emotive journalism

4

26.02.17 // Today I lost my friend. She’s still alive, but I feel like I lost her. I’m not going to talk about details. I’m just gonna say - it hurts. And in the same time it’s strangely refreshing. I know that I’m still loved because I have the most amazing best friend ever (hope you’re reading it).

To clean my emotions I decide to make last week spread all about friendship. Because sometimes even you can’t change some things - you just got to get used to it.

Sometimes I’m not sure if it’s worse to feel everything or to feel nothing at all.
—  D.N. // excerpt from a book i’ll never write #165
And when at last you find someone to whom you feel you can pour out your soul, you stop in shock at the words you utter— they are so rusty, so ugly, so meaningless and feeble from being kept in the small cramped dark inside you so long.
—  Sylvia Plath, The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath
How to End a Toxic Relationship

1. Step out of denial and admit to yourself that you are in a toxic relationship.

2. Journal your emotions so you have a record of when things are really bad (as we pretend to ourselves that things are fine when our freind or partner is treating us well).

3. Look for what you’re getting from the relationship. Are you putting up with meanness or abuse as you think it’s better than being on your own? Then, look to have your needs met in healthier ways.

4. Hang out with people who are positive, and who treat you with the kindness and respect you deserve. Doing that will help you to recognise your worth, and to see your frind or partner for who they are (That is, a toxic individual who is ruining your life).

5. Reward yourself for being strong enough to stand up for your right to be treated properly.

6. Get help for the feelings that come with the pain, or the shame, of being treated like you’re insignificant, worthless, or deserving of less than other people.

