emotionally instable

Simon and Baz aren’t perfect - That is why we love them

Simon and Baz have so much history. It is not the best kind. It is bitter and bleak at best. (from their point of view)

They were not their best selves. Emotionally instability expressed through anger, fights, harsh words, cold words, and just so much more. The darkest of their issues did not come from each other.

They were each others’ easy problem.

For Baz, his feelings for Simon and his frustration caused by Simon were easier to deal with than his family’s complete rejection and denial of the way he is.

For Simon, Baz is the problem you can see. The problem standing right there. Not one lurking to jump out on him. Regardless of the kind of attention, Baz always payed attention to Simon. Unlike the Mage, who is sort of his father figure and, unknown to him, literally his father. Baz not as difficult as the Humdrum.

Their lives changed in practically every way. They were not bracing themselves for a completely different life and got this.

I thought a lot about how my fluffy little vampire and my soft winged scone.

1. Simon’s PTSD

Simon is left vulnerable. He is left handicapped. His nightmares are still haunting him. Nightmares really impact those who suffer from them. He worked so hard to have it all disappear.

Scene:
Simon wakes up in the middle of the night screaming, kicking, in sheer panic. He is in such a frantic state that he is unable to stop. Baz cannot calm him down by simply talking him down. He has to pin him down him so he doesn’t hurt himself in this state. Baz would get hurt himself. Simon then would get many restless nights, refusing to fall asleep afterwards. Slowly resulting to sleep deprivation which creates more stress.

2. Baz’s eating disorder

He is obviously not anorexic but think about it for a minute. He does not eat in front of his family but at home he gets full meals brought to his room. But as a kid and teenager, he lived in a boarding school. He did not eat during any meal times because it would always be so public. He did his best to have a good relationship with the cook so he could take things out. Yet he knew that he would be able to take a lot. So he would just survive on snacks. THE POOR BABY WOULD EAT CHIPS IN HIS BED BECAUSE HE IS HUNGRY. He clearly developed a bit of an unhealthy relationship.

When Simon asked Baz if he needs to eat or he just likes it, Baz tells him that he needs it less than humans. What if that isn’t true? What if Baz just eats that way? 

I picture him always sitting next to Simon in cafes and never eating.
When they would eat at home, Baz would eat 40% of a normal portion. Always used to that feeling of not being hungry after having not eaten after a very long time.

3. Their contrasting personalities

They compliment each other. But not always. They have different values and don’t see eye to eye. Arguments over stupid things will happen and spiral out of hand. They are both violent by nature. It is just a fact. The occasional screaming at each other. Door slamming. Small items thrown. Words they don’t really mean. Apologies that are difficult to say. 

4. Difficulty being emotionally open

Baz and Simon doing their best to never let the other catch them crying. Leading to fake smiles. Fake happiness. It isn’t even about the other. It is just keeping their problems exclusively their own.

But…

But.

But!!!

I just imagine this sort of crash.To other people, it starts to look they are starting to fall apart. Everyone is betting against them. But they cannot see what s really happening.

There is a lot more yelling and screaming. A lot more crying. They do not see the difference. You need to look a little closer. 

Yelling is happening about real problems. They don’t fight about trivial things but actually get to the point. Insecurity, frustration, stress. They let each other know what is wrong and actually get to fixing it.

The real changed happens when they let their worst feelings out. Frantic sobbing. The kind that are so hard that breathing becomes hard. Body shacking. Incoherent. Just a mess.

They are a mess. And they match.

They soon over come and grow. They become two halves of a whole. The ultimate team who understand the behavior of the other than they do themselves.

Cute cuddly husbands turn into each other. Simon reads up on a few things that build up Baz’s extensive knowledge and they start to have more to talk about. Simon’s complete acceptance of Baz as he is leads to a better relationship with himself and his own body. Creating hunger. Baz visibly gains weight after Simon’s love and cooking. He is more energetic and in term happier.
The happiest couples I have ever met gain weight because of each other. When life treats you well, you want to eat. The best couples work out together too.

They accept themselves and each other. It takes a while but they make each other happy.

Hirst has a woman problem.

If you want to avoid spoilers, then leave!

ONLY A FATHER IS DESERVING OF “MOURNING”

Aslaug was not a favorite. I get that. She was not a good mother after Harbard came to the picture. She negletcted her foster kid, Siggy, was distant to her other sons and overlooked Ivar´s sadistic tendencies. HOWEVER, Ragnar left for a number of years after he became a fucking drug addict, and before that he was distant, at best.

