empathy training

The Only Exception (Part 10)

Summary: AU. Reader is given the task of running a popular love advice internet show when her coworker is fired. Her cynical attitude toward love makes her offer some harsh advice, and more than a few hearts are caught in the aftermath. Will hers be one of them?

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader

Word Count: 1,937 (End!)

Warnings: language, fluff, it’s an innocent lil epilogue

A/N: Sorry I get so cheesy in this space. Thank you to the people who encouraged me along the way, most of you total strangers who didn’t need to stop and take time out to do so, but did it anyway because you’re good people. Thanks to the other writers who sympathized with and cheered for me, I adore you. This is dedicated to you empathetic, beautiful people.

Part - 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10

Originally posted by heatherpotter

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Dr. Amari Introduces New Reminiscence Therapy

An alliance with the Memory Den was no easy feat considering its extensive ties with the Railroad. But the Institute was willing to turn a blind eye to their previous activities in favour of working together in the pursuit of science as the equipment of the memory den held a fount of potential behind it. Potential that could be fully reached between a joint collaboration with the Institute scientists and Dr. Amari.

The idea of memory use being employed in therapeutic practice is one such result of this marriage of minds. Far more potent than hypnosis and potentially more effective than cognitive behavioural therapy, with reminiscence therapy people could be allowed to confront past traumas, to come to terms with losses, to revisit positive memories all with the guidance and empathy of a trained psychologist.

While social sciences are certainly one of the more neglected areas of the Institute’s interests, it was not one entirely barren of research and workers dedicated to the field. With such widespread instability in the Commonwealth it is unsurprising that it has become a breeding ground for numerous maladjusted individuals prone to acts of violence and other anti-social behaviour. Part of making a healthy society is definitely by promoting a healthy body, a healthy mind.

The Memory Den has the makings of being the first step towards one such goal.

Forever and a Day [Bucky x Reader] Part 1/5

Forever and a Day

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader, mentions of Peggy x Steve

Rating: T/PG-13

No spoilers for Civil War. This takes place after The Winter Soldier.

Summary: You spent your youth as a friend to Steve and a lover to Bucky. But the three of you were not destined for normal lives and now the past has begun to catch up to you.

Originally posted by imhfily

Part 1:

 

1943

 

“You’re leaving in two days,” you blanched, feeling numb at Bucky’s admission. He hung his head regretfully.

 

“I’m sorry, doll,” he sighed. “You know I wish I didn’t have to go, to leave you and Steve…”

 

“But it’s your duty,” you finished for him, trying to hold in your tears. Your hands turned to fists, bunching the fabric of your dress beneath them. “Have you told him yet?”

 

“Yeah,” Bucky gave a weak smile. “I found him getting beat up behind the movie theater, he saw my uniform and that kind of gave it away.”

 

“How did he handle it?” you bit your lip, worried about your friend. Without Bucky around, it would be your responsibility to make sure Steve stayed out of trouble. You didn’t mind it, but you feared you wouldn’t be as good at it as Bucky. And if Steve got hurt on your watch, you’d never forgive yourself.

 

“He’s a tough kid,” Bucky grinned wistfully. “He’s going to be okay. And so are you.” You tried to return his smile, but your lips wobbled and your eyes couldn’t hold back your tears any longer. Bucky reached for you, whispering a gentle “Come here,” as he pulled you close.

 

“You better come back, James Buchanan Barnes,” you demanded with mock authority. The use of his full name made him laugh. Bucky smiled widely, brushing a hand over your jaw and leaning in for a long, slow kiss.

 

“You won’t even have time to miss me,” he grinned with bravado.

 

He left that week.

 

A month later found Steve leaving for the army.

 

In a year, they were both dead.

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A crappy thing for which I have no solution:

Someone unintentionally makes me uncomfortable or hurts my feelings. I let them know. They apologize/etc. Then I immediately see a post from them in my feed about how they’re a terrible person because they hurt people and they were just trying to be nice/funny but they hurt someone so they’re horrible. I try to convince myself that this *isn’t* a passive-aggressive attempt to make me feel guilty, because that’s a crappy thing to assume about someone, but it itches all the same.

