embracing feminity

My life as an openly fat woman

My life as someone openly fat has been amazing. It has also been hard as well. Currently I consider myself an activist for Muslims, feminism, lgbtqia+, the disabled and for fellow fat people like myself. Typically, most people would rather fat women such as myself were invisible. I am different.

I am loud and proud about my fatness. Most of the time people see me wearing low cut and form-fitting clothes and lots of makeup. I believe that all women no matter their size should feel beautiful and I am no exception. My openness with how fat I am has also lead to ridicule as well. Much of the time I get stares from strangers and judging looks from what I choose to wear. Every once in a while, I get a rude person that tells me to lose weight for my health. This doesn’t really affect me as much as it used to because I know that health is a social construct.

In speaking of my health, I am also judged for what I eat. I have always naturally been fat so whatever I eat won’t change my weight. Over time, I have become I unafriad of eating a burger or pizza in public. I’m also not ashamed of what I eat in private because it is my body and my choice.

Being openly fat has also contributed to weight discrimination I get at the doctors office. Every time I go to the doctor to get a perscription for something like strep throat, I get told to lose weight. It annoys me how fatphobic some doctors are because skinny people get sick too with the same things I get and they never get told to lose weight. The doctors also tell me that I might not get sick as often if I lost weight, but since I’m naturally fat, losing weight will never happen.

My weight has also made it harder for dating but that still hasn’t stopped me from trying to find the right person for me. As you may know, I am very choosy with who gets to date me. My philosophy is that if someone cannot meet the requirements, they were never worthy of me in the first place. My fatness does not lower my value and I want to change the way society views fat people. I also notice that even though people will pretend to like people like me, they never want to romantically be with me due to my weight which is fatphobic. More people need to be okay with dating someone fat and I want to eliminate fatphobia as much as I can by being openly fat.

Overall, being fat is a blessing and being openly fat has given me more confidence and happiness than I would have never thought possible. Since I have this confidence, I am grateful for being openly fat.

Okay, I just have an idea about a possible tv show with autistic characters. It would be about this family, with the majority of its members being autistic (except the little brother who, funnily enough, is the kind of guy who’s into maths and trains, but he’s super neurotypical too).

Like the mom would be non-verbal and using an AAC app and there would be gags like the fact that her AAC app doesn’t allow her to convey properly that she’s angry because her children had a bad behavior, so she’ll ask her husband to play out her anger for her.

The father could be the awkward dad full of dad jokes and I kinda see him having a special interest in cooking. It could be one of the activites he shares with his neurotypical son, because he’s dyspraxic and his son is way better than him to peel fruits and stuff like that.

There’s the little brother I mentioned, of course, who will probably one of the best allies for his autistic family while also fearing a bit that he might not have a relationship as strong as his sisters with his parents (of course, there will be a feel good episode to show him that he’s wrong and that he’s an essential part of his family).

And there are the twins, two high school girls completely different from one another, but who still love each other.

The first one is the cheerleader popular girl, the kind of girl who can set out any trend in high school (like wearing a fidget spinner as a necklace), very feminine, who can seems a bit shallow sometimes, but it’s really just a stereotype, because she embraces her feminity and her love for make-up, fashion and cheerleading.

She doesn’t hesitate to use her popularity for good purpose (like helping her sister to be allowed to take her girlfriend to the prom).

The second one is the punk nerdy girl, the type of girl who will reject authority if the person in charge is not able to explain to her properly why she needs to behave that way. She’s lesbian and completely in love with a cheerleader (her sister’s best friend).

I’m picturing this show as a wacky, funny, heartwarming type of show, a bit like Malcolm in the Middle or Speechless. But of course, we won’t have it, because producers can’t possibly imagine that an autistic family could exist.

And they can’t possibly fathom the idea that a tv show can present a very diverse cast (I haven’t really pictured the family in my mind, so they could as well be white, black, mixed and so on. Also, they would came across other LGBT people and other disabled people and, sometimes, LGBT disabled folks)

anonymous asked:

See? “Evil feminism” that proselytizes KillAllMen exists and is embraced and celebrated. But if in some circumstances I say one word, JUST ONE WORD that women might NOT be perfect and precious and angelic and might actually sometimes be assholes, and people are reaching for pitchforks and crosses to crucify me.

When I was six or seven I found some books on my parents’ bookshelves about understanding your children, and I was fascinated. The books talked about emotions and internal states and desires that children had, and what actions those produced, and it was the first place I’d been exposed to the idea that people had inner lives which you could understand and then interact with them more usefully. They gave me an emotional vocabulary. They helped me make sense of my own head. I read them over and over.

