emotional manipulation

Growing up with a mother who’s the emotional equivalent of a freight train hauling gasoline tankers crashing into a fireworks factory on an eternal loop gave me a lot of very specific talents, but perhaps none so valuable or secretly enjoyable than my ability to staunchly deny any shred of emotional leeway when someone is desperately and nakedly martyring themselves

Continuation of this.


Dean woke up.

Sizzling and the diffused smell of bacon spoke to Cas out of bed before him and cooking breakfast. Stifling a yawn with the back of his hand, Dean sat up and stretched. His back made a snap-snap-click as the kinks worked out, and he absently rubbed at his belly as he tugged his shirt back down. 

Well, whatever happened, I feel fine today.

Wait, why wouldn’t I feel fine?

The memory darted from his grasp when Dean tried to seize it, sense of disquiet already fading.

Damn, I hate when I have one of those dreams that I forget all the details and all that’s left is this vague sense that something is wrong. Brain why you gotta be like that?

Deja vu possessed Dean as he rose, slipped his feet into his slippers, shambled to the bathroom, went through all his morning rituals. No sooner did he step into the kitchen than, beaming, Castiel set a plate of eggs and bacon on the table for him. Dean slouched into his chair, knuckling away another yawn, and Cas plopped down opposite him, already hefting a forkful of eggs to his mouth.

“Sleep okay?” he asked brightly.

“Yeah,” said Dean. Reaching for his fork, he caught a glimpse of his arm and for a moment was confused at how…how…well, at how much like his arm it looked. Somehow, he’d thought there should be…cuts, or scabs, or scars maybe? But no, that was just his dream continuing to fuck with his sense of reality.

And Cas…there should be bruises on Cas’ face.

But no. Cas looked completely ordinary, completely like himself, eyes twinkling as he continued to smile even as he chewed.

“You?” Dean asked, absently taking a bite of his eggs. They tasted off from how he suspected, bland, flat. Dean grabbed the salt and added a liberal sprinkle.

“Great, as usual,” Cas said brightly.

“What has you in such a good mood today?” Dean asked, shaking his head around another bite of over-bland egg. He added a dash of pepper.

“Don’t tell me you forgot!” exclaimed Cas. Dean blinked at him. “Dean, it’s moving day!”

“Huh?”

“My new job? In New York? Are you sure you slept okay?” Cas’ smile wavered, and something unpleasant clenched at Dean’s chest.

Now that Cas mentioned it…that did ring a faint bell…

“Of course,” said Dean weakly.

Nothing hurt. He thought something should hurt.

“I’ll run out and pick up some boxes,” he added.

“Already did while you were asleep.” Cas’ frown deepened. “You know…I know you’ve been stressed about this, but I’m really glad the day is here. Chicago hasn’t been good for you, and I’m sorry now that I insisted. New York will be a breath of fresh air for both of us, but especially for you!”

Something warm and tender glowed in Dean’s chest, and his worries dissipated. Cas was always so good to him, and the job opportunity in New York was a great one for Cas - it must be, right? Advertising was big business there! 

Dean was so lucky.

Scooping up the last slice of bacon and stuffing it in his mouth, Dean grinned. “Alright! Let’s get packing!”

Cas clapped once in agreement and rose, gesturing for Dean to lead the way.

“So, tell me again about this place you’ll be working…?” Dean segued as he stepped into their pokey living room. Sure enough, a stack of boxes and packing tape were heaped beside their bookshelf. They didn’t own much; working together, getting ready would be the work of a few hours.

“It’s called Sandover, and…”

Gathering up their things, Dean let the sound of Cas’ voice lull him with an explanation that sounded more familiar the longer Cas spoke. Dean hated when his brain fog acted up; fortunately, Cas was always patient with him and never condemned him for forgetting even the most routine of things.

Dean was so, so, so lucky.

He’d have to start hunting for a job in New York City.

anonymous asked:

Opinion on water moons and venuses?

water moon - very emotional but does know how to handle their emotions. can be very manipulative when they want to be and can be dramatic people. talked more about water moons here 

water venus - very passionate people, can get engulfed by love and can be very romantic when they want to be. Have the potential to be very committed if they put all their effort into it 

You are not a bad person for having an abortion. You are not a “baby killer”, you are not going to Hell, you are not a monster.

