enchanted box

anonymous asked:

Your Meredith is wonderful! Can I hope that you will draw her with Orsino, please?

Ok, so maybe that line of argument wasn’t her strongest.

how a player singlehandedly ruined my session

Let me just begin by saying that this was my first time ever DMing a series of sessions. The sessions I headed were branched off from our main campaign, where 4 characters from the party ventured off to get supplies from a village and were sealed inside because of a plague that popped up overnight.

The first two sessions were great–no one suspected what I was doing, the players were making mediocre rolls. Basically, most everything was going to plan.

We were relaying what had happened in the first two sessions to another player when he said, “I want to join the next session!”

This player is the DM of our main campaign. This should have been a red flag to me. But no. I had to be Mrs. Nice Guy and say, yeah, I could incorporate his character into the next session. It would be great fun, I thought to myself.

We will refer to this person as Diablo, one reason because that is what we call him, and the second reason because after this experience i truly saw Lucifer in his eyes.

I successfully get his character into the quarantined village, he reunites with his party members, and together they all find out that the village had been cursed by a devil worshiper and they had to find out who the person was.

This is when I realized I had made a mistake.

They had stumbled upon an enchanted box, protected by a ghost-like creature, and Diablo kept rolling natural 20 after natural 20, doing things like casting certain spells on the ghost that would give them a disadvantage. The ghost was dead before the first turn even ended

Even then, I thought, “Okay, whatever, this is just a bump in the road.”

Clearly I was wrong.

As if Diablo’s presence had made Jesus Christ himself cry on the dice, everyone began to make great rolls. The person who had the worst rolls in the sessions was now rolling 15s and 19s. These god-forsaken players used this stroke of luck to take a letter with some words smudged out and pester me to let them rub it with charcoal or some shit to see what it said.

I adamantly refused. I put my foot down. I said, “Hell no, we can beat around the bush til the cows come home, I’m not allowing it.”

You all have to understand, it was 5 peoples against one, and eventually I just said, fuck it, do it. I prayed that they would get a shitty roll. I prayed to every deity there was.

My hopes, however, were squandered when DIABLO STEPPED UP TO TAKE THE ROLL. And what do you think this asshole rolled? That’s right, tater tots, A NATURAL 20.

Time s”emed to stop. I flipped off the players as I read what the letter said. They immediately figured out who the villain was and went to confront her.

And this tittylicker Diablo, upon the villain revealing herself, was like “I CAST ELDRITCH BLAST ON HER LEGS SO SHE CAN’T RUN AWAY.”

This time I really did put my foot down.


Diablo, at this point, for the rest of the session and onwards, rolled anything above a 15. You can probably see where this is going.

So the party makes their way down through a secret passage and they have the final confrontation with our villain, who is trying to channel the devil she worships.

Before the battle even fucking starts, Diablo says, “I cast hex on her.”

For those who are unaware, “hex” is a move that, if successful, gives its victim a disadvantage on wisdom saving throws.

I should have said, “diablo, wait for the battle to start.” I should have told him no. I should have done something. But I was desperate to just get this show on the road. So I let him do it.

He rolls. I am at the edge of my seat. For a moment, Diablo puts his face in his hands and heaves a sigh. My heart leaps in my chest. Such a face could only mean a shitty roll, I thought.

Diablo then turned, looked me dead in the eyes, and said, “You’re going to hate me for this.”

Natural. Twenty.

He saw the sorrow in my eyes. I accused him of flipping the die. He proceeded to take a picture of his screen and send it in our Skype group chat.

Sure enough, it was a natural 20.

In that moment, I had never wanted to hit another human more than I did Diablo.

The battle begins. Diablo rolls initiative. Of course he gets like a 19 so he’s the first to go. And you know what? This moldy piece of goat cheese used moves that required a wisdom saving throw.


The villain was technically dead before the first turn ended, but I had had it. I screeched at them that this battle would not be over, that these asstitties had ruined my session, they’d really stirred my pasta in the wrong direction. So I kept adding HP to a level 5 villain and I kept screaming whenever these assholes made a roll.

So I had MY character make the final blow. But the damage was done. That battle was supposed to have lasted at least three turns. It ended in one. The villain only got to make one move. I was devastated.

To this day, I have nightmares. I lie awake at night wondering that if I hadn’t let Diablo into this game of Dungeons and Dipshits, things would have been better. Perhaps I could have put more meat into the session instead of having to improvise every five seconds when Diablo ruined my plan. I had so much planned. But, in less than 2 hours, my plans were thwarted, and as I crashed to the ground, screaming to the heavens, Diablo laughed over my crumbling body.

