emotional. granny

The Diamond in The Rough

Yesterday was one of those days…you know the type I mean. The type that starts off with that nagging little voice in you that whispers for you to stay in bed. “You should just stay where you are,” you can hear it urge. “Trust me.” You ignore it, because, well…your yippee little dog will not shut the hell up until you go downstairs to let him out. And so, the day began! It was a hot day in Florida, which, of course, kept me tired as all hell. (It doesn’t help that I am, and have been for the past few weeks, battling the head cold from hell. I am wheezing like a punctured balloon, and coughing nonstop. I feel like the world around me is spinning, and I have an everlasting earache in my left ear.)

Then, there was a sadness. One that, as a thirty-five year old man, I must admit I feel childish over. But still…It was the day that my mother was supposed to be arriving for the one week visit, that now is not happening. She claimed that she could not come, I suppose I can tell you now, because she was in too much pain to do really, well…anything. “It is better if I just stay home this week…at the house. Take care of myself.” Of course, when I called her today, over and over again, she did not answer. So, I text my sister, just to make sure everything was okay. It turns out my mom was fine. Fine, and out at my nephew’s house, running about, and having a great old time. It turns out that, in fact, my mom did not stay home. Which, naturally, has me asking…if she can find the strength to go and visit my nephew…and God knows what else, then why in the name of hell can’t she come visit me? Am I so damned unimportant, that it is this easy to push me aside? I feel ridiculous in a way…I mean, I am a grown man. And yet, here I am, whining about this like some pathetic toddler. Then again, how else am I supposed to feel?

I feel like shit, my dear readers. I am not going to sugar coat it. I feel like total, and complete SHIT! And I feel this way, in part, because of the fact that I was treated like something that can so easily be pushed away. No matter how old one gets, it is always going to hurt like hell when people show you how easy it is to snub you.

Yes, it was, most definitely, one of those days where you ask yourself, at least 153 times throughout the day: “Why the hell did I even get out of bed today, at all?”

It was a crap day. A TOTAL CRAP DAY! And, during it, I cried. I cried, and cried…and cried.  I was in physical pain because of this beastly cold. The heat of the day made me cranky, and tired. And, my mom showed me that, well…you know.

So, I guess I shall now get to the main point of this blog. (As much as I try to convince myself that you all care about my triumphs and tribulations, I know the real reason you visit here: to read about the granny squares.)

Yesterday morning, while sipping my cup of pumpkin spice coffee–normally something that I love so much, yet seemed tasteless at that time–I worked my daily granny square. (Yep folks…another day of just one square. I am sure that I will soon get back to the drive of two squares a day. But, for now, one square seems good enough.) I worked square 130, from the list found at YARNutopia. It was a simple enough square to do…perfect for the way I felt. It is your standard shell and chain one square, made of four rounds. The first round, typical enough to work, I made with hot pink yarn. Then, with white yarn, I worked round two in the same way. Round three comes, and I switched from white yarn to red. I worked the corners in red yarn, and the center of each side with white. This makes it look like there is a nifty little diamond in the middle of the square. (It also creates a BOATLOAD of ends, that you will have to weave in when you are finished. Isn’t that always fun.) Lastly, I worked all of round four with red yarn. For such a simple square, it is actually a very pretty design.


And, there was at least something good that happened, yesterday! Something that I almost entirely forgot. The one part of the day that made me smile. (Which, yesterday, was a very amazing thing.)

Yesterday, while cleaning a knitting bag behind the table at the side of the couch, I was lucky enough to find it. Something that just made my October month that much better. Yup. At the very bottom of the bag, as though it was delivered by some type of yarn genie (a YENIE?), there was a small little clumped up mess of black yarn.

All right, all right. It may not seem like that big a deal to anyone else. But, it was big to me. As I have previously said, I am absolutely REFUSING to buy any new yarn for this challenge. It is all about using what I got handy, my friends. So, finding this black yarn means that I am really going to get to make the Halloween squares, in their full spooktacular glory.

Well…there you have it.

Black yarn for Mr. Michael. 28 squares down. 437 to go. And, a man that is crushed because his mother is in too much pain to see him, but somehow well enough to go and visit other family members, and have a good time.

At least I have two things to make it a little bit better. I have my husband. And, I have this challenge. Thank God for both.

The story behind baby Cass’ raggedy, worn to pieces scarf.

I have this thing where I really want to see characters interact who have never actually met in comics. I think Scott Free and Big Barda would be SO GREAT for the gen of baby heroes who came out of dysfunctional families or escaped terrible situations, because they made it out of Apokalips you know? Scott and Barda’s biggest escape was breaking free of the mental and emotional influence of Granny Goodness, and I like to think that they kind of quietly find ways to support people like Cass.

My Life As An INTJ

My Name: Ash

My Type: INTJ

Enneagram: 5w6

Introverted Intuition (Ni):

For me, everything is about symbolism and connections. I’ll group things together in ways that don’t make sense to anybody else, and then put those to use in real life; if I need to calm myself down I won’t go to anybody, I’ll just put on a Harry Potter audiobook, because those remind of times when I was younger and felt really safe. It’s also helpful for remembering stuff, like my timetable – this is something that’s slightly harder to explain, but it involves me grouping together similar subjects and then using those connections to remember on which day each of them is.

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