equestrian problems

Learn to wrap horses’ legs from Dressage riders

to do your hair in your helmet from Hunters

to make quick decisions from Jumpers

to multi-task from the Equitation riders

to care for expensive tack from western pleasure riders

to have good timing from ropers

to not be afraid of the long way from trail riders

to trust the hell out of your horse from eventers

and to appreciate insanity from all equestrians.

you’re an equestrian if you’ve ever reached into your pockets for your phone and ended up with a handful of sugar cubes. not even “you might be an equestrian,” you just are. who the fuck else does things like that. you’d probably left the barn four hours ago and i bet it was in public too, you sugar-cube-hoarding weirdo.