The thing is, one of the biggest reasons why most people have such a hard time setting boundaries is because they fear hurting people. They are desperately trying to avoid that exact “I am a terrible person” reaction. Obviously, OBVIOUSLY I would never say that you should not use your own Facebook to vent/post about your feelings, which is why I said I have no solution to this. But all the same, this is instant feedback of a sort (“Your boundary-setting makes me feel like a terrible person”) and it speaks volumes.

I was almost tempted here to ask for feedback: Do I need to be nicer when I set boundaries? Maybe I do. But I’m not asking for feedback because I know it would never end. “Yes, you need to be nicer.” “…yup, still a little nicer please!” “You know, you could really stand to be just a little bit more nice.” “Actually, what would be nicest of all is just shutting up.”

People constantly remind me that I hurt them when I set boundaries, so the only way I’ve been able to set boundaries as someone with depression and a lot of feelings and a lot of empathy is to systematically train myself to stop caring if I hurt people (in this specific circumstance). And it feels monstrous. But the alternative is much worse, and in the alternative, ALL the cost is paid by me. Every cent of it. And I have been there, and I’m never going back.

As I said, I don’t have a solution, but I do have a request: if someone setting a boundary with you causes you to immediately jump to “I am a terrible person,” please try to work on that. Probably most people with that reaction (oh hey, including myself!) are already working on it, so I don’t want to come across as condescending or patronizing. But I really feel that interpersonal things would be easier for all of us if fewer people had this automatic reaction.

I could say a lot more here about how that sort of reaction is actually self-protective and serves a purpose for the individual despite feeling like crap in the moment, but I’ll save that for some other time, because the most important thing is that other people’s boundaries are *not about you*; they are not a referendum on whether or not you are “a good person” (there is no such thing), they are not a punishment to you, they are not a weapon used to intentionally hurt you. They are about the safety and comfort of the person who sets them.

anonymous asked:

there's this marked difference imo. its already shady that cersei is a villain and jaime is an antihero but cersei's villainy sometimes just feels like such a gross petty attack on women themselves imo. cersei isn't just evil, she's evil in all the way that women are sterotyped to be with the added notion that she's not very intelligent. compare that to male villains like roose and tywin and even euron who are painted as super intelligent even though they're awful

I think there’s definitely something to that; as I’ve said, anyone who says Cersei’s character is free of stereotypes and toxic cliches is kidding themselves. 

I will say two things. One, Cersei’s not dumb. She is capable of grasping the world around her and acting accordingly; she recognizes that Jaime’s suggestion RE Mace and Storm’s End is a very good one despite not wanting to need Jaime’s advice, and she competently carries out the release of Wylis Manderly in exchange for Davos’ death, taking it seriously at each step. (Of course, it wasn’t Davos, but let’s not hold that against her.) This is part of what makes Cersei a difficult but fascinating character: she’s been driven mad by patriarchy and so she intends to seize it for herself, but there are these heartbreaking moments where you see she does know better deep down, when she doesn’t feel like she has to smash everyone around her. Different environment (including Joanna still being alive), allowed a healthy relationship to gender and her body, some strict training about empathy regarding Tyrion, poor people, and other women, and Cersei could’ve been…well, we’ll never know. But I’m as sad about that as I am about the knight Jaime could’ve been had he never served a maniac. 

Two, I disagree that GRRM keeps his male villains on a pedestal. Tywin is revealed at the end of ASOS to be a gigantic pathetic hypocrite, and he dies shitting. His daughter, who always thought him superhuman, sees him reduced to a shriveled half-naked old man; his aura of dignity and untouchability is further destroyed by the (poison-induced?) decay of his body. So much of AFFC is spent tearing apart Tywin Lannister’s cherished legacy in the wake of his death, from Cersei to Jaime to the Martells. 

And Euron…look, I take him more seriously than most, but “super intelligent” is not quite right. “Clever manipulative asshole who stumbled upon multiple metaphysical goldmines” is closer to correct IMO. Again, he’s Saruman, not Lex Luthor. 

