enter it guys!

I decimated this village days ago! Just for you…

If you are or know anyone who is at an airport:

DO NOT GIVE UP YOUR GREENCARD OR OTHER PAPERS! YOU WILL NOT HAVE THE RIGHT TO DEMAND THEM BACK.

DO NOT SIGN FORM I-407! YOU WOULD BE WILLINGLY ABANDONING YOUR PERMANENT RESIDENCY STATUS.

TRUST NO IMMIGRATION OFFICER OR ENFORCER.


ACLU HAS SENT OUT LAWYERS. MAKE SURE YOU GET ONE.

Please protect yourself.

EDIT: Also, if you’re a green card resident who is a citizen of or from IRAN, IRAQ, LIBYA, SOMALIA, SUDAN, SYRIA, OR YEMEN:

Please make sure you DO NOT LEAVE THE UNITED STATES UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. YOU WILL NOT BE PERMITTED TO RE-ENTER THE COUNTRY.

  • Jonathan: Mike.
  • Mike: Yeah, what is it?
  • Jonathan: Can I tell you a secret?
  • Mike: Go ahead.
  • Jonathan: I'm dating your sister.
  • Mike (sarcastic): Wow, I totally did not know that.
  • Jonathan: Let's just keep this between us-
  • Hopper (joining conversation): Jonathan, can I tell you a secret?
  • Jonathan: Uh...sure Chief, go ahead.
  • Hopper: I'm dating your mom.
  • Jonathan and Mike (sarcastic): Whoa, that's shocking as hell!
  • Mike: Since we're all telling secrets, can I tell one of my own?
  • Hopper: What is it?
  • Mike (to Hopper): I'm dating your daughter.
  • Hopper: Hold the fuck on, you're what now?!
  • Mike (scared): ...are you being sarcastic? Come on, this is the part where you say you didn't know in a sarcastic tone.
  • Steve (enters room): Guys, I HAVE A SECRET TO SHARE!
  • Jonathan, Mike, and Hopper: What?!
  • Steve: I'M DATING KALI.
  • Mike: ...that's the first legitimate secret that I didn't know about. I did not see that coming.
  • Jonathan: Who the fuck is Kali?!
In which we go to rescue the rogue's long lost girlfiend...

DM: You guys enter the back room to the warehouse filled with corpses and find a strange lab. Upon the center table is Maldrich’s (Rogue) missing girlfriend. She is currently in a cycle of waking up, screaming, and passing out again.

Rogue: I run up to her and try to snap her out of it.

DM: She shows no response to outside stimuli.

Cleric: I try and identify whats wrong with her.

(Rolls 18)

DM: You determine that she isn’t passing out but dying and reviving constantly. You cannot figure out the spell that is causing this as it seems to be an amalgamation of spells. Needless to say, she is in a unbearable amount of pain as she basically suffers massive organ failure without pause.

Rogue: Oh my god is there anything I can do?!

Cleric: Let me try. I use dispel on her.

DM: Okay roll.

(Rolls 1)

Cleric: Oops…

DM: She blows up.

Rogue: WHAT THE FUCK?

Cleric: That wasn’t supposed to happen…

Rogue: What kinda fumble chart do you use that ends with my girlfriend blowing up?!

DM (laughing): Well, uh, mine.

Fighter (to rogue): Shit man that sucks, I’m sorry. You’re girlfriend was like…a real bombshell…

Rogue: DO NOT.

