIAL DIAGNOSIS

PSYCHOPATHY IS NOT A RECOGNISED DIAGNOSIS (YET)

ALL DIAGNOSES RELATED TO PSYCHOPATHIC TRAITS ARE SET FOR ADULTS ONLY, BECAUSE IT’S IMPOSSIBLE TO DIAGNOSE A CHILD OR TEENAGER WITH THEM

CHILDREN AND TEENAGERS CAN ONLY EVER BE DIAGNOSED WITH PRECURSORS TO THESE DIAGNOSES

TEENAGE BRAINS HAVE CERTAIN TRAITS IN COMMON WITH TRAITS ASSOCIATED WITH PSYCHOPATHY THAT DISAPPEAR WHEN ADULTHOOD IS REACHED

TURNING 18 DOESN’T AUTOMATICALLY MAKE YOU AN ADULT – YOUR BRAIN MAY NEED SOME MORE TIME TO CATCH UP

ALL THE MATERIAL ERIC LEFT BEHIND WAS WRITTEN WITH AN AUDIENCE IN MIND

ALL THE MATERIAL ERIC LEFT BEHIND IS A BIASED AND UNRELIABLE SOURCE

ALL THE MATERIAL ERIC LEFT BEHIND WAS CREATED IN HIS TEENAGE YEARS

EYEWITNESS ACCOUNTS ARE BIASED NARRATIVES GIVEN TO LAW ENFORCEMENT POST-MASSACRE AND AS FAR AS I AM CURRENTLY AWARE NOBODY HAS NICE THINGS TO SAY ABOUT SOMEONE WHO JUST TRIED TO KILL THEM AND MURDERED A BUNCH OF PEOPLE IN COLD BLOOD

THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING “TEXTBOOK” ABOUT THIS CASE

CALLING ERIC A PSYCHOPATH HARMS THE PEOPLE WHO RELATE TO HIM AND MAKES THEIR OWN HEALING PROCESS THAT MUCH MORE DIFFICULT

CALLING ERIC A PSYCHOPATH LIMITS OUR UNDERSTANDING OF ERIC

Imagines To Come! (Updated)

Thx for all the support and comments it really makes me happy <3

1. Dylan having feelings for a mixed girl

—-Modern Columbine Part 4

2. Dylan watching you babysitting

3. Fluffy daddy kink w/ Dylan(?)

4. Catching Dylan self harming (smut)

5. Dominating Eric (smut)

6. Movies and chill w/ Eric (smut)

7. Catching Dylan self harming [combining with 42]

8. Pregnant w/ Dylan’s baby

9. Threesome w/ Dylan and Bryon (Pending)

10. Dylan confessing his love for you after drinking

11. Catching Eric masturbating part 2 (Smut)

12. Rampart Range threesome w/ Eric and Dylan (Smut)

13. You and Dylan masturbating in front of each other (Smut)

14. You and Dylan having sex in front of Eric (Smut)

15. Dry humping Dylan because you’re too nervous for sex (Smut)

16. Wearing Eric’s trench coat to school and flashing him under the table (Smut)

17. Swimming with Dylan and kissing him (Smut)

18. Giving Dylan a hand job for the first time (Smut)

19. Flirting with another guy and Dylan has angry sex with you (Smut)

20. Giving Dylan blue balls (Smut)

21. Dominating Dylan (Smut) [combining with 22]

22. Dominating Dylan (Another version)

23. Being Eric younger sister and giving Dylan a blow job (Smut)

24. Eric seeing your pro-ana site open

25. Dylan seeing your pro-ana site open

26. Dylan falling for a mixed girl (Another version)

27. Being a F to M transgender and having FWB w/ Eric (Pending)

28. Eric liking a popular and religious girl

29. Eric’s ghost watching you at the memorial

30. Threesome with Eric and Dylan, but having to choose between them (Making 2 versions)

31. Going to school in a short dress and Dylan gets jealous

32. Slow dancing to Smashing Pumpkins and Dylan ask you to be his girlfriend

33. Flirting with Eric when Dylan likes you (Smut)

34. Seeing Eric during the massacre 

35. Dylan finding you self harm scars

36. Eric being jealous of guys flirting with his Hispanic gf and punishes her (Smut)

37. Being a WOC and knowing Dylan for a long time and moving in middle school and coming back to high school to him being irritable, but he apologizes 