I joke about it bu tno one listens to me like you nerds on the internet, I don’t know what’s real I talk a good absolutist game (it’s the catholic in me, we love absolutist shit, absolute truth absolute morality absolute Absoluteness, but I’ve never been wholly sure except that what’s in me tends towards the Absolute, I love Truth I’d do anything for Truth, a fingernail of Truth, a sliver, an honest word—-if there were any doubt I am a ravenclaw, I care more about knowing what is Right than almost anything) but I don’t know, I really don’t

all I’ve got is that sometimes I make people feel things with well-organized scratchings I love that (I do)

people write to me, anonymously or not, and talk about how there’s something happening to them that made them feel a Thing, and I wrote something that made them feel better about that Thing, differently about the Thing, and I am so privileged, I am so honored by that empathy. I am humbled by it.

there’s an ancient Roman humorist, one of those -us fuckers, who wrote “nothing human is alien to me” and maybe he meant it sarcastically, ironically, but nemi homini something something—-I took Latin a while ago, but I believe that, there’s something essentially human and striving that understands all the human condition, that if you say “I feel—” will respond in kind.

I think it’s a soul (that’s the catholic in me) but it doesn’t matter.

maybe it doesn’t respond without prompting, without discussion and careful listening to other stories, without narrative training. Without everyone having the exercise of stepping into another skull, however strange,unreal. Fiction provides the easiest training, empathy with those who never existed, never will, in the hopes that those who do and are will share in that mercy. Humility and kindness, that you are not the only mind that enjoys the world, that thinks, that feels sadness and joy, that is worth of inhabiting. But I do believe it.

Nothing human is alien to me.

Gender Identity in Convention Culture

Anime Boston prides itself on being a convention at which everyone can feel comfortable. Our attendees include people of many gender and ethic identities, but the only thing that ought to matter is that we all love anime and are here to enjoy it together.

Two transgender presenters, Arthur and Sophie, presented “Gender Identity and Convention Culture” as a dialogue with panel attendees on making anime conventions a safe space for everyone. Here were some of the suggestions panelists and attendees made for fans:

Educate yourself on pronouns

Transgender means a person whose gender identity is different from what they were assigned at birth. Cisgender means your gender identity is congruent with what you were assigned at birth. Nonbinary individuals fall somewhere in between.

Arthur and Sophie encouraged attendees to learn about the various ways people choose to identify themselves in order to make congoers of diverse identities more comfortable.

“We wish we could make this panel a requirement,” said Sophie. “To educate people.”

Avoid making “trap” jokes.

“It’s a trap!” We’re not talking about Admiral Ackbar in this case. Sophie explained that the anime community joke of calling a person who looks like a woman but isn’t a “trap” is offensive, especially to transgender women.

The panelists explained that the joke isn’t harmless because it assumes that people who dress as women but have male genitalia are trying to “trick” or “trap” people maliciously. Still, they said there’s nothing wrong with donning your Misty costume with a full beard.

“Although there are trans cosplayers, there are also people who crossdress either as a joke or for fun, and it can be hard to tell what the person’s message is,” she said. “Don’t assume.”

New policies for gender support.

Anime Boston has a very thorough anti-harassment policy and take discrimination very seriously. We also have two gender neutral bathrooms on the third floor which congoers can feel comfortable using regardless of their gender identity.

However, the panelists and attendees suggested that conventions can do better. One attendee suggested mandatory gender empathy training for all volunteers.

“It’d also be great if the con provided optional pronoun ribbons so you can integrate your gender identity into your con badge,” said Arthur.

Use the gender of the cosplay, not the cosplayer.

Is that Naruto cosplayer a boy? Or is it a girl dressed as a boy? The panelists said that’s not something you should worry about. Simply refer to that person as “he” or “him” since they’re dressed as a recognizable male character, Naruto.

Sophie said that as a transgender woman, she is a little upset when people ask her for her pronouns in cosplay because, “I feel like I’m not doing my job.” She feels much more comfortable when people refer to the pronoun of whomever she is cosplaying.

“Refer to cosplayers by the pronouns of the character they are cosplaying,” said Sophie.

Anime Boston should be a safe space for people of all identities. If you don’t feel safe for any reason, alert a member of Anime Boston staff. We take attendee concerns very seriously.

—Lauren, AB Staff Blogger

Suspended

Two weeks ago in health class my teacher told us she was gonna play a song and we were to listen to it first, and then she’d she us the video after. I didn’t think anything of it because we have been talking about drinking and driving at the time. So she began the song, and instantly my whole body froze and I was net with goosebumps. Till it Happens to You by Lady Gaga was playing. 

I know it’s just a song, and it shouldn’t have affected me as much as it did, but I honestly couldn’t help my reaction, I made it one minute into the song before my panic attack got to bad and I ran out, everyone watched me run out. 

