empty memories

Comienzo a sentirme triste nuevamente, sin razón alguna, me siento sola en esta casa y no hay quien pueda abrazarme, quizás quiero que alguien me de amor y me diga cosas que quiero escuchar,pero no hay nadie, me siento como una tormenta, como un ser incurable, y nadie quiere acercarse a alguien como yo.
1. I always carry a lighter with me 
because the thought of waking up to an empty bed makes me want to light myself on fire
maybe you’ll see our house up in flames in your rearview mirror
maybe I’ll just become an empty memory 

2. It’s kind of funny 
that when I asked you to take off the safety 
you unintentionally handed me a loaded pistol
and now I’m just waiting
for you to tell me when to pull the trigger  

3. I always carry a lighter with me 
just incase you disappear
but you’ll disappear anyways
and you’ll take my lighters with you
so you don’t have to live with the guilt of inadvertently destroying me

4. I think that once I realize the lack of permanence 
in everything
I will finally be happy 
but it's the temporary things that scare me
It’s the temporary that will bury my charred body in the rubble of a house that once promised permanence

—  4 lighters, no cigarettes 

people always joke about not having any friends. 

but they have people to sit with at lunch every day. they have people who will wonder where they’ve gone when they don’t show up to school, who will text them and make sure they’re alright.

there are people out there who don’t have that. people who wander from group to group instead of sitting down and eating because they don’t have someone to eat with.

people who just want someone to care about them, but the one person they think will doesn't even notice they’re gone.

I just want someone to care about me. someone to call me and make sure I’m okay. someone that I can tell my secrets to, knowing that they’ll try to make me feel better instead of just leaving. someone to hate the people I hate, to support me when I need it.

someone to be my best friend.

—  j.f.h /// I wish I had one
You were here.
We were so in love.
Well I still am.
You’re not sure anymore.
But I still feel it,
deep in my bones.
I just want to sleep,
but it doesn’t seem to come.
I’m so sad.
But you don’t seem to be sad at all.
How can you not be?
When I can barely breath.
I have all these empty promises.
And memories filling my vision.
I don’t know what to do with them.
Because I cant seem to let them go.
As easily as you let me go.
—  Chapters from my life
Los días han pasado, cada cicatriz de mi cuerpo ha florecido, los recuerdos dolorosos han disminuidos, mi forma de ver las cosas han mejorado, sin la espera de nada, de mi podré conseguir lo que deseo, de mi dependo,  y de mi aprendo.
—  Día 191 de 366 días de mi vida.
Sometimes I think about all the times we laughed and all the memories we created and I miss them but then I remember how easy it was for you to throw it all away because in the end you didn’t care about me at all you just didn’t want to be alone.
empty bones;
—  i don’t want to live
in the ghosts of her
memories,
i want to make my
own,
with her,
in our
home,
but loving her is
so hard,
yet i lay here
in a bed
of flowers,
suffocating
underneath
buried roots
in my lungs
as i disintegrate
without her,
into empty
bones,
becoming
a past
she wants to
erase
into ashes
to brush off
into the
streets
of her childhood,
sniffling as she
shuts
the
door.
Sometimes you are going to miss things in life. No special reason. And if you ever come across a time you have these kind of feelings. Call your mother, say you missed her. Tell her about something hilarious that happened. There’s no better feeling than being close to your mother. When you feel like you’re drowning in your thoughts. Write. Anything and everything that comes to your mind when you hold that pen. And when you feel like nothing in the world is making sense and you’re too tired to comprehend the outside world. Take a walk. Remind yourself how utterly beautiful the world is and its okay to be empty. And when the memories hover over you and swallow you. Let it be. It’s a good thing. Trust me. You will smile. You will feel sad. That’s okay. I promise. That only makes you strong. At least you will feel something.