38. Being Nate’s sister and Eric having a crush on you

39. Teasing Dylan in school and rough sex at his house (Smut)

40. Dylan and Eric comforting you because of your balloon fear

41. Knife play and Daddy kink w/ Eric

42. Detailed fix of finding Dylan’s self harm scars

43. Sex w/ Dylan and he becomes Dominate 

44. Eric and a Hispanic girl (Another Version)

45. Spending the night w/ Dylan his friends & playing Truth or Dare

46. Dylan accidentally suffocates you during sex and he apologizes (Smut)

anonymous asked:

Regarding cutting, didn't Eric's autopsy show that he very well may have self-harmed/cut as well? I thought I remember reading that he had cuts on his upper left arm at the time of death

The reality is that Dylan said he cut and Eric didn’t mention anything about it. On the autopsy reports, it indicates some varieties of abrasions (not specifically described as “cuts”)  were found on both boys but it does not indicate precisely how they got those marks. We can speculate how those marks originated but we don’t know conclusively if they originated specifically from cutting per say. It seems likely but that is speculation and not a fact.

 We know Dylan did engage in cutting because he indicates he’s doing so while in the midst of writing an journal entry. He did so on at least one occasion if not a few others from time to time. Some people believe Eric self-harmed based on the findings in the autopsy report and other people don’t assume the marks are specifically from cutting.. There is no way to really verify it. You can read the autopsy files and decide for yourself based on the type of marks found present and noted by the coroner.

anonymous asked:

What about an image in which Eric catches you harming yourself (like cutting) and it happened already in the past and he gets REAL mad since you promised him you wouldn't do it again. You two get into a bad fight, you are confused bc you were only friends and he ends up admitting his feelings for you?

Hope this okay for my first imagine!

A cold breeze came through the open window, making you shiver. You sigh before getting up to shut it. Standing up, you look down at the objects lying on your tile floor. A single blade, a roll of toilet paper, and your phone. You sit back down, facing away from the door. 

You pull the fabric of your shorts up, revealing some old cuts messily marking your thighs. Your fingers glide along the scabs and you debate what you want to do. Your eyes drift to the shiny blade next to your phone. The phone beeps with a text, and you glance next to the blade to see the name. 

It’s Eric.

You and Eric had been friends for just over a year. He had quickly become the most understanding person in your life. He listened to your family issues, and never judged you. About two months ago he had walked into your room and saw the blood-stained blade on the floor. You were in the bathroom grabbing toilet paper when you heard him call your name. 

Since that night, he was much more protective of you, paying closer attention to your every move. He would often come over on his own whim, making it harder for you to find a safe time alone to do what it was you felt you had to do. Thankfully, he was hanging out with his friend Dylan tonight. 

You flipped your phone over, ignoring his text. You pick up the blade with your nimble fingers, enjoying the cool metal against your hot skin. You promised Eric you wouldn’t, you promised him, but it didn’t matter at the moment. You picked a spot on your thigh and applied pressure with the blade. 

The skin broke easily, and beads of blood formed in a line. You glided your finger through the blood, smearing it on your pale skin. Your vision became blurred by tears as you quickly ran the blade against your skin 4 more times. Tears fell and mixed with your blood, dripping down the side of your thigh. You let out a silent sob, and let your head fall like a ragdoll.

“Y/n?”

“Eric??”

Standing in your doorway was Eric, with a concerned look on his face. You leapt up and held the blade behind your back, desperate to make him leave.

“You didn’t answer my text so I…I got worried and dropped Dylan off. What are you doing?”

“Um…n-nothing Eric, I…I just wanna be alone right now, okay?”

You felt something dripping down your thigh, and you looked down to see a line of blood, Eric’s eyes following. 

“Y/n is that…blood? Are you, are you cutting again?!”

Eric’s eyes burned into yours, and you broke eye contact, looking back down at your bloody thigh. Your hand stayed hidden, afraid of what Eric would do.

“What are you holding behind your back?? Y/n are you even listening to me?! Give it to me!”

Eric walked forward and reached around you, grabbing your hand. You struggled to keep your hand closed, but he managed to get the blade from you. He held the thin piece of metal up between his fingers, and you could see the veins in his forehead pulse. 

“Show me the cuts y/n”, Eric said in a scarily calm tone, “right now.”

You looked down again and fidgeted your hands. You could feel the fresh cuts rubbing against your jean shorts and flinched. 

“SHOW ME THE GOD DAMN CUTS Y/N!” Eric was bright red and furious. You hesitated before slowly lifting the fabric covering your wounds, trying to gauge his reaction. He had a flash of sympathy momentarily before angrily spinning around and punching the wall. You flinched and turned away from him. 

