epic walking

8

And bromance of the year goes to… 

Bat Kid Patrol Shenanigans

From sunset to sunrise is a long time. These patrol shenanigans are bound to happen:

•Chicken fights begin on the roof tops of Gotham. Steph on Tim’s back, Cass on Jason’s, Damian on Dick’s, and Duke on Bab’s. When they’re feeling particularly daring(or bored) they have piggy back races from roof top to roof top. The fun evidently ends with someone nearly falls off a roof.
•Someone buys a cake(most likely Steph or Jason) and all eight bat kids find a spot on a secluded roof to wolf down the mammoth of a chocolate cake. Back at the manor, they nearly pass Alfred’s attentive eye till he catches an icing smear across Stephs gloves. Steph is now on a temporary suspension from the cake eating club.
•Girls vs boys dance competitions. The score gets real tough to judge when Dick and Barbara get real into it. We’re talking epic sprinkler and moon walks. Jason nearly fell off the roof he laughed so hard.
•With what each of the bat kids has been through, it’s rare any of them can scare one another, but that doesn’t persuade them from trying. A jump scare or a deranged mask usually gets a laugh. Each kid has tried new and clever ways to get a scream out of one another. No trick has worked till one night someone(no one has stepped up) scared Damian so bad, you could have heard his scream from across the block. It’s safe to say non of the kids have and will ever let him live that one down.
•It’s not a secret that Bruce keeps a close eye on all the kids durning the night, so it has became a well kept secret amongst the bat kids of how to sneak junk food into patrol. The heist mostly consists of two groups, one to distract Bruce and the other to run into a local convenient store and buy a full bag of sugary sweets. Gummies or anything high in sugar was banned from the Wayne house after Tim and Duke went on a sugar high and sang A Whole New World as they swung through the streets.
•Hand stand contests begin on the edge of rooftops during snack brake. Dick always wins. Tim is the first to go down, usually because Jason or Damian knocks his balance off.
•Speaking of snack brake… The kids regularly drop by Micky D’s by taking a walk through the drive threw, where they always get free food.
•And still speaking of snack brake… Slushies on the clock tower is a regular tradition. The bat kids come together as a collective and walk into the nearest gas station to load up on two slushies each(cause, you know, where does one get the energy to run over roof tops and fight bad guys?). But they were caught and banned by Bruce from all gas stations when the security footage was aired on national news tv.
•Jason found two abandoned water guns on the river bank. He than proceeded to spray every member of the bat family(except Selina) with the putrid river water. It didn’t end well for him when he got Babs in the eye. Let’s just say he’ll be feeling it in his nads for a couple of weeks.
•It’s kinda a known secret that the police HQ roof is a hot spot for “bat family sightings.” An Instagram fan page was made by an
anonymous Gothamite, which started an “unofficial competition” amongst the bat kids of who could be featured the most on the page.
•Steph created a snapchat account called the Night Birds. With her smart phone she followed each member of the bat family around, capturing spotlight moments. Some of these moments were of Jason making sarcastic kissing gestures that were directed at Dick; Damian slipping on a rain slick roof and loudly cussing in Arabic as he lands on his butt; Dick doing a perfect pirouette with Cassie(both in their uniforms on top of the clock tower); Dick, Duke, and Tim singing and jigging out to Beyonce’s Single Ladies that Dick had turned up on full volume on his phone on top the police station(an amused Gordon and an unimpressed Batman stand in the background); and Tim and Jason having an overly dramatic sword fight with two katanas they stole from Damian(the next video is of a Red Hood and a Red Robin laughing hysterically as they run from a raging Robin).

