ep: the second chance

8

felicity smoak week | day 7. free day (or the ep that made me give arrow a second chance)

i’m pretty sure i said this ages ago, but i couldn’t watch another episode of arrow based on the pilot. i suppose it’s because it lacked emotional depth. also, i wasn’t rooting for the intended ship. but on the night of christmas eve, my brother was on this episode (or maybe the episode before, i can’t recall), and he said, “she talks in a very particular way, doesn’t she?” or something like that. in my mind, i was thinking, “who is that? i don’t remember seeing her from the pilot,” and then the Iconic Elevator Scene happened. i thought they had chemistry, and i thought what they had was just different and special — because of her. she was so lively, smart, and witty, and, yes, people, i was smoaked

so, it is because of her (and olicity, i’ll be honest lol) that i gave arrow another chance, and then i was graced with her presence on episode three. i’m not gonna lie — i waited for her to appear with every single episode from then on.

6

LANDRY DE LA CRUZ - 1-6

Me abandon you? I have worked like an animal for everything that I have and I never got anything but grief from you. You wrecked my childhood, you stole my money, you completely screwed up my life! You abandoned me a long, long time ago”. 

Purging 2 disappointments from 411

Okay after decompressing from last night, I distilled my complaints about the bunker storyline (which on the whole I loved a lot!) into 2 categories.

One is more petty and predictable coming from a bellarke shipper, but I was put off by the lack of like… substantive interaction between them in the episode? Like I love romantic bellarke, but they’ve never been about that for me. What it IS about is them always being the one to talk the other down, always being there for each other when they disagree, and always having a substantive relationship - not a tropey one - when it comes to dealing with their leadership choices and values. But last night, they did not make time for substantive bellarke relationship development, and I’m disappointed about that choice. Like of course I loved that Bellamy was the tipping point for Clarke once again, but nothing beats a good angsty blarke convo for me, and I can’t really fathom how they didn’t think it was important to make time for that. (REALLY hoping they get a chance to breathe next ep)

The second is a more substantive complaint that I feel like has been echoed in many corners of fandom: wtf is going on with Clarke?? They set her up for a catharsis this episode, but failed to give her more than like 10 words to speak throughout the whole thing!!! Don’t get me wrong, Eliza does a lot of their work for them- but that’s the problem! I can see Clarke’s deep emotion on Eliza’s face, but I can’t understand what she’s learning from them or what her struggle is because they didn’t give her a chance to really articulate it, which was ESPECIALLY necessary after she experienced what could only be described as a breakthrough with Bellamy.

Instead, the only time Clarke really speaks her own thoughts are in that weirdly off-tone Niylarke scene, which beyond feeling out of place was the first time I ever felt like Niylarke was forced. I’m not going to go into the weird Niylarke/bellarke tension I felt during the scene here, but I am going to say that that scene, for me, felt like an inadequate opportunity to get into Clarke’s psyche in an episode that should have been about a huge turning point in her character arc.

Finally, besides doing justice to Clarke’s character arc - or just having a coherent one at all - I really just wanted her to get the chance to break down because like, I love Clarke. And she deserves to break down, to name her burdens to be reminded that she doesn’t have to carry them alone. I feel a bit like I got another case of emotional blue balls where when she put the gun down and started to sob I thought, FINALLY - only to have the next scene with her be her standing looking as tired and stunted as she has for episodes in the main office.

I’m not really sure what the point of this post was other than to purge my misgivings about about the bunker storyline in this ep - which I want to reiterate, was amazing and well acted and in character and emotional on the whole. But it fell a bit short in the Clarke department for me, so I REALLY FREAKING HOPE Clarke gets some great material next episode, and, perhaps, that she gets to have a full conversation with Bellamy that can bring me, and perhaps other viewers, the emotional catharsis I’ve been craving.

10
10

You’re cured, Mary. You’re going back to how things were… you and Otto. If i’m done here, i’m done here.

2

It was dark and Yuta had finally end of work. Yuta changed into his old clothes and looked like always. Somehow yuki was a little disappointed. Yuta stretched himself.
“Ah finally finished, this suit sometimes annoys me.”
“hm..I think it suits you.” admit Yuki.
“I’m so glad you visit me but what about the band?”
“There were small incidents with our ex-manager and Drake wanted everything first to calm down and canceled everything.”

Yuta led him to the beach and decided to walk the indirect route to his house, he was a little shy but he took all his courage and took Yuki’s hand. Yuki felt a bit uncomfortable, he didn’t knew Yuta wat like this but he don’t wanted to let him show and squeezing his hand softly. He tried to suppress his bad feeling and smiled at him. On the way they didn’t have a topic to talk to. The silence made Yuki insane.
“Yuta..it..” but before yuki could tell what he wanted to say, Yuta interrupted him.
“we are there. do you want something?”
“huh?”
“something to drink or eat?”
“No, no thank you. ”