Things Said In My Household but with Fairy Tail Pt.5
  • Erza: Movie time!!
  • Natsu: *groan*
  • Gajeel: What movie are we watching?
  • Erza: well, It's about you, Gray, and Natsu.
  • Gray: There's a movie about us?
  • Erza: *inserts The Three Stooges*
  • __
  • Wendy: Gajeel sing! :D
  • Natsu: Wendy No.
  • Gray: oh god no.
  • Gajeel: Well *fixes imaginary tie* if you insist
  • Gajeel: *opens mouth*
  • Wendy: You can stop now.
  • ___
  • Natsu: Guys..
  • Gray: What is it this time?
  • Natsu: Lucy's mad at me.
  • Gajeel: oh jeez what did you do this time?
  • Natsu: I DONT KNOW. WE WERE AT THE MALL AND EATING AND SAID HOW SHE LIKED TO EAT A LOT AND--
  • Gajeel: stop. you gone and fuck up right there.
  • _____
  • Gajeel: *singing in the shower*
  • Gray: wait a minute i recognize that song anywhere...
  • Gajeel: BABY YOU LIGHT UP MY WORLD LIKE NOBODY ELSE.
  • Gray: ...
  • ____
  • *It Was The Annual Spring Cleaning*
  • *Insert novela tv opening*
  • Gray: *dancing with the broom* mi corazon.
  • Gajeel: *laughing his ass out*
  • Natsu: He's not gay. He's not gay. He's.. so fucking gay
  • ____
  • Levy: Hey Gajeel.
  • Gajeel: Yeah?
  • Levy: Have i ever said how calm your family is?
  • Gajeel: No?
  • Levy: Good because then I'd lying.
  • *insert yelling about poptarts downstairs*
  • ____
  • *At The Park*
  • Natsu: It's so normal..
  • Gray: Yup. *eats an ice cream*
  • Gajeel: *puts his cat on the swings and swings Lily*
  • Natsu&Gray: .....
  • Natsu: Nevermind.
  • ____
  • *After The Park Going Home*
  • Gajeel: WHAT DO YOU MEAN? OF COURSE IT'S NORMAL TO SWING A CAT ON A SWING.
  • Natsu: *rolls his eyes*
  • Gray: Alright if you say so.
  • *They get off and enter the house *
  • Erza: Hey guys welcome back.
  • Erza: .
  • Erza: Where's Wendy?
  • AllThree: HOLY SHIT.
  • ___
  • Wendy: *sits on the swing*
  • Woman: where's your parents?
  • Wendy: Probably just remembering about my existence . *smiles and swings*
  • Woman: *walks away quickly*
  • Wendy: *continues swinging*
  • ___
  • Gray: IM HOME! *enters the house only to hear giggling*
  • Erza: And this is Gray when he was only 2. His ass is probably still the same color.
  • Juvia: *giggling*
  • Gray: erza why..
  • Erza: Oh hey Gray. Just showing Juvia your baby pictures.
  • Gray: ...erza why..
  • ___
  • Erza: GUYS GUESS WHAT!
  • Gajeel: What?
  • Erza: IM GOING ON A SECOND DATE WITH JELLAL.
  • Natsu: Really? Thats great! Someone actually likes you!
  • Gray: ohhhhhh burn!
  • Erza: *goes into the kitchen*
  • Gray: what is she..
  • Erza: *comes back outside eating the last poptart*
  • Natsu: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
  • Gray: NO WHY.
  • Gajeel: beyond cruel..
  • ____
  • Lucy: Hey Gray.
  • Gray: Hey sister in law
  • Lucy: S-sister in law?!
  • Gray: Wait natsu hasnt asked? Oh nvm forget what i said.
  • Lucy: WHAT?!
  • ___
  • Natsu: GRAY, WHAT DID YOU TELL LUCY.
  • Gray: IT WAS GAJEELS IDEA
  • ___
  • Gajeel: *screaming* THERE'S A FUCKING SPIDER ON THE WALL.
  • Gray: AW HELL NO *runs out the house*
  • Natsu: NO NO NO NOPE. *walks the opposite direction*
  • Gajeel: SOMEONE HAS TO FUCKING KILL IT.
  • Wendy: *puts a cup over it with paper under* Loooooooook gajeel. *gets closer*
  • Gajeel: NO GET RID OF IT. *defending self with a pillow*
  • Erza: Oh my fucking god, it's just a fucking spider.
  • _____
  • Gajeel: I cant believe you actually let her keep the damn spider.
  • Wendy: *in the backround smiling*
  • Natsu: Erza, It's either us or the spider.
  • Erza: Spider.
  • Gray: erza think about what you're doing.
  • Erza: spider.
  • Gajeel: fuCK.
  • ___
  • Wendy: Guys i lost the spider...
  • Gray: well lets find it so i can kill it.
  • Wendy: T-T
  • Gray: *spider on his back*
  • Wendy: uh..
  • Gray: well dont just stand there.
  • Wendy: But the--
  • Gray: WENDY, what can possible be the matter?
  • Natsu: DONT WORRY GRAY ILL SAVE YOU *comes from behind with a frying pan*
  • ___
  • Part 6? : D
  • <strike> did i forget to mention the spider's name was Clarence? </strike>

