ep: target

Day One Hundred And Forty-Two

-Tonight, I was asked to work guest services. Upon reaching the desk, I was handed a large tub containing boxes of “Farewell Dandelion” crayons to hand out to the children. My powers grow stronger still.

-I overheard a woman remark, “As a nurse, it is my opinion that being in a car crash would be both scary and somewhat painful.” As a human who experiences emotions somewhat normally, I concur.

-A mysterious woman with a mysterious purpose entered the store. She told me that she wished to give my manager of letter, content and reason unknown. She insisted upon delivering it herself to avoid the attention of unwanted eyes. I can only hope to one day be a part of such ominous goings-on as have gone on before me tonight.

-Halloween merchandise has arrived, and with it, the canned screams of skeletons and witches echoing down the aisles. I could not be more elated.

-A young boy, perhaps six or seven years of age, excitedly ran through the dollar section, digging around and eventually adorning himself with a pointed black witch’s cap and a tutu as pink and frilly as could be. He was delighted by his outfit, but his delight was nothing compared to his mother’s delight, and his mother’s delight was nothing compared to mine.

-A woman approached the service desk to tell me in a hushed voice that there was a dog outside. She then raised her eyebrows, gave me a knowing look, and walked away. This is precisely the kind of informant I need in my life.

-I processed a return for an elderly woman who was distressed that her new digital thermometer would only display the same numbers with no change. Unsure of how to tell her that she had yet to remove the sticker on the screen, I gladly gave her a refund and sent her on her way.


So I work at Target and today I spotted this and almost yelled. A whole end cap of fidget toys including tangles! As well as koosh balls, thinking putty, and bike chain links!! It’s all for pretty decent prices too! We also have lots and lots of fidget spinners around the store
I live in the us and this stuff is pretty new, so idk about other countries and if it’s at a store near you yet

Day One Hundred And Forty-Three

-Moments before clocking in for my shift, I stopped by the restroom, only to find the sink full of freshly-minted ice cubes. I have no choice but to take this as an omen and run with it, discerning what it foretells as I go.

-A large and lumbering man stopped in the middle of his purchase to ask in a grave voice if I was “much of a movie guy.” I nodded, unwittingly prompting his lengthy diatribe against the new “It” movie, specifically the ending, which I had hoped to experience myself first. He told me that he was deeply shaken by the ending, but could not believe that the studio would pull such a surprising move. I find this hard to swallow myself, as I have little doubt that this man was the character inspiration in the first place.

-I rang up a stack of folders adorned with a gorgeous emblem. Curious what sort of cutesy one-liner these portfolios may be sporting, I took a moment to read what it has to say. Scrawled across the folders in golden, shimmering, cursive curls was the word, “FOLDER.” I have a great appreciation for whoever decided to ensure no miscommunication about what their product was while keeping it as stylish as can be.

-“Get off of that, that’s a trash can,” a woman called out after her son. “Get off of that, too, that is also a trash can.” I was unable to see the boy, but I know him to be a kindred spirit.

-Several loaves of bread have been found hidden throughout the electronics department. The reasons for this are currently unknown, but certainly imperative.

-“Are you Batman?” A boy asked his mother, who shook her head. “Are you Batwoman?” he followed up. She nodded, happily. “For Halloween, you’re going to be dad, and I’m going to be sad.” This child’s brain has been rushing a mile a minute, and I am glad to have hitched a ride along with him.

Day One Hundred and Forty-One

-Just before entering the bathroom, a young boy turned, stared at me, and gave me a brief drum solo on his stomach. Message received, my friend, loud and clear.

-I watched a young girl dance an entrancing combination of disco and Oompa Loompa styles while in line at guest services. Finally, I have witnessed a physical manifestation of my very own soul.

-I sold a man an item marketed as a “performance bath mat,” and I will now be spending the remainder of my days on this earth pondering just what performance he had planned.

-A boy screamed and thrashed to get out of his cart despite his parents firm refusals. As they say, though, stickers soothe the savage breast, and he fell asleep immediately upon receiving one.

-An infant rolled through my lane, each wrist and ankle adorned with flashy yet tasteful charm bracelets. She spent her time kicking and dancing around, making sure to wave her appendages with vigor the likes of a hair metal band, marking her down as my most entertaining and most jangly guest of the night.

-I stuck my tongue out at a crying infant perched upon his father’s shoulder across the store from me. He calmed down instantaneously. Some things in this world never change, and that includes my powers.

-In a moment of silence, I heard a powerful speech flow through the store. Its source could not be found nor, seemingly, stopped. It carried on for several minutes with no hesitation or pausing, never wavering, never faltering. The truth of the moment may never be known, but none present shall ever forget the dramatic reading of Lady Gaga’s “Poker Face” that blessed us this night.

-I was lucky enough to experience the most engaging and thoughtful conversation I’ve had in a long time with a guest tonight. Admittedly, the majority of what she had to say was relayed in gurgles and pops, and she was nine months-old, but I came out of this chat a changed man.

-My new location has lacked something since I arrived, and I have finally been able to put my finger on it: the gaggles of older guests that used to flood my lanes, trying their best. In their place, I now face slews of businesspeople and students, all in too much of a hurry to try st all. Luckily, I have had no shortage of tiny tots and incredible infants gracing my lane. In truth, they are the ones who get me through my shifts, and not a transaction goes by where I do not thank them graciously.

Pink tax spotting tonight.

I always buy men’s shaving cream for shaving my legs. Why? Because a 10oz can of Barbasol is $1.36 at Target and this 7oz, store brand can is over a dollar more.

Why? It’s not any different. Not really. Maybe it smells like flowers or something but I doubt that costs a dollar more for 3 less ounces.

Plus, Barbasol is made in the USA. So everyone wins….except whoever is buying the women’s, store brand cream.


“Reputation will be released on November 10th and is available for pre-order. Swift has partnered with Target to release two 72-page magazines alongside the album that will include "personal poetry and photos, artwork by Taylor, handwritten lyrics, exclusive poster” and photos from the “Look What You Made Me Do” video shoot.“ (Rolling Stone)