I don't know why I keep trying to end my friendship with my best friend. I tried three times but she didn't let me do it. I feel like all of her friends are better than I am and that she doesn't like to talk to me. No matter how many times she reassures me that that's not how she feels, I can't think otherwise.
hello friend ✨
♡ I’m sorry that you feel unwanted :( nobody deserves that. despite feeling this way, you’re worthy of friendships and love.
♡ it sounds like you’re insecure and don’t see yourself as important to her. but she seems to value your friendship a lot. I think you mean a lot to her, much more than you think. 💕
♡ try not to isolate yourself. sometimes when we think someone doesn’t like us, we close ourselves off to them. maybe you have been talking less to her, and expecting her to talk to you. and when she doesn’t, you think she doesn’t care about you. if this is the case, you can try talking more to her.
♡ it might be a defense mechanism to end the friendship. you want to leave her first so she can’t hurt you anymore. my opinion is that you don’t have to end the friendship if it’s unhealthy for you. you can distance yourself, and make other friends.
So, Youtube has been recommending a bunch of short FY clips to me lately, and I’ve been watching them, and yep, they’re just like I remember. But man, my perception sure has changed. Fushigi Yuugi is truly awful. I highly doubt I would be able to watch or read this for the first time today.
The last time I watched the anime most of the way through was when I got a couple of girls I knew in college to watch it (ironically, their friendship later ended because of a boy… girls really do that??), and I was so second-hand embarrassed. Granted, they were totally into it (and I was soooo happy to be there to watch their reactions to certain episodes, like, oh, say, YEAH 33 YOU KNOW WHICH ONE OUCH), and since they were involved in the romance part of it (as opposed to loving the characters for just being the characters), I paid attention to the romance portion with fresh eyes and was like, “good Suzaku, Miaka, why the hell didn’t you pick Hotohori over Tamahome??”
But you know what? I still love this. I still have five Fushigi Yuugi posters in my closet (giving literal meaning to the term “closet fan”. Where I used to live, I always nailed that moment when I had guests over and determined that it was safe for us both to embrace our anime fandom together. Without a word, I’d dramatically open the doors to reveal all the posters). I sing FY songs at karaoke with a passion (especially Nuriko and Chiriko’s, but my friend and I make a pretty unforgettable duet for “Dengon”). I had the most adorable Chichiri shirt that I got on eBay when I was 16 and wore it until it could be worn no more, as it was just simple chibi that others wouldn’t immediately recognize as anime, but people who knew were always like !!!!!!!! and this lead to new or deeper friendships. If I needed good luck for something, I’d write the kanji on my body of whatever celestial warriors’ powers I wanted to have that day (never where anyone could see, though). I got into the fandom long after the series had all aired, but still had a great time with people in it, including spending a weekend with one of them. A big reason I started practicing naginata was because Takiko was so cool. I wrote over 300,000 words worth of FY fanfiction over the course of about 10 years. After years of trying to insist that my art is not just a copy of Watase’s style, I’m like, “hells yeah, you know why my art feels ‘classic’? Because I’m still trapped in the Universe of the Four Gods.” And heck, I live in China now partly because FY got me started on this road so many years ago.
But holy flaming tessen, this story is terrible, hahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaa XDDDDD
I miss you. I miss texting you about every single stupid thing that happens in my life. I miss laughing with you and all of our inside jokes. I miss looking over at you and knowing exactly what you are thinking. I miss your family and the way you used to fill me in on their daily happenings and what crazy, judgmental things they said this time. I miss knowing that, at the end of the day, I had you– that when push came to shove, no matter how bad the situation might be, I knew you would be there. I miss my person, my other half and my best friend.
I hate that when people ask me how you are doing, and I genuinely don’t know. I hate that our conversations that once used to be so natural and seemingly endless are now just formal “how-do-you-do’s,” and “hope-you’re-doing-well’s.”
I hate that your face, the face I was so accustomed to seeing almost every single day, has become just another one in the crowd. I hate that we no longer speak, and that when we do, all of our conversations are awkward and now start with “OMG! I haven’t talked to you in forever!”
I’m mad at us for letting our friendship become this far gone. What happened? How did we not see this coming? How did we not feel ourselves starting to drift? I am mad at us for not fighting harder for the friendship that we had. It wasn’t like most friendships. It was the kind of friendship that neither of us could have anticipated coming to an end. It was us against the world, and now it is nothing. I am mad at us for letting it become nothing but a collection of memories.
I am sad because I don’t even know where to go from here. I don’t know what there is to be said. Nothing really happened to make it change, so how would we fix it? How do I make this horrible yearning for you go away? How do I shake the dreadful feeling of knowing that my best friend is no longer just a phone call away? We don’t even know each other anymore. How do we find a way to fall back together just as easily as we fell apart?