Say It (Jungkook/Reader)

Originally posted by sugutie

Genre: Smut - Inspired by a fic written by Admin JP + Say It by Tory Lanez.

Words: 7.2K+

Author: Admin Kaycie

Summary: Honesty was a trait you had always prided yourself in being strong in possession of, something your friends and fans all admired you for; so the day you announced you did not like Jeon Jungkook, they knew your words were true.

Tags: Dance room rendezvous, slow and sensual sex against the dance studio mirror wall, etc. 


Keep reading

fun sparta fact of today

in case you thought sparta had no flair for the dramatic, keep in mind they were banned from the olympics in 420 for political reasons… but some guy entered his four horse chariot anyway under an assumed name and then made a big show of throwing off his disguise when he won and claimed his prize as a spartan

then the judges disqualified him and also had him whipped which is one exception to the rule that corporal punishment is for slaves only

Cool things from seeing the Great Comet live (in no particular order)

SPOILER WARNING!!
Also this is based off my personal experience, so it may be different for others!

—–

-walking through the theatre onto the stage
-old Russian war songs like ‘katyusha’ being played over the speakers before the show and during intermission
-the air raid sirens to tell people the show’s starting
-In the opera how Natasha being in 'a state of intoxication’ involves her seeing Andrey being killed by enemy soldiers
-LUCAS STEELE’S HIGH NOTES
-Dolokhov’s boot strap things that go up his legs
-THE ENSEMBLE
-Balaga being so utterly chaotic
-Anatole’s narcissism
-The whole theatre having a blast during the abduction while violently shaking their egg shakers
-the dumplings
-pages of war and peace being flung at you
-Dolokhov spitting all over Anatole’s face during Preparations
-the costume design
-Anatole flirting with audience members
-Anatole holding the 'WOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAHHHHH’ in the abduction for like thirty seconds
-Anatole being drunk basically the entire show
-Anatole
-Hélène’s look of terror when the elopement fails
-MARYA D.
-prince bolkonsky greeting Natasha in his undergarments
-Paul Pinto as the servant during the private and intimate life of the house
-prince bolkonsky hitting his powdered wig and powder flies out
-the opera singers
-Everyone wearing golden bear heads while dancing (I believe during the ball)
-every single one of marya’s entrances
-HÉLÈNE.
-Dolokhov skipping along the stage while screaming at Anatole
-Hélène and Dolokhov getting touchy feely right in front of Pierre
-Pierre basically just being in His study the entire show
-The whole cast running around the entire theatre, including up in the mezzanine
-“TIME FOR CHURCH”
-did i ever mention anatole
-Denee’s childlike innocence as natasha
-Andrey appearing in Natasha’s memories and she always reaches for him as he runs away
-The strobe lights during the duel
-Pierre standing completely still to let Dolokhov shoot at him
-Pierre hunching over before realizing he wasn’t hit
-The costume/prop design during the duel
-some ensemble members being paired with partners of the same sex while dancing
-Natasha poisoning herself with the super electric part of Pierre and Anatole
-Anatole’s green coat (not purple anymore) during the abduction
-Anatole not letting Natasha leave during the ball and they end up kissing
-The audience needing to pass Anatole’s love letter to natasha
-SONYA.
-Sonya taking Natasha’s letter out of her sleeping hand before reading it
-Anatole striking poses when he enters during the opera
-the guy who plays the announcer at the opera/the guy who gives Pierre Marya’s letter is so good
-“what…. whaT…. wHAt…. WHA T?!”
-THE BAND/ORCHESTRA
-the moments that rely on audience participation
-people with eggshakers accidentally moving during a quiet song (myself included)
-Natasha and Sonya’s reactions to the opera
-Pierre basically saying “fuck you” to Napoleon

