Important Message For All Members

Our little nocturnal social club has not been around for very long, but already it has acquired a number of fixtures. We meet almost nightly to watch films, shows, read books, play games, and all beneath the simple rule to be polite. In that safe space, with terribly little moderation by me, people feel free to bare their souls and find solace. They comfort one another, they inspire one another, and they encourage one another. What we express in those encounters are not simply jokes and banter though Vosh’s puns are legendary; what we experience is companionship.

Which is why it pains me to have to address this, but I shall.

In recent days, someone has been targeting some of our members with hateful asks and email messages. What was said does not bear repeating; however, it appears they may have participated in our gatherings enough times to learn certain details, and appear to have a grudge against me and those who follow me specifically.

Let me say this now and say it with absolute accuracy: you are not welcome here.

When I began my writing and my online presence, I did so fully anticipating that I would have to defend myself. I gave over the right to privacy. I accepted the notion that I would confront a vast array of dissent, doubt, and disgust. But if you take issue with the revelations of my materials, or my content, then you may take that up with me directly. Anyone who follows my blog knows that I take my correspondence very seriously. I do not block, I do not censor, and I listen to criticism. If you need a place to lodge your reprehensible and frankly disgusting conduct, you may come out from beneath the cloak of cowardice and confront me directly. Without resorting to stupid and terribly obvious human tantrums, you may call me a liar or a fraud.That is your right. It is an answer I duly transcribe in my notes for my experiment. However yOu have absolutely NO right to target my readers with your filth. They have done nothing to you, and their personal opinions upon whether or not I exist or am simply entertaining to engage, has absolutely nothing to do with you. The lovely thing about my experiment is that I embrace all opinions and my gentle readers enjoy debating the notion. You are simply a bully.

It seems to me you want my attention. You have it.

If this happens again…if any of the members of this club receive negative anonymous asks or emails again, to do with their association with me, I will delete this club. It will change nothing, as I will continue to socialize with the regular friends I have made. What it will ensure is that there will be no new members, and that all of the friends invited to participate will be vetted.

We have one rule. One. Abide by it or get out.

i’m so embarrassed abt age regression but i shouldn’t be i should be able to do what i want because i’m mentally ill and it’s a healthy coping mechanism especially bc past emotional trauma so idk man!!!!!! why do ppl look down on it so much. also im really uncomfortable with c//g//l and also d//d//l//g and i hate when they interact with my blog!!!!!

evolutioncounseling.com
Off Limits
One way that abuse masks itself is when some topic is generally known to be off-limits.

“One way that abuse masks itself is when some topic is generally known to be off-limits. Exploring it might make a person sad, upset, or anxiety ridden and you both end up never going near it. This is a pretty nifty trick because you get turned into the villain for having the audacity to broach the subject while the person who is actually instilling doubt and maintaining control over what is okay to talk about appears to be the victim

By remembering that abuse is instilling doubt in order to maintain control you can raise your conscious awareness when venturing into areas that are implicitly or explicitly off-limits to insure that you are exploring these areas in a respectful way that recognizes the emotional and psychological rights of the other. Discussing them openly is usually essential to the health and growth of a relationship even though the conversation seems scary or abusive. True abuse is a situation where one person has all the control over what can be talked about.”

Relevant to avoiding abuse in social justice communities. @fierceawakening @funereal-disease @alaija @ughsocialjustice

One thing that really gets me about today’s society is how emotional/psychological child abuse is normalized and even celebrated.

I’ve noticed a phenomenon of parents getting together and talking about how they’re such a Mean Mom or Mean Dad and how they’re raising their children to be respectful. They talk about destroying their children’s possessions, isolating them, humiliating them, and/or publicly shaming them.

And when these people hear about, say, a parent smashing a kid’s phone for not cleaning their room or burning their possessions or filming a punishment or embarrassing moment and putting it up on social media, they commend the parents for “teaching the kids a lesson”.

Why the fuck do we, as a society, think this is okay?

It doesn’t teach kids valuable life lessons, it teaches them to be scared of repercussions. It’s bullying and child abuse and for some reason, people think that’s commendable.

Whenever I hear people saying “haha I bet that 14 year old learned a lesson”, it instantly makes me suspicious of them. I will instantly think of you as either a potential child abuser or a child abuse enabler.

