english language jokes

me as a child, purposefully keeping my eyes open on wash day because my mom bought tear free shampoo:

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me 3 seconds later learning the english language is a fucking joke:

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"Why are you studying Russian?"
  • Me: W-well, I just find it fascinating!
  • *USSR anthem plays in the background*
  • Me: You know, the history, the people...
  • *Lenin's muffled screams from the closet add up*
  • Me: Such a cultural treasure.
  • (PS. yeah yeah I know Marx was German, it was just for the laughs - let me put Lenin then 🙃)
ASL TUESDAY 05/14/19

Let me see what you have!
A KNIFE!
NO!

PSE (Pidgin Sign English)
LET/allow

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ME

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SEE

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WHAT

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HAVE

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KNIFE!!!

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NO!

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Let me see what you have there?
A KNIFE
NO!

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That’s the PSE version.
If you want the true ASL Version:
(signs: What, you, have, see, come here, KNIFE, NO!)

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When you think you’ve finally found an asexual character, but then the writers reveal that the character isn’t ace:

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Originally posted by nateburr1

terezi: 1 B3T 1 C4N M4K3 YOU S4Y “R3D”

john: what?

terezi: 1 B3T 1 C4N M4K3 YOU S4Y TH3 WORD “R3D”!!

john: why do you want me to say “red”?

terezi: 1 ST1LL B3T 1 COULD M4K3 YOU S4Y 1T

john: i just said it, though.

terezi:

john:

terezi:

john:

terezi: …T4SK F41L3D SUCC3SSFULLY!

“eunwoo is more than just a pretty face” i say into the mic.

the crowd is silent. they are struck with horror at such a statement. i begin to walk off stage in shame.

“it’s true”, they say. i look for the owner of the voice. there in the 3rd row stands: literally anyone with more than just a pair of eyes and the greedy desire to meet someone famous and some actual taste in a quality man with many talents and much personality,

Learning English as an Arabic speaker

Me : are you telling me that all I need to do is just add an “s” to the word to make it plural?

Teacher : yes

Me, in tears : beautiful