Mike Wheeler || Dungeons & Dragons

A/N: This is my first Stranger Things imagine! I am now accepting Stranger Things request so feel free to send them in and I hope everyone enjoys!

“What the hell are they doing?” Nancy muttered out angrily as she slammed her book on the bed. Loud slams of doors, yells, and stomping of feet came from the room below Nancy’s, signaling that her brother and his friends were home. “When you were Mike’s age, we were just as bad.” Her eyes rolled at that, “ok, but not all the time like they are. Plus, you’re a only a year older than them and you’re not as rambunctious as they are.”

“That’s because I hang out with an older crowd, Nancy, skipping grades does that. I’ve always had you and Barb as friends,” both of your faces fell at the mention of Barb’s name. It was always hard to talk about her, especially once you learned the truth of what happened to her. You quickly moved to change the subject off of late your friend, “I mean, the only time I interact with kids my age is when your brother and his friends are here.” You teased as you uncrossed your legs, “they are just having fun. I mean, we are all really mature for our age.”

Nancy rolled her eyes, “you’re just saying that because you like Mike… which is still gross by the way.” You scoffed, “you’re just biased since he’s your brother.”

Silence fell over the two of you as you both turned your attention turned back to your books to jot down notes, “plus, Nancy,” she shifted her gaze to you, your eyes never left your book, “there’s nothing saying he likes me, so no need to worry.”

Nancy shook her head with a smirk, “whatever you say, Y/N.” Before you could get your teasing remark out, a knock at the door cut you off as the both of you turned to look, “yeah?”

The door opened and Mike’s head peeked in, “just wanted to let you know that we have pizza downstairs… if you want any.” His eyes darted around the room nervously, “no-“

“Sure, thanks Mike!” You cut Nancy off, she shot you a glare, “I’m not turning down free pizza, Nance, and a break would be nice. Lighten up, I’ll bring you a piece.” You quickly climbed off the bed and Mike opened the door up for you before he followed you downstairs.

“So, are you two studying for a test?” Mike started as he walked beside you down the stairs, “yeah, it’s for chemistry tomorrow.” You shot the other boys a smile as you entered the dining room, “hey, guys!”

“Hey, Y/N!” Despite how Nancy held the ‘I’m the big sister, don’t talk to me,’ phase, you would talk to the boys whenever you saw them. It just did not seem right to treat them as if they were below you since you skipped grades, “what are you guys up to?”

“Getting ready for another campaign,” Dustin’s voice was muffled from the pizza as he grinned at you. “Dungeons and Dragons.” Lucas illiterates for you, his shook his head at Dustin, “mouth closed, dude.”

“You can join, if you want.” Mike spoke up, his face lit up with a smile, “wish I could, but I’m studying with Nance.” His face dropped at that, “but I’ll definitely come down after and watch.”

A smile rose back to his face and he shifted his weight, “Sounds-sounds great.”

With a smile, you grabbed two slices of pizza, “thanks for the pizza, Mike. I’ll see you guys in a few!” You gave a soft wave as you made your way upstairs, “dude, your whipped as shit,” Dustin’s voice broke through before you could close the door, your cheeks burned and Nancy raised an eyebrow, “what happened down there?”

You placed her slice of pizza in front of her as you sat down and crossed your legs Indian style, “nothing. The boys just asked if I wanted to join them for a game after we finished studying.”

