envious life

You get that feeling where you love reading romantic stories because they’re so cute and fluffy, but you just hate it so much because you’re so jealous of the couple and bitter about your nonexistent love life?

I tell myself: I am going to die, but this means nothing, since I cannot manage to believe it and I can only experience other people’s death. I have seen people die. Above all, I have seen dogs die. It was touching them that overwhelmed me. Then I think of flowers, smiles, the desire for women, and realize that my whole horror of death lies in my anxiety to live. I am jealous of those who will live and for whom flowers and the desire for women will have their full flesh and blood meaning. I am envious because I love life too much not to be selfish.
—   Albert Camus - The Wind at Djemila
Every day we see or read of appalling things happening in the world as the result of violence. You may say, ‘I can’t do anything about it’, or, 'How can I influence the world?’ I think you can tremendously influence the world if in yourself you are not violent, if you lead actually every day a peaceful life – a life which is not competitive, ambitious, envious – a life which does not create enmity. Small fires can become a blaze.
—  Jiddu Krishnamurti

Objectively the thing that makes me angriest and most envious in life is those pics of high-end well furnished homes where there’s a huge open glass wall and then a single low slung recliner and just a glass of red wine sitting on the stark marble floor. 

For you

Im glad you did all that.
The talent and kindness and love.
My envious life changes it’s cycle.
The Horrible trust bullshit.
I sit here fucking
the energy that’s loving.
you lie to you and always you
It makes you feel.
You come
And I am endless.
you go
And I hurt but
it doesn’t matter.
I’m Always
Here

Sir, try it. Live for one day, one hour, as though you were going to die, actually going to die the next hour. If you knew you were about to die, what would you do? You would gather your family together, put your money, your little property in order, and draw up a will; and then, as death approached, you would have to understand all that you had been. If you were merely frightened because you were dying, you would be dying for nothing; but you would not be frightened if you said, “I have lived a dull, ambitious, envious, stupid life, and now I am going to wipe all that totally from my memory, I am going to forget the past and live in this hour completely.” Sir, if you can live one hour as completely as that, you can live completely for the rest of your life. But to die is hard work - not to die through disease and old age, that is not hard work at all. That is inevitable; it is what we are all going to do, and you cushion yourself against it in innumerable ways. But if you die so that you are living fully in this hour, you will find there is an enormous vitality, a tremendous attention to everything because this is the only hour you are living. You look at this spring of life because you will never see it again; you see the smile, the tears, you feel the earth, you feel the quality of a tree, you feel the love that has no continuity and no object. Then you will find that in this total attention the ‘me’ is not, and that the mind, being empty, can renew itself. Then the mind is fresh, innocent, and such a mind lives eternally beyond time.
—  Jiddu Krishnamurti
Every day we see or read of appalling things happening in the world as the result of violence. You may say, ‘I can’t do anything about it’, or, 'How can I influence the world?’ I think you can tremendously influence the world if in yourself you are not violent, if you lead actually every day a peaceful life – a life which is not competitive, ambitious, envious – a life which does not create enmity. Small fires can become a blaze.
—  J. Krishnamurti
Freedom From the Known