There was an anecdote in one of the books which I still remember vividly. It was about a mother who was cleaning out a chest freezer which had become full of massive sheets of ice. She handed a sheet of ice to each of her kids. “Hers is bigger,” objected the son, and so the mother gave him another one, and “how come he gets two?” demanded the daughter, and so the mother tossed one at her, and after a little whole both kids were standing in waist-high piles of ice they did not want, dancing back and forth because their legs were freezing, screaming and screaming for more because it was intolerable that the other pile be bigger.

They don’t actually want ice, said the book. They want to know that they matter, and the only kind of mattering they are confident of is mattering more than the other person.

___________________________

“I’ll keep embracing evil feminism” obviously reads to me as “well, if the thing I need is evil, I don’t care, it’s mine”. This is often a healthy mindset to have. (If being gay is evil, I don’t care, I will be an evil gay. If being happy is evil, I don’t care, I will evilly be happy anyway.) Reading it as “whatever the worst most abusive thing done in the name of feminism is, I am in favor” is not reasonable. But, of course, there are people who say #KillAllMen, and I want them to be happy too. I don’t think it’s fair or charitable to read anon that way, but if anon is that way, I still unreservedly extend my desire that she have a fulfilling community that isn’t sexist and that affirms her value as a person.

And people strongly objecting to their lives and experiences being mischaracterized are not crucifying you. They’re not overreacting. They are reacting reasonably to wrong ideas which have harmed them, and which are still harming them.

And, like, fundamentally what is going on here is that you need to be confident in a different kind of mattering. You need to have a conception of how you matter and are valuable and deserve to be alive, which isn’t about whether the other pile of ice is bigger, and which you can achieve without just continually asking me to fling ice which you don’t want and which doesn’t help. You’re not alone in this. I think lots of people go into adulthood without much sense of how they matter or how they are valuable except that if they win enough competitions then they’re more valuable than the people who lost those.

The book’s recommendation was that you refuse to engage with competitive questions. “She has more food than me”? Respond “Oh, are you hungry, what do you want to eat?” “Why did he get two?” Respond “how many do you think you would like?” They didn’t phrase it this way but they wanted to teach the skill of thinking ‘what do I need’ instead of ‘am I losing the status game’.

So, like, what I need from you at this point is an answer to that question. What do you need? Which isn’t about what other people are getting? What does a community that affirms your value as a person look like? If that is too much to take on, what do you need in order to get to a place where you could think about that question?

You matter to me. I want you to have a meaningful and sustainable source of affirmation and value and happiness. If I could achieve that by flinging ice (well, blog posts) at whoever is currently objecting that their pile isn’t tall enough, you know what, I totally would, because affirmation and happiness that could be bought with blog posts would be really really great. But I don’t think it’s going to work. Past a point, I don’t even think it’s going to help. No one crucified you. No one yelled at you. People pointed out that your assertions were much stronger than “women are sometimes assholes” and mistaken, and someone told me that something I had said was sexist - which, you know, it was - and lots of people reblogged the post in the hopes it would be meaningful to other men who needed it, and while lots of people thought that you were wrong no one thought it was okay that you were suffering. And you’re pretty miserable about that outcome, and you feel like it proves your point. I think that’s a sign that this isn’t solvable with ice-throwing, because you don’t even want ice.

I hope you can think of something you do want. I want to help you make it happen.

Destroy the idea that fat women are cheap or easy because they’re desperate for male attention. 😡😡😡

“Life is one hard lesson after another. Here’s one I learned the hard way:

Politics follows culture. We won’t end abortion without a prolife culture, and a culture that embraces feminism will NEVER be prolife.

It can’t be, because American feminism is rooted in Marxism. In that ideology the individual cannot and will not be anything but expendable.

Feminism is not really about helping women, or feminists would not be joining forces with pro-Sharia Muslims. What feminists really want is to destroy the family. They want to convince women their husband and children are oppressors, representatives of the “patriarchy” who must be resisted.

Prolifers have been trying to redefine feminism and worm their way in since the 70s. How’s that working out? Feminism today is virtually synonymous with abortion. It is more radical than ever. Only about 20% of American women identify as feminists. We don’t need to pander to a shrieking minority to build a prolife culture.

My hard lesson is that there can be no compromise with feminists. We can’t “work together” with them. If you’re trying to build a house, you cannot “work with” the person trying to tear it down.

If I, as a prolife person, work toward creating a feminist culture, I will guarantee that abortion is woven into that culture and I will make myself a minority in it.