Nancy hummed as she took a bite of her pizza, “are you going to?” With a slight nod, you opened your book, lightly chewing, “yeah, probably.”

“If Dustin thinks Mike’s whipped, he should see you.” Her tone was teasing, your eyes snapped up, “oh, my God. Nancy stop.” She laughed as your blush returned, “what? It’s so true!”

With a huff, you threw yourself back on the bed as you stared up at the ceiling, “you’re never going to let this go.”

“Probably not.” She had a grin on her face as she the two of you finished up the chapter. Stretching your back, you lifted your hands over your head, “you should come with, the boys aren’t that bad.”

The phone ringing cut off her answer, “I’m good, thanks though.”

She answered the phone and her face immediately lit up, quickly you gathered your books and shot her a look, “see you tomorrow, Nance!”

“See you tomorrow!” As you were closing the door she called out, “hey, remember we are meeting before school to study!”

“I got it, I got it.” You laughed as you closed the door and made your way downstairs, “hey, Mrs. Wheeler. Hey, Holly.” You grinned as you passed by and waved at Holly, “hey, Y/N. Are you two already finished studying?”

“We are, but we are going to meet in the morning and go over anything we may have missed.”

You held a short conversation with Mrs. Wheeler before you excused yourself to the basement. You could hear the boys talking excitedly about the game. “Y/N, your done sooner than expected.” Will’s voice made everyone turn to the stairs as you hopped off the last step and sat next to Mike, “yeah, we figured we’d call it a night.”

“I heard the phone ring, I bet it’s Steve.” Lucas teased as he elbowed Dustin.

“Do you want to join?” Will turned his attention back to you, “no, I’m just going to watch. I don’t really know how to play.”

“You can help me,” Mike shot you a smile and pushed the book he was holding towards you and you grabbed the edge of the book. His shoulder pressed against yours and his free hand followed the words as he read out loud. You watched the emotion his face held and listened to the excitement in his voice as he read. Every once in a while, Mike’s eyes would land on you and he would give you a smile and you could feel his leg bounce against yours.

After a few hours the game came to an end, “man, we better go.” Lucas said as he glanced at his watch. Will and Dustin silently agreed as they packed up the game then their belongings, “see ya tomorrow, Mike. See ya later, Y/N.” They called as they climbed on their bikes and took off. You made your way to your bike and picked it up as you turned back to Mike, “thank you for inviting me to watch the game. I had fun.”

“No problem, maybe next time we can teach you a little more so you can play.” Mike rubbed the back of his neck, “sounds great.” You smiled softly, “I, uh, I better go. I’ll see you later, Mike.”

You pushed off and rode to the end of the driveway, “wait!” You turned to see Mike running up to you, “if you want, we are meeting up after school at the arcade, if you wanna come.”

You leaned forward and pressed a kiss against his cheek, “I’ll be sure to swing by.” He blushed, his eyes watching as you rode off with a goodbye loud enough for him to hear. Tonight had been a fortunate turn of events.

southern hospitality

bitty has outgrown this place, and the people in it.

tw: homophobic language/slurs

word count: 1800

for @stitchedopen, 3rd place winner in my fic giveaway! i hope you like it!


The clinking of Jack’s fork against his plate as he sets it down is very unnerving. It’s not the only sound in the room but it’s by far the loudest, to him at least. Even louder than Suzanne’s pleasant babbling (no wonder where Bitty gets it from) and the gentle lull of music being played on a radio somewhere in another room. Probably the kitchen, where Bitty’s finishing up supper.

There’s a shuffling around the corner and Coach becomes visible as he nears the bottom of the staircase. “Jack,” he mumbles gruffly in greeting, giving him a nod and sitting at the head of the table.

“Hello, Mr. Bittle,” Jack replies, smiling a little. “How’s the season going? Still the reigning champs of Morgan County?” If there’s one thing Jack knows he can get Coach to talk about, it’s football. It might be a much different sport than hockey, Jack surmises, but the passion they share for their sports is more than enough for them to hold a conversation.