You are also not a bad person if you don’t feel bad about your abortion. Be happy, be relieved! If that’s how you feel, that’s how you feel and there’s nothing wrong with that.

You made the choice that was best for you. You took care of yourself. Never let anyone give you shit for that.

you know whats weird?? guys are constantly being teased for being whipped by their gf’s for doing basic things like spending time w her and respecting her, but women who literally cook and clean up after their bfs and do everything for them to an unhealthy extent are just being ‘good girlfriends’ like isn’t there something wrong w that

Why people get trapped by Emotional Abusers & Why it’s not their fault

(these apply to platonic and romantic relationships)

1. Attachment

The Emotional Abuser gives you attention: they make you feel flattered, loved and important. You start to believe that they genuinely care about you. They might even think that they do by themselves since they internally justify all their doings. Normally this kind of attachment would lead to a healthy bonding and a closer relationship. With the Emotional Abuser it leads to some levels of addiction and dependency on the victim’s part which is never their fault. Emotional Abuser’s behaviour exploits normal emotional bonding to another human being.

2. Guilt

In some point in the relationship you notice that it’s all about their needs. The Abuser might do something that hurts your feelings and bringing it up leads them to reason why it’s actually your fault and why you have to take responsibility for it. They make up convincing excuses why it’s not their job to do it, why it’s absolutely unreasonable of you to ask for it and so on. In other words: they Guilt-trip you. The Emotional Abuser believes they have no responsibility for their behaviour or feelings. If they feel uncomfortable by something in the relationship they will manipulate you to take the blame instead of trying to work things out. Guilt-tripping makes the victim submit and erodes their sense of emotional and physical boundaries since they are made to believe it’s their job to cater on Abuser’s needs.

3. Cognitive dissonance

After the idealization pace the Emotional Abuser will move to a devaluing pace. Catering to their needs is not enough anymore and you feel you can’t do anything right no matter what you do. The pace starts when the Abuser feels you are getting emotionally too close and/or you are trying to hold them accountable for something they have done. Emotional Abusers are afraid of responsibility and in some cases intimacy so they will try to push you away. They use manipulation: Gaslighting and Guilt-tripping to force you into silence and to take all the responsibility for the relationship. They give you Silent Treatment which is justified by some clever excuses. Emotional Abusers believe they are entitled to absolute emotional comfort even when it means abusing other people.

Because you remember how well they used to treat you, your mind has a hard time accepting they are not the person you thought they were. In fact you might start to make excuses for them in your head because they have manipulated you to think nothing is their fault. It is extremely difficult to get away from the Abuser’s emotional trap because they take advantage of the victim’s emotional bonding to them and give false hope that the relationship could be “fixed”. You are misled into thinking that if you just learn not to be so “needy” and “selfish”, the Abuser will reward you with the loving behaviour they demonstrated in the beginning.

Aftermath

The Emotional Abuser has no intention to take responsibility for what their abusive behaviour has caused you because they have normalized and justified it in their head. Not all of the Abusers are so sure of themselves but need a lot of internal convincing and validation from others so that they can feel good about themselves which is their goal: not having to deal with responsibility or emotional labour. After all Emotional Abusers are not Disney villains but people who are so selfish that they lack of motivation to learn how to not hurt people.

There are two ways how the trap can break: the victim quits all contact with the Abuser or the Abuser leaves the victim. The latter one occurs if the Emotional Abuser feels they have to deal with too much because of the victim. The Abuser might feel threatened by the victim if the victim is making the Abuser feel bad about themself by calling out their abusive behaviour. The Emotional Abuser thinks that they are actually the victim in the relationship because the real Victim is making them feel bad and scared. The Abuser is genuinely afraid that they would have to deal with negative emotions that taking responsibility would require.

