emotional regulation

PSA about ADHD

✦ADHD is not a personality quirk

- some things that tag along with ADHD are:

        ~sensory processing disorder

        ~executive dysfunction

        ~poor fine motor skills

        ~sensory overloads (that lead to meltdowns)

        ~sensory seeking (self stimming)


        ~moderate to severe memory problems

        ~Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria- is an extreme emotional sensitivity and emotional pain triggered by the perception that one is being rejected, teased, or criticized. The emotional response is complete with suicidal ideation and people suffering from RSD often get misdiagnosed with serious personality disorders. RSD is only seen in people with ADHD and the emotional sensitivity/reaction is much more severe than that of a neurotypical person.

✦Some other “fun” ADHD things! 

          ~inability to regulate emotions

          ~no concept of time

          ~noticeable public stimming (resulting in stares from neurotypicals) 

          ~no impulse control


          ~listen but cannot absorb what is being said 

          ~no volume control 

          ~increased inability to focus when emotional

          ~difficulty stopping a task and transitioning to the next 

          ~social anxiety

          ~higher levels on generalized anxiety

          ~extremely forgetful 

          ~”all or nothing” mentality  

@ neurotypicals- some things to be aware of: 

- you cannot hyperfixate. only people who are neurodivergent can hyperfixate. please don’t use that word when describing your latest obsession :-)

- please don’t stare at neurodivergent people who are stimming in public

- be respectful of those who actually need fidget toys so they can subtly stim in public 

- if we forget something you tell us it is not because we don’t care, we just have a million other thoughts racing through our mind and no way to filter through them. 

- please be gentle with us. no don’t tip toe around us and treat us like we aren’t human, but be aware that even offhand comments can trigger RSD. no we aren’t being too sensitive, our brains are wired differently than yours


DBT Self-Help Resources: Emotions List

Using an Emotions List to help Label an Emotion

Some people are more adept at labelling their emotions than others. Some people just can’t seem to name what they are currently feeling. They might say that they felt bad or upset, but pinning down what that actually means for them is more challenging. Many people walk around in this kind of emotional fog.

Unfortunately, if you don’t know what you are feeling, you can’t do much to change it. People who can name their emotions are more capable of managing them, so it is important to become more familiar with your emotions and learn to identify them.

Once you are more capable of naming your emotions, you’ll have more choices in terms of what to do with an emotion if it makes you feel uncomfortable and you would prefer to at least reduce its intensity. Many people with emotion dysregulation grow up without learning this important information, so for some people it takes a lot of time to get the hang of naming their emotions. Be patient. If you get frustrated, reframe this process as if you are learning a new language. In fact, that’s exactly what is happening: you are learning the language of emotion.

Anytime you are unable to identify the emotion you are experiencing refer to the Emotions List. Reading through it, you should be able to find a word that closely describes the emotion that you are experiencing.

So your kid’s autistic: A handy guide to not being a dick from a mom of an autistic teen daughter

1. Stop calling yourself an Autism Mom and making it all about you.
2. Meltdowns suck, but they’re harder on her than you. Work with her to figure out her triggers and don’t dismiss them.
3. Some types of behavioral therapy which focus on emotional regulation can be beneficial but anything that rigidly demands forced eye contact, forbids stimming, or aims to make her act “less autistic” is abusive.
4. Autism Speaks is garbage.
5. Vaccines don’t cause autism.
6. Focusing on causes and cures is both ableist and pointless.
7. Listen to and respect your kid as a valid human being.
8. Make whatever accommodations she needs to function optimally without making a big deal about it.
9. Be prepared to fight if school is unwilling to make accommodations.
10. Know your kid’s educational rights as a disabled person and make damn sure her school honors them
11. Don’t just rely on teachers and therapists to understand autism. Talk to actually autistic adults to gain a better sense of what to expect for your child’s future. Don’t know any? Follow blogs with the tag #actually autistic. And encourage your kid to do the same, especially as she gets older.
12. Your kid is capable of a lot more than you may think and she’s growing up. Stop infantilizing her and let her make mistakes.