Both went into the house. Yuta took a glass of juice and sat next to yuki on the couch. he just wanted to turn on the television when he was stopped by him.
“Let it off, there is nothing interesting in the tv now.”
“okay.” yuta approached him, put his hand on his leg and wanted to kiss him but Yuki turned his cheek to him and sighed deeply. Yuki got a little panic, he pushed Yuta’s hand offhis leg gently.
“I..that is..” he did not know what to say, he had many different words in his head but he couldn’t say one sentence.
yuta looked at him questioningly.
“I’m sorry.”
“You must be tired, you can sleep on the couch, my bed is unfortunately too small for both of us.”
“Yuta!” his voice sounded a little annoyed, he was mad, on him that he always blocked him and could not say, what he tried to say and for him it looked like Yuta was hidden everything behind his good humor.
“What is?” he looked at him a little shocked and questioning. he never saw him like this. He was serious and his voice sounded so different.
“I can not do that!”
“What do you mean?”
“Us.” He stood up and walked to the doorstep, turned to him.
“Do you have to leave? Where are you going?”
“away. I’m sorry Yuta but that does not work with us.”
“Yuki are you serious?” his tears formed in his eyes but he suppressed it. Yuki nodded, when he turned his head to the door and didn’t looked him in the eye, it would only hurt him to see him like this and he would probably stay with him because of sympathy, but he knew that this would be not a solution, he turned to the door.
you should look for someone who really loves you, Yuta, I’m the wrong guy for you. I’m sorry.” he walked out of the door without looking back.

The second chance

When I was a child, my mom made me believe that my prince charming was out there. We would find each other, and live happily ever after.
And when I met him, I was sure that I had found my prince. I know it must sound weird to hear a 25 year old girl believe in fairy tales, but…
You know the old playground song? First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in a baby carriage? Our version was; first comes love, then comes pain, then comes leaving the town and tears and a whole new level of pain.
I should’ve known. He would be there, of course. It was his city, after all…
I watched him as if I was hypnotized, not caring at all that I was standing in the middle of the street. He had cut his hair a bit, and it still looked good. His friends were around him, like always. I could recognize Ryan, but the other two must’ve been new.
Had he even thought about me?
Suddenly, Ryan’s gaze met mine. He fell silent in instant and I could see the panic in his eyes, for some reason. I gave him a small smile, a forced one.
And then, everything stopped. Charlie looked at Ryan, and turned his glance to the direction he was looking at.
Me.
His piercing eyes which I always adored fixed on mine and for just one moment, I felt like I saw the flash of pain in them. He stopped walking, he stopped talking, maybe even breathing.
I could feel the tears brimming my eyes, but I blinked quickly and shot him a curt nod, turning around to leave. My heart felt like it was on fire, the lump in my throat made it harder for me to swallow and if I stayed there for one more second I was sure I would pass out.
A car put on brakes and I heard people’s whining, yelling, but I didn’t turn back.
Until someone grabbed my arm. I bit my lip
“Hi Charlie.”
He didn’t say anything, he just looked into my eyes
“You’re-here?” his voice was breathless and I gulped
“Yeah.”
“When did you come back?”
“A week ago.” I pulled my arm out of his grip “How do you know I left the town?”
He gave me a disbelieving look “Because I looked for you, Violet… I asked your colleagues, your friends, everyone…”
“Oh?” I didn’t know what to say and someone called out for him. We both turned our heads to see the woman coming closer.
I had read it in the newspaper.
And cried for days.
He was going out with some kind of co-star.
“Charlie!” she said, kissing him on the lips. I bit my tongue to make the pain physical, God, it hurt so much…Too much…
He pulled back “Lacey, I was talking here-“
She frowned and looked at me
“Oh, hi..” she said, wearing a fake smile “I’m Lacey.”
I shook her hand and tried to smile “Violet.”
“Cool name.” She said “And I know you, of course…”
Charlie ran a hand through his hair and I cleared my throat
“I’d better-leave..” I said inaudibly “Goodbye.”
“At least this time you bothered to say it.” Charlie said coldly and I opened my mouth to protest, to tell him how much he hurt me, to tell him how much it hurt to leave..
But instead, I closed my mouth again and turned around, walked away.

