Have you ever been reading a fanfiction and things get so intense for whatever reason that you just have to stop like switch the tab and watch a nice youtube video or just turn off your phone and sit on the bed thinking about the fanfic you’re reading and breathing until you’re ready to read again. This also happens to me with TV shows and Movies like a scene is so Awkward or just messes with my feelings too much I just cover my ears and close my eyes get in the fetal position and wait for the scene to end. I’ll probably watch it later when I’m more mentally prepared.
I’ve always watched movies and TV shows and read books involving stories of two best friends, who have either always grown up together, or just found each other at the perfect time. Who talk about everything, deep and shallow, hilarious and sad. Who enjoy the same music and interests, but are also different and enjoy that about each other. Who talk about boys and can be attracted to the same boy but know that bestfriendship is more important (minus One Tree Hill), like Lane and Rory, Halley and Scarlett, Oona and Steph. I was always so fixated with the perfect bestfriendship, I could never keep one for myself. It was never good enough, never perfect. Except now. I met that person at the perfect timing, and although it is never perfect, it is more than good enough. It’s freedom and love and anger and tears and laughs and it’s there, real.
Here is an except from an email I read this morning, from the girl I like to call my best friend.
I love that you have tattoos, and that you are willing to take that risk of permanence on your body. And that your beliefs are strong enough to be put in permanent ink. I love that you have dreaded hair yet it still looks amazing pretty much every day, rain or shine (whether you believe that or not is up to youuuuuuuu). I love that you’re a brown-eyed girl, because that was my theme song when i was little and i’ve always wanted to be a brown-eyed girl. i am happy that you are one of them. i love that you leave me notes on my lap top and in my room, because they ALWAYS show up at the perfect time. i love that you’re a crazy dancer. i have NEVER been so happy to find that out as i was that one night at Barrett last year, where we dressed up crazy and danced like maniacs. i love that you were a crazy dancer in high school and so was i, and we found each other in college. i love that you cut my hair on the beach this summer and that i trusted you as i have never trusted anyone else. i love that you share your clothes and that our closets are intermingled. i love that you wear make up. and i love that you don’t. i love that you love my sisters and have written them letters. i love that you use strong language. aka fuck, shit, hell, etc. i love that you’re mysterious and that people “don’t get” you. but you understand me and i understand you. i love that we text, email, call, and talk, and that when i don’t get a text message from you after a few hours, something feels weird and missing. i love that i can cry with you. i love that i can watch cheesy movies with you. i love that we love t-swift. i love that we both want to be a part of something bigger. i love that you are a dreamer and that you want to go to FIDM. i love that you work and understand what it feels like to dread work and your very existence at said-work place. i love that you love coffee shops and dirty chai and dirty berries and chicken caesar pitas. i love that you’re witty and that you can come up with funny things on the spot. i love that you are a freak. i love your voice and ability to play *some* songs on the guitar. i love that you make me pasta after a long day at work, and that you are generous with your diet coke with steven carter. i love that your heart is bigger than money and that it’s not a big deal to pay for things. i love that you trust God more than you trust in the beaten down path of conventional life and plans. i love that you take pictures with gunther. i love spike and your entertaining mess-ups of texts and your expletive-filled texts after a mess-up text has been sent. i love that you’re an introvert. i love that you’re adventurous. i love that you know pain and that you’re FREE in that. i love how you explain things. i love that you’re quirky. i love that you’re okay with Girls’ Night In and Girls’ Night Out. I love that you introduced me to Buffy. i love that i can trust you with my heart, my secrets, my pain, my passions…my whole SELF. you are a gift. you are a banjo. you bring so much joy and purpose to my life, especially now. thank you for being my best friend. i love you.
I am known by this human and loved through the greatness and the ugly, even when I don’t feel like it’s so, it is. She tells me “this is stupid” when we’re in a fight, instead of being stubborn and letting it sit there (like I do). She listens to my thought process and understands it, even when she doesn’t. She’s the line in the song I’ve always wanted: your best friend always sticking up for you, even when I know you’re wrong
So now, added to the list of names that go together in the category of awesome human beings: Emily and Ashlee.