In the end the Emotional Abuser ends the relationship with some dramatic note in which they project all their feelings into the victim: you are the abuser, you have harmed them, you have threatened them. This is their way of securing their own emotional well-being as they refuse to acknowledge the reality. Just remember that it was NOT your fault and you are not responsible for their horrible behaviour. While mutually harmful and violent relationships can exist abusive relationships are based on a power imbalance and therefore there is no such a thing as “mutually abusive”. You are nothing like your abuser.

it’s time to shut down the lie that children who don’t grow up being hit, humiliated, and scared into obedience will grow up into spoiled, entitled, selfish monsters. there is zero truth to that. children grown in a healthy and nurturing environment will get a chance to grow up healthy. children who are raised by monsters who try to pretend that abuse is for the child’s sake and that the child would become a monster if not abused will be stripped of their health and will be denied an actual start in life and will be forced to fight for survival. I’ve had enough of abusers pretending they’re helping the child while they’re just taking and taking more and more away from them and leaving them permanently traumatized and emotionally injured. Don’t let them get away with it.

*sits down*

*takes a sip of coffee*

I dont want a redemption arc for kylo. i dont. what i want is for kylo to realize he’s been manipulated most of his life and i want him to get revenge. i want a snoke kylo showdown. i want kylo to be angry and hurt and i want him to use that and i want him to win against snoke, but i dont want him to fight snoke for the good of the galaxy, i want him to fight snoke because he wants revenge, not for some noble purpose or anything. just revenge.

i dont want a redemption arc.

i want a revenge arc.