When he dies their sons go to great lenghts to “avenge” his death:

Originally posted by saettrenoora

Aslaug´s death is all but forgiven by Sigurd and Hvtserk…

MEN HAVE THE RIGHT OF BEING  FATHERS EVEN IF THEY ARE UNFIT BUT WOMEN ARE NOT WORTHY OF SECOND CHANCES.

Okay, Porunn was also not a favorite. Vikings are harsh and her post partum depression obviously was something unheard. But Bjorn shuns his daughter afterwards, even though he could have arranged proper fostering and HE gets the chance of starting a new family with Torvi.

Not convinced?

Floki is a mentally and emotionally instable man, but, after the death of his daughter, he gets a chance to raise Ivar and develop a bond with him.

Helga? No, Helga is destined to be a loser, so she goes crazy, adopts an orphan GIRL, who will…well…be the end of everything for poor Helga.

ONLY MALE CHILDREN ARE GIVEN ENOUGH SCREEN TIME AND ONLY THEM SURVIVE INTO ADULTHOOD:

I will not make a list, but go ahead and name me a single girl in this series that was shown to be born and survive? You will not find her, because she does not exist.

IF YOU ARE NOT A SHIELDMAIDEN OR IF YOU DO NOT SLEEP WITH YOUR FATHER IN LAW, YOUR STORY IS NOT WORTH SCREEN TIME

Kwentrith and Siggy senior were killed off because the actresses had other projects, I do understand that. However, Hirst has been writing female characters as either warriors or lapsed mothers for a long time now. Gisla was an example of politically active woman , but her development stopped the moment she became Rollo´s wife- from that moment on, she is being portrayed as either loving or nagging, but always in relation to Rollo.

THE ONLY RELATIONSHIPS THAT MATTERS ARE MALE-MALE FRIENDSHIPS.

I said it before, but I will say it again: the first 2 and half seasons of Vikings were incredible efficient in portraying strong women building positive relationships with one another, having agency and a sense of community. No cat fights, no bitching around, no jealousy.

But also the deaths of women are events that leave no impact in the story.

Siggy gave her life to save two of Ragnar´s sons. Her death only served one purpose: to freed Rollo. Not even Hvitserk or Ubbe were able to remind the viewers that they are only alive because of that woman´s sacrifice. Hvitserk only said “ we almost died following Aslaug on that frozen lake”

Sigurd is shown to be traumatized by being left behind in Kattegat. He goes on and on about Harbard, about Ivar´s being breastfed. He never mentions finding little Siggy corpse.

Kwentrith was killed by Judith, who knew she was pregnant and who had previously betrayed her already. We don´t get any scene of Aethelwulf lamenting her death. Magnus, her son, is sent away after being discovered that he WAS NOT RAGNAR´S- but he is still Kwentrith. I see that Aethelwulf was actually saving this child life, because he has a claim to Mercia and Ecbert would definitely kill him now, but the way the scene played was telling “ Tell them that you are Ragnar´s son”. NO MENTION OF HIS MOTHER.

Aethelstan, on the other hand, dead since season 3, is still there. His death led Ragnar to drugs , he is mentioned by Ecbert all the time, to the point of exhaustion. To be honest, Aethelstan was not even that interesting, but hey, Hirst thinks he was, so we should all agree.

The problem is, in my view, Hirst cannot write 20 episodes. He caters to the “ kick ass” male fans and he has hinted that History presses him to write “ less Saxons, more Vikings” , but even part of the male audience is getting restless. Ragnar, Aethesltan and soon Ecbert are dead. We should move on to Ivar and Alfred, but if the series wants to go forward, Hirst has to do better. The way things are now, we will not see Aethelflaed, the Lady of Mercians, daughter of Alfred, woman of great intelligence that was responsible for reclaiming a big part of England from the Viking invaders.

EUDIALYTE…..

This stone is found within many places throughout our world including Greece, Canada and Russia. Meaning “easy to dissolve” in the Greek language this stone disintegrates when put into contact with specific liquids with a high acidity level. Eudialyte comes in a variety of pink and red hues as well as browns, greens and yellows, however these are much rarer than their red/pink forms. 

This stone is known for its highly powerful positive vibrations. It aids emotionally instability and allows you to expel the negative emotions troubling your mind. It allows changes to take place peacefully without the need of conflict therefore causing a harmonious balance within. 