————————————————————————

My phone rang and I looked at the name, then heaved a sigh.
Ryan.
I wiped my eyes, getting up from the bed, cleared my throat, and answered
“Hi Ryan.”
“Hi Violet.” He said “Wow. I’m not used to get an answer from this number.”
“Yeah…Sorry about that…” I said weakly, sniffing. “What happened?”
“You happened.” He said “Where have you been for 8 fucking months?”
“I left-”
“We know that. Where were you?”
“In my family’s place.” I sat down on the couch “I needed to get away..from everything. I’m sure you can understand that.”
I heard his pause on the phone “Violet, when you left.. you broke his heart.”
“Not as much as he broke mine.” I forced myself to speak “And he looks like he found his consolation.”
“You don’t know how he was like.”
“The magazines have been a great help actually. Every night with an another girl.-“
“Did those magazines write how he couldn’t enter his own room for months? How he got drunk every night? How every girl he slept with had a feature that reminded of you? Either eyes, or hair, or-anything…”
“Yeah, man, it was kinda weird…” I heard Robert’s calling out and I frowned
“Robert is there? Tell him I say hi.”
“He says hi back, and you freaking messed Charlie up, Vi-“
“I’m sorry but am I the only one who remembers he cheated on me in the first place?!” I burst out, wiping my cheeks with the back of my hand
He took a deep breath “Look, I know. Believe me I know. But-you’re different for him.”
“He doesn’t care about me anymore, Ryan. He never did.”
“Do you really believe it?” he asked quietly “If you do, if you really do, I promise I won’t disturb you again.”
I fell silent, remembering how he used to talk with me. Touch me. Look at me.
“Maybe he did.” I said slowly “Once. But…if you care about someone you don’t cheat on them. You of all people should know this.”
I accept, it was below the belt.
“Anyway, where is he right now?” I asked
“We don’t know.”
I frowned “You-don’t know?”
“He said he wanted to be alone.”
“Charlie never wants to be alone.”
“Yeah, maybe he changed.” He said and the doorbell rang
“I’ll call you later?” I said, getting up
“Yeah, alright. Just think about it, Violet. I’m begging you.”
“I did think, for 8 months.” I said, reaching the door “Say ‘hi’ to guys from me. Bye.”
I hung up and opened the door.
A very drunk Charlie was leaning against my doorway, looking at me. My heart beat went crazy in a flash.
“Charlie?”
“Damn you, Violet.” He slurred, pointing at me, and lost his balance, straightening up with a great difficulty . “Fucking damn you..”
“Are you drunk?”
“Yeap.” He said “I’m drank-drunk…”
I sighed and went under his arm, supporting him “Come inside.”
He was heavy,but I managed to reach him to the couch. He flung himself onto it and I pushed a stray of my hair behind my ear, then went to switch the kettle on. When I came back to the living room, he had leaned his forehead to his hands, and was slumping on the couch
“I’m making coffee.” I said “You need to sober up.”
“Says who?” he said and his phone started ringing. He took it from his pocket and I snatched it from his hands.
“Hey!”
“Don’t talk with anyone on the phone when you’re drunk, Charlie.” I said, putting it on the table
“I missed you…” he slurred “So fucking much…”
I sighed “You don’t know what you’re saying right now.”
“Maybe..” he said “Didn’t you miss me, Vi? At all?”
I gulped, trying to stop the words that were trying to escape from my lips
“You have no idea how beautiful you look right now..” he whispered “Why did you come back, Violet?”
I raised my head and clenched my teeth “I didn’t come back for you.”
I heard the kettle switching itself off and went to kitchen to make coffee, but when I came back with a cup in my hand, he was already sleeping. I put the cup to the little table, grabbed some blankets and covered his body, then walked to my own bedroom, painfully aware that I would be up until morning.

