empty and lost

To the heartbroken

I want you to know that although you feel empty, and cold and lost, that there are a lot of people who love and care for you. People who want to make sure you’re okay. Friends who want to try and lift your spirit in any way they can. Family members who want to help you through this painful time. Oneline friends who want to help.

You are wonderful and whole. Just as you are. And I know that me saying this won’t fill that hole in your heart or the punch you feel in your stomach. But it’s all true. Every word of it.

I know you feel lost and alone. I know there are times at night, or when you wake up in the morning, or when you’re driving somewhere, when all you can think about is the pain you are experiencing.

But you will live through this pain, and you will grow from it. No, it’s not easy. Yes, it does hurt. And yes, it is very real. But that doesn’t mean you won’t get through this.

Reach out to your loved ones - your friends, your family, the people who care about you. I know the love you feel from them isn’t the love that you are missing right now but it will help you in the long run. And I assure you, they love you just as much, if not more, than the person you’re thinking about right now.

Heartbreak can be absolutely crushing. But you don’t have to suffer alone and in silence. Let your emotions out. Let your tears fall. And feel yourself grow through the pain.

You’ll get there eventually. I promise you.

I am learning how to function without the weight of you over me like a
cloud
I am learning to watch my favorite films without thinking about how many times you’ve loved it more than me
I’m listening to my favorite genre
without remembering you introducing me,
My coffee is strong and black and even the way it drips reminds me you are drinking the same every morning.
Somehow it is a reminder that every time you called my lips perfect just to kiss them you were writing poems about someone else’s
The coffee stains my lips the same way your words did,
A constant reminder,
You go to my favorite record store,
You buy clothes at the same thrift shops I go to twice a month
It’s a miracle we never run into one another
I’m forgetting how the sound of your guitar was my guide and I’m
forgetting the sound of your voice,
How it could bring me back in a second.
I don’t look down in the shower when I can help it because my own body is a reminder
The rain is a reminder
Everything that was once about you I need to rewrite and
I must rewire my brain to not think of your eyes when the clouds part in winter
I always ask myself
How many ways can you phrase the same song?
Why am I writing this if its not about you?
—  Rinse and Repeat
I just feel… empty. There’s no overwhelming sense of joy or even simply being happy. There’s also no pain or suffering, and I don’t even feel sad. I just feel empty. There’s no way to describe it. It’s as if I exist but I’m not living. I am here but my soul is somewhere else.
— 

-Am I really alive?

-m.t.t.