  • Tumblr posts: STAY AWAY FROM ABUSIVE PEOPLE. FEAR OF ABANDONMENT? ABUSIVE. BEING ANGRY? ABUSIVE. UNSTABLE EMOTIONS? ABUSIVE. INSECURE? ABUSIVE!!!!!!
  • Me, as someone with Borderline PD where the main symptoms are extreme reactions to real or perceived abandonment, intense emotionality, instability, and a lack of sense of self: Well it wouldn't be right to look at it as INHERENTLY abu-
  • Tumblr: ABUSIVEEE!!!!!!!!! YOU'RE ABUSIVE!!!
  • Me: ......
Letters // Anakin x Reader

This prompt was requested by an anon: Okay but what about grown up Ani telling the reader he heard that she promised his mother she would protect and take care of him back on Tatooine when they were children (let’s say she was a padawan sent to help protecting queen Amidala) and thanking the reader and telling her she did more than that and that he is deeply in love with her and kisses her? Like super fluffy fluff pretty please if it isnt asking too much

I thought this was a cute, fluff prompt yeeeee 

“I promise I’ll look after him” you say, warming smiling up at Shmi as tears glide down her face, landing on the fabric of your clothing.

“He’s a good boy. He won’t get himself into trouble” she tells you. You nod and pull her into a warm embrace. “Thank you” she whispers.

As you pull away, you plant a gentle kiss on her cheek. You grab your small bag with little items in it and make your way towards the ship. You say your final goodbyes to everyone and everything you know. Before you fully board the ship, you turn around and look at Shmi. She mouths, “Please be safe.” You nod and go on board, prepared to start your new life with that promise on repeat in your mind.

In no way shape or form, would you ever break it.

Forward flash 10 years

You smashed through the last wave of simulated droids and closed your lightsaber. You were panting, your legs feeling numb, and your mouth drier than sand.

“Excellent work today, my padawan. I can see improvement beyond compare. That’s all the training for today. You are dismissed” your Master, Mace Windu states. You bow down quickly, and exit the training facility.

As you walk down the hall, someone purposefully bumps into you. “Oh would you for once stop being so annoying?” you tell Anakin, pushing him back.

The both of you were currently stationed at Coruscant for auxiliary training.

“That’s impossible. Bugging you is my favorite thing to do” he teases as you let out a small laugh.

You both walk down to the dormitories and before you can enter your separate bedrooms, Obi Wan stops Anakin. “Anakin, I want to share something with you. It’s important.”

“What’s the matter?” you speak up. Anakin starts into his room as Obi Wan pulls you aside.

“It’s a letter that was retrieved from his mother’s files” he whispers.

Shmi had died a few years back by being brutally tortured. Ever since then, the promise you made to her before you and Anakin left Tatooine for Jedi training was something you put before everything. You were determined to keep him safe. You loved Shmi and you loved Anakin. Seeing anything bad to him, you tear you apart and send you into a state of emotionally instability.

“Go to him” you tell Obi Wan. He disappears into Anakin’s room as you into yours.

What could the letter be about? Was it a goodbye note? A love note to him? A warning?

You were overwhelmed with ideas. You sat on the edge of your bed, your knees trembling.

After what seemed like an eternity, the door opens to reveal Anakin with a piece of paper in his hands. He walks up to you and hugs you with all of his strength.

“Oh, Ani” you whisper as he sobs into your neck. I rub his hair and try to calm him down with reassuring words. As he lets go of you, he hands you the letter.

“I want you to read it” he smiles. You return the same smile and accept the letter from his hands.

My dear Anakin,

I know you are going to do great things. You are a strong, brave boy who is finally taking steps to become a powerful Jedi.

I couldn’t be more proud.

I want you to know that before you left, I told (Y/N) to keep a close eye on you. She loves you, Ani. I see it. You need to do all you can to protect her and she will do the same for you.

I love you, darling. I always will.

-Mother

Tears well in your eyes, as you look up at Anakin.

“You protected me after all these years. Not only did you do that, but you made me a better person. I’m so in love with you and I don’t care if it against the Code. I’m so deeply I love with you and I know it’s right.”

He comes over to you, wiping away your tears. You press your lips up against his, wrapping your arms around him. The kiss is warm and sends electricity up your spine. As you pull away, you say, “I’m so in love with you”

You both smile and embrace each other, knowing that Shmi is looking down of the both you, watching as a happy relationship unfolds.

Who needs a Valentine when you can have… emotional instability