Voila! A Homestuck shipping chart, with a twist- it is SOLELY BASED on how likely the pairing would maintain a healthy, durable relationship in relation to their personalities. Not based on canon, or popularity of the ship.
(This was basically just an excuse to talk somewhat about my headcanons concerning how Equius sleeps. Also the fandom is horribly lacking in non-sexual Dirk/Equius content (and this coming from someone who is all about that). The ending is also somewhat abrupt. I’m not joking about there being, like, no point to this. This whole fic was an accident. What am I even doing)
One of the many amazing surprises that came with dating Equius Zahhak included (but was not limited to) his finicky sleeping habits. Dirk had been blessed with the fun and intriguing task of discovering these small consistencies; as someone who had never dated a troll before, the opportunity certainly not one to pass up.
HEAR ME OUT OK OK NO SH LET ME SAY WHAT THIS IS OK ITS DIRK GETS REALLY SAD BECAUSE OF THE WHOLE ROBOT THING, AND HE’S REALLY LONELY, ETC. INSERT YOUR DIRK SADSTUCK HEADCANON HERE.
AND THEN EQUIUS COMES ALONG AND WHEN DIRK BREAKS A BUNCH OF ROBOTS OUT OF FRUSTERATION AND GETS PISSED AT HIMSELF AND GETS SADDER BECAUSE NOW HE HAS LIKE NOBODY, EQUIUS COMES AND FIXES THEM BUT HES REALLY SHY SO HE DOESNT TALK TO DIRK, HE JUST FIXES THE THINGS AND LEAVES SOMEHOW.
SO DIRK IS LIKE SHIT WHO IS THIS I NEED TO TALK TO THEM BECAUSE EQUIUS LIKE FIXED ALL HIS STUFF PERFECTLY AND EVERYTHING
SO DIRK FINDS HIM EVENTUALLY AND HE JUST BREAKS DOWN