1. Finding yourself is worth every sacrifice.
2. It will sink in one day that your parents can love you so much and still never understand you. So you take their love and treasure it, but learn how to be there for yourself and rely on no one else.
3. You will learn things about people you thought you knew that will forever change your relationship and how you see them and nothing will ever be the same again. It’s okay, you will go on without them.
4. The people who say that they will always be there for you will rarely be there for you.
5. There are high chances that someone out there loves you more deeply and fiercely than you can possibly imagine. (I would know. Because I’m the one doing the loving.
6. Love conquers all wars and demons.
7. You, and you alone, hold the power to write your story.
8. You have the power to erase people from your narrative and to erase yourself from theirs.
9. You always have a choice. Even when the choices are all unpleasant.
10. You are enough. You are enough. You are enough.
11. You will wake up at 4 a.m. someday and realize something that will change everything. (It happened me to once.)
12. You are going to take a shower one of these days and figure out how to do that math project you’ve been stuck on for days. (That also happened.)
13. All it takes is 10 seconds of insane courage and your life will be changed forever.
14. Nothing ever happens like you imagine it to. Nothing.
15. Write letters to your future self, she needs it.
16. Learn, as much as you can, because knowledge is power.
writerlyswift // things they don’t tell you, lessons I’ve learned
I wish I was strong enough for it [lack of representation] not to matter. It does, I have to admit. It still affects me, and not just as an actor. Movies may be as close to a document of our national culture as there is; they’re supposed to represent what we believe ourselves to be. So when you don’t see yourself at all — or see yourself erased — that hurts.
can people please stop saying that Priyanka Chopra and Dev Patel or Avan Jogia should be cast as Jasmine and Aladdin… both the charcters are Middle Eastern and Priyanka, Dev and Avan are of South Asian descent!!!
everyday messages for women: make stains disappear from your teeth by eating charcoal…get rid of hair by laser destroying your hair follicles… lose weight by only eating milk powder… reduce wrinkles by injecting plastic into your face… taper your nose by cutting it off… minimise frizz by burning your hair… eliminate your pores so no one knows you have skin… narrow your waist by crushing your internal organs… erase yourself to be beautiful
-but when Ryan first joins the crew, mask on and eyes sharp, it only takes a few days before they learn that he’s mute. he never says anything; he writes what he has to say if it needs to be written. he never asks anyone for help if he can help it– it takes too much paper, and he’d rather just go out and do it or get it himself.
- and of course nobody really thinks in-depth about this. why would they? they write it off as security reasons; speech is one less factor that’ll make it hard to erase yourself from the cop’s database, right?
- but it comes to a couple weeks when Ray notices that Ryan’s muteness might run deeper than that.
- because there have been times where Ryan would perk, sit up a bit straighter– almost like he were about to say something–, then stop.
- Ray finds it odd, and he thinks it may just be because he’s never met a mute killer before. However, he can’t help the tingle in the back of his brain. Someone who was mute their whole life would have learnt by now /not/ to speak up, right? They would know not to even try, right?
- Yet there would be times where Ryan /did/ go to speak. So he couldn’t have been mute for his whole life, or most of it.
- So Ray starts observing.
- He sees Ryan jumping every time someone raises their voice. He sees Ryan immediately snap to attention, shoulders rigid and eyes hard, every time Geoff gives an order. He sees Ryan /obey/.
- And that’s when Ray realizes that Ryan wasn’t born mute, or he didn’t go mute because of an injury.
- He was /trained/ to be mute.
- Ray should have expected this, given Ryan’s background. The Vagabond was an attack dog, and had been for many years for many other crews. His databases held the summaries; worked for so-and-so crew for blank amount of years, did this and that. Yet they never went deeper, never said what he /did/ or what happened to /him/.
- And previously, Ray would have compared Ryan to a broken piece of glass. Yet now he could see he was more of a beaten dog; ready to give up, to stop making noise and to follow. So broken that it had given up on trying to fight back.
- Ryan wasn’t mute from choice– far from it. He was mute from years of torture, of pain, of being afraid and prodded too many times.