Any and all constructive feedback from the #actuallyautistic community is welcome. I’m trying to continue to grow as a supportive parent.


Attention all writers/those who care:

This is a list of emotions, what causes them, what thoughts follow them, body sensations, expressions, and their after affects.Technically it’s from my dbt therapy workbook but I thought it was a really useful writing tool as well. 

Pay no attention to my small notes and ramen in the background. 

Happy writing/emotion regulating! 

BPD Is Not A Life Sentence

“One of the most harmful misconceptions about BPD is that it is a life sentence—that people with BPD will struggle with the disorder for their entire lives, and that little can be done about it. The term “personality disorder” does not help the situation, as it implies that there is something fundamentally flawed with an individual’s personality, or who they are as a person.

In fact, there are many reasons for hope. First and foremost, studies have found that rates of recovery from BPD are much higher than previously thought. In one of the longest studies on BPD, Dr. Mary Zanarini and colleagues found that, over 10 years following hospitalization:

86% of people with BPD stopped meeting criteria for BPD for at least four years.

50% of people recovered completely (as shown by no longer meeting BPD criteria and having good social and work functioning)

Many of these people were receiving some kind of treatment, but some were not. Although many people with BPD clearly struggle for a long time, BPD is not a hopeless diagnosis, and many people recover.

A second reason for hope is that treatment works. The most extensively researched treatment for BPD is dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT), developed by Dr. Marsha Linehan at the University of Washington in Seattle. DBT involves the following:

Weekly individual therapy sessions aimed at helping clients reach their goals, reduce self-destructive behaviours and move forward on a path toward a more fulfilling life.

A weekly training group that teaches skills in the areas of mindfulness (paying attention to the present), emotion regulation (understanding and managing emotions), interpersonal effectiveness (dealing with relationships and acting assertively), and distress tolerance (surviving crises, and accepting yourself for who you are)

Availability of the therapist by phone, e-mail, or other means in between sessions when help is needed.

Several rigorous clinical trials have shown that DBT works. In my own experience, I’ve seen clients improve their lives and relationships, achieve goals they never thought they could achieve, reduce their suffering, and even use what they’ve learned to help others in their lives and in the mental health community.

Aside from DBT, other promising psychological treatments have emerged in recent years, further showing that there is hope for recovery from BPD: mentalization-based therapy (MBT), schema-focused therapy (SFT) and transference-focused psychotherapy (TFP).

Medication also can be helpful for people with BPD (especially mood stabilizers, atypical antipsychotic medications, and selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors, or SSRIs). Experts caution, however, that treatment by medication alone, without any psychological treatment or therapy, is not advisable.

The bottom line is that BPD is not a life sentence: Many people recover and sustain their recovery, and effective treatments exist.”


DBT Self-Help Resources: Ways to Describe Emotions

To be used with Emotion Regulation Worksheets 4, 4a

Also look at: Emotions List -  Using an Emotions List to help Label an Emotion

Search results for Emotion Dysregulation - Definition of Emotion Dysregulation

Source: Marsha M. Linehan (2015) DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets, Second Edition The Guilford Press

Copyright 2015 by Marsha M. Linehan.

anonymous asked:

Does adhd affect emotions?? Like I might get frustrated and cry. Or be so happy I can't calm down. Or maybe I'm just in a repressing-my-emotions mood. Or maybe....oh crap i forgot was I was going to say..... Well ya get my drift. Is this normal??

Yes, this is pretty common with ADHD. One of the things executive functions control is how we behave in response to our emotions. So everything gets way bigger for a lot of us, because the “filter” just isn’t there.


little things that can help you if you have bpd

i’ve been seeing a lot of topics like “how to deal with someone who has bpd” and it always bothers me, because there is basically no topics about how to deal if YOU have bpd. that’s why i’m making this post, in my opinion as someone who has bpd. feel free to leave other tips and comment!

