Part of living in reality - fun, compassionate, stable reality - means giving up passion. Because true passion is madness, a thing that makes you crave the taste of blood, spend all night tangled up in sweat & waking dreams, experience every sensation, every sadness, every song as a shuddering, beautiful symphony, a wild and fleeting dance with a star. It is beautiful and addictive and exciting, and it means you spend the rest of your moments in misery.
I don’t want that, the misery it brings. I just want the sweet, sticky sadness, the enveloping joy, the consuming romance and the complete and utter lust for dreams.
To talk to someone. To really, truly get to know them. To be shown, fully and unabashedly, exactly what is going on inside of someone else. It doesn’t matter if it is slow and gentle or sudden and sharp as an epiphany. I want to know someone, intensely, lovingly, and I want to talk.
Romantics believe you can regain the lost ideal love or perfect
state by finding the love or situation that is unique, special and
fulfilling. Consequently, Romantics are idealistic, deeply feeling,
empathetic and authentic; they also can be dramatic, moody and sometimes
Focus of attention - What is missing
Life lesson - To reclaim wholeness in the present moment by appreciating what is
here and now, feeling the experience in their bodies rather than
over-indulging in the story of what’s happening, and accepting yourself
as you are without needing to be special or unique
Speaking style - Fours are expressive of feelings, personal, self-focused and have a
flair for originality. Others may perceive Fours as overly expressive,
unsatisfied with responses and emotionally intense.
What Type Fours tell us about themselves
I long for what’s missing, distant or unattainable – the ordinary pales in comparison.
My deep sense of abandonment translates into a belief that I will never be fulfilled.
I envy and idealize what others have that I don’t.
Authenticity and meaningful experiences are essential to me.
My suffering sets me apart from others.
Relating to Fours
Appreciate their emotional sensitivity, creativity and idealism.
Reveal your own feelings and reactions; avoid being overly rational.
When they are upset, don’t take everything they say too literally since they may be expressing a momentary feeling.
Return to the present and be positive while acknowledging their experience of what is missing.
Seek to understand and empathize without necessarily agreeing.
Psychology Fours often experience a sense of longing, melancholy or envy for what’s
missing. They seek meaning and depth in relationships, work, or their
quest for personal creativity. Many are artists who excel at expressing
universal human emotions. While they are good at creating an image, it’s
most important for them to be authentic. Individualists at heart, Fours
need time alone. To heal and grow, they must balance sadness with the
capacity for happiness and satisfaction.
Basic proposition - You will feel loved, whole and complete if you can find the ideal love or perfect circumstance.
Strengths - Creative, empathetic, idealistic, capable of emotional depth, compassion
Challenges - Moody, withdrawn, self-absorbed, over-sensitive, demanding, unsatisfied with what is
Defense mechanism Introjection – unconsciously incorporating the characteristics of a person or object into one’s own psyche
Fours use introjection to avoid ordinariness and maintain a
self-image of being authentic. Positive introjection helps overcome
feelings of deficiency by seeking value from an idealized relationship
or experience. Using negative introjection, Fours tend to blame
themselves for whatever goes wrong in personal connections.
Awareness practice Observe your habit of mind or focus of attention with as
little judgment as possible. Ask yourself the following questions, while
noticing your feelings and how your body responds:
How have I focused my attention and energy on what was missing?
In what ways do I experience a sense of longing or envy?
How have I diminished or disdained the ordinary or mundane?
Do I feel pride in being special or unique, or feel shame in being less than my ideal?
In what ways have I felt misunderstood?
Spirituality Type Four’s journey is to realize that being whole and complete
comes with acceptance and appreciation of what is here now, in the
present moment – from the inside out, not from the outside in.
Disappointments are part of the fabric of life, not an indication of
deficiency of being.
The aspect of awareness called the Inner Observer allows us to
witness the internal patterns that drive outer behavior. The practice
consists of focusing inwardly and becoming aware of the thoughts,
sensations and other objects of attention that arise within us. As we
become more present, our type patterns begin to relax and receptivity
For Fours, take a moment to reflect on the following principles:
Wholeness already exists, here in the present moment.
Emotional intensity isn’t necessary for emotional fulfillment.
One’s value is inherent – it does not come from being special.
When we focus on what’s missing, we miss out on appreciating what we have.
Cultivating the happiness of others helps us overcome envy and longing.
Somatics As feeling types, Fours have an intense emotional life, which
can lead to big ups and downs. They alternate between striving to win
recognition from others and going deeply into their interior worlds. As
romantic idealists, they seek a personal and meaningful connection to
their work and others. But when things do not measure up, they easily
become disappointed and tend to withdraw. On the other hand, when they
are excited, anxious or full of feelings, they tend to “spill out” into
If you are a Four…
Your task is to establish balance with your emotions and
your relationships, and to notice when you are amplifying your emotion
with provocative or dramatic narratives. A focus on calm, steady
breathing and listening to your body will help connect you to the
vitality of your instincts. Expressive activities – dancing, singing,
art, etc. – channel emotional energy while helping you stay grounded in