- And suddenly the Vagabond wasn’t an attack dog to Ray anymore. He was no longer a sociopath, his voice being one less tie people could cut. The Vagabond was suddenly /Ryan/, a broken man who had been demoted to a monster.
- It became more evident as time went on; how he would flinch and shy at any touch. How he would almost go to fight for things he thought was right, but think better of it and stay where he was. How he would take half a step forward, then two steps back.
- Ray can see the man trying to light a fire, trying to have some spark light in himself, but failing every time.
- It’s past the second month when Ray speaks up.
- “Why don’t you speak?”
- It’s just four words spoken on a drive to nowhere, something said while Ray looks at his jagged nails. He doesn’t want to look at Ryan, doesn’t want to make it seem like this question mattered, even if it does. He wants it to be something said in passing, something that hopefully wouldn’t shut Ryan in further.
- A moment passes and Ray looks over. Ryan’s hands are on the steering wheel, and it’s a far cry from the loose one hand that Ryan usually has. He doesn’t look tense by normal standards, yet Ray can read him. He can see his tense shoulders, how he’s too focused on the road.
- But his head is also tilted. It’s in such a slight angle that only someone who had known him for long would have noticed. It’s a question.
- “You know how, I’m assuming.” Ray continues. There’s a lump in his throat, something that makes his voice uneven, that he can’t really explain.
- He looks back at his nails and he can hear Ryan sigh. It’s such an odd thing to hear; really /any/ sound from Ryan is an odd thing to hear. Yet this sigh seems a bit more deflated, more dead than Ray can pinpoint.
- Something lets Ray feel selfishly disappointed. It’s a dumb thing to feel, all things considered. He wasn’t sure what he was hoping for– some miraculous bit of speech, some little hum of agreement, /something/. But it’s obvious he wasn’t going to get anything; Ryan’s mute, and it’s not like he could have–
- Something moves out of the corner of Ray’s eye. Ryan nods. It’s a short, curt gesture, but it’s /there/ and it’s more than Ray expected to get.
- Ray looks over, amazed and starting to feel a bit light headed. “You know how to talk? But… /can/ you speak?”
- It takes another minute. Another long minute, where they pass trees and signs and wildlife. Where a million conversations could have been had, a million words could have been spoken.
- But instead, Ryan just nods again.
- And Ray wants to press; he wants to let Ryan know that it’s okay to talk– it’s okay to be /free/. He wants to let Ryan know that there are no blows here; no punches, no shouts, no whips. None of them would ever dare to do that to a Crew member, no matter what they did. They were all family, something close and tight and impenetrable. They were the shelter from the storm, the safe house in the middle of a desert.
- Yet a part of Ray knows, it just /knows/, that pressing Ryan would never change anything. It wouldn’t make Ryan realize what was happening, and it sure as hell wouldn’t correct years of psychological torture and pain. He knows that he wouldn’t be the first person to press, and he won’t be the last.
- So he keeps quiet, and he hopes that he can, at least, be the one that makes a change.
No one can ever have 100% unproblematic social/political stances because no one can ever have all of the information. You cant know everything. I think it’s just important to be open to learning and to keep trying. Try really hard and actively work at it. Make unlearning problematic beliefs and behaviours important. Make erasing discrimination from yourself the end goal, and never stop listening and learning and making adjustments accordingly.
The world changes around us and our beliefs have to be able to evolve with it or we become a part of the problem.
ROMs. The opposite of RAMs. Where RAM (Random Access Memory) can be read from and rewritten to excessively at high speeds, but lose all that data upon losing power, ROM (Read Only Memory) can’t be frivolously written to, but instead retains its data for as long as it is in tact.
But there are many kinds of ROM in the world. Let’s go explore them!
There are no words to describe how hard I find it to be the one who suffers and the one who takes care of me in the same person. I feel like I’m required to have a split personality to pull this off. I suppose this is what it means to be an adult.
"Paladin, you might've halfway erased yourself from existence... Cleric, you might be kind of a Warlock now... Rogue, you might be a stealthy puppy with daggers now... I might be a centuries old sorceress who has yet to get their shit together... But we're still the Burn it More Adventuring Squad!"
- Sword-cerer after the world sort of got like 90% apocalypsed