“Oh, they lost their first game of the season last week. Nevin’s got an injury and we had to switch around the lineups– you remember, Nevin, receiver, curly hair, he’s in the team picture in the living room– anyway, I’m sure it hurt their chemistry.” Coach would talk strategy with Jack for hours, if it was up to him, but Eric is coming into the dining room now. He’s got on yellow oven mitts with tiny white flowers, and he’s holding a tray with a roast and some vegetables.

“The meat’s a little dry, Lord help me, I should stick to baking,” Eric laughs, setting the tray down on the table. “But all the vegetables should be good and I’ve got some pumpkin muffins with a fantastic cream cheese frosting waiting for us in the kitchen.” Everyone starts to serve themselves. The meat’s not dry at all, but Jack keeps that to himself. Sometimes Bitty needs little things to dwell on, to keep himself busy so he’s not worrying so much about the big stuff. Jack knows that.

“So,” Suzanne starts after a minute, and Jack can tell that this is going to be a long one. He glances up at her, a signal that he’s listening. “The Gardeners are having a potluck this Friday, and they sent us an invitation.”

Bitty nearly drops his fork. “The Gardeners?” he hisses. “As in, Melissa and Kyle?”

“Those Gardeners,” Suzanne replies smugly. Jack and Coach exchange a look, humor gleaming in both of their eyes. The drama is about to unfold, they can tell. “What right do they think they’ve got, inviting us to their potluck after what happened at ours?”

Bitty turns to Jack, waving his hands as he speaks. “Two summers ago, we held a potluck here for the neighborhood, and when the Gardeners showed up, Kyle was drunk as a skunk and knocked over our entire dessert table. The whole thing! It was all ruined! And it would have been okay, but they didn’t even bring anything to the potluck in the first place, and they never apologized, and oh, it was such a mess, everyone tried to act like it wasn’t a big deal but darlin’ you should’ve seen the look on Moomaw’s face, I swear she was on the verge of a heart attack.” He shifts abruptly back toward Suzanne. “Mama, we’ve got to go.”

“Oh, I know that, of course we do. Dicky, what you’ve gotta do is bake the best pie those folks have ever tasted, let them know exactly what they were destroying when they had the nerve-”

Jack hums quietly, making a mental note. Potluck on Friday. Prepare for a spectacle.

-

Bitty’s fingers press against Jack’s neck as he helps him straighten his collar. Jack doesn’t really need the help, he supposes, but the contact is welcome, brief but full of warmth, not the kind of affection Jack usually gets when they’re with Bitty’s parents. They’ve been trying really hard, Jack can tell, and Bitty has too. But he understands why Eric sometimes has trouble being soft with Jack around Suzanne and Coach.

“Don’t you just look dashing,” Bitty says with a smile, placing his hand flat on Jack’s chest.

“Only because you picked my outfit,” Jack laughs. Bitty laughs with him, nodding in agreement. He’s got little crinkles at the edges of his eyes when he laughs, and Jack rubs his thumb over them, absent minded.

“You ready, Dicky?” Suzanne calls from the kitchen. The noises of the coffee pot stop and Jack can hear her pouring herself a cup.

“All ready!” Bits yells back. He reaches up his hand and squeezes Jack’s wrist before whirling around into the kitchen. Jack watches Bitty’s hips swing as he leaves, his jeans a little tighter than usual since he’s outgrown some of the clothes that he left here during the school year, and wonders if wore them on purpose.

-

The potluck is bustling. There are people of all ages, from the tiny toddlers playing in the Slip ‘N Slide far left in the back yard to the old ladies knitting underneath the sugar maple next to the house in a comically stereotypical manner. Jack opens Eric’s door for him not out of chivalry but out of necessity– when he emerges from the car, his arms are full of tupperware containers.

“Let me take some, bud” Jack offers, but Bitty shakes his head.