“How could you do this to yourself, y/n? How could you do this to me?!” He screamed.

“I-I didn’t mean to do anything to you! This is my life, why does it matter to you?

“BECAUSE YOU FUCKING PROMISED ME!”

Silence fell in the room and you wrapped your arms around yourself, trying not to let out a sob. “Eric, I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I d-didn’t think you would get this upset. I didn’t think you or anyone cared this much…”

“Y/n of course I care…I don’t know what I would do without you…”

“Really?”

“Yeah, I…I’ve never felt so strongly about someone before.”

“But you and Dylan are great friends?”

“Yeah, and Dylan’s great but…I don’t like him the way I like you, y/n.”

You stood there in shock. Did Eric really like you? How could his affection have gone undetected all this time? You looked up at him and noticed tears glistening on his face. 

“I care about you so much y/n, and I really, really like you…I hope that’s okay…”

You hesitated before walking over to Eric and wrapping your arms around him. You heard the clink of the blade hit the floor as Eric dropped it and returned the hug. His skinny arms held you against his warm body, and you could hear his heartbeat through the crook of his neck. 

You smiled before answering him, “That’s okay.”

anonymous asked:

One major sign of psychopathy/sociopathy is harming animals. Eric loathed people who harmed animals and said he would defend them with his life. Not to mention he said the best quality in someone would be compassion.

Absolutely right, of course! Eric believed that animals were far more deserving of this planet than humans are. He would get upset at seeing or hearing an animal in distress or pain. It is my firm belief that he would not be able to stop himself from defending an animal in any way, even at the possible risk of him being injured in the process too. There’d be hell to pay if you mistreated an animal in front of Eric. I think that it’s one of the things he didn’t back down from or thought twice about: his love for animals is something that comes up in the evidence a few times. His own dog suffered from epileptic seizures, which is a very scary thing for a dog owner to experience. My own dog has this on occasion, too, and I can completely understand Eric’s decision to stay home and take care of his dog rather than go in to work.

Eric praising compassion as the best quality in a human being is also very telling. He’s talking about a process that is intimately linked with empathy and relies on the ability of a human to recognise, understand, and feel the state another living being is in. It is an identification process with another living being that can induce feelings like kindness and forgiveness and enable someone to give to another altruistically. For him to praise this is, to me, a sign for him to have recognised the good that compassion does as well as the bad that can come from an absence of it.

Psychopathy and sociopathy are partially focused on a lack of empathy and compassion. These things partially rely on a state of mind in which someone is not able to call up that ability to empathise within themselves or act with compassion toward another, though they may very well be practiced at “going through the motions” that are required of them within a certain social setting. There is a lack of comprehension in such a person over why this is so significant a feeling for human beings to experience. That feeling is what enables us to act within the constraints of morality simply because it is “the right thing to do”. Eric understood this moral tightrope and, in my humble opinion, was able to intrinsically generate both compassion and empathy. He may not always have acted on it, as the massacre shows, but he was fully capable of it.

Detractors of my opinion often note that Eric fits most of the other signs of psychopathy/sociopathy. I’m not going to argue about those until I’m blue in the face, but I would like to posit a question in return: how many teenagers fit those signs? How many young people within that scary and uncertain growth process of turning from a child into an adult could read through that psychopath checklist and go “hey, this is me!”? Eric was barely eighteen. You don’t just magically stop developing that way the minute you turn eighteen. It’s an ongoing process. The teenage brain is inherently quite psychopathic, even, because the developmental stage at that time is very focused on identity, self-discovery, and changing themes and expectations within interpersonal relationships. Once you’re out of those teenage years and into your twenties, that will normally straighten itself back out. It’s not uncommon for Eric to have been able to fit those signs at that time (most of the material we have from him is from age 15-18!), which is the reason why psychopathy/sociopathy are often only spoken of once a person has reached full emotional/mental/physical maturity!

anonymous asked:

Do you think if Dylan had wanted to back out of the massacre at the last minute he would have been afraid to tell Eric?

If either wanted to back out, they’d both be afraid since they had put so much time, effort, money and commitment into it and they would not want to let one another down. However, if you’re implying that Dylan would be afraid that Eric would threaten or harm him than no. It wasn’t like that between the two of them.  They did this because it was something they both wanted to do and if they backed out, there’d still be mutual respect but it would sting like hell for the one left still wanting to do it.

