emetophobia advice

anonymous asked:

Hey, sometimes I feel like I want to make myself throw up after eating or even whenever. the thought just keeps playing in my head. Does that mean anything? It's kinda scaring me and I don't know if I should tell a friend or something. I don't know what to do.. sorry for bugging you but I didn't know what else to do.. thank you! -lilLilly <3

Hey lilLilly,

It sounds like you’re struggling with intrusive thoughts. Those happen when you have a thought come into your head and you can’t make it leave. The next time that happens, I would take a moment and ask yourself why that’s happening. Why do you feel like you need to make yourself throw up? Is there something you feel like you might achieve by doing that? Is there an underlying emotion that comes up when you want to make yourself throw up? A lot of the time, intrusive thoughts are a sign of struggling with something else that isn’t quite on the surface. It might take a little digging to figure out what’s going on, but with practice, you’ll get there.

If these thoughts are getting overwhelming, or if you feel a need to act on them, then I would tell a friend or an adult you trust. Just having intrusive thoughts by themselves aren’t bad, but if they get so strong you feel like you need to do something about them, then they can get dangerous.

Don’t feel bad sending in an ask! That’s what we’re here for!

“What we achieve inwardly will change outer reality.”

~Mel

Showing vs Telling

So it’s interesting that plenty of good writers don’t shy away from exposition. This story dedicates more paragraphs to telling than it does showing. It’s still a damn good story.

I think the “show don’t tell” advice is misguided. The actual lesson is that writing is really, really hard, and if you practice endlessly on showing you’ll never get any good at telling. It’s a self-perpetuating cycle—writers are terrible at telling, but are discouraged from practicing it and are never exposed to good examples of telling. So they keep sucking at it, then grow up and tell other, younger writers that telling and not showing is bad, because when they do it it’s bad, and the next thing you know you open a sci-fi book and there are five paragraphs of godawful exposition.

I dislike writing advice in general, because it’s always cargo-cult proverbs like “show don’t tell” or “here’s a list of writing advice from this award-winning author (which elides the fact that they spent many years and many drafts making their final draft not suck, and if they had followed their own advice from the start, they would’ve sat staring at a blank page, wondering why there are so many fucking rules)”.

The only real advice is this: (1) Writing is hard and never stops being hard. (2) Read a lot. If you dislike something, think about why you don’t like it. If you like something, think about why you do. (3) Write a lot. Removing words counts as writing. (4) The vast bulk of writing is vomiting words onto a page and staring at the gloppy pile. There is no way around this. If you think this is wrong, remember that published authors have an advantage—the public never sees their story in its vomit-pile phase—whereas you’re forced to stare at your vomit pile for hours, trying to make sense out of it.

anonymous asked:

I read a lot about it, and I'm defiinitely sure that I'm aromantic, but I'm really scared that it's something wrong, because I didn't use to be like this before. I just stopped being able to experience romantic love. I don't think I'll ever be able to get into a relationship again, because everytime I try it makes me feel sick.

It’s okay, anon. It’s okay to be aromantic even if you felt differently in the past. It’s okay if you’re feeling scared, worried or lonely because of it. And it’s okay if you don’t have any more romantic relationships—your life can still be happy and complete. You can have meaningful relationships with friends and family, and you will find strength within yourself.

There is nothing wrong with being aromantic, and there is nothing wrong with you. Things might have changed for you recently, and that can be scary and disturbing, but you are not lesser, inferior, or messed-up compared to how things were before.

I’ve noticed that a lot of people feel upset when they realize they’re aromantic. It can be hard to adjust to, and can feel like your future and your relationships have been shattered. You’re not alone. But things will get better. You will pick up the pieces and remake them into something new. You will find new ways to be close to people, and you will find people who appreciate the kind of love you can give them. And there’s no pressure: you have all the time in the world to work things out.