And the worst part is, I’m probably going to DM another session. He’ll probably join it.

Pray for me.

Witchy maintenance is an important thing, kids. 

This is my containment box, enchanted to hold whatever I put in it, be that a malicious entity or just something with nasty ambient energy that I don’t want leaking around, as a temporary measure until I can figure out a more permanent solution. Because sometimes you just gotta stick shit in a box until you’ve had a break and sort it out later when you’re better prepared to deal with it. 

Today I was tidying up my room, mostly mundane cleaning, when I discovered the screw on the hinge here had broken. The head broke off the screw, and was sitting behind the box. I have no idea how long it’s been that way, beyond “definitely less than a year and probably not more than six months”. 

The good news is, there’s nothing currently supposed to be contained in it. 

The bad news is, it’s entirely possible that the last thing I put in it actually managed to break it and escape and just left lingering ick behind. 

But even if that is what happened, it’s still probably ultimately my fault for not regularly checking the enchantments. The box is about ten years old, so I’m guessing it wore down with time and use – I hadn’t ever really thought to check, until I found it broken.

So, note to self for the future: check your long-term enchantments periodically to make sure they’re functioning properly and haven’t weakened, particularly if they’re something that gets put under stress! 

‘Beauty And The Beast’ Enchants $900M At WW Box Office; Crosses $400M Domestic
Disney’s Beauty And The Beast hit a pair of major milestones on Tuesday as it continues an enchanted box office dance around the world. Bill Condon’s update on the 1991 animated classic…
By Nancy Tartaglione

Disney’s Beauty And The Beast hit a pair of major milestones on Tuesday as it continues an enchanted box office dance around the world. Bill Condon’s update on the 1991 animated classic became the 26th film in history to cross $400M domestically, and has also hit a nice round $900M worldwide.

The split is now $401.1M through Tuesday in North America and $498.9M at the international box office. This beauty, which is the No. 1 movie of 2017 domestically, overseas and worldwide, is on her way to $1B global likely sometime next week — and she doesn’t even hit Japan until April 21.

Enchanted starters:
  • “It’s like you escaped from a Hallmark card or something.”
  • “Is this a habit of yours? Falling off stuff?”
  • “I don’t dance.”
  • “He knows the song too?”
  • “Now she thinks that you and I…”
  • “Forget about happily ever after, it doesn’t exist.”
  • “ I’m gonna ask her to marry me.”
  • “Kiss her, [NAME]!”
  • “I will rescue you!!”
  • “Ow!! Ow.. I’m fine.”
  • “Nobody has been very nice to me.”
  • “You made a dress out of my curtains?!”
  • “She told me it’s just beyond the meadows of joy and the valley of contentment.”
  • “Please don’t leave me.”
  • “Well, I’ll just have one sip.”
  • “ You’ve met your match, you foul bellowing beast!”
  • “Hello, Worthless.”
  • “He was on the bus this morning.”
  • “He tried to kill me.”
  • “Whoa, I gotta lay off da nuts!”
  • “Does she miss her terribly?”
  • “Take these flowers to [NAME] please.”
  • “I was just taking her out for a little fresh air.”
  • “How come people keep giving you free stuff?
  • "You are NOT a very nice old man!!”
  • “The shower! The shower is magical, [NAME]!”
  • “[NAME] likes the way I leap?”
  • “What do you say, you ready to kick it?”
Hufflepuffs getting feisty.