————————————————————————–

Even if the idea of hiding in my room until he left was very tempting, I knew he wouldn’t give up that easily, so I got up from the bed and went to bathroom, then walked to the kitchen.
“Good morning.” I heard his voice behind me and jolted up, then turned to him.
“Hi…” I said weakly “Feeling well?”
“No.” He said, looking at me. I tried to smile
“I- umm…I’m making coffee. Want one?”
“Violet..” he said, coming closer “I need to talk to you.”
I leaned my back against the counter, crossing my arms and shooting him a glare
“No you don’t.”
He opened his mouth but his phone started ringing. He cussed under his breath, looked at the caller I.D and hit ignore. I snorted.
“Lacey, isn’t it?” I walked past him but he followed me to the living room
“Oh, so now what, you’re angry?!” he said from behind me furiously “After leaving that fucking note and bailing out, you’re now angry!?!?”
“What was I supposed to do, Charlie, have a threesome with you and that girl?” I asked “You broke my heart, what did you expect me to do?!”
“I was drunk!”
“I’ve been drunk for countless times when I was with you but you didn’t see me sleeping around, did you!?”
“You didn’t even listen to me!”
“Listen to what?!” I exclaimed “You didn’t sleep with her?”
“No it’s-“ he stopped taking a deep breath “It wasn’t like what you and I had. I regretted it, so much that I wanted to die after waking up…I- It didn’t mean anything, Vi, I swear to God..”
“It meant everything, to me.” My voice cracked “I- I wasn’t enough for you. What you think we had, wasn’t enough, asking you to wait for sex was too much-“ I was cut off when he shook his head fervently
“Don’t say that-“
“Then what should I say?” I asked pleadingly “You tell me. You hurt me, Charlie.”
“Do you think I wasn’t hurt?” he asked me “Look, when I was with you, I- I didn’t care about anything but you. Nothing mattered, the movies, anything… I felt like I could live with you in a one room apartment and would be happy.”
I let out a insincere chuckle “And when exactly did it change?”
“It didn’t change.” He said with a serious expression and I held back a sob.
“Then you left…”
“You made me leave.”
He glared at me, paused for one second then his face broke into a grin
“You didn’t believe a word of it, did you?”
I frowned “What?”
“I mean, we’re talking about me… You didn’t believe what I said earlier, right?” he chuckled “I love you, when you left I was heartbroken etc etc…” He shrugged “Why would I even care about you? Especially when you didn’t actually care.”
I blinked dumbly “Excuse me?”
“Maybe-you know-just maybe it didn’t even hurt you a bit…” he said slowly “Maybe you were just looking for a way out..”
“What!?”
“Did you even think about it? I fucked an another girl, when you were all alone in the bed..“ his voice was mocking
“Shut the fuck up!!”
“Oh, and I’m sure you read about me when you were away..” he said calmly, with a smug expression on his face “You’d be surprised if you knew the number of girls I slept with… Like nothing happened, you know? Like you were just nothing…”
I gulped but it felt like I was swallowing acid
“You know what, it wasn’t really hard to get over you..” he said “Not when you’re me, of course. A lot of girls were eager to make me forget. None of them had that stupid idea of marriage must come before sex…” he chuckled and I took a step back
“Now to think of it, do you think it was an actor fantasy that pushed you to me? Because-” he was cut off when I leaped at him like a wild cat, scratching his face, his hands with my fingernails, screaming “I hate you, I hate you so much!”
After minutes, the fire in me…extinguished and I fell on my knees, sobbing. I pulled them into my chest and wrapped my arms around them, and then he swept me off the floor
“No I hate you-don’t touch me!”
He didn’t say anything, he just put me in the bed, sitting beside me, waiting for my crying to end..
“God-it hurts…” I whispered through the sobs, burying my face into my forearms, my fingers grasping my hair, pulling it. The sobs turned into fast breaths, then they turned into long, slow ones…
“You needed to spill your anger out.” He talked after a while and first, I couldn’t understand what he had just said
Then, I raised my head “What?” my voice came out like a child’s, so..weak, and trembling
“ You left without even arguing with me… And you’ve been trying to stay calm for too long.. We weren’t going anywhere like that.”
I gulped “I don’t understand…”
“You needed to do your worst, Vi. You-somehow needed to unleash that anger inside of you, for us to..” he paused
“You said those on purpose?” I asked disbelievingly “Why-“
“You wouldn’t talk about it, or take your anger out on me otherwise..” he whispered, stroking my hair and I sat up straighter on the bed with small moves
“You were trying to get me mad.”
“Get you furious, actually.” He said slowly “And you fell for it so fast..”
I sniffed, wiping my eyes with my sleeve “Well, you’re a good actor..” I whispered “Now what?”
“Well, I know sex is off the table but I was thinking about make up snogging, a lot of it…” he chuckled when I pinched his arm. He looked at me through his long lashes, his blue eyes sparkling
“Violet, please.. Tell me what I can do for you to forgive me. Anything you want, I’ll do anything..” he voice turned into a hoarse whisper, he came closer and his phone rang again
“Fuck-“ he whispered, hanging it up and I looked up at him
“How about first realizing you can’t have three people in a relationship?”
He shrugged “Done. I will break up with her as soon as I leave here. What else?”
“You don’t mean that-“
“I mean that. There will be no one else but you. Anything else?”
I let out a laugh, unable to stop myself, then shook my head
“Not that easy.”
“Wouldn’t dream of it, darling.” He smirked and I paused, playing with a loosened tread of my covers.
“Why did you do it?”
He gulped “I’m sorry-“
“I’m not asking for an apology.” I cut him off “I want to know why you did it.”
“I don’t know.”
“That’s not good enough for me, Charlie.” My eyes shot up to his “I don’t think I can trust you anymore. Trust any guy, anymore.”
“I don’t give a fuck about other guys, I just need you to trust me.”
“Was it because of me?” before I could stop myself, the words had already left my lips “Was it because I wouldn’t have sex before the-“
“No!”
“Was it because I chickened out and changed my mind about the blowjob-“
“Violet!” he cut me off “Stop that. No.” he shook his head fervently “It’s not because of you. It was never because of you. You were perfect.”
I let out an insincere laugh “So if I was perfect why did you go and jump on her?”
He rubbed his eyes, but his phone started ringing again. He frowned slightly, then looked at me
“I need to take this.”
“Okay.” I whispered, then he walked out of the room to talk with his agent. I could feel the pounding in my head and I shut my eyes tight, digging the heels of my hands to my eyes. He walked back into the room not long later and I raised my head from my hands
“Headache?”
I shrugged “Is everything okay?” I rasped out and he nodded
“Yeah, I just… I need to go, I had to meet this guy about a new project, I forgot about it.”
I nodded “Okay.”
“Do I call you before or after I break up with her?”
I shot him a forced smile then dropped it
“I can’t ask you to leave anybody.” I growled “I can’t think about getting together with you again, the last months have been so torturous and I don’t think-“ I took a deep breath, sniffing “I just don’t think I can go through that again.”
“What if I regained your trust?”
“You can’t.”
“I can.” He said and came to the bed to take my hand into his warm ones. “Vi, my love, I will prove it to you. You hear? I just need one chance.”
I should’ve said no. I knew I should’ve said no, but somehow I couldn’t will the words out of my mouth. So, I did the only thing I could think of.
I pulled my hand back, and crossed my arms
“You should leave.”
“Will you be home tonight?”
“I don’t want you to come here tonight.” I said slowly “I just…I need to think. You need to think too.”
“I did my thinking, for months.” He insisted “Will you, Violet?”
“Yeah.” I said “I need to call my former boss and beg him to re-hire me, but I guess I will be here.”
“I’ll see you tonight then.” He pressed his lips to my forehead
“Welcome back, darling.”