What went down in Moana
  • Gramma Tala: imma terrify the s**t out of some little kids
  • Chief Tui: you're a very bad example for my daughter
  • Gramma Tala: ikr
  • Moana: *is cute and helpless, wanders to the ocean*
  • Sea turtle: *is cute and helpless, fails to wander to ocean*
  • Moana: holy s**t birds, don't eat the turtle
  • Birds: fine, whatevs
  • Ocean: thanks for the turtle Moana
  • Moana: no prob
  • Ocean: I am the last waterbender from the southern water tribe, and I—
  • Moana: skip the exposition please
  • Ocean: ok yeah, anyway you helped the turtle and so you're definitely worthy of this incredibly important and dangerous magical artifact
  • Moana: kk cool, imma drop it on the beach
  • Ocean: no come back you little s**t!
  • Gramma Tala: ooh, shiny!
  • Tamatoa: did somebody say shiny?
  • Gramma Tala: not yet Tamatoa, go away
  • Chief Tui: hey Moana, wanna hear a song?
  • Moana: sure, as long as it's during a montage
  • Chief Tui: hey Moana, come and see this big stack of rocks that every chief put here
  • Moana: wait, so every chief we've ever had has placed a rock here?
  • Chief Tui: yeah
  • Moana: and what happens if a future plot point suggests that not every chief lived on this island?
  • Chief Tui: ok, go away now
  • Heihei: *eats an entire f**king rock*
  • Villagers: yo some serious s**t is happening to everything
  • Moana: this is definitely related to the one obscure legend my grandmother told me ten years ago
  • Chief Tui: Moana don't you f**king dare
  • Moana: *f**king dares and also wrecks her boat*
  • Gramma Tala: whatever just happened, blame it on the pig
  • Ocean: no, defs blame it on Moana
  • Moana: what are you doing, Gramma Tala?
  • Gramma Tala: I'm crazy, so go into this cave
  • Lin-Manuel Miranda: hey Moana, we were voyagers
  • Moana: thanks Lin-Manuel Miranda!
  • Lin-Manuel Miranda: no prob!
  • Moana: hey Gramma Tala, we were voyagers!
  • Gramma Tala: yeah, no s**t
  • Moana: hey Dad, we were voyagers!
  • Chief Tui: f**k you Moana
  • Moana: so how do you explain that stack of rocks
  • Chief Tui: I don't?
  • Gramma Tala: *conveniently dies*
  • Moana: welp, bye
  • Ocean: oh no, not you little s**t again
  • Moana: f**k you ocean
  • Ocean: here have a big f**king thunderstorm
  • Moana: *wrecks her boat, again*
  • Moana: fish pee in you, all day
  • Ocean: bacteria s**t in your mouth, all day
  • Maui: A boat!
  • Moana: holy s**t who are you?
  • Maui: I'm glad you asked because I wrote a song about that
  • Moana: I don't f**king care
  • Maui: well, I'm stealing your boat
  • Moana: does that boat even work? I wrecked it
  • Maui: idk, bye now
  • Ocean: *puts Moana on the boat*
  • Moana: you wanna come on my quest
  • Maui: no
  • Moana: please
  • Maui: ok fine
  • Kakamora: *attack*
  • Ocean: *smashes Kakamora boats together*
  • Moana: that was convenient
  • Ocean: ikr
  • Maui: you wanna get my fishhook
  • Moana: oh hell yes
  • Maui: here's a cliff, don't climb it
  • Moana: *climbs it, doesn't die*
  • Maui: here's a thousand foot drop to the realm of monsters, don't jump off it
  • Moana: *jumps off it, doesn't die*
  • Maui: here's a giant carnivorous plant, don't jump in its mouth
  • Moana: *jumps in its mouth, doesn't die*
  • Maui: here's a terrifying sloth monster, don't antagonize it
  • Moana: *antagonizes it, doesn't die*
  • Tamatoa: HEY GUYS
  • Moana: do you wanna talk about yourself?
  • Tamatoa: ok let's begin with the fact that I'm a fabulous shiny shimmering cinnamon roll
  • Maui: you're really not all that great
  • Tamatoa: m*********er I sparkle with the light of a million stars
  • Maui: my bragging song is better than yours
  • Tamatoa: I don't care because I'm f**kin beautiful
  • Maui: Tamatoa x Reader fanfiction exists and it's terrifying
  • Tamatoa: HOLY S**T WHAT?!
  • Maui: ok he's distracted, imma stealin my hook
  • Tamatoa: WHY WOULD ANYBODY WRITE THAT?!
  • Moana: ok, we got out of there
  • Maui: you should have died at least twenty times in there
  • Moana: ikr
  • Maui: my hook's not working btw
  • Moana: only an act of true love can repair a broken hook
  • Maui: nope, got it!
  • Moana: ok nevermind, wrong movie
  • Maui: so here's a lava monster, let's fight it
  • Te Kā: *throws fire, breaks Maui's hook*
  • Moana: only an act of true love can repair—
  • Maui: forget it, bye now
  • Gramma Tala: hey Moana, here's some important advice for you
  • Moana: thanks, I'm going to fight the lava monster now
  • Gramma Tala: wait, what? that's just stupid
  • Moana: and you shouldn't be giving me advice on how to stay alive if you can't even manage that yourself
  • Gramma Tala: bye now
  • Moana: *goes to fight Te Kā*
  • Maui: hey I'm still here
  • Moana: good 'cause imma die out here
  • Maui: go find Te Fiti
  • Moana: Te Fiti isn't here
  • Te Kā: YES I AM
  • Moana: oh hey that's convenient
  • Ocean: *moseses*
  • Moana: *does an epic walk*
  • Te Kā: *does a frantic monster crawl*
  • Moana: *keeps walking*
  • Te Kā: *doesn't kill Moana for some reason*
  • Moana: here's your heart back
  • *everything is magically fixed*
  • Maui: hey Te Fiti, sorry for f**king up all the s**t
  • Te Fiti: I could smite the ever-loving s**t out of you rn
  • Maui: please don't
  • Te Fiti: fine
  • Moana: imma go home now
  • Maui: so we're getting a sequel, right?
  • Moana: nope, they're making a second Frozen
  • ROLL CREDITS