Serendipity [Eric x Reader]||   Part Four

         There’s a moment
         Between a glance, and a kiss
         Where the world stops,
         For the briefest if times.
         And the only thing between us
         Is the anticipation
         Of your lips on mine.
         A moment, so intense,
         It hangs in the air
         As it pulls us closer.
         A moment, so perfect,
         That when it comes to an end,
         We realize;
         It’s only just beginning.
                             - unknown

Originally posted by riahmgc

If you thought they’d give you a break after a night full of action, you were utterly wrong. After a few hours of sleep (in which you dreamed of Eric, of course), you and the other initiates walked still half-asleep into the training room, where Four and Eric were already awaiting you. Almost automatically, your eyes fell on Eric who returned your look. Should you smile at him? No, no that would be stupid, you didn’t have a reason to smile. But looking away was also not an option since you were captured by his stunning eyes. Oh how beautiful he was!  The sudden realization that you had more than a crush on the Dauntless leader made you cringe. You swore to yourself that nobody would ever find out about this, much less would you tell Eric how you felt, not unless you knew what the deal was between you two.
“Today is the last day of the first stage, and your last chance to increase your points”, Four said and you noticed how he looked at Tris the whole time. It didn’t escape your notice that Tris had a thing for him. At least you weren’t the only one who had caught feelings for a superior.

You looked at the ranking board and smiled. You still were third, and although it would be nice to be second or even first, you knew you couldn’t stand a chance against Edward, whom you had to fight today. Since he was ranked first, your fight would take place last. It would be ‘the highlight of the first stage’, and you’d be the chosen idiot who’d lose in front of everyone’s eyes. Well, at least you’d remain third, no matter how the fight would end. Unless Al would win against Peter, but as much as you liked Al, he had no chance. 

The day went by slowly. After you warmed up and did some endurance – and strength-training by yourself, you decided to give yourself a break and watch the fights.
“Nervous?”  As you turned around, you faced heavily ripped, crossed arms. You always forgot how much taller he was, especially now as he was standing so close to you that the space between you wasn’t even elbow length. Seriously, didn’t that man understand the concept of personal space?
You lifted your head to look at Eric. “I have no reason to.” Liar. Actually, you were nervous as hell. You were always nervous when Eric was around you, and after what happened last night you weren’t capable of forming any clear thought at all. In addition to that, you really didn’t want him to see loosing the fight.
“Just keep in mind to always hold your cover up. It would be a shame if that pretty face of yours had to take all the hits.” You opened your mouth to reply something, but couldn’t think of anything. You were just speechless. How could he just casually mention something with such a straight expression while you were blushing as hell.
“Edward, [Y/N]”, Four called and you sent a silent prayer to heaven.
“Good luck”, Eric said and winked at you.

Edward was taller than you, stronger, and just as fast. There was nothing you could beat him at, but to your surprise, the fight was fairly equated. You had to take some strong hits from him, but not more than you dealt out. You were panting, and your whole body was hurting, every move caused pain. Fortunately, you managed to cover your face, just as Eric told you, well knowing that a punch from Edward in your face would send you into unconsciousness (you learned that from your fight with Peter). The fight lasted longer than you thought. If Edward was tired, he didn’t show it. Your punches didn’t affect him as much as his did to you. But maybe, if you’d punch him in the stomach, he’d bend over and you could reach his head. And then, with one strong punch on his temple… Suddenly, you felt sharp pain on your cheekbone- It was terrifying, you’ve never felt so much pain before. Your body hit the hard ground and Edward bent over you. 'Get up’, you forced yourself, but you knew the fight was over. Your head was spinning and you lost any feeling of direction. As much as you tried, your body wouldn’t listen to you. You closed your eyes as you saw Edward’s fist moving towards you. Another explosion of pain, followed by complete darkness.  

You woke up with a horrible headache and pain all over your body. With a groan you sat up and looked around. The medical area was empty, not even a nurse was here. A mirror at the end of the room caught your attention. The pain in your head intensified as you rolled out of your bed and slowly walked over to the mirror. The girl in it was covered in bruises. A sewn laceration just below her left eye surrounded by violet-blue skin. So much to covering your face. Your eyes moved to a small digital watch on the table. It was past 11pm, you’ve been sleeping for more than five hours! That final punch of Edward did surely run you hard.