As a survivor of psychological abuse, people dismissing this behavior as “harmless life lessons” makes me wonder if it really was abuse. If I deserved it. If I really deserved to have my pet’s life threatened because I was a liar.

It’s not cute. It’s not “good parenting”. It’s intimidating, shaming, and traumatizing your child into compliance.

What people don't understand about abusive parents

What people don’t understand about abusive parents is that we can’t always hate them. We can’t just constantly hate them because a lot of them are quite nice half the time.
It makes it hard to hate them because it’s like “they’ve been horrible to me but they treated me to a present yesterday or a cute little chocolate bar so I’d me rude to hate them because of what they’ve done for me” and it’s destroys your mind because then people questions if they actually are abusive when you seen to like them at that time.

signs of emotional abusers:

  • never says sorry,  ever, or only says sorry when they want something or they are forced to by others around them
  • yells at you for small things, like accidently dropping food on the counter, forgetting to put something away, or things that aren’t your fault like running out of cereal, or being attacked by an animal or person; blames you for things they do or just generally anything that goes wrong
  • ignores you/neglects your emotional needs, like spending hours on the computer and never wants to spend time with you/values things or work more than you
  • never compromises, always need you to do things their way or else its “the wrong way” and/or belittles you for it. always needs you to be interested in their life/things but isn’t interested in your life/things
  • belittles you for your opinions or feelings and makes you feel like they’re not valid or that theyre dumb.
  • if they’re religious and they’re your parents, they are always ready to pounce on you when they think you are not doing the right thing or threatens to kick you out of the house if you are not/or dont do the things they say or want/think are godly
  • always has to control how you look/act/dress
  • is mean to you then acts nice immediately after and expects everything to be ok again expects you to forgive them right away or else you’re in the wrong
  • buys you things then acts like its your fault that you dont like them/want them and/or forces you into eat them/wear them/use them by yelling at you or belittling you 
  • acts like your emotions are wrong
  • keeps you from your friends and family in roundabout (or obvious ways) and possibly acts like this is your fault
  • tells you that they have never done what you say they did, even though they did, never admits faults (gaslighting)
  • treats you like a child even if you are an adult

trauma processing information ahead: you doubt your feelings relating to a certain event because when it happened you don’t remember as if it hurt you, you remember it as it maybe it wasn’t that traumatic, maybe it didn’t affect you so much, you feel like you handled it just fine and you weren’t so scared or pained by it back then and you don’t feel you can call that traumatic but then in present you suddenly get overwhelmed with pain and fear and grief and even anger and you try to stuff it down because NO IT WASN’T THAT BAD and you keep convincing yourself you’re overreacting because you can remember that it was not that bad and you keep thinking it didn’t even matter

So now try to remember when it first happened, it could be that you were still really small, or you were directly faced with the abuser/danger, or you were in unsafe environment where you couldn’t freely express, but the thing is, it didn’t hurt so bad the first time because you were unable to both survive and feel that amount of pain. Children’s bodies are not capable of withstanding traumatic amount of pain and survive, that pain is repressed and dissociated for later when bodies are big and strong and able to survive it. You cannot allow yourself to experience pain and fear that would make you extremely vulnerable and thus less likely to survive in traumatic situation so in that case too, your body represses the emotions and settles on dissociation until you’re safe enough and strong enough for these to be properly processed. 

Only reason it “didn’t feel so bad” back then is because your body repressed the pain and fear to save you. But the amount of pain and terror and anger you’re feeling now is exactly how bad it was. You’re only now experiencing on your own skin how actually bad it was! That’s how badly you were hurt. You’re not overreacting or making a big deal out of it now, you were unable to feel how bad it was before. Your feelings are always there for a reason, they’re generated inside you by harm that was done to you and you can trust them. Your reactions are not wrong, your feelings are not wrong, it was exactly that bad.

Just a word|thoughts on verbal and emotional abuse

• Your abuser will never be able to take responsibility for anything they do i.e., YOU are the reason they are acting or speaking a certain way

• You will constantly find yourself apologizing even when every fiber of your being is telling you “I’ve done nothing wrong”

• In the rare circumstance they do you a favor, your abuser will continously make a point that you better “appreciate” what they’re doing for you. If it’s a big one, in the end, they’ll use it as a manipulation tactic.

• Even once you’ve gotten out of an abusive relationship and begin a healthy one, the thought process can stick with you and memories can haunt you. You will have a hard time believing there can be a truly good person in this world capable of loving you.