  • buy a notepad and write about your emotions. in DBT (dialectical behavior therapy), used a lot to help people with BPD, they tend to help others to regulate their emotions, basing on some principles, like:
  1. identify and classify emotions; usually, people with BPD suffered/suffer from emotional abuse and it makes harder for us to have a knowledge about our feelings, since we never had someone to help us in this aspect. if you have hard times dealing with your emotions, you can create a special organization on your notepad, basing on: what just happened that could be a possibly trigger to your feeling? (EVEN IF IT’S SOMETHING MINOR, for example, if your friend replied to you in a different way, if you saw an image that made you feel uncomfortable); what are your physical symptoms about it? (for example, if you feel butterflies in your stomach, you are possibly anxious); what does this feeling make you want to do? (for example, if you feel like you want to hit something, you are possibly experiencing anger). and, also, try to identify your primary and secondary emotions, for example, if a friend forgets about an event that you would go together, first you may feel anger, but this anger can be followed by frustation or sadness (secondary emotions).
  2. how to “change” your emotions; after writing about your emotions and trying to learn about them, you can add a subject in your notepad about “WHAT CAN I DO TO CHANGE THIS FEELING”. your first thoughts may be pessimists, specially because borderlines are VERY impulsives, like “i should probably self-harm” or even “i should probably kill myself”, due to the intensity of bpd emotions, but right now, you have to think with your rationality. for example, if your friend is delaying to reply, you can think about the possibilities that are causing this problem: if they are busy, if they are having a hard time or if they just don’t want to talk right now. after thinking about the situation as a whole, you’ll ask yourself “okay, but what will i do?” and that’s why i think it’s important to create a list about what makes you happy and what distracts you, so everytime you have a hard situation to deal with, you can check on your list. “oh, i’m having x problem, but in my list it says that painting makes me happy, so what about painting something i saw today?”. if you don’t have anything that you like about, there is an app called Calm Harm, that can help you in self-harm situations!
  3. increase and improve positive emotional events; i know that it’s difficult for us to focus on positive moments, but once you are feeling down, please try to write about what happened in your day that was a good thing. and when i say it, i don’t mean a BIG thing, it can be something like seeing a flower in your garden. write about your sensations when your experienced this moment and think about the possibility of living this moment more than once. for example, if i saw a flower and it made me happy, can i try to plant one, so i’ll see it more often?
  4. apply pressure tolerance techniques; by distraction, self-care, improving the moment and considering pros and cons.

SO, in your notepad, have a space to: first, identify and classify your emotions; second, a space to write about how to change your emotions; third, a space to write about positive emotional events and fourth, write about what pressure tolerance techniqures you can apply to your life. 

  • practice saying no and saying what you need to the people around you; sometimes people with BPD tend to think that we are a burden to friends and family, and sometimes it’s not true. due to it, we often don’t tell what we really want. so, if you could, please, practice saying NO and what you REALLY need and want to people around you, even if it’s minor things. for example, if someone asks you to lunch with them, but you can’t/don’t want to, don’t let your abandonment fear decides what it’s the best for you, just say no, but not in the intention to hurt the other person. “i’m sorry, i really like you, but i can’t or don’t want to, since i have to do x thing/feeling x thing, but i really like you!”. when you say no, you can have a better idea about what you like and what you don’t, so you can start to let people know about it. for example, “hey! yesterday i said no when you invited me for lunch, so i realized i don’t really like going to public places, what about having lunch in my house next time?”
  • practice breathing techniques; intense emotions can lead us to panic situations or really bad physical symptoms. in stressing moments, we hold the air, increasing the level of carbon dioxide in our system, so the organism thinks we need more oxygen and make us breathe faster. the imbalance increases our heart beats, our blood pressure and the release of hormones such as adrenaline. i recommend ASMR videos to relax and you can breathe slowly, imagining a circle opening and closing, like the gif:

the post is getting long, so i’ll finish here! i’ll probably post a part two if you guys like! please leave a comment if it was helpful and i’m sorry if my grammar wasn’t very correct, english is not my native language.

remember that everything here is theoritical and it’s hard to apply these tips in your life, things will not suddenly change. but i believe in you and things take time, so don’t give up on getting better.

