england expects that every man will do his duty

A happy birthday to the Hero of Trafalgar, the great English naval genius, Horatio, Lord Nelson (29 September 1758–21 October 1805).  True, that is Laurence Olivier above, playing Nelson in That Hamilton Woman, but wouldn’t you rather look at that Nelson than this one?

Nelson, portrait by John Hoppner (ca. 1823):

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But hero he was, nonetheless, and here is his apotheosis, in an 1805 painting by Scott Pierre Nicolas Legrand

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Brief summary of the beginning of the XIX century and the Napoleonic wars: (Spanish Perspective)
  • Spain: *is under a useless and spineless government*
  • France (Napoleon) to the Spanish government: Spain help us or we'll invade you.
  • Literally everybody in Spain: *side-eyeing PM Godoy* Bitch don't you dare.
  • Spanish Government (Godoy mostly): Okay Mr. Napoleon
  • Literally everybody in Spain: The bitch did dare!
  • *
  • France: Make sure for us Portugal doesn't help Britain or we'll invade you both.
  • Spain: OK *does the oranges "war" thing*
  • Portugal: *Shows up late with coffee* What?
  • *
  • ~Stuff happening in the Americas that nobody actually cares about that much~
  • *
  • BATTLE OF TRAFALGAR:
  • France: Spain, we need your navy to help us invade Britain.
  • Spain: Do we have to?
  • France: I'm sending over Admiral Villeneuve to command our combined fleet.
  • Villeneuve: I'm in charge. You'll do as I say
  • Spanish Admiral Gravina: But I know these waters, I know my fleet and how the British fight at sea I know... wait... no... don't do that... you are useless.
  • Villeneuve: I AM IN CHARGE NAPOLEON SAID SO
  • Villeneuve: *is useless*
  • Admiral Horatio Nelson: "England expects that every man will do his duty"
  • Villeneuve: *still useless*
  • Gravina: We are so fucked.
  • Spanish/French fleet: *is fucked*
  • *
  • Britain to Spain: You have a problem dude.
  • Spain: No shit! *has a list*
  • *
  • PENINSULAR WAR:
  • France: Well now I'm gonna invade Portugal. Let me through.
  • France: Invades Spain now that they are at it and puts Napoleon's brother as King.
  • Spanish People: NOW YOU'VE DONE IT BITCH *invent guerrillas*
  • Britain, Portugal & CO.: Here. We're gonna help.
  • Spain: Thanks guys, but can the helping involve less trashing around maybe?
  • Everybody: Trashes around, burns everything to the ground, steals chickens.
  • Spain: THAT'S IT!!! EVERYBODY OUT!!! EVERYBODY FOR FUCK'S SAKE! AND FRANCE THE FIRST ONE LEAVE ME IN PEACE YOU BAGUETTE PIECE OF S***
  • Ordinary people with pitchforks: Throw Napoleon's army out.
  • *
  • AFTERMATH:
  • Spain: I'm so... fucking tired... just... let me rest in piece... for a while. Just a little
  • Immediate internal and colonial conflicts: Hi :)
  • Spain: T_T