It was embarrassing, I ran until and ran, I didn’t even know where I was going, I was on complete auto pilot, I finally “landed” myself between a piano and an old vending machine in a side hallway,

 I guess they called for me a couple times on the intercom but I never heard, I was too busy trying to hold in my sobs and trying to stop the memories and calm down, after an hour they found me because an aid heard my sobs, she instantly started screaming at me and telling me I’m in big trouble, 

I just started crying more, and then the health teacher came and she knelt in front of me about 3 feet away, and waited, for what I wasn’t sure until after a few moments I heard a male voice, and i started hyperventilating and panicking because in that moment any male would hurt me, and all males were the males that hurt me. 

It was my principle and he came to me and tried getting me out, but I just kept screaming “No No i don’t want him, please, I don’t want him get away”  he didn’t, he was on the phone with someone saying he wanted the nurse because I was screaming hysterically.  He finally left and I could still feel my heart hammering, I wanted to go away, I wanted to be safe, that’s all I ever want. 

Eventually my mother came to get me, which I found was strange because I calmed down quite a bit and was able to go back to my classes, I had all female teachers left and most guys in my class don’t really sit by me, I would’ve been fine, 

I’ve had panic attacks before during school. And I over heard the principle saying whay I did was “overreacted” and they “couldn’t have that at school” “unnecessary” “not okay” “unacceptable” it goes on, They have me OSS- Out Of School Suspension. 

  • Because I had a panic attack. 
  • Because I couldn’t help the way I reacted to something so sensitive to me. 
  • Because no teacher should just play a song like that without giving no heads up at all as to what it was gonna involve. 

Rape and sexual assault are real, they happen to real people, and they aren’t something people should throw onto people out of the blue, you can’t just do that, because you have no clue who has dealt with them and how they will react, 

I’m Victoria, I was raped by 8 different men, from age 6 all the way to 12.

I’m Victoria, and i got Suspended from school because I was caught completely off guard with a subject that shouldn’t be thrown so lightly around and I had a panic attack.

 I did what i did without thinking yes, but i was scared, i wanted to feel safe, i was not okay. My names Victoria, and I’m not sorry.

#LAVENDER sisterhood answer:

Thank you so much for sharing your terrible experience.  I’m so sorry that all the adults in your life have absolutely no knowledge of panic attacks.  

There is no way you can avoid all “triggers”.  

You could be on subway and the person next to you plays that video.  You can be watching a tv show and all of a sudden or even more likely a male voice repeats a specific sentence that was said during your rape and BOOM your in a panic attack. 

Do not hold yourself responsible for not being able to avoid all triggers.  

Infact this is why I do not support trigger warning.  It is imperative to your recovery that you work on desensitization of your triggers; thru repeat exposure.  You eventually need to be able to handle the topics without going into a panic for the mere quality of your life. 

 So, you do need to learn ways to minimize your panic attacks; more because what if this happened and there was no one you could trust.  

When you start to date; your going to be triggered.   This problem isn’t going away just because you avoid it.  It’s only started.  

BUT most of this is your school’s lack of empathy & training on this subject so they victim-blamed you.  You have essentially been suspended for a normal health defect for your  condition. 

But your not alone, all of us, have/are being blamed for the side effects of rape and why can’t be act like it never happened.  

Humans aren’t as good as we should be in our capacity to empathize with feelings and thoughts of others, be they humans or other animals on Earth. So maybe part of our formal education should be training in empathy. Imagine how different the world would be if, in fact, that were ‘reading, writing, arithmetic, empathy.’
—  Neil deGrasse Tyson

kimothy3  asked:

Hi Rosie! I'm the person from the YouNow on Thursday who was having trouble with transphobia at work. What you said got me to look through the packets I got at orientation and I found a phone number to call to report sexual harassment. I called on Thursday afternoon and over the last few days I've been in contact with the VP of the company who is absolutely livid and is putting together a new empathy training program that focuses on trans co-workers. Thanks for the suggestion and support!

THIS makes me happy. I’m so glad you were proactive and brave and looked for the number and gave it a chance. Sometimes, even when you can talk to someone with power about bullying or other issues, you still don’t out of fear of the unknown. Good for you for changing the workplace for the better not just for you but for other people that could get hired!!! and well done to your VP!! :) This is great news!!!!! xxxxx