emotional discipline

I’m really sick of hearing “children need to be disciplined” and abusers passing up abuse for discipline because for who exactly do children need to be disciplined? what is a disciplined child? one who does what they’re told, that’s a child who doesn’t make noise, doesn’t complain or ask for anything, does things according to rules adults set for them, doesn’t require anything except what adults give them, basically, not a human being, not someone who is free, not someone with human rights, not someone who has the right to do what they want or to say what they need. Disciplining is taking freedom away in return for nothing, discipline is not for the sake or benefit or children but for their caretakers, so they don’t have to deal or spend any time or energy on the said children, and even have children do shit for them. 

For children it’s good to try out everything, to ask for everything, to make a mess, to make noise, to enjoy themselves, to test all their limits and figure out what makes them feel good and what doesn’t, to figure out which kind of work they enjoy, eating when they feel like it, sleeping when they feel like it. Taking this away will never ever benefit the child, it will only benefit the caretakers. It’s not the child’s fault that this society isn’t safe or accepting for child’s development, that their freedom means nothing if they can instead be tucked away and forced to be silent and get shit done if they wanna live. Children aren’t here to please everyone else or to get stuff done, and forcing them to be “disciplined” by punishments will absolutely not lead them to a balanced and productive adult life, it will make them feel guilty, scared, anxious and ashamed if they don’t manage to fulfill impossible schedules and thousands of chores. 

A child can benefit from fair and structured environment where they know what the rules are and what they’re allowed to do, what the rewards are, and what are the consequences if they do wrong, provided they actually have enough freedom to explore and do what they want and the rules don’t change continually based on adult’s moods. But only thing that is truly wrong is hurting others, so they should not suffer consequences for anything but that. But somehow that’s one thing everyone easily gets away with, and they’re instead getting punished whenever adults perceive them as a nuisance or just wanna lash out and find an excuse for it. So whatever is being passed up as “good for the child” is anything but. Before you claim any abuse is “discipline”, remember that they’re in most cases one and the same thing, and never benefit the child.

I actually am in charge of telling my emotions what’s right and wrong, not the other way around. Let’s say I’m really angry at the person in front of me in the car. And I have to tell myself, “You don’t know that person, you don’t know what they’re going through, you don’t know where they’re going to.” Just simple things like that, that’s just a very simple daily example of something you need to talk to yourself and be like, “Emotions, chill out.” And other times when you get angry over some injustice, you realize, “Now that’s good, I should be angry.” So, there are boundaries for knowing when it’s safe to let your emotions lead you and when it’s time for you to lead them.
—  Lacey Sturm

I think a lot of what abusive parents label as “teaching child to behave” is merely “putting the child back into it’s place”, meaning reminding the child it has no rights, no authority, no freedom to do what everyone else can do, no right to assert a need, no right to treat others the way it’s being treated.

I have definitely experienced this. I assumed as a child I have same rights and values as a parent and when I acted accordingly, I was shut down very fast, and got put back into the place of someone who was on the very bottom of hierarchy, and reminded to stay there. For instance, if I tried to somehow provide something to the household, like bringing home berries and chestnuts or creating something or making some kind of food, I would be instantly reminded that what I do doesn’t matter, my contributions have no value, only what parents do has any kind of value and my contributions were to be criticized, ignored and deemed no worthy of even looking at. I saw that one parent could demand any food and eat whatever they wanted but when I tried to do the same and demand food I liked, I was reminded that I had no such rights and have to eat whatever is put in front of me. (i wasn’t demanding for lots of sweets or anything unhealthy). When I tried to assert my voice and to point out how I was being treated unfairly, my words held no weight to them, and I was reminded that only once I’m as old as my parents my voice will count for something, they were older so they would decide what’s right. If grownups wanted something from me all they had to do was raise their voice, raise their hands, blackmail me or beat me into submission. If I wanted something from them, I would get told that “nobody gets what they want.”

This might not seem like a huge deal, but if we count in that they were strongly holding against me how they provide to the household and I don’t, thus I am worthless, and then they brushed off every single thing I tried to provide, it’s a big deal, it’s telling me that even if I try my hardest I cannot be valuable in any way, except for pleasing them. If I add that. If I add in that I was trying to tell my parents that grandma was brutally beating me and treating me like her personal slave and calling me animal names and they discarded it immediately because “she’s old and wise” then it’s a big deal. For a child physically much smaller and powerless against adults being coerced by violence to not have any boundaries and to do everything and anything an adult might require them to do was devastating, and it led me to believe that every single thing I’m most afraid of will happen, against my will, no matter how much I try to prevent it (being force fed alcohol, being forced into clothes that were triggering because earlier i got beaten up in them, being locked into a small room and degraded)

Family is a hierarchy where parents/caretakers decide everything about the child, the worth, what they deserve, how they should be treated, how much is expected of them, how much they have to “behave” and accommodate other’s needs before their own, how guilty they need to feel if they haven’t been able to fulfill the role set for them, how scared they need to be if the parent is angry, how brutally and viciously they can be punished if they misstep, if they deserve any comfort or compassion when they’re hurt, if the child should be forgiven for their mistakes, if they should be degraded and humiliated for a long time, if they have any rights, if they’re allowed to have needs, if they’re allowed to express themselves, if they’re allowed to belong and be treated like a part of the family. The child is ultimately powerless to define themselves in any way, or to achieve any rights or value that parents have already decided to not give to them. And abusive parents want their children to be aware that they’re nothing, and to behave like it.

