engrained

Unlearning problematic things takes time. So much is ingrained in us that we’re completely unaware of. Personal growth is a lengthy process that doesn’t have a defined end date. You’re not going to wake up and be “perfectly conscious” and never screw up. Every day you have to work at your consciousness. So try not to be so hard on yourself. When someone calls you out, try to remember that it’s ultimately for your benefit. Even though the experience can be embarrassing and painful. That person believes you can do better and you can. It’s not easy by a long shot, but it’s worth it.

I guess I should’ve learned a long time ago how to recognize unhealthy relationships before they really start to mess you up.

It’s all the things you’ve heard from your parents when you were young: people who mistreat you don’t deserve your love, you have no obligation to anyone who tries to buy your affection, your worth is so much more than anyone who tries to place a value on your body. Phrases engrained in your mind but somehow they go mute when you find yourself giving that one person just one more chance because you really believe in them, because they can change, you can help them do it.

When they buy you flowers, or take you out somewhere nice instead of saying sorry for that other night, instead of starting to listen to you when you talk, instead of actually answering your texts when you try and ask them about their day. That’s when you should realize that a relationship is not a membership someone needs to subscribe and write checks out to. It’s never IOU’s attached to broken hearts and tear stained pillows.

It’s hearing each other’s fears and wants and wishes and deciding that maybe you don’t understand them completely but you will always be behind each other for support when it’s needed. It’s unwavering trust and constant I love you’s being traded back and forth and every time, it’s truly meant.

Enough

Author: kpopfanfictrash

Pairing: You/Baekhyun

Rating: NC-17

Word Count: 3,137

Summary: You and Baekhyun have been married for two years. Somewhere during that time, things started to go wrong. Now you’re trying to leave. But can you?

Originally posted by baekhyunsama


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  • what i say: i'm fine
  • what i mean: imagine yuuri doing viktor's 'stay close to me' routine to win the gold medal at the grand prix final as a thank you for staying by my side but also as another way that these two lovebirds confess their feelings to one another. and he barely needs to practice it considering he knows it by heart and it's engrained in his muscle memory. he's going to beautifully land viktor's signature quadruple flip and blow everyone away because they're going to all see what viktor has the moment he opened that viral video.
Song Soulmate AU

Soulmate AU where everyone is born with a song that is innately engrained into them and their soulmate has the same song. No one else can recreate the tune except for the pair and people express their songs through their voice or different instruments. Some people may just have a little hymn in their head that they hum to all the time, and others might have full songs that they play or sing. 

Typically, both pieces of the pair will be on the same level of musical inclination (i.e a piano prodigy won’t be paired with someone who can barely drum their song with their fingers) However, occasionally, people will be born with difficulties understanding music, like a piece of their brain is locked and they can’t access it until they meet their soulmate and it’s awakened. (so cheesy I know) A lot of times this will happen when one part of the pair is like a prodigy and they won’t meet their soulmate until later than most. 

Plot twist, you can’t finish composing the song until you meet your soulmate. There may be spots missing that you can’t figure out, or maybe you can’t figure out how it ends. It’s because you can’t finish the song without knowing pieces of the other half’s life. You finish each other’s stories.

Some people’s songs are short and sweet, some are like entire scores or compositions. Maybe it’s indicative of the kind of journey you will have with your soulmate. 

Dark Plot Twist, if something happens to your soulmate (i.e they die or somehow can’t ever find you because they’re too sick), before you’ve met them, you’ll forget the song or it starts to sound off gradually over time until it’s not really the song anymore. If you’ve already met and they die, the song changes back to your original. 

so just to be clear, I am of the belief that all white people are racists and will always be racist and it’s never something you completely unlearn because it is that engrained in our society and our identity as white people, and that’s not a statement to be taken as white people can do nothing to unlearn their prejudices, but rather the real raw reality is that no matter how far an individual white person moves the needle for themselves, we inherited a legacy choking on blood and ashes simply by being born. I’m not exempt. No white woman is.

SO I HAVE FINALLY SEEN MOANA 

I am not technically Māori, but I am from New Zealand. I grew up in an area with a high concentration of Māori people. I have Māori friends and whānau and honestly the culture is engrained in us through school, through te reo, if you are from New Zealand, it is a part of you in some way. 

Moana was the movie I’d been waiting for. 

