era:hate you

Hate you

You were the only person I’d ever truly loved. The only person that I ever let in. You made me feel beautiful and strong. I was invincible with you by my side. My heart would crash through the floor each time I saw you. I would lose my breath after kissing your lips. Breathing you in was intoxicating. You were so perfect. We were so perfect. Both of us were so young and both full of passion. We would feed off of each other mentally and physically. Craving conversation more, craving each other’s touch more, never fully satisfied and always eager to explore the depths of one another. I never thought of a happier time then when I was with you.

But you got tired of me and I knew it. I kept pushing you away. I was always getting jealous. I was being too nosey. I was caring too much about other people you talked to. “Jealousy is an ugly trait” you would say. I get so mad every time I think about those five words. Jealousy is a reasonable part of loving someone, I would always try defend myself. But I had known something was off. You smiled at me less. You would get annoyed with me quickly. The “I love you"s became dull and repetitive. Soon those happy thoughts I’ve had of you vanished. And then horrible memories come swarming back. And I just feel hurt and alone again. My heart shattered.

When I found out you were cheating on me I wanted to hate you so badly. Sometimes I can work my self up about it and get really angry about it but I never really hate you. I didn’t even care about the lying or the cheating. I just needed you. We had built a life together. You were the only string holding me to this earth. I had you. But not really. Not even a little.

I was always yours though. I was head over heels in love. You had every part of me, body and soul, and you choose someone else. Now I try to choose someone else and I can’t.
I can’t.
I can’t because no matter how hard I try you still have me. My heart will always belong to you. When I said "i would love you forever” I meant it. But I thought our forever was just that, ours.

I would give up my life just be with you again. I would do anything to be part of yours. And that’s the sad part the truly unforgiving part of love. Is no matter how hard you want to hate someone for hurting you, its just not that simple. You always have feelings. You would go back to them just as easily as the sea does to the shore.

I want to hate you so desperately. It would be easier that way. But truth is I loved you. I love you. I’m in love with you. And I hate myself for it.

But I can’t seem to hate you.

How the Signs Say ‘I Hate You’

Aries: “You can go to hell”

Taurus: *doesn’t even tell you, just stops communicating with you completely*

Gemini: “I’m not exactly saying you’re toxic, but I’m definitely slipping under”

Cancer: *Gives one-word answers*

Leo: *won’t, will talk shit behind your back*

Libra: “The way I feel about you now, it’s just not the way I felt about you then”

Virgo: “You’ve become a problem to me”

Scorpio: “I don’t wanna say I find you annoying, but you’re pretty fucking annoying”

Sagittarius: *2838123728709580 eye rolls*

Capricorn: “I like really, I mean REALLY, don’t like you”

Aquarius: “I’d be totally ok with getting coffee with you, but if you were to fall into a pit of fire I’d take a video of it”

Pisces: “Oh sorry I can’t go with you today!  I uh…my grandpa who I haven’t seen in 71 years is coming and he needs help grocery shopping because he uh…lost his legs during the civil war started by donald trump!”