Understand: your mind is weaker than your emotions. But you become aware of this weakness only in moments of adversity, precisely the time when you need strength. What best equips you to cope with the heat of battle is neither more knowledge nor more intellect. What makes your mind stronger, and more able to control your emotions, is internal discipline and toughness. No one can teach you this skill. You can not learn it by reading about it. Like any discipline it can come only through practice, experience and even a little suffering.
—  Robert Greene 
Ruling Planets

Sun  (Ego)  -  Leo

Mercury (intellect)  -  Gemini, Virgo

Mars  (desire)   -   Aries  

Venus  (beauty)  -  Taurus, Libra 

Moon  (emotion)  -  Cancer

Jupiter  (truth)   -  Sagittarius

Saturn (discipline)  - Capricorn

Uranus  (originality) -  Aquarius

Neptune (imagination)  - Pisces

Pluto  (rebirth)  -  Scorpio 

some thoughts:

  • I think a lot of jedi are probably gay, for the same reason that monastic lifestyles have historically appealed to gay people in real life: it’s a culturally acceptable route out of compulsory heterosexuality, and religious asceticism appeals to people who have been taught to view their desires as inherently evil.
  • obi wan kenobi’s defining characteristic is his extreme dedication to the jedi code. even when we first see him, as a teenager, he is very serious and conscientious, not at all like the rebellious teenage anakin. and I think that discipline is rooted in self-hatred, in a need to control  the parts of himself that he thinks are evil (so, his gay feelings) and channel them toward a productive end.
  • obi-wan is just a kid when qui-gon jinn dies; he’s not really ready to become a jedi master, much less to train someone not much younger than himself. dealing with the twin burdens of loss and responsibility only makes obi-wan hold himself to higher standards of emotional discipline, and punish himself more harshly when those standards aren’t met.
  • because of their closeness in age, his relationship with anakin is always in danger of slipping into a friendship, which is part of why he he is so outwardly strict and disciplined with him.
  • so, as @finndamerons suggested, when obi-wan finally tells anakin that he loves him, he’s admitting to a personal failure. not only has he failed to make his padawan a good man, he has broken the extremely rigid code by which he lives. he has fallen in love.
  • (anakin doesn’t feel the same way–compare anakin’s “you’re the closest thing I have to a father” to obi-wan’s “you were my brother, anakin.” obi-wan knows this, and it only confirms his belief that he is fundamentally unloveable) 
  • the only way to make up for this double failure is to devote the rest of his life to the protection of anakin’s son.
  • and when luke turns out to be gay, obi-wan knows that the only way to protect him is to get him away from tatooine and into a place where he can find other people like him. this is why he decides to train luke as a jedi.
  • and once he is assured that he has done his penance, and that luke has friends and is going to be okay in a way that he never was, obi-wan is content to die at the hands of the man who used to love.
  • obi-wan kenobi is a literal and figurative ghost at the edges of this family saga, invested but never involved, part of the story and excluded from it. he can’t be a skywalker, but without his love and devotion the skywalkers would not exist.
Calling the Rey Skywalker squad...
  • Yoda: “A Jedi must have the deepest commitment, the most serious mind. Adventure. Excitement. A Jedi craves not these things.”
  • Luke: Reckless anyway, in control over his emotions, pacifist, selfless, gentle, disciplined at the Jedi training, always there for his friends.
  • Jyn: Forgerer, possible thief, assulted people, alone since 15, reckless, aggressive, undisciplined, a loner.
  • Me: Hello, perfecr foil for Luke!
one two three four, I declare a nerd war

The primary difference between the Jedi Order and the Circle in Thedas is that the Jedi run themselves, while Circle mages are monitored and controlled by Templar outsider. Otherwise, their basic approach - restriction of romance, emotional discipline against evil, the forcible removal of young children from their families, constant worries about apostacy and corruption, the fusion of magic and theism/mysticism - is largely identical. Discuss. 

A thoroughly excellent compilation of most of Nothing Painted Blue’s 7-inch singles, EPs, compilation appearances, etc. I collected much of this material on vinyl (via eBay) before getting this CD, not really knowing what was and wasn’t on it. The first Nothing Painted Blue song I ever heard was a radio broadcast version of “Complications” on a 1995 Scat Records promo / sampler cassette. The info on the J-card pronounced the track as appearing on the band’s forthcoming / as-yet-untitled singles etc. anthology CD, but it ended up not making the cut, which is kind of a minor tragedy. There are a handful of other compilation tracks from the period represented not collected here (and, of course, others from after this CD came out), of which I’ve managed to collect some, but not all.