When that first fucking note hit, my sister and I just turned and looked at each other. The looks on our faces, man. The music was beautiful (I love you, LMM). The story was beautiful. I grew up reading books about Maui and his legends - Maui and the Sun? I must have read it dozens of times. Hell, the word ‘moana’ literally means ocean in te reo Māori! When Maui did the haka facing Te Kā, when Moana did a hongi with Te Fiti, there were so many parts that reminded me of the Māori culture. 

And I loved that it wasn’t just Māori, it was like a mash-up of many different Polynesian cultures? New Zealand, Fiji, Samoa, Tonga, and so many others, no matter where you were from, if you were Pasifika, you could identify in some way????? 

AND I LOVED THAT GODDAMN CHICKEN. 

Look, basically, when the lights came up, I was literally crying. I loved this movie so damn much, I LOVED IT. 

the episode of arthur where…i think it’s dw? gets lost in a supermarket and then there’s a fantasy sequence where she actually takes up residence in the ceiling of the supermarket living off stuff from the store…is ingrained in my mind forever 

5

aerial ethereal challenge: day four ~ moodboard (the kotova family)

 “You mean all those nights I drove around New York City, searching for you? Helping you with your humework, assignments, making sure you had lunch, spotting you at the gym when I should’ve been training– is that not giving a shit?” He’s still strict, severe. He has trouble softening for them completely, even when Timo is crying. 
                Timo buries his face in his hands again.
                Luka crawls over to his little brother and he wraps his arm around his shoulder. Then he meets Nikolai’s gaze. “Thanks.” My heart fills. “For choosing us.”
               I engrain Nikolai’s expression for life, a look measured in deep, familial love. As though the galaxy parted, just for one moment, to show another blindingly beautiful universe. He responds with a Russian sentiment, sounding tender.
               Katya whispers, “I can’t even imagine…”
               Timo lifts his head. “I can,” he says to Nikolai. “I couldn’t…I needed you. Growing up, I needed you.”
               “And you had me,” Nikolai says lowly. 
Timo exhales deeply, his eyes traveling over the pics. And then he looks to me and back to Nikolai. “I need you to not worry about me anymore. I want you to live the life that you gave up for us. Can you do that?”
                “I didn’t give up my life,” Nikolai explains. “You’re a part of it, Timo. The good and the bad. You’re not keeping me from living, brother.
[…]
When I grow old and gray, I can only hope to have a family as passionate and faithful as theirs.

Frat Boy Pt 3 - Harry Styles One Shot

part 1, part 2

YOU’VE HAD TO WAIT TWO WEEKS BUT YOU CAN CONTINUE YOUR COLLEGE ANGST AND ROMANCE WITH HARRY NOW.  I mean is this really classified as a “one shot” anymore?  I’m not sure.  For this one you may want to read part 2 for the beginning to make any sense, but then again, it still involves angst and tension and frat parties and alcohol and college Harry so…enjoy!

Your eyes weren’t closed though, your lips weren’t even feeling the soft caress of his once he recovered from shock, or feeling the way his hand gripped your waist and pulled you closer.

Because your eyes were on Harry’s, witnessing them darken, feeling his anger, watching him scowl in a scalding rage while another girl marked his neck

And seeing him push the girl off and run directly up the banister.


Harry was livid as he ran to you, the anger rippling through him like a dam that had just been broken, its poisonous waters rushing over everything in its wake, his blood boiling and hot.  Hot enough to warp his perception, more so than the strongest liquor.

He was seeing red and each leap up the banister, each millisecond he got closer to you, the worse the image became engrained in his mind.  The way Niall had placed his hands around your waist.  The way he’d pulled your hips to his.  The way you had pressed your fucking lips to his.  

He didn’t feel the steps beneath him as he took in your terrified face and doe-eyes, wide as could be. You were staring at him.  Just as you had when you’d made out with another. When another’s lips were pressed against yours, invading the space he wanted to claim.  When you’d let another do exactly what he’d wanted to do all along.  

You knew what you were doing.  You knew what you were fucking doing to him.

And there you stood.

Niall’s arms still around you.

He was snarling.

Seething.

He didn’t even feel human.

