english major loves

SIMON

Pros of being Baz’s roommate:

1. He helps me with French

2. He buys me coffee

3. He has a really nice voice. One meant for reading poetry.

4. He’s really pretty.

-

Cons of being Baz’s roommate:

1. He’s REALLY pretty

2. Sometimes I think he hates me, but then he does nice things.

3. Always calls me Snow?

4. Probably plotting.

BAZ

Pros of being Snow’s roommate:

1. There are none

-

Cons of being Snow’s roommate:

1. He snores louder than anyone I’ve ever heard.

2. He’s stupidly adorable (even if he does look like a stereotypical hipster with those dumb glasses).

3. Painfully oblivious.

4. I think I’m in love with him.

SIMON

“I’m never going to learn this shit,” Simon muttered. He pulled his glasses off and dragged a hand down his face. Passé composé was confusing, and Baz’s smug superiority wasn’t helping him learn it any faster.

“You aren’t going to learn it with that attitude, Snow.”

“I need coffee.”

“You always need coffee.”

Simon flopped onto his back and glared at the ceiling. He wished he would’ve gotten his foreign language credit in high school. It was hard focusing on film when he was constantly buried under a mound of French homework.

“Are you actually pouting?”

“I need coffee,” Simon answered weakly.

“Then get your shoes on and let’s go.”

[8:30pm] u wanna meet me and spazilton 4 coffee @ the cafe near the campus courtyard?

[Penny, 8:32pm] I’d rather not get in the way of your guys’ sexual tension.

BAZ

When Baz got got back to the table, a cup of hot coffee in each hand, Simon was blushing madly at his phone.

Baz felt a jealous pang when he imagined Simon talking to his girlfriend (or boyfriend, the topic of his sexuality had never come up).

I’ll never make Snow blush like that.

SIMON

Fucking Penelope Bunce.

BAZ

“Here,” Baz said gruffly, holding Simon’s coffee out to him as he took a seat.

“Thanks.”

The universe hated him, Baz decided. For some unknown reason, it absolutely loathed him. Here was this cute golden boy with bright smiles and even brighter eyes, and he was fucking untouchable.

“So.”

“So,” Baz replied in bored tone.

Simon’s fingers were drumming nervously against the table. “Campus at night, huh?”

“Yeah, Snow, it’s dark.”

“The lights are nice.” Simon lifted his coffee to his lips and took a long drink.

Baz snorted. “What do you want to do, take a walk?”

Simon smiled sheepishly, then nodded. “Better than French homework.”

Really though, I finally get it. The racism in this country is based solely on those who were never educated about it. I had an awful sophomore honors English teacher. But one day we had this incredible substitute. We were reading “Night” by Elie Wiesel as an assignment. I’ll never forget this: We were all being dumb 16 year olds, laughing and talking without any real idea of what reality looked like. This is a book about Nazi Germany. Our sub actually cried out to us to “please, god, pay attention” - that “this could easily happen again.”

I had no idea.

We have perpetuated a country in terms of chance instead of smarts. I am an English Major. I love the English language. I grew up in a big, yet poor-ish suburban town, but I had amazing teachers. All I can say about today is that if Trump wins, I’m going to become a teacher. And not one in our happy, dandy west coast. I’ll go where we need it most. We need help.

why uni is confusing as hell
  • orthography professor: so you'll be teachers and spelling is very important to you and we'll have multiple tests to ensure that you write Hungarian words correctly because you'll teach children AND ORTOGRAPHY IS VITAL
  • *one hour later*
  • intro to linguistics professor: lol spelling is stupid and rubbish and only spoken language counts as language so don't bother about spelling mistakes

undistinguishedpersonage  asked:

Dear Duke, I'm an English major, and I love being able to discuss the complexities and importance of some of my favorite works in class. However, I find that some professors conduct class as if it were an extended "who has done the reading" test. Basically, the prof just asks for plot points, and then we students raise our hands and reveal said points, which bores me out of my mind. Do you have any tips to get through this? I want to graduate still loving my favorite books!

I’ve gotten some similar questions before. Let me know if this ask and this one don’t help. Another thing I would add is this: if you’re still an underclassman, don’t panic yet. Classes tend to get better and go further in depth the higher up you get. So by the time you’re a junior and you’re in a 500-level class with nine other people, it won’t just be summary. In the lower levels you may have to tolerate some of that. Not all professors are perfect. 

I keep dreaming of someone who is out of reach. I don’t know who I’m dreaming of but we’re in love. I kiss her palms gently but by the morning I don’t remember her face. Another love that I can’t quite grasp.

-excerpt from a book I’ll never write (via @2possharknado)

Another way to write fast, well-constructed papers.

In college I had a professor that changed the way I wrote papers forever. After his class I became an English major and loved writing papers.

He gave a formula to our class: If you had an eight page paper to write, that means you need to write roughly 16 paragraphs. If you write an introductory paragraph and conclusion, that leaves 14 body paragraphs. Write down 14 ideas that support your thesis, rearrange them to make sure there is a natural thought progression, and before you know it you had an 8-page well-structured essay.

Hope this helps!

Shoutout to all the non native english speakers out there. Ya’ll are awesome. I want to see more of your native tongues on my dash everyday!

2

“Awake ye muses nine, sing me a strain divine.”