I hate that it probably can’t be fixed. I am hurt that you will probably never again be a huge part of my life. It hurts that when I threw my first housewarming party at the home my fiancé and I just bought, you weren’t there. That when I look around on my wedding day at all the faces in the crowd, it will hurt just as badly then as it does now to find that yours may not be there. But what hurts the most, and what I’m most scared of, is that you probably don’t even care at all. I am scared that maybe you haven’t noticed my absence in your life, or that maybe you have, but it just doesn’t matter to you.
I’m not naïve… I know that you have by now replaced me. I am scared that you don’t look back on our friendship as fondly as I do. I’m scared that our lack of a future doesn’t hurt you just as badly as it hurts me. I’m scared that you don’t miss me as much as I miss you.
However, even if that is the case, I like to hope that we will find our way back to each other, no matter how unlikely that now seems. I will never stop caring about you and wishing you well in life. I will silently smile from a distant sideline as you go out into the world and kick ass.
You will always hold a special place in my heart, even though I may no longer hold one in yours. I will never stop looking back on our friendship fondly and will always only have kind things to say.
I don’t know what the future holds for us, but I do know one thing is for certain, I will never find another friend like the friend I found in you. Thank you for everything. I miss you more than you could ever possibly know.
gossip, mental illnesses, laughing, guns, shiny metals, diamonds, pop music, groups of people
introverts, hugs, crying, loving, sensitivity, eyeglasses, math classes, keeping the emotions inside and not revealing them
ambition, success, loyal friendship, arguments ending with sex, peace, parties, popularity, golden patterns, never-ending conversations
criticism, perfectionism, stubbornness, cruelty, being picky, minimalism, ugly outfits, overthinking, complicating things for no reason at all
group hugs, shopping, cool outfits, hipsters, rainbows, unicorns, love, friendships, support
intensity, chilling, sex, crying, eternal love, revenge, feeding pets, pc games, sensitivity, fast food
social events, seminars, plans, starbucks, travelling, haute couture
noodles, success, advocates, crying, nonsensical jokes, inside jokes, mocking people, spending your entire day with your best friend, poker face
eccentricity, exotic fruits, beaches, cute but big and rainbowy necklaces, jewelry, champagne, gossip, talking, never-ending fun, trance music, make-up
art, black and pastel clothes, dark green, plants and nature in global, dolphins, sharks, the feeling of being betrayed, revenge, intense uncontrollable emotions, immensely developed intuition, long hugs in bed
I never really thought that friend break-ups were a thing. Yeah I’ve heard people say ‘we used to be friends’ or ‘we don’t talk anymore’ but I’ve never actually pondered the ending of a friendship.
I’ve witnessed girls going through breakups, and they always talk about the same things. The way one person stops showing interest,
how they talk less, fight about stupid things, stop feeling the spark. I’ve never felt that before. Never watched a person gradually lose interest in me, text me less, stop wanting to spend every second with me.
Never until now. And god, it f*cking hurts.
Who would have thought my first heartbreak would come from my longest standing friendship? But that’s the way life works, isn’t it? You watch the one good thing you have slowly slip away until you aren’t even sure why but suddenly it’s almost out of your grasp and there’s nothing you can do but wait.
So you feel yourself waiting. Waiting for the texts to stop all together, waiting for the hangouts to become a thing of the past. Waiting for that final blow. But nothing could hurt more than the realisation that there will be no 'final blow’. Because it’s already over. And you’re not exactly sure when, or how, but you know if you stop trying now then everything will cease.
And who can you blame but yourself? And do you know what the worst part is? You can’t even be mad at the other person, because what have they done except lose interest in you? It sucks when all you want is to be by their side, to call them and text them and see them everyday, but they’re done with you. And how can you be any more than you are now, I guess you’ll just never be enough.
So you’re left mourning the end of a friendship, without even truly understanding what’s been lost.
And now your heart is f**king broken but who would even understand because are friend break-ups even a f*cking thing?
phil talking about the time he had a sleepover and his friend made him sleep on a hoodie on the ground and dan telling him to end that friendship.. further confirmation that dan was never forced to sleep in that tiny bunk in their tour bus
Me: I’m so great at relationships!
Also me: *isolates myself from my friends randomly for no logical reason, ultimately ending the friendship because the other person has no clue I still want to be friends*
-Guilt trip you for liking things they don’t
-Humiliate you in public
-Give you the silent treatment and won’t tell you why
-“Forgive you” for being hurt by something they did or said
-Point out at every single flaw you have, with emphasis on the fact that despite that they still “love” you
-Think every thing you like is stupid or useless and say it
-Say one thing and do the exact opposite (“I’m obsessive, I understand if you want to end this friendship with me :)”)
-THREATEN TO TELL EVERYONE YOUR SECRETS IF THE FRIENDSHIP EVER ENDS
-Get offended when you don’t want to share your private things, such as a journal, with them (“if you really tell me everything there’s nothing I don’t know written in there”).
-Keep track of your online activity (“you were online at this time and you didn’t message me”)
-Try and pit people against you
-Think they’re a victim
-Hold you up to impossible standards you can’t or don’t want to meet
-Demand you cancel your plans for them
-Laugh at your insecurities and issues, dismissing them as “shit that’s only in your head”