You hadn’t moved.  You’d pulled your lips from Niall’s as soon as Harry had starting running, but Niall’s arms still gripped your hips.  His touch now seemed foreign, unwanted.  The reason you withdrew escaped him.  Niall was completely oblivious, his turned back the only reason a charming smile was still on his face.  You knew you should retreat from the fuming man charging towards you, that you’d crossed a line even though you and Harry had never drawn one up to begin with.  But it didn’t change the fact that it was there, for whatever reason, and now it was flashing neon because you’d violated it.  

But he violated it before you had.  

You couldn’t step away from Niall’s hold, the shock that Harry was coming closer to you and had actually left his make out buddy twice, for you, giving you more satisfaction than it should have and keeping you frozen in the poor lad’s grasp.

Even when you knew it was the last place you should be.

As Harry raged closer, you noticed those green eyes had grown dark, as dark as his black jeans, and for the first time you regretted everything.

You thought you’d seen an ugly side to Harry with that stranger outside your class.  But this? This Harry was an entirely different beast.  And you weren’t quite sure anything could tame him.

By the time the thought crossed your mind it was too late.

“Let her go,” Harry growled. His voice was low, gravelly. Deadly.  Niall didn’t have time to turn around let alone react before Harry grabbed his shoulders and tore him off you, the blonde flying backwards.  He stumbled against gravity and lost, hitting the floor with a groan.

“What the fuck Harry?!” Niall’s eyes were swimming with confusion and anger, lighting the blue with a spark that was a threat in itself.

But Harry wasn’t focused on Niall anymore, his blistering eyes were on your own.  And this time there were no Ray Bans to protect you.  His gaze was heavy, fiery, and suddenly you felt the need to throw up all over again.

He didn’t mutter a word when he grabbed your hand and dragged you behind him, the grasp that once gave you a sense of calm now leaving you speechless, numb with shock.  You didn’t even know where he was taking you.  It was a wonder you hadn’t fumbled and fallen at his persistent tugging.

It was only when you were halfway down the hall to Harry’s room that you were suddenly blessed with speech and could mumble a feeble, “Where are we going?”  As if you didn’t know.

He didn’t reply, but you noticed his pace quickened once you spoke, and that only made your heart race faster and your hands a little sweatier. His grip, harder.  If he noticed your hot palms, he didn’t show it.  You swallowed thickly as he quickly led you into his room. The slam of the door shutting behind you made you flinch, and he let go of your hand once it was clear you weren’t going to go anywhere.

He stalked towards the center of his room, stopping at the foot of his bed, and kept his back to you. Despite everything, you couldn’t help but admire the planes of his back and how the t-shirt lay on his broad shoulder blades and the toned muscles lying just beneath.

As much as you hated yourself for it, an extra shot of adrenaline coursed through you that Harry Styles was getting this worked up over you, over this, whatever this was.  The buzz hadn’t faded yet, and it made it that much harder to contain the possibility that….no.  No matter what happened you wouldn’t delude yourself into thinking that Harry genuinely liked you.

But as Harry’s chest continued to heave as he struggled to control his breathing, and the tension rolled off him in toxic waves as he stood motionless in the center of the room, your pleasurable adrenaline quickly turned to that of fear.  Harry wouldn’t hurt you.  Would he? He’d dragged you all the way to his room, but he hadn’t spoken to you and his silence was concerning.  What awful things were going through his mind where he couldn’t even speak to you?  What did he want to do?  What would he do?

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Unexpected Ecstasy

Prompt: This picture

Spencer looked down at you, eyes half lidded. A small gasp escaped from his lips as you shimmied down his body.

“Y-Y/N, what, what are you d-doing.” He stuttered out, eyes never leaving your body.

Your hands roamed around his thighs, a proud smirk engrained on your features. Spencer nervously chewed on his bottom lip, anticipation bubbling within him.  

You chuckled devilishly, making quick work of his belt buckle. His body language told you everything you needed to know, that was one good thing about being a profiler.

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do this Dr. Reid.” Your tone oozed arousal.

“W-We should, go back and and um tell the team.” His protest was clearly false, his voice reduced to a mere whisper.

“They, can wait Pretty Boy.”  You insisted, head dipping forward, tongue poking out to lick from base to head.

The noise Spencer made was almost enough to push you over your own edge. It echoed throughout the abandoned house Hotch had sent you both to check out.

Your movements proceeded quickly, glancing up to look at his beautiful face. His eyes were screwed shut, mouth agape.  