Request- below post

Draco x Hufflepuff reader

“Hey, (y/l/n)!” You heard the arrogant voice coming from behind you. You could tell who it was right away, you heard that same familiar voice everyday. Each day it muttered a new insult or rude comment, and what did you do… Nothing. It just so happened that that annoying voice from behind you belonged to a boy you had been crushing on since your first year, a boy by the name of Draco Malfoy. You had tried so hard to shake the feeling, but you just couldn’t, even thought you knew it would never happen. Draco being a Pureblooded Slytherin would never go for someone like you, a half blood Hufflepuff. So, you had to carry on your life day on end listening to the boy who constantly taunted you, but at least you were talking to him. “Hello, earth to (y/n)! Honestly do you even have a brain!” The voice carried on, taunting you. Each time your heart felt like it was being stabbed, but you had to carry on through the pain.
“Yes, Draco…” You finally responded.
“See, Blaise, I told you! She never does anything. She just sits there and takes it. Never does or says a thing. She’s to nice to say anything to me, ickle Hufflepuff’s… Make me sick!”
“What’s so wrong with being kind…?” You asked softly.
Draco chuckled slightly. “Well, you see there’s a difference between being nice and being stupid… Let’s see what one you fall under…” Draco’s little posey laughed.
Everyone now becoming interested in your argument.
“Well Draco, there’s also a difference between being a pureblood and an idiotic pain in the ass! Let’s see which one fits your and the rest of your family!” You screamed at him without thinking.
Draco snapped around from laughing with Blaise and the Slytherins became silent, seeing as how the Malfoy’s were practically royalty. The Hufflepuff’s were shocked, but didn’t say a word to stop you, and actually cheered you on a bit.
Draco walked closer to you and you stood tall and proud.
“Well… Hufflepuff’s getting feisty, isn’t she… Half blood wants to talk family… Let’s talk family…” You gulped, you knew where this was going. “How’s the half muggle life going? Of course your mother isn’t permitted in the wizarding world, who would want her here if she was one of us, she would probably be like you, and we’ve got enough to deal with having one of you. Oh and your father! That monstrosity of a wizard, working at the ministry. Father says he hasn’t got a clue what he’s doing half the time and when he does he never does it right. He’s actually said that he’s shocked that no ones fired him by now, and he doesn’t feel that it will be to long. And once your fathers not working where will you get your money? I guess you could enchant a tent or box or something, eh… It would probably be better than what you live in now…”
“Shut up!” You screamed louder than ever quieting the whole room. “Have you ever cared about anything other than your self! No… Don’t even answer that! Your a Slytherin… I forgot that you all don’t have an ounce of love or compassion for anyone except your self in your entire useless body. For just one moment can you think about anyone else? Huh, anyone? Just forget it… I can’t believe I like a prat like you…” Your eyes went wide on the last word, you hadn’t even thought of the words as they slipped out of your mouth. The Slytherins and gasped and snickered. Draco, Blaise and a few others, including the Hufflepuff’s, looked at you with wide eyes.
Draco stuttered out,“ y-you… You what?”
“U-u-erm…” You couldn’t get a word out, you felt tears begin to sting your eyes and you grabbed your things from the table behind you and ran out of the room, and up to the astronomy tower.
Once you made your way up, you leaned against the railed and a tear streamed down your cheek. You knew that liking Draco was a bad idea. Why did it have to be him? You thought to yourself and then you heard footsteps behind you. You quickly wiped away your tears and turned around to see who it was. All you saw was the platinum blonde hair, then he stood directly across from you. You stared at him for a second and he took a breathe of relief before saying,“ (y/n), oh thank Merlin! I’ve been trying to find you, I figured this is where you would be… Listen…”
You interrupted him,“ I don’t want to hear it Draco! Just leave… Why are you even here!”
“I-I… I just wanted to say that I… I’m sorry… I didn’t mean anything that I said… I’m an idiot and I completely understand why you don’t want to talk to me, but I… I know why I did it…”
“You know why you were such a douche bag to me… Ok, go for it…”
“Ok, so you know how when a guy likes a girl, he will try to flirt with her, kind of insult sometimes just to talk to her… Well I’m not that great at that as you can tell…”
“Wait a second… You like me…?”
Draco nodded. “Yes”
You turned around holding onto your head. “Draco, I can’t do this! Don’t even try to play me like this! Your friends can come out now, I’m not falling for it… I know that you can be irritating and mean, but seriously this is a new level Draco, even for you… Yes, yes I like you, maybe even a lot! And I knew as soon as you found out th—”
Draco was now standing inches away from you, getting closer with every word and tears now streaming down your cheeks.
Draco stopped you by putting his finger to your lips. “(Y/n), shhh… It’s not a joke, I promise…” He leaned in more, he put on hand behind your neck and the other trailed down to your back as he pulled you closer to him. Then his lips barely brushed against yours before finally colliding with yours. It was unbelievable, the kiss you had craved for so long, you were finally receiving from the one guy you figured you could never have. You had doubted him on his feeling until this point, but that kiss… That kiss was something magical and it meant something to the both of you.
You finally pulled away, you both breathless.
You then said,“ You know, your a lot better at telling me to shut up than I am to you, you should do that more often…”
Draco chuckled a little. “Gladly, how about being my actual girlfriend now?”
You smiled bigger than ever. “I would love to!”