Bpd facts
-people w bpd have over active frontal lobes (the things that control emotion and memory)

-ppl with bpd have amygdala glands that are 16% smaller (the part of your brain that regulates emotion)

-people with bpd experience pain similar to how others feel when they lose a loved one almost daily and over super minor things

-people with bpd will test others by pushing them away, in these situations reassure your loved one with bpd and if they still want soace give it to them but let them know youll be glad to hear from them again if they want to come back

-after an episode people with bpd most likely wont remember much of the episode and can bounce back fairly quickly after an episode which can be confusing

-when a person with bpd tells you they are suicidal, no matter how often, they mean it. Bpd is horribly, horribly painful

Hope this helps some people understand a lil better but theres precisely a shit load of info online so if you think you cant help your loved one with bpd, think again

Tools for Mentally Ill Students #1

Hey guys! So I’ve been thinking a lot about what I use to control my mental health and keep me on track to recovery. Little things that make life easier for when everything seems hard. They’re not going to work miracles, but they can at least help, so I thought I’d share them with you. Here’s part one.

The DBT Wellness Planner

This planner uses dialetical behaviour therapy to help you bring order to your life and keep track of your emotions. I received it as a gift a few months ago and it has helped SO much. I really recommend this.

Anxiety and Worry Workbook

A lot of students cannot access therapy, whether because of money or your family or whatever. Workbooks can help you start developing skills by yourself. It’s hard, but if you put just a small amount of time into it consistently, you could really help yourself overcome symptoms. Add it to your schedule like homework. I have chosen this workbook because anxiety is something so many students struggle with.

Fidget Pen

We all know by now that fidget toys can be more distracting than anything. However, a lot of people with anxiety and similar symptoms can find fidget toys grounding. This pen is perfect for study, as it’s less likely to be taken away from you by an ignorant teacher. Just make sure you’re the kind of person who is helped by these things!

Sleep Supplement

Sleep is something most students struggle with, and the side effects can be seriously damaging to your mental health. You may be able to get a sleep aid from your doctor, but many don’t prescribe them to young people for fear of them forming a habit. A natural sleep supplement might be a good alternative. Though they don’t work for everyone, and are not as strong as prescription meds, supplements with things like melatonin, magnesium, and valerian root can give you a little extra push towards sleep. I find them especially useful when I can’t sleep because of anxiety. (Always keep in mind your specific body and needs before taking supplements).

Pill Reminder Clock / Reminder Bottle / Portable Bag

Remembering to take meds can be hard. Even apps can be easy to miss and ignore. That’s why I’ve added three different options to help you remember your meds. The first is an amazing alarm clock that says stuff like “Good morning, please remember to take your morning pills”. The second is pill bottles with caps that automatically count down from when you last took your meds. The third is a set of containers that fit into a small, discreet portable bag. 

Fitness Tracker

Regular exercise can be vital to help you regulate emotions and sleep. A fitness tracker can help you keep this up. You don’t have to fork out for a Fitbit, especially since you’re a student. There are plenty of cheaper options out there. One like this, with a heart rate monitor, can also be good for tracking anxiety. 

Intake-Tracking Water Bottle

We’ve all heard it a million times- we should drink more water. It’s not gonna cure us, but it does help our overall health. However, it can be hard to remember to drink enough, which is where bottles like this come in. It’s clearly marked showing you how much you should have drunk by different times of the day.

anonymous asked:

About someone I care about who is autistic. Sometimes when she becomes extremely happy or excited about something, she'll become semi-verbal and stim a lot (which is great!). But then it often kind of changes gears after a while if she can't calm down, and she'll become really distressed. It's like she goes from "I'm expressing my feelings!" stims to "I'm just trying to self soothe because I'm super stressed" stims. I want to understand why this happens and if there's anything I can do to help?