“O-Oh.” His fingers laced into your hair as he started to take control of your actions, bobbing your head back and forth furiously.

His body finally overridden with pleasure. His surrounding blurred as ecstasy started to blast through him very suddenly. A small yelp of your name along with a hard tug of your hair was enough for him. His chest heaving, this was all so unexpected, maybe that made it more exhilarating, he would never know… unless, there was a next time.    

Honestly, screw compulsory heterosexuality and the way it confused the hell out of me when trying to figure out my sexuality. Truthfully, it was one of the reasons why I was so on the bridge as to labelling myself as a lesbian rather than bisexual.

It’s such an odd situation to describe,  knowing and trusting in the confidence you have for your attraction for women but then being on the fence with men. Bc you start to think “I may still be bisexual, I just have more of a preference for women” which IS perfectly fine and GREAT if you do.

But then at the same time, I remember often questioning if the only reason I was clinging onto the idea of liking men was just down to compulsory heterosexuality, and that it had been so engrained in my mind that you HAVE to like men, that you start to question whether your liking for men is genuinely what you feel, or just a mindset you have because of the controlled way you’ve grown up and how all pieces of media do nothing but shove “you should be attracted to men” down your throats.

And getting past that thought is one of the trickiest things tbh, and it’s not so easy to ask ppl for advice on it, bc sexuality IS flexible and can change. Though that didn’t stop me feeling guilty about perhaps having labelled myself “"wrong”“ or that having developed these feelings meant i’d essentially have to come out again, but differently this time. Or that I was endorsing the ugly af "female bisexuals don’t exist they’re just lesbians in hiding”“ stereotype, which ofc isn’t true, but the guilt was still there.

And there’s the fact of small attractions not nessaserily dictating what you really feel. Like walking past a guy and thinking "yeah, he’s cute” but then truly thinking afterwards, so was that an attraction or more of just an observation?

I’m fortunate enough myself now to be able to have that load off my back and feel confident to say I’m a lesbian. But, to the people who may be going through a situation similar to this now, i send you good vibes, it can be confusing and even frustrating af but you’ll get there. Whether you decide to not even label yourself at all in the end, or you decide to label yourself as bi/pan/lesbian - I love you, and your struggles, frustration and/or confusion is not stupid or pointless, just you trying to figure out who you are.

The truth is I never used to drink coffee and now it’s become so engrained into my identity I’ve almost forgotten where it started.

May, when my heart had been tugged through broken tv and the person watching the program was there to view my limbs being pulled out of the static. 


You appear and we make instant coffee in a cramped hotel room. I think this is when we bonded over styrofoam cups and deep brown eyes and eyelash curlers and I think about how when I saw you again I thought you had grown into yourself more than when we met.


And from then on it’s always us and coffee cups. Every single morning across the table or tangled on the couch or at 10 pm under gazebo lights. Decaf, black, coconut creamers, lattes, cold brew, every single caffeinated beverage you can dream up we would always have together.  


Every sip I take now always tastes bitter, no matter how much cream or sugar I add I cannot help but find you in the bottom of the mug staring back at me. So I don’t finish mine in the mornings. It’s not the same without you. It’s not the same if I’m not bouncing like a little kid on your bottom bunk telling you there’s coffee in the kitchen and you pull me into your blankets like it’s your safety net, like I’m your safety net, asking for five more minutes. Everything smells like sunrise and softness.


So now I drink coffee alone. I wake up alone. Everything smells like dust and I get out of bed easily because it’s colder without you. Sometimes I think I was suppose to spend every morning with you. Sometimes I think this and then I remember you don’t remember the things I do.


And I pour the rest down the drain.

—  caffeine is an addiction you know

Easy to spot in the field by their long limbs and generally self-conscious demeanour, Gangly Blue Herons tower over their multitudinous cousins. Exploited by other ornithoids for their remarkable reach, these elongated birds are often consumed by body image issues as their daily lives rarely bring them into regular contact with other birds of similar stature. This lack of representation engrains a warped standard of beauty, making it much more difficult for these birds to love their own bodies.

why does “The Man in Black Fled Across the Desert, and The Gunslinger Followed” make me emotional ?? I’ve never even read it ? is it a metaphor? is it engrained in my dna to be sad about this quote ?? what happened to you , gunslinger. who hurt you. what’s going to happen to you and the man in black.