Don’t be seduced. Don’t try to make nice with a toxic culture. Stand up for women, children, and the family.

Reject feminism.”

- Kristen Hatten

anonymous asked:

Women are treated like we can't really hurt people? And like we inherently matter unlike men? Jesus fucking christ. You are sexist. It is sexist to falsely state that a group is massively privileged in this way. But to you it just looks like you're stating facts. Well, thank you for enlightening me as to my gender's coddled treatment, I shall henceforth keep in mind that my experiences of NOT being valued and NOT being excused are actually ameliorated by virtue of my gender... just kidding,

I’ll keep embracing evil feminism as the only space on earth where sexism against women receives backlash.

When people are in pain they are not great at asking for help. They often ask badly, in ways that make it hard to help them; they often ask in ways that are inevitably going to cause nearly every single conversation to derail into a debate about sexism. There’s a trap here, right? That anon believes that he isn’t valued because society values women and not him; he keeps telling people “I am in pain and suffering because society values women and not me”; people keep responding to say “how dare you say that society values women? let’s talk about the actual experience of being a woman, because you’re wrong about it, and you’re sexist and horrible for saying it”, and this reinforces his impression that society cares about women and not him, because whenever he tells people that he is in horrible pain, he gets lectured about being sexist!

I only see one way out of a trap like that, and it is to listen and say “you are in horrible pain. I assume you have already heard explanations of how the gender dynamic you’re discussing is harmful to other people too, and so I’m guessing that won’t help. What I am hoping might help is to say ‘I am sorry you’re in pain, and that is awful, and it is unfair, and I hope it gets better.’”

I don’t know if this helps. But I am pretty sure that nothing else would possibly help, and I really believe that it’s important to help people even if they’re wrong and even if their beliefs are unhelpful and even if they’re misdiagnosing their problem and even if they have beliefs which are legitimately harmful beliefs which have historically been used to harm other people.  

This seems like pretty clearly a competing needs thing. The other anon was in pain, and was trying to describe the thing that was the source of his pain, and yes, obviously had distorted thinking about what it was like to be a woman. That’s pretty common. When everything is horrible for you, it’s normal to be like ‘other peoples’ lives are perfect, other people are valued, other people have the thing I want, but no one lets me have it’.

Now, obviously, if you ask those other people if this is an accurate description of their lives, they will go “…no? what are you talking about?” Some women have said that being coddled and protected and infantilized and treated as valuable objects, but not as people, or being discouraged with low expectations and told that ‘success’ would make them less womanly, is a good description of how they experienced sexism. But obviously there are many women who did not experience that, and class and race and ability all affect whether women are treated that way or treated differently, and lots of women have had the experience of being treated as if they have no value at all, or are held to harsher standards. I imagine it’s really frustrating to hear people saying you are treated as inherently valuable when you aren’t, and to hear people blame their problems on you when the system which harmed them harmed you also.

And that’s a great discussion which it is important to have, and I’m really glad you have spaces where you can have it! In those spaces, I think it’s appropriate to totally ignore people who are suffering in a way that’s causing them to say wrong and harmful things about how women experience sexism. But I think it’s good for there to exist some spaces which can extend people compassion even if they’re wrong, and prioritize them instead of prioritizing correcting them. I think in the long run, that helps everybody - because lots of people are more open to learning about the experiences of others once they’re confident that their suffering matters too.

That ask and that answer were not about you. They were not claims about your experiences; they were not meant to tell you anything about how the world works, for you or for women in general. They were someone asking “I am in pain, and no one cares. Why am I not valued like these other people?” and an answer of “the way those other people are ‘valued’ is complicated, so setting that aside, I care that you’re in pain and I value you, and it is bad that you were told otherwise, and it is bad that you keep being told otherwise.” I think you are right to reject the whole discussion as not applicable to your own life and not helpful to you in understanding the world, and I am genuinely really, really happy that a space exists where your experience of sexism can be validated and where you don’t have to encounter distorted thinking about how your life works. You deserve it, and I hope that you can have an online space free of sexism and affirming of your inherent value as a person.

The War On Women Is Real

Conservatives for too long have denied the fact that there is a war against women. Going back over the past half century, it’s impossible not to see this oppressive plot to strip women of everything that makes them women and treat them like human garbage. Let’s stop kidding ourselves, the war on women is real and it’s about time we expose the culprits. 

When feminists began teaching young western women that hijabs are totally awesome but bras are oppressive, men began pretending to be outraged when these young college women tossed their brassieres into flames and freed their once veiled nipples. The patriarchy were outraged and uncomfortable to witness eighteen year old women, full of feminist fueled fighting spirit with their bare tits swinging about in defiance. 

