Since my food stamps post about the woman using food stamps while wearing a north face coat is circulating again I thought I’d throw something out there. The other day I was thrift shopping and I found a north face hoodie in my size. I payed 8 dollars for a hoodie that retails for 45-80 dollars. Just goes to show that you absolutely cannot judge someone’s status by what they are wearing. And even if you do go there, being poor does not mean you are undeserving of quality items. If you saved up to buy something nice that’s going to last longer than one of those thin Walmart jackets, you deserve it and that is nobody else’s business.

relationships are not earned

We often think of relationships as things we can - or even have to - earn. 

This causes two major problems:

  1. believing we are entitled to a relationship because we’ve “earned” it
  2. perceiving all rejection as a failure to “earn” someone’s love, attraction, etc.

While healthy relationships do require effort, a relationship is not founded on a list of Good Things You Have Done.

Sure, if you’re a jerk people are less likely to want to be around you, and sure, if you do nice things someone might appreciate them. But it’s not automatic. Do nice things because it’s nice to do nice things. Change hurtful behaviour because it’s good to avoid hurting people. Don’t do that stuff solely because you think it will earn you something.

Relationships are not simple transactions. Even when you are hiring someone, they have the right to decide at any point that the relationship or position you’re offering isn’t right for them - and they might, even if you’ve offered all you can, even if you’ve been nice.

It’s not cut-and dried, it’s not a vending machine. You don’t put good deeds (or money) in and get love (or sex, or friendship) out, and you don’t put bad deeds in and get rejection out. Those are a few ingredients of many; a relationship does not automatically occur or fail in their presence.

People come to relationships with their own sets of needs and desires and abilities; and all those factors interact with the needs, desires, and abilities of the other person or people in the relationship. Sometimes it works out well, sometimes it works out less well. But it’s a lot more complicated than whether or not you “earned” it.

People need to realize that there are differences between men and women and that is okay.

A job that is male-dominated is okay.
That does not stop a female from working there.

A job that is female-dominated is okay.
That does not stop a male from working there.

If a character trait is more common in men, that is okay. That does not mean a woman can’t have that trait.

If a character trait is more common in women, that is okay. That does not mean a man can’t have that trait.

I confront [white guilt] every year, about a month into my course on racism, among [white] students who come to me in tears because they cannot deal with the racism that goes on in their families or their home towns or their student residences. Their tears are the result of genuine anguish, care, and a desire to learn and to change. I confront similar attitudes among my colleagues, and I am similarly gratified by their concern. But those who experience white guilt need to learn three things:

1. People of colour are generally not moved by their tears, and may even see those tears as a self-indulgent expression of white privilege. It is after all a great privilege to be able to express one’s emotion openly and to be confident that one is in a cultural context where one’s feelings will be understood.

2. Guilt is paralysing. It serves no purposes; it does no good. It is not a substitute for activism.

3. White guilt is often patronizing if it leads to pity for those of colour. Pity gets in the way of sincere and meaningful human relationships, and it forestalls the frankness that meaningful relationships demand. White guilt will not change the racialized environment; it will only make the guilty feel better.

—  Audrey Kobayashi, Women of Colour in Canadian Academia
At its most basic level, all of this emotional labour is saying to another human being “you matter. I will take my time to show you that you matter.” And maintaining that glue is something that devolves mainly onto women, 24 hours a day. It feels like most men are taught (ex- or implicitly) to do emotional work only when it gets them something they want now, whereas most women are taught to do emotional work as part of an ongoing exchange that benefits everyone.
It was in a bathtub back in New York, reading Italian words aloud from a dictionary, that I first started mending my soul. My life had gone to bits and I was so unrecognizable to myself that I probably couldn’t have picked me out of a police lineup. But I felt a glimmer of happiness when I started studying Italian, and when you sense a faint potentiality for happiness after such dark times you must grab onto the ankles of that happiness and not let go until it drags you face-first out of the dirt—this is not selfishness, but obligation. You were given life; it is your duty (and also your entitlement as a human being) to find something beautiful within life, no matter how slight.
—  Eat, Pray, Love (Elizabeth Gilbert)

The worst thing about the “friendzone” isn’t that some poor guy didn’t get to have sex with the girl he likes even though he’s such a nice guy, it’s that some poor girl finds out one of her friends was only trying to be close to her with the hopes of getting in her pants. Any idea what that does to someone’s self-worth? Or are you too busy lamenting your unrewarded sense of entitlement? Fight me on this. I’m angry tonight and I will bite your throat out.

When deciding what games to translate in English, I’m sure every otome company takes into account all the 1 star “ENGLISH VERSION PLS AND I’LL RATE 5 STARS” reviews on the Japanese games.

Stop this. You are making the international community look bad.

I just flagged a TON of these on a game I was looking at and if you see them on a Japanese otome game, you should do it too.

I say no to people who prioritize being cool over being good. I say no to misogynists who want to weaponize my body against me. I say no to men who feel entitled to my attention and reverence, who treat everything the light touches as a resource for them to burn. I say no to religious zealots who insist that I am less important than an embryo. I say no to my own instinct to stay quiet. It’s a way of kicking down the boundaries that society has set up for women - be compliant, be a caregiver, be quiet — and erecting my own. I will do this; I will not do that. You believe in my subjugation; I don’t have to be nice to you. I am busy. My time is not a public commodity
—  Lindy West, Shrill: Notes from a Loud Woman