REPEAT AFTER ME:
I deserve someone better.
I deserve someone better.
I deserve someone better.
—  Repeat until you accept that there is no going back no matter how much you still love them. Tolerate NO mistreatments. Respect yourself.
WHY YOU SHOULD BE PROUD OF YOUR SIGN
  • Aries: You play all the time, and you play to win. You are a cheerful and a happy person but god help the ones who do you wrong or the ones you love. You know how to party and you know how to have fun. You always give great compliments. You have a great body and great physical looks. Your smile is sexy and your laughter is even sexier. NOW, START LOVING YOURSELF AND YOUR SIGN.
  • Taurus: You have an impeccable taste for literally everything, you are the biggest hedonist out there and you simply know how to live. And you love life itself which comes in many forms. You have a cheerful spirit, intriguing mentality and even a greater heart. You are capable of putting up with so much shit and staying sane, haters can just stay jealous. You have the power to crack the earth in two when you witness negativity and you will. NOW, START LOVING YOURSELF AND YOUR SIGN.
  • Gemini: Your intelligence, style and communication skills know no borders. You are always the funny one, and even while some people might think that you're a drama queen or a double-faced attention whore, you just know that it isn't true. And you don't fight them but you let them learn it themselves that you're not a double-faced backstabber who hurts people for fun. You just love supporting people and making their lives better. NOW, START LOVING YOURSELF AND YOUR SIGN.
  • Cancer: You are literally one of the sweetest experiences one could ever have. You can teach people a lot, and you can stay strong through a lot of shit in your life. You are pure, innocent, loving and caring. You give the best hugs out there and you know how to satisfy people. You are full of positivity and you always put people's needs before yours. You can stand up and keep an insanely happy face even you're being torn apart inside. You are strong and you are one of the most sensitive people out there, which makes you really strong. NOW, START LOVING YOURSELF AND YOUR SIGN.|
  • Leo: You have this cheerful spirit and you radiate with alluring energy. People might accuse you of wanting to be the center of attention but you deserve to be the center of attention because you are special and you know what you're capable of. You just want to assure people that you're a person who's capable of many things and you can lead yourself and people to greatness. You are a natural born supporter and you simply know how to make people's lives better. NOW, START LOVING YOURSELF AND YOUR SIGN.
  • Virgo: You are really a person who's great in many spheres of life. You're deep. People might accuse you of being overcritical and a perfectionist, but don't let them bring you down. Yes, you are critical and you are a perfectionist but that's because you just want everything to be alright. You suffer from tons of anxiety when you want to achieve something but believe me, it will pay off. Just stay strong and don't listen to people who say that you're very silent and unsuccessful because you have the potential to surpass them all. You are a great thinker, a very intelligent person and you are one of the biggest go-getters out there. Stay strong and you will succeed in whatever it is you want. You know how to fix people's problems and you are born to help. NOW, START LOVING YOURSELF AND YOUR SIGN.
  • Libra: You are a person who radiates with positive energy. You are a beacon of happiness and you are one of the most creative people out there. You know how to care for people and you know how to love. God damn it, you have impeccable style and you know how to dress. You are appealing and both your physical and mental beauty are dominant when you enter a room of new people. You are a big, big person with even a bigger heart than your body and you know how to give people an advice. Those pieces of advice you give, often fix people's problems. You are beautiful. You are admirable. You are capable of many things and you know how to get shit done. NOW, START LOVING YOURSELF AND YOUR SIGN.
  • Scorpio: You are a person who's capable of many things. People usually think that you're too intense, childish, evil and vengeful but you're not. You just know how to have fun and you love making people's lives better. You are a master of telling jokes. Your eyes can penetrate deep inside a person's soul and see the sadness inside that person. And you will help that person. You help people on a daily basis, even if they don't see it. Most of the time you are very sad and you suffer inside because you think that people don't see what you've done for them, and that is okay. But believe me, they do see what you've done for them. And if anyone wrongs you or a person you love, you can avenge yourself or that person you love. Many people think that you're cruel and unforgiving but that's not true. Don't listen to the stereotypes for Scorpios and focus on being a good person. You forgive endlessly, you just don't like showing your emotions because people might manipulate you or use them against you, so you might do some things (which you will later regret) just because you don't want to seem weak. But that's how you protect yourself. Don't worry about others' opinions, you're a great person, filled with positivity. NOW, START LOVING YOURSELF AND YOUR SIGN.
  • Sagittarius: You are a person who cares about everyone. You are not bitchy and nervous, it's just that you are sick of people doing mistakes which they will later regret. You are a born teacher and you are born to lead people into a new, better world. People need to start listening to your pieces of advice because the pieces of advice you give are priceless. You are not extreme and you are not impulsive because you want to be, you do it because you want to prove others that you're a good person and a person who honestly and sincerely cares about everything. You often suffer from anxiety and insomnia, but it's because you are a very intelligent person and your mind works a lot faster than other people's. You come off as a person whom everyone thinks that hates emotions and doesn't know how to feel, but, believe me, you know how to feel. You just can't stand it when people don't live just and you are born to fix the mistakes of yours and of other people's. NOW, START LOVING YOURSELF AND YOUR SIGN.
  • Capricorn: You are a deeply caring person but you don't show it as most people do. Others will think that you're unfeeling and cold-blooded because of the way you show your emotions and because of your silent nature, but you are not emotionless. You are a person who cares a lot about your and other people's future. You are not materialistic and money-oriented, you are a person who is concerned with your and other people's well-being, so you work your ass off because you know where you might end up one day. Don't let people pick with you or underestimate you because you are a very sensitive and emotional person who knows how to support people and lead them to happiness. You will be made fun of, you will be insulted, you will be hated and you will be fought but you should know that you shouldn't give up of spreading positivity and working hard to achieve your goals. Don't let negative people stop you and bring you down. Learn that you are a person who knows how to function. You are not dull, as most people think. But let them think because you needn't carry about negative people's irrelevant opinions because you know who you are, and you are not dull. You are a very interesting, funny and creative person. You are a great friend, parent, partner and a lover. NOW, START LOVING YOURSELF AND YOUR SIGN.
  • Aquarius: You are an open-minded person and your intelligence is really great. You are a very understanding person and you know how to have fun. You lead people into great adventures which might seem risky, but you do it for the sake of fun. Best memories always come from great experiences, and you know how to make people experience things. You are not limited and detached as most people think, you are a person who just thinks rationally for your and the lives for the people around you. You are not argumentative as everyone thinks, you are debatable. There's a difference. You love learning and debating, you just seem argumentative because you're passionate for debates and learning new things. You are not a weirdo or a freak, you're an eccentric person. There's a difference. You are a great friend. NOW, START LOVING YOURSELF AND YOUR SIGN.
  • Pisces: You are one of the most insightful people out there and you simply know everything, because you feel everything. you have the gift of unlimited and uncontrollable emotions, which might sometimes take advantage of you but I assure you that you have the ability to control your emotions. You are one of the most intelligent people out there. You are very beautiful, both physically and mentally. You are a natural born philosopher and you're the deepest person there is. You are not weak just because you are hurt or triggered easily, you are strong and powerful beyond limits because you experience everything both with your heart, soul and mind. You absorb people's feelings and you absorb information like a sponge. You are capable of many things. No matter your easygoing, sweet, cheerful or introverted nature, you are one of the best fighters out there and you always win no matter what, because you stubbornly go to extremes and you have the ability to go to the end of the universe and back, if it's required of you to get what you want. You fight till the very end and you know how to sit on the throne. Despite most people's (stupid) opinion, you are not a wallflower. You are a natural born leader who just seems dreamy and lost most of the time but that's because you're very intelligent and you think like no-one else does. When the topic of a conversation is brought, I bet you've already been overthinking about it. You can put up with so much shit and you can go through everything, you can run through hell and fly through heaven in order to achieve your goals. You are not weak, you're just a person with the most intense emotions out there. Learn to control things and you will be unstoppable. When someone hurts you or someone you love, you will turn into a giant shark and every unjust person will feel the ocean's wrath. You are not weak because you're a forgiving person, you are just one level above all those haters and you actually understand why people made those mistakes, and that's why you forgive - when you forgive. NOW, START LOVING YOURSELF AND YOUR SIGN.

