[btw-this is the first in a series of messages I got, with the other ones elaborating on anon’s worries about ending up alone! Also I’m sorry I answered so late and I hope that anon gets to see this message!]
First of all. Don’t hate yourself for feeling like this. Don’t feel like this desire somehow makes you weak. The desire to have someone you cherish, someone you love, is universal. Yes, in some people it is stronger then others. But by realizing that quality in yourself you are not “giving in” or being hypocritical—It just happens that, at this point in your life, you feel that way. That’s it. It is honestly okay to feel that you want a romantic relationship. You are not weak because of that. You are human. Do not beat yourself up for it.
I also understand, from what you’ve told me, that you feel as if there is no hope for you at all. That you’ll never find someone, and that you’ll end up alone. You will not. Think about your friends, your family. Think about all the people who you will meet over your lifetime. You are very, very young. You have so many years ahead of you, so many people to meet, so many things to do. I know how easy it is to be swallowed up by negative thoughts. I know how hard it is to see beyond the here and now. But you must try to realize that this is not the end, this is not what the rest of your life is going to be like. You will not end up alone. You will not end up alone.
Your other concern is that you have nothing to give to others, and that socially and physically you are not likely to be the subject of affection. NONE OF THAT IS TRUE. Look at everyone around you. Look at the people who have friends and lovers. Look at yourself. Looking like a hollywood star is not a requirement for being in a romantic relationship! Being perfect and conventionally attractive according to society’s standards is not a requirement for being a person someone can love! Even if you can’t accept that you are beautiful, try to remember that this should not, and WILL NOT, dictate ANYTHING IN YOUR LIFE. As far as the social graces go: for heaven’s sake. Very few people are actually good at that stuff. Try to remember that practically everyone is on the same page as you. Everyone struggles with this stuff. It’s honestly ok. It’s ok to mess up sometimes. We all keep growing and developing and I’m sure you will, too.
At this point in time, you are frustrated with yourself and what you perceive as your shortcomings. But trust me when I say that this isn’t it. You will not end up alone. You are pretty damn fantastic, because you know what? everyone is. We all have insecurities and it’s very, very rare to find someone who feels completely confident with themselves; what you need to do is remember that these negative thoughts going through your mind are fooling you. They are clouding your vision. They are not allowing you to see the truth—the truth that it’s okay, that you’re okay, that you’re more than okay. Even if you can’t accept this as fact right now, believe in a day when you can say to yourself that you are not afraid. Believe in a day when you can accept yourself for who you are, in all your flaws. Believe in a day that you can look at yourself in the mirror and can be satisfied, or even happy. Cling to that future, and know that it will get you through this.
Now, I don’t know anything about you past what you have told me in this ask. But believe me when I say that everyone, every single person, no matter what they look like or how confident they are in themselves and what they have to offer, is worthy of love. Including you, okay? I’m sure of it.