“I’ve got to bring them over myself.”

-

“This one’s cherry with a lattice crust,” Eric is explaining as he removes the lid from the nearest tupperware container. The egregious Melissa Gardener turns out to be a petite brunette with a smattering of freckles across her upturned nose. “And this one’s pumpkin, I know it’s not really the season but I had some materials left over from the muffins I made the other night and I’m sure it’ll be just delightful, I made the whipped cream myself– now, they’re all desserts. I was sure you’d need some.”

Jack stifles a laugh. The bite in Bitty’s voice is unmistakable. “Where should I set them?” Eric asks, still sweet as sugar but with a lilt that suggests this isn’t an innocent question. “This table seems a little… unsteady. I wouldn’t want them to fall, heaven forbid.”

“This table’s fine,” Melissa ensures him, smiling. “Thank you so much for the contributions.”

“It’s nothing at all.”

They burst out laughing as soon as she leaves, Bitty collapsing into Jack’s chest. Jack’s arms come around him automatically and squeeze. “Bits, that was cold.”

“Really? Here I was, thinking I was being so courteous.”

They stay in the embrace for a few more seconds before Bitty shifts away from Jack. It’s subtle, but Jack understands. He squeezes Bitty’s shoulder and then takes a step away. Bitty’s out to everyone who matters, but some people don’t know. And some still have their prejudices.

“Bits, where’s the bathroom?” Jack asks. The noise is already getting to him. He knows he’s got a while of this to go, and he’s sure he’ll be fine, but he just needs a minute to adjust. Eric points him in the right direction, then goes back to arranging the pies on the table.

“Eric!” Bitty whips around. It’s a tall guy with acne scars in a red polo shirt. Bitty looks up, his face ghostly stricken for a second, then paints a big smile on.

“Hey, Todd,” he replies as the guy moves closer. “How have you been.”

“I’ve been fine, thanks,” Todd says. Eric tugs on the bottom of his shirt and glances over at Jack, entering the house. “Who’s the guy?” Todd asks, nodding toward him.

“Jack,” Eric says. “My… my boyfriend.”

Todd smiles. He turns his gaze to Bitty. “I’ve gotta say, Eric, I’m impressed! I expected you to come home with some twinky faggot in a pink H&M scarf.”

Eric inhales sharply. “Go away,” he says quietly, looking at his shoes. “My love life is none of your business.”

“We all knew you were a homo, Bittle, I guess it’s just a little surprising that you’re still showing your face around here. Are you queers ever gonna stop shoving your agenda in our faces? Huh? Go back to Samwell, eh?” He’s inching closer now, and Eric’s cheeks are flaming red.

“Go fuck yourself,” Eric mutters, turning his back. He unstacks a tin of macadamia nut cookies from his lemon meringue, and opens it. His hands are shaking as he spreads them out artfully.

Todd ignores his response, instead reaching over Bitty and sweeping up several cookies. “Don’t mind if I do,” he says as he stuffs one in his mouth. “Mmm,” he replies, smirking. “They’re a little bit… fruity, don’t you think?”

“That’s not even funny,” Eric rolls his eyes. “Get the hell away from me.”

“And if I don’t?”

There’s a hand on the back of Bitty’s neck and he’s flinching, he’s freezing, he can’t move he can’t breathe–

“If you don’t,” Jack whispers, his voice robotic and cold. “I’ll beat the shit out of you, and you can crawl home to your mother and tell her you got your ass handed to you by a faggot. Does that sound like a good enough reason to stop?”

Todd takes a step back. “Don’t you fucking touch me,” he hisses at Jack. “You’re not from around here, are you? You don’t know who my dad is, do you?”

“Let me guess. Mayor of some town I’ve never heard of? Principal of the local high school? Do you know who my father is, noune?” Jack puffs up his shoulders. “Because I can guaran-fucking-tee that my dad is a hell of a lot worse to mess with than yours. So you might just wanna step off.”

