Your phone started ringing and you groaned, asking Professor Washington to excuse you for a second. It had taken weeks to get this alone time with your professor so of course it had to be ruined. The caller ID read “LAFAYETTE”, you rolled your eyes and answered, “What is it, Laf?” you asked in a sinister whisper. The other side of the call was all static and a frantic french accent, the only words you could make out was “Come ba-!” “ALEXAN-!” Washington gave you a pointed look. You gave a pathetic smile even though your eyes were wild, “Lafayette you aren’t making sense” you told him over the static and shouting in the background.
“SEND A SHIP!” he yelled into your ear and you winced, the static drowning out the rest of his words before eventually the call cut out. Your eyes widened, what the hell was that? You asked yourself. You turned back to your Professor, who had grown irritated. “I’m so sorry, sir. I think my friend-uh, Hamilton? Is in trouble? And-” he raised an eyebrow.
“Go! Go help him, what are doing here?!” Your professor ordered while waving his arms to the door. You thanked him and grabbed your bag, running out of the lecture hall. It had been weeks since the turtle-napping incident and the boys had sworn to be on their best behavior. But they couldn’t be held accountable for long. I’m not going on a witchhunt for a turtle again, you thought to yourself.
You knocked on the door and Hercules opened it just enough to pull you in and shut the door again, almost giving you whiplash from the swift movement. You felt water crawl into your shoes and surround you up to your knees and your jaw fell to the floor.
“How the hell did this happen?!” You shouted to the boys in front of you.
Half of the boys’ valuables were floating in the knee-deep water. Thomas Jefferson and James Madison stood by the window and were the only ones completely soaked from head to toe. Lafayette laid on his bed on the top bunk, whimpering in french. Laurens sat against the wall, his chin being tickled by the water while he stared straight ahead with tired eyes. All the while Alexander was frantically using a cereal bowl to throw the water out of the first floor dorm room through the window. Hercules moved past you and grabbed the floating objects from the water, trying to put them onto the same bed Lafayette was laying on. Lauren’s turtle (who was now renamed Scoocher) happily swam in front of you.
“How. Did. This. Happen?!” you growled, looking around the dorm that now resembled a pond rather than a living space. All the boys looked around at each other, urging another to start talking. Thomas was the first to speak up, “The short one started it” he claimed.
“I didn’t do THIS!” Laurens protested, getting a mouthful of water while doing so.
“It was a domino effect that you started” James argued.
Alexander stopped throwing water out of the window, “We aren’t going to talk about it!”
Hercules turned to the group, “Or was it the foreigner?!”
“You KNOW I didn’t do this,CRÉTIN!” Lafayette shouted while kicking the back of his roommate’s head. You rolled your eyes and helped Laurens out of the water, trying to console him through your anger. “I want one person to tell me what happened” you stated as calmly as you could. The boys looked around the room at each other. Hercules nudged Lafayette, and the frenchman locked eyes with you. He cursed under his breath, but stood straight while beginning to explain, “Fine.Je vais lui dire.” he huffed.
It all started when we sat next to the Schuyler sisters at lunch. Angelica was helping Lafayette proofread his english paper, Peggy was braiding John’s hair and Eliza asked us, “What are you guys gonna do for Y/N’s birthday this week?” and Alexander told her “What we usually do, it’s tradition” and then Peggy pointed out “Well aren’t things going to be different now that she’s friends with those frat guys?” Mademoiselle was right, none of us had thought about that but leave it to Alexander to start arguing, he said “Well we’ve been friends with her longer so she’s gonna wanna be with us because we won’t make her feel old because we aren’t jerks” and that’s when Laurens said “Well, maybe we should talk to them and figure something out” So the next day, Thomas told us to meet at his maternity house, - what? Oh, excusez moi, fraternity, and he made dinner and said only Alexander was to come.