Why is silent treatment done - Why do people tend to ignore others?

a) its a way to hurt other person without indulging in aggressive behaviour.

b) one gets an excuse to avoid caring, respect or value of the other person.

c) Sensitive personalities are easily hurt and its the worst form of emotional abuse they are subjected to; it instantly shows in their behaviour.

d) The perpetrator can easily see the depression, restlessness, anger and low self-esteem it causes in the victim.

Signs of Emotional Manipulation #6

Extreme independence.

Those who have experienced narcissistic parents or abusive partners might turn to extreme emotional independence as a form of self defence to protect from further abuse. Some may refer to it as “trust issues”. If you want to be alone and are scared of forming connections you might be an emotional abuse survivor.

abusers are afraid of the world where they’re not able to abuse to freely, they’re afraid of the world where their abuse will be called out and condemned, where there will be consequences for their actions, where others will see what they’re doing and stand on the victim’s side, where they’re considered weak, disgusting, hateful and a burden on society they know they are. 

that’s why they’re trying to normalize abuse, trying to convince everyone victims deserved it for being “weak” or a list of other bullshit reasons. they’re scared of being recognized for who they are. they’re scared of being discovered. they’re scared of having to look themselves in the mirror and admit to what they’ve done. they’re scared of what they have to pay.

call their shit out. every single time. 

Victims will almost always be able to admit their own faults. They will know they reacted badly and did wrong. This quality is actually what the abuser uses against them in the first place to make them believe they are the ones in the wrong. Part of healing from abuse is learning to point out which of the abusers behaviors are, in fact abuse, while still acknowledging what you handled badly. (And everyone reacts badly to things when under the extreme pressure of abuse!).

Abusers will almost never admit they have ever done anything wrong at all. Their victims will be blamed for everything. They will hold every tiny thing against the victim, even things they could not possibly control, or they have never tried to talk to them about. They use social bigotries against the victim, and in their own defence. (Especially mental illness is used in this way - they believe their own illness excuses them from every wrongdoing, and their victims illness is proof they are in the wrong).

Abusive people who try to claim victim status make me so freakin’ angry. Like, no you are not a victim because people “called you out” on your behavior, or don’t “love you unconditionally,” or refused to associate with you anymore, or reported what you did. That’s not abuse, that is simply your victims trying to survive and break free. Honestly, an abusive person claiming that they are the real victims is the ultimate form of manipulation.