The way back to the initiate dormitory led you through the room with the net. Oh the deja-vu feeling! You remember the first day in Dauntless, how exited you were. Everything was new and strange, but you knew you’d like it. And hell you did. Going to your limits and beyond, that’s what you were made for. Almost subconsciously, you climbed on the net and crawled to the place beneath the open ceiling. The full moon was shining brightly, lighting up the whole sky and even the room, and it seemed like all clouds made way for the view of millions of stars. It was breathtaking, simply beautiful. Back in your childhood days you used to do things like this more often. Just laying out in the fields and watching the night sky. And then you would look for constellations. Your mother once gave you a book about the star constellations and their myths, and from that day one you wouldn’t shut up about it. You’ve read it probably over ten times and knew the stories by heart.
You didn’t know how much time had passed -it could be only twenty minutes, or more than a hour-when you heard footsteps. Who would walk around here at such a time? The apartments and the pit were on the opposite side of the Dauntless compound. The person stopped just next to the net.
“[Y/N]?” Of all Dauntless people, it just had to be Eric. “What are you doing here?” You sat up, trying not to groan in pain. “What are YOU doing here?” you asked a bit too harsh.
“I asked you first.”
“I asked you second.”
“That’s not how it works, love. Don’t forget that I am your leader”, he said in a surprisingly soft tone. You crawled towards the edge of the net so that you could see him. In the shimmering moonlight he looked even more threatening than usual, but that made him only more attractive. And the way he looked up to you-oh dear!
“So?”
“Oh uhm I was on my way back to the dormitory but the sky is so beautiful tonight!” You shrugged your shoulders and gave him a sugary smile.
“You’re supposed to be in the infirmary, after what Edward did to you.”
“I’m fine, and besides that, the infirmary is so depressing. I have no reason to stay there. Lying in bed I can also do in the dormitory.”
“You always find a reason to argue, huh?”, Eric said and crossed his muscular arms. “But I will take  you back to the infirmary, now!”
“Oh Eric, come on”, you begged. “The sky is stunning tonight. It’s really relaxing to watch the stars. Maybe you should try that too. It surely won’t do any harm..”  Eric lifted an eyebrow. “No way I’m going to that girl’s stuff.”
“Well then you can go and continue to do whatever you were doing. I’m not going to move.”
“I actually wanted to look after you, princess.” He did what? Eric really cared about you, didn’t he?
“Thank you, but I’m fine.”
“Do you really think I haven’t noticed how much pain your every movement causes you? And that big ass cut under your eye?“ Of course he did. But you weren’t the first one who got hurt that bad,  that happened on a daily basis here. Was there something wrong with him?
"Eric, what do you want?” You looked straight into his eyes, but surprisingly he looked away. It was  the first time he didn’t hold your gaze.

You turned around and crawled back to your place. Of all the people you’ve met, Eric was the only person you couldn’t read even the slightest bit. The way he acted, all the things he did, it was a complete mystery to you.
“Cling on tight”, Eric said all of sudden. Before you even realized what he meant, your body rolled over as Eric lifted himself on the net. With a dull sound, you landed on Eric. “Ouch”, you whispered. The surprise was written in Eric’s face, which was only inches away from yours. And then, a smile played on his lips. “So that’s what you meant when you wanted me to 'relax’, huh?” You felt your cheeks heating up, fortunately it was dark enough for Eric not to see it.  "You wish!“ With a grown you heaved yourself from Eric, crawled back and laid down. Eric followed you.
"See, it’s not a girl’s thing. Everyone can enjoy it”, you said after you two got comfortable next to each other, but still keeping a distance.
“It’s not that bad, I guess.“
You smiled and pointed at a certain star constellation right above you. "See those seven bright stars who look like a dipper? That’s the Ursa Major, the great bear.  According to Greek mythology, Zeus, the greatest of all gods, fell in love with a beautiful huntress Callisto. And they even had a son together which really infuriated Zeus’ wife Hera who was jealous as hell. Angered by Zeus’ betrayal, she turned Callisto into a bear, who lived like this for the next 15 years, roaming the forest and always running and hiding from hunters. One day, her son Arcas was walking in the forest and the two came face to face. At the sight of the bear, Arcas quickly drew his spear. Seeing the scene from Olympus, Zeus intervened to protect his love. He sent a whirlwind that carried both Callisto and Arcas into the heavens, where he turned Arcas into the constellation Ursa Minor and Callisto into Ursa Major.”
“Beautiful”, you heard Eric say.
“Isn’t it? Ursa Major is the third largest constellation in the sky and can be seen ever day of the year. When it’s not cloudy of course.”
“I didn’t mean the stars.”
You turned your head and saw that Eric was looking at you. Immediately you felt blood rushing in your cheeks. “Oh.” Crap! Your brain apparently stopped working because you hadn’t the slightest idea what to say now, so you just turned your face away.
“Where do you know that from? I always thought Amity people don’t really have it with knowledge.”
You shrugged your shoulders. “Both my parents were Erudite before Amity. Guess that lies in my genes. Just as changing factions and leaving your family behind.”