Lafayette leaned in, lowering his voice for dramatic effect, “But we had a spy on the inside,” you raised an eyebrow “C’est vrai. Hercules Mulligan!” He put his hand on his friend’s shoulder and urged him to continue the story. Hercules reluctantly nodded, and turned to the group, “So Alexander walked into the frat house, and I sneaked in from the back door a couple minutes after…”
The tall one was giving him a bowl of macaroni and cheese, while telling him “I don’t like you, but since Y/N’s our friend we obviously have to work something out.” and he sounded really calm but I don’t trust anyone with that much hair, so I stayed out of sight and on guard. But Alexander was not having it and he told Jefferson right where he could stick his macaroni, and that’s when they both got mad and our feisty little orphan texted me, saying “Tell John I said ‘ROCHAMBEAU’’” so I ran back to the dorm to find Laurens and Lancelot are surrounded by balloons. That’s when Laurens tells me “Start helping Lafayette fill the balloons, we attack the second Alex leaves their house” and I noticed he was just drinking while Lafayette did everything else, so I asked him what he was doing and he pointed to a bucket filled with balloons, and he told me “I’ve had two pints of sam adams, but I’m working on three.” “That’s disgusting” This kid actually said to me, “My kids will tell the story of tonight” *sigh* I’ve never been more disgusted…
You gagged, pulling away from the half hug you had maintained with Laurens. “Pee balloons?” you asked, “Seriously?” Hercules agreed and climbed onto the top bunk to sit next to Lafayette, claiming the rest of the story was too gross for him to tell. The freckle faced boy turned to you, and said he’d tell the rest. “Here’s what you need to know…”
Firstly, this was an ambush. Thomas Jefferson and James Madison didn’t have any other frat brothers there, they were all off pranking Aaron Burr because he did some nonsense and claimed he was a part of their frat but that’s just because he wants respect with the freshman, anyways, they were alone and fragile and we were ready to attack. We took the the water balloons that Lafayette and Hercules made, and the special balloons I filled and hid behind the bushes while waiting for Jefferson and Madison to walk out. When they did, we attacked. I targeted Jefferson, because I knew my urine would make him weaker. Madison was attacked by Hercules and Lafayette, but eventually Jefferson grabbed him and used him as a human shield. Then the most horrible case scenario happened. Madison grabbed Alexander while he was laughing … and right as he set him in front of them … I was launching my last speciality balloon. It was all so sudden. It hit a laughing Alexander in the face. A perfect shot. It splashed like-
Alexander stopped throwing water out of the window for once this entire time and turned to Laurens, hair in his face, “WE REALLY DON’T NEED TO BE THAT GRAPHIC, JOHN!” You crossed your arms, feeling chills run up your body. “Can we please get to the part where the dorm room has now become flooded?! I’m going to die of hypothermia” Lafayette hopped down and let you take his seat on the top bunk, when James spoke up. “Perhaps I could help fill in the blanks,” he suggested while putting one arm behind his back, “After we were rudely attacked by the hooligans you call friends, Thomas was least to say, frazzled … ”
“We need to fight back, Madison. We were outgunned, outmanned.” He told me whilst pacing the living space. As I was changing into dry clothes, I reminded him of what happened with the kidnapping of Mr. John Laurens’ turtle, which Thomas didn’t remember but also didn’t care for. He continued pacing, saying “We were outnumbered, outplanned…how do you fight water, Madison?” and he turned to me with wild eyes, saying “You fight it with fire!” I was growing concerned but let him continue because I was still cold, and he started sketching on a notepad. He began saying, “If there is a fire you’re trying to douse-” and I cleared my throat, telling him, “If you set the dorm room on fire, you’ll kill a majority of campus.” Thomas ripped the page out of his sketchpad and began a new drawing and asked “Does acid count as fighting with fire?”
I sighed and asked, “Why is your first idea always arson?”
“I’m trying to keep a theme”
Now that idea was a little too realistic, so I reminded him that one of our neighboring fraternities had a long hose that was close to campus. He-
“It was YOUR idea?!” Alexander shouted at James, throwing the cereal bowl out the window “We had a truce!”
James put his second hand behind his back, “I’m sorry, would you rather have been set on fire?”
“THAT can be arranged!” Thomas added.