Telling girls it’s empowering to take photos of their breasts and upload it onto the internet because their “chests are no different to men’s” wasn’t enough for feminism’s perverted war on women. The biggest obstacle they had was the fact that women can give birth. This once made women less likely to spread their legs for every Tom and Dick and wait to settle down with Harry. The feminist solution to this was simple: trivialize it. Make women think pregnancy was an evil, patriarchal creation designed to burden women. This took some convincing but today it’s not unusual to see a young woman turn her nose up at the thought of having children as if you’re talking about shitting out a tumor.

Once they were successful in pregnancy being seen as some kind of revolting accident, sex no longer meant having the strings of love and commitment attached and a massive divorce epidemic evolved. Women were told that having drunken one night stands with men either half or double their age is empowering or something. 

Though as hard as feminists have tried to turn women into the worst stereotype of men, women still cannot avoid the inevitability of pregnancy, so feminists jumped on the abortion train and turned what was once the enemy of the Suffragettes into some kind of cool, girl-power movement. All wars need a propaganda machine, and feminism’s was so good it convinced women that giving birth is defecation but vacuuming out a fetus is a phoenix rising from the ashes. This was particularly brilliant of feminism’s war on women because you have a woman’s body doing exactly what it is supposed to do and she gets rewarded with a lifetime of trauma trying to forget the baby she killed. Today it’s common to meet a young woman who has had several abortions, many of them after the first trimester. Men now get to ejaculate into whomever they please and she has to deal with the consequences. Woo!

Feminism realized they couldn’t totally eradicate the biological clock and stop young women from wanting to have kids, so what they did was genius. They convinced women their eggs will last well into their 40s when their eggs have dried out. Feminism told young women that there’ll be plenty of time for them to have all the kids they want after they’ve spent their first twenty years of adult life in an office cubicle and going home to their cats. When every doctor on earth disagreed, they dug up a one-off case where some chick’s aunt who had twins at 45 and everybody clapped.

With women believing it’s more empowering to eat yesterday’s leftover chinese alone after spending all day doing what your boss tells you rather than creating and nurturing life with somebody who loves you, now those nonexistent kids can’t have kids and in one simple shrug, millions of American kids are going unborn, and the only way to fill these dismal birthrates is to import people from the deep corners of the planet where stoning women and hanging gays is a normal part of the morning walk to get your newspaper and where they cut arms off albino kids as they believe they’re magical. 

If a woman did get pregnant and was too headstrong to get an abortion, not to worry, feminism also has a solution for this as well. Could anything be less badass than having a husband to help you and your child succeed? In order to get out of this oppressive cycle, feminism embraced the welfare state and reminded women the government will help pay all of your bills if you just kick out your husband from the home. This worked wonders, especially in the black community, where almost every black kid is being raised by a single mom. 

Who needs men, right? Especially since they’re responsible for 1 in 4 women being raped and women being paid 77 cents to the dollar… It’s better to keep women locked up in segregated safe spaces and remove them from all responsibility. Feminists used to fight against women being coddled and protected from the threat of rape, now feminists have made women so afraid to leave their rooms, they only come out to teach little boys their masculinity is toxic and that words are equivalent to being raped.

Feminism strives to turn women into something they’re not and when reality defies these dreams, they create movies where they know kung fu, pull grown men out of house fires and can lose the cops in a car chase. A generation ago, the ideal woman was a friend in the living room, a mom in the kitchen, and a slut in the bedroom. Today she’s a slut everywhere and she represses those innate motherly insticts - better known as her cruelly assigned gender role which was constructed by the patriarchy. Women have been taught that cooking and cleaning are for the weak and they shouldn’t know how to do either. This has left young women today with apartments that are complete pigsties and their idea of a home-cooked meal is a cup of warmed up noodles.

As of very recently, there was talk of women catching on. They became skeptical of life in a cubicle and heard rumors of fortysomethings needing fertility drugs to get pregnant. They suspected that “having it all” was a myth and maybe women are different from men after all. This is when feminism delivered the death knell. They said men are women too. That’s right, “woman” is a state of mind and all you have to do to be female is say you “identify” as female. Now “men” are having abortions, giving birth, breastfeeding and menstruating, “women” are getting their penises turned into makeshift vaginas and terms such as female, sisterhood or “she” can lead to your job termination. 