You didn’t know how much time had passed or when you fell asleep, but as you opened your eyes, your head was resting on Eric’s shoulder. You quickly jumped up and looked around. It was still dark but the moon had traveled quite a distance from west to east. Eric sat up and looked at you.
“Moonlight becomes you.” What was it with all that complimenting today? You decided to ignore his statement. “How long have I been asleep?”
“About two hours.”
“Why didn’t you wake me up?”
Eric shrugged. “Well you needed to rest after such a fight. And besides that, today is visiting day. I’m sure your parents wouldn’t like it seeing you all beaten up and tired.”
Oh how could you forget? On visiting day the initiates could see their parents for the first and last time after the choosing ceremony. Not that it concerned you. The chances that you’d get to see your parents tomorrow equaled zero, even if they were transfers themselves. In Amity, transferring to Dauntless was one of the biggest sins you could commit. These two factions were complete opposite. Even if nobody openly talked about it, you knew that a family whose child transferred to Dauntless stopped considering them as their family member. Suddenly, you felt a mix of sadness and anger inside you. It was faction before family, but still..

“When did you stopped being the cruel instructor and started caring?” You hissed at Eric and immediately regretted it.  Letting out your rage on him was not fair. “I’m sorry, I just- I should go”, you said and crawled to the edge of the net when Eric held you back. He jumped down and grabbed you by your waist to carefully lift you on the floor. “Thanks. But I could’ve done that myself.”
Eric sighed. “It doesn’t hurt to take some help from time to time. You don’t have to be always on your own.” You stopped and looked at Eric. His hands were still on your waist, and his eyes were fixing yours as if they were the whole universe. “Funny to hear that coming from someone like you. And besides, you still haven’t told me why you came here in the first place.” Seconds passed where Eric didn’t said anything. He just looked at you and the grip on your hips loosened. You held your breath. What was that strange feeling that sent chills down your spine? Your senses heightened in anticipation, it was as if you were hyper-aware of everything going on around you. But still all you could focus on were the lips of the man standing so close to you. All you could think about was yours on his. And those few seconds where you were both just looking at each other felt like days. Days in which you noticed all the small movements, the twitches and even the breathing cycle of him, trying to judge what was going to happen next. Your stomach flattered in fear. Eric reached out and put his hand under your chin to lift it up. His touch was so soft, as if you were made of porcelain and he was afraid of breaking you. He searched for permission in your eyes, waited for a reaction, expected you to back away, but you didn’t. Eric laid his thumb on your lips as he  leaned forward. And then, he kissed you, slowly, reverently,surprised that this was really happening, that he had wanted you so badly. The universe halted, no one existed around you two. You should have pulled away, it was wrong. Was it? But could something that felt so right, that you’ve been secretly waiting for the whole time, be wrong? Instead, you wrapped your arms around his neck. You didn’t know whether you were kissing for five minutes or five hours and your mouth felt bruised, but neither of you could let go. Because it felt so good to be held. Eric’s arms trembled as they held you and his heart beat against you and you knew that whatever you were feeling was mutual.

After what felt like an eternity, you pulled away. You actually didn’t want to, but you felt so overwhelmed with thoughts.
“This was long overdue”, Eric said.You opened your mouth to answer, but only a ripple of laughter came out while you shook your head. You couldn’t remember the last time you felt so happy. Butterflies were flattering in your stomach and you couldn’t help smiling brightly.  "You really could’ve done that earlier, you know?“ you said jokingly. Without further ado, you turned around and made your way to the dormitory. There was so much for you to digest right now, after all that happened. And you knew-you felt- that it was only the beginning.
"Good night, Eric.”

Topic #2: Eric//Borderline Personality Disorder

After being diagnosed with Pre-Borderline Personality Disorder (I’m not over 18, therefore I cannot completely qualify for a personality disorder, but I do technically have it) I did an excessive amount of research, and while researching, I found a lot of qualities in Eric. 