The 26 things I’ve learned from life:
1. Be nice. Make it a part of who you are, not something you act out only when it’s convenient. Be nice, be nice and be nice. Even to people who don’t deserve it. No, you’re not being stupid nor are you foolish. Be nice because you care more about your heart. Be nice to the point that your heart doesn’t accept anger and hatred within it. Being nice to people is an act of kindness to yourself.
2. Everyone is afraid. No one really knows what’s going on. Some people are just better at pretending. Some people have mastered the art of going through the motion. But the fear of life is always there. So don’t let them fool you. It’s okay to be scared. You just have to stand your ground, again and again. Be scared still, but don’t stop from choosing the right thing.
3. Stop using and blaming the past for who you are, for the things you can control now. Your past isn’t catching onto you. No, you’re standing still, glancing over your shoulder and you’re waiting for it to swallow you whole. Don’t blame the past for the decision you’ve made to stop walking and moving forward.
4. This number is lucky because I say so. Because I believe so. It doesn’t matter what others think. It doesn’t matter that the Japanese believe it’s a number of death. As long as my belief doesn’t harm myself and anyone else, I can believe in anything I want. And yeah, I’m talking about a lot more than just my lucky number.
5. I can eat ice cream for breakfast. I have full control of my own life. I know when to stop, I know when it’s getting too much, I know what’s best for me because I know myself better than anyone. Don’t let people tell who you should be, what you should do. Because no matter how old you are, there’s always going to be someone who tries to do that. Don’t let them. Know yourself. Have that ice cream for breakfast if you want to.
6. Daydream more. It’s not a waste of time. It’s an attempt at surviving reality. Life can be harsh sometimes so you’re not weak or silly for daydreaming about things that are surreal and perfect. Imagine things being better and then you’ll have the strength to make them better. Because you wouldn’t be able to let go of that feeling…of perfection in your head. The perfection you could have for real.
7. Stop saying ‘… should be realistic’ and make it sound so negative. Chances are you’re going to achieve your dream if you work on it hard enough, if you believe in yourself enough, if you let go of things enough. Why do people use reality as an excuse to give up on things? Yes, let’s be realistic. Realistically, you can be happy, you can be successful, that person can love you back, and you can go through the hard times. Realistically, you can.
8. Read. You’re reading this long and boring list? Good. That’s a start. Now continue. Read every book you can find. Learn. Seek for more. Don’t ever get satisfied with what you know, no matter how smart you think you are, you don’t know enough. There’s so much of this world that you can’t possibly know in a lifetime. Don’t risk on missing out on anything.
9. Be sad. We’re not supposed to be happy all the time. Allow yourself the time to acknowledge how tired you are, allow yourself room to be real. Stop pretending that you’re fine when you’re not. Be sad, take the time you need. Hole up in your room and cry or listen to soothing music and sleep in all day. It’s okay. Afterwards you’ll be ready to be happy again.
10. It’s the thought that counts. I grew up with that rather religious value. When you already intend on doing something good, even when you haven’t said it out loud or acted out on it, God would already take into account your good intention. But it works the same way with bad intentions. So, just because you don’t say those bad things out loud or act on them, you’re still a bad person for thinking it. Slow down on the judgment and prejudice.
11. Stop comparing yourself with pretty much everyone else that you believe to be much luckier. They are who they are because they’re meant for it. You’re meant for something too but you wouldn’t be able to see that if you keep wishing to do what other people do or be someone else. You’re meant to be for you.
12. Don’t stop believing in fairy tales. What a sad life one must have if all they can see is the world as how it is and not as something more. One of these days, you’ll run out of things to live for if you keep counting only on the things you can touch or see, you can count and gain. There’s so much more to life that only requires you to have just a bit of faith.
13. Stop talking too much. Words can easily be misunderstood. Words can be twisted and used against you. Words can be so deadly when they’re said the wrong way. Talk when it’s necessary, when it’s true and when it’s out of kindness. Other than that, just shut your mouth and listen.
14. If you’re lucky enough to have been raised by decent parents, don’t ever stop cherishing them. You would always have your differences, your ups and downs. You may live your own life now but you wouldn’t be here without them so make sure you let them know how much you appreciate and love them. Don’t wait.
15. Don’t be too afraid to ask for help. You can be the most independent person in the world and you’d still need a helping hand here and there. Ask for it. Having too much pride in yourself wouldn’t do you any good in the end. There’s no shame in this. You still got everything under control.
16. Be so comfortable with yourself that you’re unafraid to do things alone. Go see that movie alone, treat yourself to a nice lunch, and go to bookstores. Why are some people so afraid of being alone? You can’t truly appreciate others’ existence when you can’t even stand being alone with the voices in your head.
17. Seventeen was the age when I thought I was supposed to be a certain way. That I was supposed to be this and that. And then I realized that that’s not the case. Just because society dictates us to follow this unspoken timeline and norms doesn’t mean we should succumb to it. It’s your life, make it your own.
18. Why are you in such a rush? Take time to slow down and just…be. You just achieved that one goal you had on your list. Revel in that small glory, enjoy it, you deserve it. Why should you move on so quickly to what’s next? Be grateful now, for any and every single thing you have, no matter how small. Tomorrow is tomorrow. Just focus on today.
19. When I was 19, I found out that fireflies are real. I know, I know. How oblivious I was. I used to think they’re just magical creatures out of books and stories. But then I got to see them and I was assured once again, magical things don’t just exist in books. Cherish the mundane things you’re so familiar with as if it’s magical. Because they are.
20. Forgive. Yeah, it’s one of the things that are easier said than done. But what good is it, holding on to anger and resentment? Aren’t you tired? Don’t you just want to let it go? Forgive the people who have wronged you. Forgive yourself for all your past mistakes. Forgive and let your heart be light.
21. Don’t expect things from anyone. At least not too much. Because yeah, we’re humans, we can’t stop ourselves from expecting. But nothing can disappoint you more than your own expectations. There are some things that are meant to be given without being asked. So if you don’t get them, move on.
22. Don’t wait on New Year’s to make up a list of resolutions. Don’t make up a bucket list as an ultimate goal you want to achieve because of death. Use life as the reason. You’re alive now. Act like it. Do those things you want to do now. Don’t wait for the perfect moment. Make new friends. Travel. Learn that new language. Ride a motorcycle. Anything. Do it now.
23. You don’t need that many friends. Just keep the ones that are worthy. Popularity feels good, I’m sure. But it doesn’t make you feel understood. All we ever need is to be cared for and treated right. You can only have that when you open yourself just enough to let people in and of course, you don’t let just about anyone come inside your fort.
24. Eat. Foods are like the easiest access to happiness. No one with full and satisfied tummy ever really complain about anything. Try different things. Be adventurous. Don’t limit yourself too much. You can always work out a sweat later on. And of course, stay hydrated too. Your skin would appreciate it.
25. Smile and laugh more. It doesn’t need that many muscles on your face to pull off a genuine smile. Just let it all out. Be merry and joyful not only during the holidays. Try to have it every day. If you just look, there’s always a reason to smile. Just look and give it a chance. It’ll come to you so easily. As easy as do-re-mi…okay, I’ll stop before I decide to sing the whole song.
26. Love. Just love. Love yourself. Love others. Love the world around you and the sky above you. The most important thing that you should know by now is that any emotion is a choice and if love is one of the strongest emotions humans can have then you’re making the bravest choice ever in your life. Choose to love.
—  December 4th 2016, Happy birthday to me…
In my dreams, you’re here, and it’s like you never left. You’re happy with me and we’re alive.
—  D.N. // excerpt from a book i’ll never write #178
Types of Shadow Work: Part 1/6

Journaling 

Journaling serves as an ideal basis for practicing shadow work. In the beginning stages, it is a very basic, low intensity exercise that most anyone can do without worry of incurring any significant mental or emotional trauma– one might experience mild discomfort or aversion at worst. I recommend journaling as a continued practice to track the progress you make through other forms of shadow work as well.

A great place to start with shadow work journaling is by identifying the negative aspects of yourself that you are already aware of. If you have trouble doing this, try reflecting on what qualities you tend to judge in others. As a secondary approach, consider qualities you’ve been accused of possessing– I say this with reservation, however, due to the fact that others may have falsely accused you of possessing qualities that are actually a projection of their own shadow. Once you have identified some of your shadow aspects, contemplate the root of their existence and record your conclusions.

For those of you who just don’t know where to start, a fundamental exercise to try is finding your suppressed self. For a tutorial on this journaling exercise, check out the video linked here.  

Intro

Part 1: Journaling

Part 2: Introspection

Part 3: Emotional Awareness

Part 4: Dream Work

Part 5: Memory Regression

Part 6: Meditation & Altered States