First, it’s great how well you know your friend’s stims! Each autistic person’s stims can reveal so much about our emotional states and it’s wonderful when those close to us take the time to learn our language. 

While I can’t say for certain since all autistic people are different, I think there’s a good chance your friend may be experiencing emotional overload. 

Sensory overload is a pretty well-known trait of autism, however, what many people aren’t aware of is that we can experience overload due to emotions that are too strong. While this can result from intense anger or sadness, it can also be caused by good feelings that are experienced too intensely. 

I would suggest talking to your friend at a time when she is calm and telling her what you’ve noticed. Ask her if there’s anything you can do to help her when she gets too happy. Even something as simple as saying something when she gets into that state could help her to recenter and avoid overload. 

I hope this helps!


Sometimes when I get really excited it feels like I spend too much energy so I end up feeling exhausted, burnt out and empty very fast, very suddenly.

Excitement/happiness and stress are also both high-energy emotional experiences so I can see how someone may get confused or “cross-over” from one state to the other, especially if they are not very good at perceiving or regulating their own emotions to begin with. 

For me, I find that there is often only a thin line between extremely happy and extreme despair and agitation, to the point where, when I feel extremely excited, I can feel the other lurking. 

What helps me is to monitor how I feel. I think of it as similar to a volume control on a radio: when I feel the intensity of the emotions changing (increasing suddenly), I try to slow down (both in what I’m doing and internally), take a step back, breathe, check if there is anything I need or if anything is adding stress that I haven’t consciously noticed and if there is anything I can do about it. The radio visual helps me personally because it makes something that feels intangible and confusing to me, tangible and ordinary (as opposed to something vague, elusive and over-powering), which makes it more manageable to me.


When Emotions Fit the Facts


  • A significant goal is blocked or an activity you desire is prevented.
  • You or a loved one is attacked or harmed by others.
  • You or a loved one is bullied or threatened by others.
  • The integrity or status of your social group is offended or threatened.


  • Loving a person, place, or animal enhances your quality of life.
  • Loving a person, place, or animal enhances the life of a loved one.
  • Loving a person, place, or animal supports the achievement of a goal.


  • You’ve lost someone or something permanently.
  • A situation doesn’t meet your expectation or desire.


  • Your life or the life of a loved one is threatened.
  • Your health or the health of a loved one is threatened.
  • Your well-being or the well-being of a loved one is threatened.


  • Something you’re touching could poison or contaminate you.
  • Someone you strongly dislike is touching you or a loved one.
  • You’re near someone who could harm you or a loved one.


  • An important or desired relationship/object is in danger of being damaged or lost.
  • Someone is threatening to take away a valued object or relationship from your life.


  • Someone else gets or has things you don’t have but want or need.


  • You will be rejected by a person or group you care about if something about yourself or your behavior is made known.


  • Your behavior violates your own values or moral code.

Source: (x)

local psych and writing major with bad grammar here to tell you about subtle body language shit people do when they’re talking to help out with writing interactions:

  • note that people who are high self monitors will notice these behaviors more often and can adapt to different conversations more than those who are low self monitors, who may not realize that they are reacting inappropriately in a situation.
  • second note that we only remember a fraction of dialogue and conversation, what sticks in our mind is how a person made us feel during the conversation
  • women, parents, good teachers, and actors are more sensitive to gestures and expressions and noticing subconscious behaviors in others.  
  • please note that some of this may not apply to everyone, keep in mind where these social situations could change for your neurodivergent, mentally ill, and disabled characters

under the cut, i go through non-verbal interaction, gestures, personal space, and eye contact

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