Lafayette and Hercules “ooo”’d from the top bunk in harmony while Scoocher swam by him. Thomas stepped forward in the water, “And don’t try and victimize yourself, Alexander Hamilton!” he turned to you, “Let me tell you what this one did when we came in here…”
James and I borrowed the hose and found the window that I stand by right now, and it was left wide open, while the spy did homework, Monsieur Lafayette napped and Hamilton was in the closet going through his awful clothes. Which I’m glad I ruined, by the way. James turned on the hose and we had it at a light level, we just wanted to lightly spritz water all over their pathetic and cheap belongings, but Hamilton had to come ruin it. He took his claws and he sprayed himself with the water while breaking the hose, making it push water out faster. HE is the one who started the chaos. Then, as the water was rising and he was practically swimming, he GRABS me by my shoulders and FLINGS me into the overflowing room, does the same to James, and we nearly DROWN. And I swear, Y/N, out of the corner of my eye I saw a weapon-
You rolled your eyes, “Thomas! No, there was no weapon!” you shouted. Alexander looked at you with pleased eyes, smirking. You hit him in the shoulder, “Don’t feel so smug, I only know because you’d be standing in blood instead of water right now if you did.” Laurens agreed. Alexander put his hand on chest, “Let me tell you the real story. It started when I first immigrated from the caribbean-” Everyone in the room groaned. Offended, Alexander restarted “Fine, I’ll skip some stuff…
As I was going through my closet to find John’s hoodie that I borrowed the other night, I heard whispering behind me. I looked at Lafayette, but I knew it wasn’t him because his sleep-whispering was usually angrier. So I looked at Mulligan, but it also wasn’t him because he only says things under his breath when he’s doing science. Then I looked outside and saw it. Thomas Jefferson’s infamous afro and purple hoodie. It was revenge knocking at my window. They started hosing us all, ruining Mulligan’s homework and waking up Lafayette, John came running in as if on cue and I knew that I had to protect my friends. Like the hero that I was born to be, I grabbed the hose from them and tried to stop it, but Jefferson did something to it and strategically broke it, which was probably part of his plan all along. Next thing I knew he TACKLED me into the water and so did Madison, they were strangling me and I thought it was all over. The sounds of John’s high pitched screams and Lafayette’s sultry accent faded away… In the eye of a hurricane, there is quiet…
“Hamilton please, enough with the existential crisis” Thomas spat. You sighed, putting your hand on your forehead. Hercules put his arm around you and rubbed your shoulder, “Sorry, Y/N. You’re just in a room full of people who care about you… and are immature” he comforted. Lafayette nodded, “I wouldn’t get my socks wet for anyone rather than my best friend” he admitted while shivering in the cold water.
His roommates scolded him, “Sorry,” Lafayette weakly smiled “I meant female best friend.”
John stood by Alexander and grabbed his turtle from the water, “And you saved Scooter”
Everyone’s eyes turned to Jefferson and Madison, who were gazing at the ceiling and walls. Thomas mumbled something. “What was that, Thomas?” you teased. He groaned, “You’re a good friend. I guess. I don’t know. Shut up” he muttered. James cleared his throat, “I second that.” You smiled at them both but turned back to the rest of the group. “We need to figure out how to drain this entire room before you’re all kicked out of King’s College” you told your friends. Alexander reached out of the window to look for his cereal bowl and Thomas and James tried to reach the hose that was currently outside and still spewing water everywhere at full speed.
There was a knock on the door.
Eliza opened the door, only to be greeted by three feet of water, Angelica and Peggy shouting once the water reached them. Laughing, Eliza looked for you in the midst of chaos and asked “Hey, Y/N do you wanna go out for your birthday with us today?” You exhaled in relief and accepted their offer, getting down from the bunk bed. Water rushed past your legs as it left the room just as you were, and the boys started protesting. Peggy blushed a bit, “Sorry did you guys already have plans set up with her?” All the boys looked around at each other.
They all replied in a chorus. “Well, no!””Not for right now!” “But we had a war and-” “Everything got wet!” “No one really won” “It was inconclusive”
The Schuyler sisters all giggled a bit, “Well we’re just gonna hang out with her now when she’s not busy. There’s time for everyone” Angelica said. You waved goodbye with the sisters as you walked down the hall with them.
“Is it so hard to figure out a schedule?” Eliza joked.