“Whatever. I shouldn’t be talking to y’all anyway. Just in case it’s contagious, you know?” Todd smirks.

“I’m going to fucking kill you,” Jack says, still matter of fact, balling his fists and lunging toward Todd. Todd flinches, but the blow doesn’t come. Bitty’s caught the back of Jack’s t-shirt in his hand.

“Jack, honey, it’s okay. I can handle it.”

Todd laughs.

“But this– this asshole–”

“Trust me, sweetpea, I’ve got this.” Eric smiles.

“Yeah, you’re sure gonna take care of me, Bittle, what can you weigh, a hundred and ten? I bet you couldn’t even–”

Splat.

“Pity,” Eric says sweetly as the pie tin slides down Todd’s face, then down his shirt, coating him in cherry filling. “That lattice crust was gorgeous.”

“You– you–” Todd splutters, wiping cherry crud out of his eyes, but Bitty and Jack are already walking away.

“Enjoy the snacks, Melissa,” Eric calls over his shoulder as they make their way to the car. “We’re gonna head out.”

1k celebration!

hey guys! I know I haven’t hit 1k yet, but it’s within reach, and because of that, I’m going to be doing something extra special! I have decided to do a “giveaway sweepstakes” of sorts, so here’s the gist of it: I have multiple prizes for you guys to win, and I will pick a 25 lucky winners (completely by random chance) for each prize!

to enter you all you have to do is

  • be following me
  • reblog this post

and that’s it!

I will randomly select winners for each prize listed below!

a personalized multi-part fic with the character of your choice (one winner)

a ship + headcanon/imagine + moodboard (three winners)

a personalized imagine with the character of your choice (five winners)

a ship + headcanon/imagine (six winners)

a ship + moodboard (ten winners)

tags to gain attention below the cut

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Crossed Wires (Cole Sprouse x Reader)

“Maybe something like you really like Cole but you think he likes Lili and he thinks you like KJ and he gets super jealous and idk then somehow he confesses his feelings hehe xx” –Anonymous

Imagine: Ever since being hired to work on the cast of Riverdale you’ve had more than professional feelings for your co-star, Cole Sprouse. His on-screen and potentially off-screen romance with Lili Reinhart complicates things, and you find solace in your friendship with KJ Apa. In the end, everyone’s wires get crossed.


You watched your coworkers Lili and Cole as they did the latest interview in promotion of Riverdale Season 2. The interviewers teased Lili incessantly about “Bughead” and the makeout scene from the Season 1 finale. Cole joined in on the teasing, laughing all the while. Lili blushed, embarrassed.

You leaned against the wall of the viewing gallery, arms crossed. Your eyes narrowed at the interaction.

“Whoa there, Serpent girl,” KJ joked, leaning up next to you. “Getting into your role a little too much?”

Little did the interviewers know that the girl watching from afar was going to be the newest upcoming star in Riverdale as the female South Side Serpent counterpart to Jughead, and Betty’s rival as his love interest. While you were ordered to keep mum on the part until your big reveal, your agent asked that you shadow the others as they interviewed so that you could prepare for the fame that would come with your first big acting gig.

You turned to him, grinning good-naturedly. “Just learning from the best.”

Cole put an arm around Lili and your expression soured. KJ laughed, and you glared at him, hoping the noise didn’t interrupt the recording.

“Would you like to learn from someone in particular?” KJ asked, waggling his eyebrows suggestively.

Your face reddened. Part of your preparation for the role included doing a lot of one-on-one character training with Cole to build your chemistry. Cole’s idea of “character training” was not reading lines but instead spending inordinate amounts of time together going on walks, eating out, and other discrete adventures. To make things worse, his sincere blue eyes made your heart jump a little bit more than you’d like to admit.

You knew Cole and Lili were close long before you’d met him. You knew they were “couple goals” on his Snapchat and their relationship on the show was the biggest ship on teenage-targeted television. It didn’t mean you have to like it.

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