The Second Chance

My brother once asked me 
“What does love even mean?”
“Why is the way I see love different than yours
and everyone else’s?”
“When I say ‘I love my girlfriend’,
why is it hard for you to believe it?”
You see, I told him love is trial and error.
I told him I believe it’s a broad concept;
that it’s impossible to have a concrete definition for it.
Said, I think you may know what it is now,
and in a couple years,
know that you were wrong,
but now, again, you know.
I told him, I said, I think time
plays a big role in how you come to know what love is.

When I started,
I couldn’t see the point in
investing in temporary affections.
There was always
one hand in one’s and
another in another’s;
I was an octopus with
a foot in every door.
I didn’t believe in anybody being able
to outlast these phases.
I figured romances started as fiery
as heat waves on summer roads.
I figured lovers fell for each other,
and hit the ground
as fast as leaves in October.
I figured lovers
were empty one moment,
and full of life by spring.
I counted on lovers existing in phases.

I wasn’t counting on you.
Time was counting down these years;
laughing as they sparked and incinerated.
It watched as lovers came and left;
as fires grew and bridges burned.
It was, like,
”You just fucking wait, boy. I got you.”
I didn’t know what love meant
before I’d said it This Time.
This Time.
I love you.
Like, now
I know.

I wasn’t counting on a second chance.
I figured the gyration of the world,
meant days and nights pass
just trying to make it to the next.
Lovers existed in phases.
Time only slowed after someone new
could make it stop;
and it’d pick up pace the longer you lingered around.
Honeymoon, comfortable, end.
Honeymoon, comfortable, end.
Honeymoon, comfortable, end.
It was a cycle.
Honeymoon, comfortable, end.
Honeymoon, comfortable, end.
I didn’t think it was a matter of time
until the world stopped revolving permanently.
Like, all of a sudden,
the sun kept it’s stand at sunset.
We would never feel the solitude of night,
the barrenness of winter,
the burning seeping under our skin,
and the fear of tomorrow.
We are chasing the dawn at the edge of the world.
We are counting down the sunlight that never ends.

I Love you.
Like, now
I know.

I didn’t see this coming.
I didn’t foresee a second chance at this.
I figured time doesn’t heal all wounds,
some scar—
and the pain
from the deepest cuts
never leaves us behind.
That we live life armored to the bone;
afraid of the daggers
returning from behind us.
I figured the future seemed so much closer,
the further back you left your past.
Now, all of a sudden,
the future seems so easy to reach 
looking at it through you.
Now, all of a sudden,
the rips throughout my body
have closed gaps through their missing pieces.
Who knows what love is
and doesn’t know what it’s like to be made whole;
to be remade and refurbished.
Or hasn’t seen time be frozen in it’s tracks
with a crack of a smile;
or a lack of anything better to do with it.

I thought love existed in phases.
I didn’t see it as a state of being until I met you.
I love you.
Like, now
I know.

It took years;
it took trial and error,
but I finally made it to you.
If my brother asked me a couple years ago,
I would’ve told him, I’d say
“Love is the feeling you get
when the gargoyles in your body
have melted off the stone
and glide around your lungs like angels.”
I felt that before, but, I feel that all of the time with you.
Adrenaline is not love.
It took years, but I know that much.
and now, I’d tell him,
I’d say,

“Love is the only thing that time can’t test.”
“You see, there’s a million poems about what love means,
from different cultures, and ages, and people,
but, I know this much.”
“I didn’t know what love was before her.”
“I saw relationships fly by and felt butterflies swarm.
I’ve seen time stop, slow, and keep going.
I’ve been through the rough patches, the heart break,
the rebounds, the unrequited, the almost-theres…”
”Time brings these things in time and time again”
“But this.”
“This you don’t cherish until it’s gone;
can’t affirm it through anyone else”
”It took years, but I know this much
love is not a cycle of phases, but a state of being”
“You see, love, the way I know it
because of her,
is what I had spent forever trying to become.”

I thought love existed in phases.
It was only a matter of time, until…
Until I knew.
I love her. Now…
Now, I know.

youtube

Stupid Pretty Girl by Anthony Salari

I really liked this song when I heard it in the scene where Billy is following Zoe to her house. I had to do my research and find it. So here it is for those of you that might’ve liked it as well.

3

From the EAST Alliance 2013 vault…

“…Speaking of the baby, how long must we refer to the baby thus? Have you had any thoughts about names for him yet?”

A smile appeared on Edith’s face. “Yes actually… Anthony and I discussed it this morning and I wanted your opinion. Is there space for only one Tom in your life… or is there room for two?”

Sybil looked at her confused for a moment as she decoded what her sister was asking her… then she wore a smile bigger than her sisters… “You want to name the baby after Tom?”