If you would like a more detailed explanation of Borderline Personality Disorder, then please click on one of the links:

What is Borderline Personality Disorder?

Understanding Borderline Personality Disorder

Borderline Personality Disorder and Relationships

I am going to now type out the nine symptoms of BPD. If a person has five out of nine of these symptoms, then they can qualify for BPD. I am going to bold the symptoms in which Eric had.

  1. Extreme reactions—including panic, depression, rage, or frantic actions—to abandonment, whether real or perceived
  2. A pattern of intense and stormy relationships with family, friends, and loved ones, often veering from extreme closeness and love (idealization) to extreme dislike or anger (devaluation)
  3. Distorted and unstable self-image or sense of self, which can result in sudden changes in feelings, opinions, values, or plans and goals for the future (such as school or career choices)
  4. Impulsive and often dangerous behaviors, such as spending sprees, unsafe sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, and binge eating
  5. Recurring suicidal behaviors or threats or self-harming behavior, such as cutting, burning, punching/hitting, etc.
  6. Intense and highly changeable moods, with each episode lasting from a few hours to a few days
  7. Chronic feelings of emptiness and/or boredom
  8. Inappropriate, intense anger or problems controlling anger
  9. Having stress-related paranoid thoughts or severe dissociative symptoms, such as feeling cut off from oneself, observing oneself from outside the body, or losing touch with reality.

Here it shows that Eric has eight of the nine symptoms listed, when the general mark is five out of nine. Now, I am going to explain, in detail, each of the bolded symptoms and explain how I think Eric shows/has them.

  • EXTREME REACTIONS—INCLUDING PANIC, DEPRESSION, RAGE, OR FRANTIC ACTIONS—TO ABANDONMENT, WHETHER REAL OR PERCEIVED.

Eric did not take abandonment or rejection well at all. He complained to coworkers and friends how much he despised being lonely and without a girlfriend, and he often tried hard to not be “lonely.” I saw an anonymous question on a blog on here how the person noticed now Eric asked out/was attracted to any girl that made contact with him, which is unfortunately true. He wanted a girlfriend, he wanted to not be alone, and he often got rejected within the first date. He desperately wanted to be with someone to fill in the loneliness and when he felt lonely/rejected, he expressed it with anger and depression.

  • A PATTERN OF INTENSE AND STORMY RELATIONSHIPS WITH FAMILY , FRIENDS AND LOVED ONES, OFTEN VEERING FROM EXTREME CLOSENESS AND LOVE (IDEALIZATION)TO EXTREME DISLIKE AND ANGER  (DEVALUATION)

When Eric liked someone (not necessarily in a romantic way), he liked them and respected them. If he disliked someone.. he wished death upon them. For Eric, as fast as he could like someone, he could soon dislike them and grow very angry at them.  The most prime example is the story of Tiffany Typher. Eric took Tiffany to Homecoming freshman year, but she refused to go out with him after that. Eric, in revenge, scared her by faking a suicide.

When Megan Minger rejected him, he gave her evil stares. When Sasha Jacobs broke up with him, he sent her death threats and called her offensive names. Although most people are “down” when they get rejected/broken up with, he showed more of an angry and manipulative way to express his feelings.

Another example, is when Brooks Brown said that he will not give Eric anymore rides to school due to his (Eric) constant complaining. Instead of acting rational, Eric sent death threats and posted violent webpage posts on how badly he wanted Brooks dead. He went from having a friendship with Brooks to extremely hating Brooks in a matter of minutes.

  • IMPULSIVE AND DANGEROUS BEHAVIORS, SUCH AS SPENDING SPRESS, UNSAFE SEX,SUBSTANCE ABUSE , RECKLESS DRIVING, BINGE EATING, ETC

If planning a mass homicide is not impulsive enough, another incident in which he showed impulsive behavior, is when he and Dylan Klebold got arrested for stealing tech equipment in a van. They had no reasoning or plans for the theft, they just did it. When asked why they stole the items, they both stated how they did not know; they didn’t think.

Also, at night Eric, Dylan Klebold, and occasionally Zach Heckler would go out and vandalize homes. They didn’t think about the consequences, they just did it.

  • RECURRING SUICIDAL BEHAVIOR OR THREATS OR SELF HARMING BEHAVIOR, SUCH AS CUTTING, BURNING, PUNCHING/HITTING, ETC.