Denying there is a War on Women is absurd. Do the math. A few decades ago you had a woman in a home that was provided for her, with children she adored and children who adored her. Today those same women are used as sex toys while they’re young and attractive and then left alone in their filthy apartments combing their cat’s fur from their sweaters. Her job is doing the dirty work for others and she has little else outside of it. Women today are getting filled with more random men and then getting babies scraped out of them and they’ve been convinced this is empowering. It comes as no surprise that women say they’re unhappier and unfulfilled today than women from forty years ago. Roughly the same time feminism’s war on women began… 

WHY THERE IS NO COMPARISON BETWEEN BEYONCE AND TAYLOR SWIFT


Now,before i start with my case,i would like to clarify that i am a beyonce fan but not a tswift hater. Infact, i love her songs. They are hella catchy.
So now i am gonna present you some facts so you can get to know why bey is the queen and taylor isn’t inspite of her being an amazing female artist.

1) Some swifties claiming that “Taylor is the new queen” , “1989 has so many no1 songs. When was beyonce’s last no.1 song ? In 2008? Single ladies huh ?”
Now honey,let me tell you that bey is no longer a “singles” artist which taylor still is. Beyonce is an “album artist”. This woman dropped an entire album on itunes at midnight without any promotion and changed the game. who does that ? AN ICON. Bey doesn’t need a single to make her successful because she already is. Sure,’Blank Space’ is an amazing song and its a right move for her to hit back at her haters. Yes it was a no.1 song on the billboard charts. But does it have an impact on the generation ? Nope.
Now “Formation” - a song from beyonce’s “Monumental album lemonade” (As said by adele, Period.)  Was it a no1 on the charts? NO. Was it impactful ? HELL YES. She got white people talking about the black lives matter bubs.

2)Taylor swift’s RED and 1989 both are amazing albums. While the former is about her feelings. heartbreak and romance..the latter is romance presented in a more ideal way , flipping her haters off. Are they good albums ? YES. ( Do they deserve a grammy album of the year ? While Red should have won cuz it actually that good. 1989 shouldn’t have won. In an ideal world, everyone should admit it that a man talking about the pain of black people, police brutality, slavery in such a bold way is commendable but not the grammy’s aka the racist award ceremony. Rather than thinking of it as people hating on taylor, think of it as people giving that man (Kendrick lamar) the credit that he deserves. Grammys are racist. Adele knows it. Kanye west knows it. Frank ocean knows it. Every fucking artist knows it. So its time that we know it too rather than defending our favs and missing out the entire point of frank ocean saying that “To pimp a butterfly” deserved to win rather than “1989″.  )
On the other hand, beyonce’s self titled album and lemonade are both extraordinary albums. Both lost a grammy AOTY( duh ! Obviously. Its grammys bruh and Bey is a black artist) While the former is about embracing sexuality and feminism,the latter is about infidelity, reconciliation, black lives matter. Are they good albums ? FUCKING EXTRAORDINARY BRUH.

3) The whole experience of listening to bey and tay’s album is amazing. While listening to taylor , i connect with her lyrics and associate with some incident in my life. Bey’s albums makes me wanna dance, then be a boss ass bitch, then cry when a sad song comes on ugh. Its a roller coaster ride.
But in the last few years, the experience of listening  to a beyonce album is better than listening to a tswift album . Blame it on the extraordinary concept of beyonce’s visual albums. She is making such cool and powerful albums that its hard to like beyonce and tswift’s album the same. Bey is in the lead baby.You gotta accept it.

4) If we’re talking about commercial accomplishment then tay might be the one ahead right now but beyonce was doing all that when tay was dropping her initial albums. She’s come far beyond that. She doesn’t need her albums to sell millions of copies the way taylor’s does because even after years , bey’s albums are still the talking point. Not for the damn sales,but for the message it holds. ( Btw this is the woman who brought in the whole alter ego thing. Sasha fierce ? Yonce’? YAAAAAS )
Also beyonce is the only female artist to have all her 6 albums debut at no.1 on the charts so…

5) Tay might interact with her fans a lot to get that connect but does bey even need that ? Bey might not talk to her fans on tumblr or respond to them on twitter the way taylor does but when she is on that stage singing “Halo” or “XO” or anything else it feels like she is just talking to you. That connection my love, is not easy to achieve so easily. She doesn’t need to interact with the beyhive to increase her fan base. It has been increasing forever since 2003.

-
> Taylor swift might be the biggest FEMALE ARTIST in the world right now but Beyonce is the biggest and the most impactful ARTIST AND ROLE MODEL in the world. ( She doesn’t need that whole ‘male’ ‘female’ artist distinction. Lmao )
And that is why Beyonce is the Queen and artists bow down to her including your fav.