“Well…yes. Certainly, I could not have got through last night without you with me and I do not know what or how we would have got the doctor here without Tom… it seems fitting. ‘Anthony’ will be his second name and I think Thomas Anthony Strallan has a lovely ring to it…”

She looked up to see Sybil’s eyes had dampened somewhat. “I do rather like it too.”

Reaching for her younger sister’s hand, after she had ensured her son was safe enough in just one of her arms, Edith nodded. “Thank you. I mean it, Sybil, thank you for everything. I don’t know what… if you weren’t here…”

“Hush now. We were here. And now he’s here,” she nodded to her nephew. “And we’ll all be fine. I promise you…. Won’t we, Thomas?”

The Second Chance by Rocks-my-socks (aka hogwartsabbey)

COUNTDOWN TO E.A.S.T. ALLIANCE DAY!
(Sunday, Aug. 3)

Get ready…

The second chance (part 3)

“Why does every magazine think women need to do something to please men?” I asked Charlie, not looking up from the magazine and he looked at me, then turned back to the script
“Is that a female trap question?”
“What? No!” I protested “I’m just asking. Do men’s magazines write the same? How to impress your girlfriend in bed?”
“I don’t read that shit.”
“It was a rhetorical question. They don’t.”
“What are you reading?” Charlie tried to peek into the magazine I was holding in my hands and I pushed him
“No, it’s too….too dirty for you.”
“You’re the virgin one, I think I’ll be fine.” He grabbed it from me and skimmed the lines, grinning slightly
“Vi?”
“Hm?”
“Why are you reading an article on blowjob tips?”
“Oh, academic purposes.” I took the magazine from him “Go back to your script, mister.”
“Are we going to stay in house the whole day?”
“I am going to. You can go.”
“Oh go and leave that prick cook space to try to win over you?” Charlie asked “I’m staying.”
I rolled my eyes “Friends don’t do that to friends.” I reminded to him and he shrugged
“You’re the one trying the friendship. I’m not trying to be your friend, I’m trying to be your boyfriend.”
I gritted my teeth, hoping my blush wasn’t visible and returned to my magazine.
“You used to be.” I reminded him and he ran a hand over his face
“Yeah Vi, and I fucked it up.” He said, sounding exhausted “I’m very well aware, thank you.”
“Don’t you have anything to do today?” I tried to change the subject and he shook his head
“It’s my off day.”
“Oh-“ I was cut off when my phone started ringing. I leaned over to grab it, then answered it
“Hello?”
“Hey there, my pretty.” Laura joked “What’s up?”
“Nothing much.” I said “You?”
“Nothing as well, James says hi.”
“Hi back!”
“Speaking of my beloved…” she said “How’re the things going?”
“Nice.” I shrugged, fully aware that Charlie was listening, even if he pretended to look through his phone.
“And that hot hot chef Gavin?”
“He’s cool.” I said “Nothing is happening.”
“Just saying, food and sex go hand in hand well.”
“Virgin here, wouldn’t know.”
“And I’m doing my best to fix that.” Laura said “Guess what you’re doing tonight!”
“Uh oh. Lou…”
“That’s right, you have a date with Eric!”
“What?!” I exclaimed “Laura, no-“
“Yes!” she said “He’s a sweetheart, I met him, and he already knows about you!”
“Laura, really I just…”
“It’s already been scheduled, I’ll text you the restaurant’s address.” She said “It’s about time you stop mourning the Mr Movie Guy.”
“…About that.” I muttered, looking at Charlie “You shouldn’t have!”
“One date, Violet. What do you have to lose?”
“My dignity.” I dead panned “You know I don’t want dates, let alone blind dates!”
Charlie’s head shot up and his eyes narrowed.
“It’s just one date.” Laura repeated “If it doesn’t work, I’ll leave you alone.”
I heaved a sigh and rubbed my eyes “I hate you.”
“Love you too!” she said “I’ll text you the details. Wear something nice-“
“I’ll wear a nun dress.”
“And talk about light topics-“
“You mean he doesn’t want to hear about the corruption in the society especially literature rooted-“
“Violet.” She cut me off “Less literature, more relationships, okay?”
“Virginia Woolf would kill you.” I grumbled “Bye.”
“Bye!” she hung up and Charlie crossed his arms
“I’m sorry, a date?”
“You know how Laura is.” I told him “When she’s fixated on something-“
“A date.”
“Yeah she just doesn’t listen-“
“You’re going on a date?” he asked incredulously and I frowned slightly
“Yeah. I kinda have to, thanks to my best friend.”
He kept his eyes on me “You’re joking. Right? You’re fucking with me?”
I heaved a deep sigh, sending Laura my silent curses in my head “I’m not in the mood for this.”
“Too bad.”
“Charlie!” I protested “We talked about this-“
“No we haven’t. I said no and you ignored me.”
“We’re friends!” I reminded him for the hundredth time “Friends don’t feel the need to sabotage their stupid blind dates!”
He threw his head back and groaned. I looked away, trying to ignore how much it reminded me of something else.
Easy there…
“Oh and if it makes you feel any better, I’m just doing this because I can’t say no to Lou.”
“Funny how I’m the only person whom you can say no to.”
“Charlie!”
“You’re going on a fucking date…” he chuckled bitterly “I can’t believe this…”
“I’m telling you, I’m only doing this because-“ I paused “Why am I explaining myself to you?!”
