episode:-twenty-one

Twenty-One: Part Twenty

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Part One | Part Nineteen | Part Twenty |


We spend a while longer in the little room in the distillery, learning each other’s bodies and Alfie teaches me things that endless conversations with Florrie and my own exploration have never come close to. But eventually he orders that it’s time he got me home and we drive to my house in comfortable silence, a contented smile on my face. I sleep well that night, better in fact than I have done in years and it isn’t until I manage to drag my aching body downstairs to find my mother preparing lunch that I realise I’ve slept past noon. She sits at the table and presents me with a cup of tea when she sees me enter the kitchen.

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I was sixteen.
We were young, dumb, and always drunk.
Some would say I was in love

I was sixteen.
My life was happy
And in your arms I could easily fall asleep.

I was sixteen.
With a happy mother.
When I called her you would flirt with me.

I was sixteen.
Stars in my eyes and whiskey in veins.
All of the world could see you were my everything.

I was sixteen.
After years of pretending and empty smiles
I finally found someone who truly believed in me.

I was sixteen
When you told me that I deserved to be free
So my heart grew wings and began to soar.

Now I’m twenty one.
Always stressed and depressed
In a constant state of grief and disbelief.

I’m twenty one
Getting drunk
Saying I need to run from memories.

I’m twenty one
You ask me why I’m crying
With a shot of tequila in each hand

I’m twenty one
When my world implodes
And honesty finally leaks through

I’m twenty one
With plenty to run from
But I’m not running away

I’m twenty one
Swaying in the wind
With me, you, and memories

I’m twenty one
When you hear the truth.
….

I only drink to chase sixteen.

—  Sixteen
2

So, I can’t believe I’m 21. Once again, considering how rough this year has been (more rough than last year, to be honest) and how uneventful its been, I still can’t believe I’ made it this far. Its been exactly a year since I published a fic, none of my cosplays are or will be complete, and I will not be going to any cons any time soon. I feel like I’ve not only let so many people down, but myself as well. 

Thank you @gallihafry and @lullapiee for the beautiful edits (they brought tears to my eyes, happy ones.) Thank you all for the birthday wishes and still following me throughout this year. I hope to not be as disappointing leading my way to 22.