enis del mar

2

You want to know how I got these scars? I had a boyfriend once, who consistently urged me to smile more. One night, we were walking home across a bridge and a pickup truck pulled up next to us. Three red necks jumped out, yelling “Faggots” just before they proceeded to beat us. The three then lifted my boyfriend up and threw him over the bridge. I heard his scream cut short as his body hit the rocks far below. As I screamed for help, one of them hit me over the head with a crowbar, leaving me lying in a pool of my own blood. To this day, I can still hear their laughter burning into me as they walked away. Now I see the funny side. Now I’m always smiling……

Do you know this feeling: You watched a really sad film or read a really sad book and you really want to cry but you just can’t.

I hate it. I’m a person who can’t cry in public and that’s okay. But I hate it when I’m alone and want to cry and it won’t work. That suck. 

It’s like you’re caught in a room with all the emotion and you can’t escape because the door is closed.


Bye the way. Why am I posting this?

I just finished watching Brokeback Mountain once more. I always watch the first hour just for fun. The next one because I can’t stop starring at the screen. An the last minutes I feel this deep sadness. Damn it.
But this is a film which gets better and better every time I watch it.