He started pacing in the living room “You’re not going. Call Laura and tell her you’re not going.”
I gawked at him “I beg your pardon?”
“You’re not going.”
“That sounded a lot like you’re ordering me not to do it.” I growled “Which gives me more reason to do it, in case you forgot about it.”
“Why do you have to be so stubborn?!”
“The same reason you think you can order me around.” I came up with a weak comeback but he didn’t seem to notice “Charlie…”
Charlie shook his head and stopped right in front of me, breathing hard
“Please don’t do it.” He said lowly and I looked up at him, then avoided his glances.
“I can’t put Laura in that kind of position.” I muttered “She… she already planned this. Besides, it’s not healthy.”
“What?”
“Me not doing something because you told me not to.” I said “It’d… you know, we need boundaries in this. Whatever this is.”
He shook his head again, clenching his fists
“I should probably go.” He muttered and I frowned slightly
“But…you said this was your off day-“
“I’m going to say something I’ll regret if I keep this conversation with you.” He said through his teeth “That, and I can’t watch you getting ready for a date with another guy.”
I opened my mouth, then closed it and nodded
“I’m not doing this to hurt you.” I gulped “I swear. I’m just… I’m just trying to get through this.”
He nodded slowly “Yeah.” He whispered and I followed him to the door
“Honestly I don’t even know what people usually do in dates like these.” I tried to laugh and he ran a hand through his hair
“Just make sure to call me if he turns out to be a creep. You don’t have to be polite to anyone who makes you uncomfortable.”
I nodded fervently.
“And don’t-“ he said hoarsely “Don’t invite him in, okay? Guys usually get the wrong idea if you invite them in and you- you want marriage.”
I gulped and nodded again
“Call me when you get home.” He strode towards me in two steps, kissed my forehead and walked away.
—————————————————————————————
Trust Laura’s blind date guy to pick a restaurant which Charlie took me first.
I crossed my arms, shifting my weight and looking at the dim lit building in front of me.
“Not now flashbacks…” I said to myself out loud “I’ll go in, have a date and get out. Without thinking about a certain man.”
Right.
I went in, searching the place, trying to find a guy who looked like the picture Laura had sent me. When I found him, I hissed in a breath, realizing I half expected him not to show up.
But hey, best friends are always a pain in the ass, so…
I walked towards the table and his head snapped up, then he stood up
“Hi, Violet, right?”
“Yeah that’s me.” I smiled nervously and shook his hand.
“I’m Eric.”
“Nice to meet you.”
“You too.” He smiled warmly. I took a deep breath, sitting down, and brushing my hair off my face.
I had to admit, the pictures hadn’t shown how handsome he was. As he looked at me, his brown eyes shining, I found myself smiling back.
“You look very pretty.”
“Thanks, you too- uh, handsome.” I fixed my sentence “You look very handsome too.”
“Thanks.” He said and I nodded. After waiter approached us and I ordered, I turned my glances to him.
“So…”
“So…” he laughed nervously “Uh, how are you?”
I tried not to laugh out loud, it was obvious he was as nervous as he was with this.
“I’m fine, and you?”
“I’m good.” He said “Laura says you work in the publishing field.”
“Used to.” I corrected him “Now I’m kind of looking for jobs.”
“Oh, why did you leave your job?”
“I left the city for a while.” I nodded “Um… After a bad break up. So I left everything.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.”
“Yeah.” I nodded again “No, don’t worry it’s uh… It’s totally fine. I’m totally fine now.”
“Good to hear.”
“How about you?” I asked and he sipped his water
“I’m working in the same firm with James.”
“Yeah, an architect.” I said “Do you like it?”
“Oh I love it.” He said fervently “Building stuff has always been my dream since childhood. My mom says it’s the lego influence.”
I let out a laugh “Yeah I was never too fond of legos, it’s no wonder I didn’t end up in your field.”
“Yeah well everyone has something they’re passionate about.” He shrugged and I nodded
“That’s right.”
“So um… Laura called me before this date, and I think I can say she kind of… intimidated me.”
“She has that affect on people.” I said “What did she tell you?”
“She gave me a list of subjects not to talk about.” He took out a piece of paper and I covered my mouth
“You’re joking.”
“No, she actually made me write these!”
“Let me see that.” I reached out, signaling him to give it. He handed me the paper and I skimmed the lines
Leave it to Laura to list every movie in his IMDB page.
“So she said, and I hope I’m not being nosy, that you dated that guy from Sons of-“
“Yeah.” I cut him off “This place was uh… Was one of the restaurants he took me to.”
His jaw dropped “Oh shit. I didn’t know-“
“How were you gonna know?” I smiled “I told you. It’s fine.”
The waiter brought our food and I thanked him, then handed Eric the paper
“For your information, you don’t have to follow that list.” I stated “Laura acts like I’m still so sensitive about this, like I’m not over him-“
“Well, are you?” Eric asked and I looked up at him
“So tell me about you.” Charlie said, his blue eyes gleaming in dim light “I want to know more.”