Self Harm: On Eric’s autopsy report, it stated that there were cuts on his left upper arm. We can assume that those cuts were self harming marks.Also, Eric punched walls very often when he was angry. He was taken to the hospital freshman year for punching a brick wall and though he broke his hand. So, it is unknown of how long he had been punching walls in a way to express his anger, but it had been at least four years.

Suicidal behavior/threats: On a mental health exam, his parents marked “suicidal thoughts” down as one of problems. Also, he marked that he has thought about committed suicide more than twice, which is the highest possible option to pick.

  • INTENSE AND HIGHLY CHANGEABLE MOODS, WITH EACH EPISODE LASTING FROM A FEW HOURS TO A FEW DAYS

According to most people who knew him, Eric had bounces of anger at inappropriate times. He had frequent mood swings and these mood swings were very often over something non-serious. These episodes of anger and depression were often short, but were very extreme. When Brooks Brown, Judy Brown, and Trevor Dolac took Eric’s bookbag to bring back to his house, Eric “blew up” and started screaming and pounding on the car window. Eric’s ex-girlfriend, Valerie, told police that he often screamed and hit things when he was angry.

  • CHRONIC FEELINGS OF EMPTINESS AND BOREDOM

Feeling bored and empty is very common for any mental disorder, but Eric also reported to his psychiatrist that he was feeling empty and it was hard to concentrate when he was taking his antidepressant. He fell asleep in class and doze off in mid-conversations.

  • INAPPROPRIATE, INTENSE ANGER OR PROBLEMS CONTROLLING ANGER

Like I stated before, Eric had intense episodes of anger. He was prescribed an antidepressant for depression, anger, anxiety and OCD. He usually expressed his anger verbally or punched things, but his anger was something that turned many friends and peers off. He asked out many girls and the girls rarely gave him a chance, because they were turned off at how angry and “creepy” he was on the first date. At work, he would occasionally get very frustrated at customers on the phone and also in person. At school, he yelled at people who bumped into him and also if people got something wrong (such as a question or fact.)

  • HAVING STRESSED-RELATED PARANOID THOUGHTS OR SEVERE DISSOCIATIVE SYMPTOMS

In the mental health exam, Eric marked disorganized thoughts, obsessive thoughts, and racing thoughts. Also, peers and friends of his said that he seemed stressed and very paranoid.

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anonymous asked:

Do you think Eric and Dylan cried over the shit that was happening to them a lot? I also saw on a few accounts that they self harmed with knifes

Yes, they cried.  I mean, who doesn’t?  I don’t even know if quantifying the act of crying ‘a lot’ versus ‘a little’ ? is even of consequence.  Like most boys, they resist the tears, act strong and silent, and then wait until they’re alone in their bedrooms where no one can witness the vulnerability they work so hard to conceal.

Sarah Slater said this:  “They just talked. Sometimes these conversations got emotional. “Dylan’d be on the phone with Zack or on the Internet,” says Sarah Slater, “and Zack would tell me they were crying about stuff.” 

Dylan’s mom gave an account of Dylan coming home from middle school crying and falling asleep under a pile of his stuffed animals.  So, here we have an actual account that not only did Dylan cry alone, he also commiserated in his misery with Zach, his true best friend.  I think given the self-loathing, frustrated scrawl within his journal, it’s pretty easy to envision Dylan regularly purging his emotions, ending up in tears late into the night when he should long be asleep and not incessantly ruminating while half-buzzed on a screwdriver. 

We know that Eric has cried. It seems a given that he cried quite a bit (by himself)  when his dog Sparky suffered seizures because I think for him, animals were likely an instant ‘in’ to his emotional vulnerability. And, of course, it was witnessed in a Basement Tape snippet that he shed silent tears down his cheek while filming, simultaneously venting and lamenting, before shutting off the video camera. 

Dylan: “I was Mr. Cutter tonight – I have 11 depressioners on my right hand now, & my favorite contrasting symbol, because it is so true & means so much.”​

Dylan unquestionably self harmed. His autopsy report and wound findings seem to indicate as such.   I’m not so sure about Eric self harming though I know people are convinced of this in their interpretation of his autopsy report.  To me, Eric just didn’t seem like that would be the type of stress relieving outlet he’d resort to.  Overall, it seemed Eric externalized his anger and pain instead of inflicting it upon his own self – i.e. punching holes in walls or blowing off steam by relishing and honing the hate within his journal.   To me, it’s clear that Dylan internalized the pain and rage into personalized sadness and Eric directed it outward, the pain and sadness became anger, directed at others and the world.