I shrugged “I don’t think there’s more.” I said “Grew up in a small town, all Twin Peaks style-“
He let out a laugh
“Then I went to college, went back to the town, then found a job in here and moved in here.” I shrugged
“Any brothers or sisters?”
“Only child. I was kind of a lonely child.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, I learned to… you know, entertain myself.” I shrugged “I used to play chess with myself.”
He raised his brows
“And I creeped you out.” I hissed in a breath “Sorry. I’m not great with this whole date thing, I know, a big shock, surprise surprise but I blame it on my habit of talking until I pass out when I’m nervous-“
“You’re nervous?”
“I may or may not have googled what to talk on a first date before I came here.”
“Wow. Any ideas?”
“I screenshot it. But it’s really-“ I fumbled with my purse, then took out the phone.
“Do you really want to hear them?”
“Sure.” He grinned and I frowned, then went through my pics
“Found it. Um… How was your day.”
“It was nice, yours?”
“Nervous. Okay, next one is… What do you think about marriage?”
He let out a laugh “Uh, are you proposing?”
My head shot up “What?! No!”
“Because I was thinking I should wait for dessert but if you wanna-“
“I’m not, I’m just reading what’s in here, and…What do you think about kids- okay you know what, I’m just gonna put it back to my purse.” I muttered and pushed it back into my purse. Charlie looked like he was trying his hardest not to burst into a laughter and I felt my face burning with embarrassment.
“This is why I don’t do dates.”
“Violet?” Eric waved a hand and I shook my head
“What? Oh sorry, I must’ve …zoned out.”
“That answers the question then.”
“No no!” I said quickly “No I’m- I’m over him. I’m just… Uh, my brain is comprehending that I’m over him, that’s all.”
He smiled, then toasted “I know how that feels, and good luck with that.”
I clinked my glass with his “Maybe Laura should’ve given me a list too.”
——————————————————————————
Eric pulled over in front of my house and I unbuckled my seatbelt, then turned to him
“I had a great night.” I smiled and he smiled back
“Me too.”
An uncomfortable silence fell upon us
“So I should go, I think.”
He nodded, then leaned in slowly, trying to see my reaction. When I didn’t pull back, he cupped my cheek softly and pressed a kiss to my lips.
“If you ever, truly get over him,” he whispered “Call me, Violet.”
I could feel the burning in my eyes, but I nodded, then pushed open the car door and stepped out. I walked to the door of the building as he started the car and drove off.
Charlie used to wait in the car until I got inside and opened the living room light.
I tried to shake off the thoughts, wiping my eyes, completely forgetting I had eyeshadow and eyeliner on. I cussed under my breath, then ascended the stairs. When I reached to my door, I opened it, got inside, and leaned back to the door, slipping to the floor.
I sniffed, untying my hair, letting it fall on my shoulders in soft waves, and took off my heels. I dug my phone out of my purse, then found his name in contacts, and touched it.
“Violet?” he answered on first ring
“Hey.” I croaked out “What’s up?”
He let out a shaky breath “How was the date?”
I shrugged, knowing he couldn’t see. “He took me to that restaurant you took me to, on our first date.”
“Oh.” He said after a beat “And?”
“And I kept remembering-“ I stopped myself before I could say anything else but he had already heard it
“What did you remember?” he asked silently. I let out a low laugh
“Honestly?” I asked “How nervous I was.”
He chuckled “Yeah, you were.”
“What if it never goes away?”
“Your nervousness?”
“No.” I shook my head “No. I just… Charlie, he looked like such a great guy.”
He didn’t say anything
“I mean he was funny, he was relaxed, he was a complete gentleman for the whole night, and all I could do was remembering how you and I were.” I wiped my eyes “What if that never goes away? What if I keep comparing people to you for the rest of my life?”
“Violet…”
“And that’s not fair!” I tried to keep my voice from cracking, but failed “It’s not fair that I can’t see myself with anyone else but you, it’s not fair that I still dream about you, it’s not fair that you cheated on me but I still love you.” I sniffed “What am I supposed to do now?”
He took a sharp breath “Okay, I’m coming over.” He said “We shouldn’t have this conversation on the phone-“
“No.”
“What?”
“Don’t.” I sniffed “I can’t trust myself if you come here. I can’t trust my decisions.”
“You can’t expect me to stay where I am after you just told me you love me.”
“Don’t pretend like you didn’t already know it.” I heaved a deep sigh “You knew. You always did. It didn’t stop you from-“ I paused “From…that.”
“I’m sorry.” He said slowly “If I could fix-“
“You can’t.” I whispered and he took a deep breath
“Then what will we do?”
I sniffed again and tried to pull myself together
“Well now, I’m gonna go change into my pajamas, eat every sugary thing in my fridge and go to bed.”
“Violet-“
“Thank you.”
“For what?”
“For waiting until I switched on the light to drive away.”
He paused and I smiled
“Good night, Charlie.” I hung up, and heaved a deep sigh. Then, I stood up and walked to my bedroom, flung myself onto my bed, pulling my pillow to myself and hugging it tight.